CHAPTER~11
The Last Folly
Watching that person who never scolded me despite all my shortcomings, who always tried to understand the meaning behind my endless wrong words, beside that person, every night lying together under the starlit window, continuing our written conversations.
— Can you promise me that no matter who I am, or how I appear, you will never leave me?
How could I not ask.
— Even if the whole world turns its back on you, forever.
Could I have not wished for that?
Just like how he shines brightly even in the dead of night, I wanted to believe that the future with him would be the same.
I wanted to trust it. That’s why I asked. Even if it was a reply given without knowing anything, I felt that just one word from him could make everything alright.
― I have something I want to tell you, Michael.
Only in front of him did I feel I could exist as my true self, no longer thinking of it as presumptuous.
So that I would no longer hate myself for having become a wife who knew nothing, so that all the things I had done out of love would no longer be deceit toward him.
― I am expecting a child.
One night, after hesitating countless times to speak, when I finally said it and dropped the pen I had been holding to answer, Michael did not even glance at the pen rolling on the floor but looked at me.
From that gaze, I first discovered the faint, shimmering emotion in his eyes, like light. That day, Airi vowed to herself to confess everything and apologize before it was too late.
* * *
After realizing she was expecting, Airi would constantly adjust her throat in front of the mirror, practicing the prettiest voice and tone she could manage, choosing her words carefully.
By the end of the wedding ceremony, she could manage her voice somewhat, but could not speak freely.
Where should she start, how much should she say, so that he would not be hurt or hate her? As she worried and worried through countless nights, several seasons passed.
Finally, one hot summer day, half a year after her child was born, Airi spoke for the first time to the Emperor after he returned to the room.
“Michael.”
The first words she had managed to utter since coming out of the water. The name she had practiced countless times, smoothing her throat. The sound of her voice was strange, and she almost felt tears coming, in the night filled with insects’ chirps.
“I am sorry for calling you so late.”
Stopping at the doorway, staring at her broken lips as if they were malfunctioning, Michael just looked at her. Airi began to speak hesitantly.
“The magician said that if true love is fulfilled, my voice would return.”
Why had her voice suddenly returned? How was it different from humans? She even showed him the gills at her nape hidden under her long hair. She had finally adapted, realizing the reason she had been unable to do anything from the start was because she was not a princess of some island nation, but a princess from the sea.
She wanted to touch the sunlight reflecting on this land. The moment she saw the light resembling him, she had fallen in love at first sight.
At the ball, she had accidentally seen him, wanted to leave, but could not push him away. She had waited for the moment her voice would come out.
She did not speak of her late mother, nor of her sickly older brothers or those injured by bullets. She wanted him to feel no guilt for what he had not done, so she hid her painful past and smiled while telling her story.
She confessed that she had foolishly come out of the water, having fallen in love at first sight with him, just wanting to know if he was alive, asking if even a coward like her could remain by his side.
When she faced him, he had kept silent. Seeing his cautious expression made her lower her gaze without realizing it.
That day, she did not notice his shadow flickering on the wall in the dim lamp light.
“Thank you for speaking honestly, Airi.”
After a long silence, he finally replied. What expression had he worn, what eyes had he looked at her with? No matter how hard she tried, she could not remember.
The flickering light gradually faded, and the twilight darkened. Memories disappeared like distant stars.
When she opened her eyes, she was left in darkness. Standing on empty air, Airi witnessed fragments of her life floating like shards of glass.
She heard waves crashing somewhere.
Her toes brushed against sunlight without thinking. In the brief moment she looked up, the surroundings became an island covered in blue coral.
“It was never too much for me.”
Hearing that voice so close, Airi blinked her clouded eyes. The sensation of the sea breeze brushing her cheeks made her breath catch. She thought she had forgotten everything.
But vividly, the moment they had faced each other returned: the brilliance of that day, his gaze. Why did it come back now, when it could no longer be reversed?
“Would spending time with you ever be too much for me?”
Was it just longing that she could not forget?
The first day they sailed together, even with her face pale from seasickness, he had softly whispered when their eyes met, brushed against her collar, untangled her hair, and embraced her to shield against the wind. That day was brighter than the summer sun above.
Blue dreams sank one by one beneath her feet. Reaching out, Airi felt the melted memories crumble like foam at her fingertips. Formless voices echoed.
“I cannot even dream of a day without you now.”
Then what dream could he be having right now?
Why had she folded the handkerchief she gave him and placed it neatly on the desk, after saying she no longer needed gifts?
What had he been thinking on the night of the brilliant fireworks? Had he even glanced at her, broken on the ground, even for a moment?
Even as the light dimmed and the world seemed to turn off, she could clearly feel consciousness sinking below the surface. She descended endlessly into the deep sea…
At the very end of this ceaseless fall, she finally realized.
Ah, the truth was.
She did not want to leave.
She had leapt from the water with fleeting hope, yet the world was cruel. Humans and Sirens had been enemies for ages, and after her mother passed, her father had kept her from leaving the palace.
How long had she dreamed fleeting hopes trapped in that narrow, cozy tank?
But hope did exist.
The child she had fallen in love with, born from fate with the one she first met, had grown in her body, and her son, Ramiel, naturally breathed the air of the land after coming out of the water.
Because of this miraculous connection, Airi could dream of hope even in the dark reality, hope to light up the darkness with her life.
Ramiel, you.
If only I could hold you once more in my arms.
As darkness spread, a faint candle-like light flickered before her eyes. Even as everything went out, one lingering attachment remained.
The small heartbeat she felt in her womb, breathing as one with her, the long season they lived together.
Her tiny hands and feet, the quiet movements beneath her chin, and the warmth of her skin.
The small body she could not fully hold for fear of breaking it, the tiny heartbeat she felt from her arms…
My child, my beloved Ramiel.
Even if just once, I wanted to see you again.
If it were going to end like this, I would have gone to find you without worrying about the aftermath. Even if I had to insist with the voice I finally regained, just to open the door.
I would have held you one more time.
Then suddenly, light poured over her consciousness that had been dissolving like foam. Airi, sinking under the deep sea, felt the light and slowly opened her eyes.
Dawn was breaking somewhere far away. Like the morning sun rising above the surface, bright and dazzling…
“Princess.”
Airi opened her eyes.
