Cedric said it sincerely.
But suddenly, he could not help realizing how meaningless such words must sound to her, a woman who had been brought here as a hostage from a defeated nation.
After all, Cedric had gone to war and killed people of Lavinia’s homeland, while his country had executed Lavinia’s father, King Varkazar.
Could the words Cedric spoke truly reach Lavinia’s heart after everything that had happened?
His expression darkened in an instant. Cedric suddenly apologized.
“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said that.”
Unexpectedly, Lavinia smiled readily.
“Because your country killed my father?”
“Yes, that’s right.”
“I don’t think that’s something Your Grace needs to apologize to me for. Rather, I was glad you told me. It seems the two of us have something in common.”
But those words were merely meant to keep the situation from becoming awkward. They were not sincere.
Cedric apologized once again.
“If I made you uncomfortable, then I believe it is only right that I apologize.”
At that, Lavinia stopped and stretched out her arms, taking a deep breath. Her chest rose and fell as she lifted her face toward the sunlight, looking completely natural.
“Death is inevitable in Varkazar anyway. It is simply part of returning to nature. Pain and humiliation are also prices one naturally has to pay if one has lived a life. My father enjoyed more than most people, so it is only natural that he, too, had to endure such humiliation and death. When nations fight one another, it isn’t something that happens because of one individual’s desires, and it always comes with many sacrifices. What I feel and what you feel have nothing to do with it.”
The way she enjoyed nature like that made her look incredibly free. Her movements were almost like those of the wind.
For a moment, Cedric felt as though he could understand what kind of life Lavinia had lived in Varkazar. She must have lived in harmony with nature, without cumbersome dresses, shoes that tightly constricted her feet, or etiquette that bound people down. Realizing that made him a little sad.
“But I want to know how you feel, Lady Lavinia.”
Unable to take his eyes off her, Cedric tightened his grip on the shoe in his hand.
“Not what you ought to feel because of this or that, but simply how you feel. That is what I want to know.”
“Why?”
“Because…”
As he bit his lip in embarrassment, Lavinia continued speaking, as though she had been wondering about this for a long time.
“Come to think of it, every time we meet, you always ask about my preferences. Which composer I like, whether I prefer the piano or string instruments, what kind of paintings I like, what fabrics I prefer, why I prefer or like certain things, and after asking whether I liked the rain, you kept asking me about it again and again.”
“Yes… I did.”
“What are you going to do with all that information about other people’s preferences and feelings?”
Lavinia genuinely seemed unable to understand. Cedric frowned in frustration. At times, Lavinia seemed capable of seeing straight through him, yet when it came to the most important things, she could not understand him at all.
“It’s not because you’re just another person. To me, only your feelings and preferences matter.”
As he said this, he lowered his arm. Lavinia’s shoe dangled from his fingertips.
“Honestly, why should I care about anyone else? Whether they twist their ankle or whether their shoes hurt, it makes no difference to me. Their preferences are worthless information to me as well. I only want to know things related to you. You alone are valuable to me.”
“Then why, exactly?”
The words burst out of her impulsively, and Lavinia’s brows furrowed.
His heart had swelled so much that he no longer knew what to do. If this continued, he felt he might simply confess everything to her.
But at that very moment, a sharp sound suddenly cut through the air, shattering their world.
“Oh my! Goodness! Look over there. Isn’t that the Young Duke?”
Several noble ladies holding elaborate parasols appeared from between the bushes higher up on the ridge.
Cedric hurriedly moved to shield Lavinia, but it was already too late. In that brief moment, they had seen everything—the fact that Cedric was accompanying her, that he was carrying her shoes, and that Lavinia was walking barefoot on the ground.
The ladies exchanged awkward glances and silently signaled to one another.
“Ah…”
“Lady Lavinia is here too.”
One of the ladies finally broke the silence in a hesitant voice.
The young ladies desperately tried to hide their embarrassment, as though they had stumbled upon some scandalous scene they were never supposed to witness. After all, something terrible might happen if they did not somehow dress up the sight of Cedric Valmont, the kingdom’s most eligible bachelor, covered in mud and carrying a woman’s shoes in the proper language of high society.
“Young Duke, the terrain of the hunting grounds is quite rough, so it seems Lady Lavinia’s shoe heel was damaged. That must be why Your Grace had no choice but to…”
“That’s right. It rained yesterday, so the ground must have been terribly muddy. Oh dear, it seems she may have even twisted her ankle.”
Forced laughter and excuses followed one after another. Pity and concern for Lavinia were added for good measure.
“Oh my, but Lady Lavinia, you must be terribly cold without your shoes. The air is chilly near the lake.”
One of the ladies looked around before adding, as though generously offering her help.
“I have an extra shawl. Shall I wrap it around your feet? Or should I have a servant bring a pair of shoes from my carriage? I’m not sure whether they’ll fit, but I simply feel so sorry seeing you standing barefoot on the ground.”
“Oh my, a shawl? Even if it takes some time, surely it would be better to bring shoes. How could we possibly let her endure the unsightly sight of wrapping a shawl around her feet?”
“But…”
As they spoke, they looked Lavinia up and down again.
Their eyes seemed to say, But she’s already barefoot, isn’t she?
Cedric stepped in front of Lavinia, shielding her from their mocking gazes, and cut them off coldly.
“That’s enough.”
The air froze instantly at his low voice.
“I’ll take care of it myself, so there’s no need to concern yourselves any further. Please continue on your way.”
His cold dismissal was practically an order for them to leave. The ladies’ faces stiffened. Overwhelmed by Cedric’s rare display of displeasure, there was little they could do.
They merely folded their fans awkwardly and forced smiles.
“Ah! Then I suppose we should be going. We’re sorry for interfering with our unnecessary concern while the Young Duke is taking such excellent care of Lady Lavinia. Please forgive us. We’ll see you at the hunting competition!”
They hurried away over the ridge with their arms linked, as though they were sharing some great secret with one another. Their faint whispers drifted through the silence of the forest.
Only after they had disappeared did Cedric sigh and turn toward Lavinia.
“I’m sorry. Because of me…”
Lavinia gave a small laugh. But instinctively, he could tell that it was not as warm as before.
“I’m curious how far you intend to apologize on my behalf.”
“It happened because of me…”
“No.”
Lavinia answered firmly, frowning.
“The only thing you need to apologize for is using an accident as an excuse to manipulate me. Whatever they say about me afterward is not something you need to concern yourself with.”
“Why do you think that?”
“Because it isn’t your responsibility.”
Her words struck directly at the heart of the matter, and Cedric fell silent. Lavinia looked at him seriously and continued.
“You said you wanted to know my preferences and feelings, didn’t you?”
Cedric was still holding her shoes against his chest and could only manage a slight nod. The fierce aura he had displayed toward the noble ladies moments ago was nowhere to be found. In front of Lavinia, his expression had once again softened, as though he would willingly give her anything.
Lavinia pressed her bare foot firmly against the ground Cedric had melted with magic and thought.
Having walked across countless kinds of land, she knew better than anyone how artificial this ground was.
And it was easy enough to guess that the man standing before her was the one who had made it this way.
“Your Grace, I’m a person who was never able to like anything in the first place. Because I have no right to choose anything. Does the preference of someone who has no choice have any meaning?”
Her voice was monotonous, which somehow made it sound even colder.
“Being brought here as though I were being dragged along by you, taking off my shoes and walking barefoot through the forest—it was none of my own choice. Them seeing me in that state was the same.”
Lavinia casually scattered the dirt with the tip of her foot. The warmth Cedric had carefully created tickled between her toes, yet her voice remained utterly cold.
“Whatever they say about me after returning to the castle, there is nothing I can do about it. All I can do is listen and endure. That kind of patience is also part of the duty I carry. Just as my father enjoyed many things before paying the price with his death, there is a price I must pay for having survived. Do you understand?”
Her sky-blue eyes resembled ice.
For a moment, Cedric felt as though his chest ached from breathing in cold air.
And within those icy eyes was an unmistakable determination.
She was not merely lamenting her circumstances. She was saying that she was willing to accept humiliation and endurance as the price of continuing to live.
What meaning do preferences and feelings have for someone without a choice?
And she was also telling him:
You used the fact that I had no choice, too.
Therefore, if he truly understood her circumstances, he should stop now.
That message was clearer than anything in those cold eyes.
But Cedric could not simply accept it.
“…No meaning at all?”
Cedric murmured weakly as he tightened his grip on the shoes.
He could not simply stand there and watch Lavinia walk away.
He hurried after her and stepped in front of her.
“There is meaning.”
His desperate voice broke through the silence of the forest. When Lavinia raised one eyebrow, Cedric breathed heavily and continued.
“Please don’t say that you have no right to choose. At least to me, your choices matter more than anything.”
His green eyes glistened with desperation.
“If you tell me not to appear before you anymore, I will obey. If you are telling me to stop using coincidences as an excuse to bring you out, then I will stop. But you cannot deny yourself even that much desire. At least the person beside you—the person who cares about you—remembers you as a person through such things.”
With trembling hands, Cedric reached inside his coat.
Then he pulled out an exquisitely crafted jewelry box, as though he were taking his very heart out of his chest.
“Please… accept this.”
When the box opened, a peridot necklace was revealed, glowing with a brilliant light as though the greenery of the forest itself had been captured inside it.
“It’s peridot. You said you liked green, so I had it made from rough stones mined from the mine I cherish most.”
Lavinia’s gaze lingered on the transparent, pale-green gemstone. Cedric added in a low voice, as though making a confession.
“A gift for the ‘Lavinia who likes green,’ who exists only in my memories.”
Holding the necklace, he did not look away from Lavinia’s eyes.
“So, at least while you are wearing this, please remember that you are not someone’s tool or a ghost. I will continue watching and remembering who you are as a person until the very end.”
Lavinia stood there, lost in thought.
She had only said that since she had no right to choose, her preferences and feelings were meaningless. She had never said anything about being someone’s tool or a ghost.
Yet his leap in logic did not offend her.
Rather, it seemed to explain the kind of person he was.
Lavinia gave a small laugh and accepted his gift.
The cold metal slipped from her fingertips and disappeared into her palm.
And that was the last day Lavinia ever saw Cedric.
