08 â Confession in the World of Amber Light
Note: âEmi Oriharaâ has been added to the character list.
âKashiwabara.â
A slightly low voice for a girlâyet clear, straight, and pleasant as it carried through the air.
When I turned around, Orihara-san was waving at me with a smile.
âLunch yet? You eaten?â
âYeah⌠I just finished a little while ago.â
âAhh, I see. I havenât eaten yet though. Come with me for a bit?â
âOkay, sure.â
I glanced at my watch. There were only fifteen minutes left of lunch break.
Usually Iâd stay with Aika-chan until the very last second, but today Iâd left early since her class had an off-campus lesson next period.
âYouâre fine, right? I can finish eating in five minutes, no problem.â
âTh-thatâs not good for your healthâŚâ
âItâs fine, itâs fine. Come on, letâs go.â
She tugged lightly at my hand.
I nodded and followed her toward the cafeteria.
With so little time left, the cafeteria felt unusually quiet. Only a few students lingered, chatting idly. No one else looked like they were actually starting a mealâprobably only Orihara-san would do something like that at this hour.
The aunties behind the counter were already halfway through cleaning up, but Orihara-san didnât seem to care as she handed over her meal ticket.
She received a slightly displeased look, but soon a karaage set meal was placed in front of her.
âThe karaage here is seriously good. The other dishes are all like, âyeah this is totally frozen food,â but this one feels handmade. Try one. Youâll get it. If this is frozen, tell me what brand it isâIâll go thank them personally!â
She picked one up with her chopsticks and held it out toward me.
It was a bit big for a single bite, but I leaned in and took it anyway.
Probably because they were already cleaning up, it had cooled slightlyâbut it was still delicious. The crisp sound echoed faintly as I bit into it, almost like something youâd hear on TV. It felt satisfying.
âWell?â
âItâs good.â
âRight? I told you. Next time Iâll treat you to it freshly fried. We should come at a proper time.â
âYeah. Iâm looking forward to it.â
Orihara-san smiled, then glanced at the clock.
ââAh, crap.â
And immediately started shoveling rice into her mouth.
âY-youâll choke eating like thatâŚâ
Before I could finish, she thumped her chest once and washed it down with tea.
I couldnât help itâI laughed, even though I knew it was rude.
She scratched her head, embarrassed.
âIâm not usually like this, okayâŚâ
By the time she finished eating, the warning bell had already rung.
We returned the trays and hurried out of the cafeteria. We were the last ones there, so the doors were locked almost immediately after we left.
âTheyâre kind of harsh, huh? The foodâs good, but that attitudeâŚâ
âB-but⌠we did kind of make things difficult tooâŚâ
âThen they should just close fifteen minutes earlier if theyâre gonna be like that. Itâs not like there was a last order sign or anything.â
She giggled.
She really didnât need to be enjoying this, but that was just Orihara-sanâsomehow she turned even this into something fun.
Usually she was quiet. Cool. The type who sat alone in the corner of the classroom reading a book.
And yet⌠this side of her felt like something only I was allowed to see. That thought made me oddly happy.
We made it back to the classroom two minutes before the bell.
We laughed about how close it had been.
Bursting through the door at the last second drew everyoneâs attention. I could hear quiet snickers, and in the distance I saw Mami sighing like sheâd given up on us entirely.
âSeriously⌠no more cafeteria runs right before the bell.â
âSorry, sorry.â
âBut it was actually my first time eating there. It was kind of hard to go alone because there were so many people⌠so it was a little exciting, I guess.â
âReally? Then letâs go again before graduation. Weâll get that karaage together.â
âYeah. Letâs go!â
Just then, the teacher entered, and we took our seats.
Almost immediately after class began, my phone vibrated in my skirt pocket.
Mom? At this time?
Maybe she wanted me to pick something up on the way home. AnnoyingâŚ
I opened it secretly under the desk.
But it wasnât my mother.
It was Orihara-san.
Her messages always felt different from how she spoke in personâcarefully worded, polite. I liked that contrast.
âDo you have any plans after school today?â
I looked over at her seat.
She quickly averted her gaze.
Of courseâeye contact now would only get us caught.
I didnât have anything. Just going home with Aika-chan as usual.
There wasnât any rule saying I had to.
Maybe it was okay to spend time with a friend sometimes.
âNo, nothing in particular.â
Almost immediately, she replied.
Then another message.
âThen⌠could I ask you to spare a little time for me?â
What is it⌠shopping? Something like that?
Weâd never gone out after school together before, so my heart started to flutter without permission.
âOkay. Got it. See you after school.â
She didnât reply after that.
But once, our eyes metâand she smiled softly.
Where would we go?
Maybe the shopping mall near the station. Picking clothes that suit her might be fun.
Or maybe she had somewhere she wanted to go.
Either way, I didnât mind following her.
I sent a message to Aika-chan as well.
I worried she might be upset, but her reply wasnât bad at all.
It seemed she also had plans after school.
With that relief, I made it through the rest of the day.
When the final bell rang, I stood up to go to Orihara-sanâs seatâ
But she had already left the classroom.
Confused, I checked my phone.
âSorry, please go to the back garden first.â
The back garden wasnât a place many students went.
Aika-chan liked it, but I never really did.
Why there?
I said goodbye to Mami and left the classroom.
I tried to check on Aika-chan too, but her class was running late. She was still inside, not in a state to leave yet.
I arrived at the back garden first and sat on the lonely bench.
It was almost like Aika-chanâs private seat. Not officially, of courseâbut everyone treated it like hers.
Before we became âtogether,â I used to come here to find her. If she was missing, she was always here.
She once said it was the best place to be alone.
âAh, Kashiwabara⌠sorry, Iâm late.â
Orihara-san appeared from the direction of the field.
I quickly stood up and went to her.
When I asked what was wrong, she glanced around to make sure no one was nearby, then waved me over.
âThis place is kind of creepy, huh. Letâs go over thereâby the field side.â
We moved closer to the school building.
The sun was already low. The world had turned a deep amber.
It looked like something out of a painting.
I couldnât help but let out a small sound of admiration.
âWow⌠this is kind of an unexpected spot.â
âYeah, right? It feels like something from a drama.â
âYeah. Sorry, weâll just be standing here talking⌠is that okay?â
âYeah, itâs fine. I donât really like the other spot either.â
She leaned against the wall.
I did the same.
Then she started talkingâcasual things at first.
University. Future dreams. First love stories. Even about the karaage from earlier.
We talked and talked, laughing again and again.
Thenâ
âHey, Kashiwabara. Do you⌠like someone right now?â
âEh⌠yeah.â
For a moment I hesitated, but I nodded.
As long as I didnât say the name, it should be fine.
If I thought about it, I was like her in that way too.
Or maybe worse.
Because the person I loved was my own twin sister.
ââŚIs that hard to talk about?â
âEh? No, Iâm okay.â
âYou donât have to force it. Is it⌠unrequited?â
âWhy do you think that?â
âYour face just now looked painful.â
âItâs⌠mutual, I think.â
âSo youâve got a boyfriend.â
I almost noddedâbut Aika-chan wasnât a âboyfriend.â
A girlfriend.
But saying that would make things complicated.
âYeah⌠we just started dating.â
I smiled like Iâd said something normal.
But Orihara-sanâs expression crumpled slightly as she looked down.
ââŚHey. Do you remember what I told you before? About me being lesbian.â
âYeah⌠I remember.â
âThereâs someone I like.â
âEh? Someone in our school?â
âYeah. In our class.â
âEhh!? Who? I had no idea.â
Who�
I couldnât think of anyone.
And then she spoke again.
âI actually really like the way things are with her right now. She taught me how fun life can be. Sheâs really cute. And she didnât reject me when I told her who I am⌠but if I say more, I think sheâd stay away from me.â
ââŚThatâsâŚâ
âSo I wanted to keep it to myself. But⌠that girl will be gone from this place starting this spring.â
My chest tightened.
I already knew what she was going to say.
âExternal entrance exams. I was pretty shocked. I thought⌠am I going to be alone again? But then I realized⌠even if sheâs not here, she probably wonât leave me alone. So I decided Iâm going to tell her. My feelings. Even if she hates me after, thatâs fine. I donât want anything from her. I just want to say it. Itâs selfish, really. So you can forget it if you want⌠I just⌠still want things to stay the same between us.â
If I was rightâ
She was about to say it.
And the person she was talking aboutâŚ
Very few students from our school took external exams.
And among them⌠someone close to her.
Someone sheâd never really talked about much.
My thoughts spiraled.
Before I could steady myself, she looked upâmore serious than ever.
And said it.
âI⌠like Kashiwabara. I like you, Aika.â
My eyes widened.
My breath caught.
So thatâs why she told me she was the same.
So I wouldnât be shocked.
Or maybe so the damage wouldnât cut as deep.
Butâ
I⌠I was in love with Aika-chan.
And Orihara-san was just a friend.
Nothing like that.
No romantic feeling. No pain like I felt with Aika-chan.
ââŚIâm not asking for an answer,â she said softly. âI just⌠wanted to tell you. Donât think too hard about it. We can still be friends.â
âThat⌠thatâs impossibleâŚâ
My voice shook.
Tears spilled out.
âI canât⌠do something like thatâŚâ
âItâs not cruel, is it?â
âIt is! Even if I know how you feel⌠staying friends like nothing happenedâŚâ
Her expression turned sad.
My chest tightened painfully.
âIâd keep thinking about it. Iâd feel it every time weâre togetherâŚâ
Her love was romantic.
Mine⌠was friendship.
They crossed, but never met.
What happens to her feelings?
Do they disappear?
Do they have to be hidden?
If not, nothing goes back to normal.
And that was the only option left.
It was too sad.
ââŚpff.â
I froze.
Because she was smiling.
Not bitterly.
Just like usual.
âEh? Eh?!â
ââŚI knew it. Youâre really nice, Kashiwabara.â
She gently patted my head.
That rhythmâsoft, comfortingâmade my chest ache.
âYou really donât hate me, huh. Even when I told you something like that.â
âOf course I donât!â
âI knew it. Youâd cry for me like this.â
Her smile softened.
âI ended up liking you because of that.â
âOriharaâŚsan?â
It wasnât a joke.
Her feelings were real.
Heavy. Honest.
âDonât worry about it. I still want things the same way. Even if weâre both girls⌠itâs hard enough already, right? I just want to keep laughing with you like we always have. I was a bit shocked when I heard you had someone, but⌠itâs fine. Iâm not forcing myself. This is what I want.â
She laughed again and patted my head once more.
I opened and closed my mouth like a fish.
No words came out.
âHey⌠Oriharaââ
âEmi.â
âEh?â
She pressed a finger gently to my lips and grinned.
Then, a little shyly, she said her name again.
âCall me Emi Megumi. Itâs embarrassing either way, but⌠if youâre okay with it, can I call you Aika from now on?â
âYeah. Iâd like that.â
I nodded strongly.
I wanted to become her closest friend.
If I couldnât return her feelings, then at least that.
ââŚHey. One last selfish request?â
âA request?â
âYeah⌠close your eyes.â
âEh?â
Her hand covered my eyes.
I did as told.
Her hand slowly lifted away.
Andâ
ââŚ?!â
A soft sensation touched my forehead.
Light. Gentle.
A kiss.
When I opened my eyes, she had already stepped back.
Smiling like a troublemaker, sticking her tongue out slightly.
âThatâs it. First and last. Sorry.â
âEh⌠ahâŚâ
âAlright! Letâs go home. Iâll treat you to something today for making a fuss.â
âW-whaaaâ?!â
I didnât know if this was the right ending.
I knew it was cruel to stay beside her after learning her feelings.
But if this was what she wantedâ
Then I would answer her second wish.
Since I couldnât answer her first.
And I took her hand tightly.
Very tightly.