Chapter 125
The Moment Love Was Realized
It was hard to believe.
The fact that Eleanor, the princess of Astria, who now appeared more noble than even the emperor and empress, had spent her childhood in an orphanage just a few years ago.
Karsian, who had grown up without a mother, knew better than anyone what life in an orphanage was like. It was an unforgiving place for a child to survive alone, and especially for a small, skinny girl, it was a miracle to make it out alive. Even if one did survive, it was common for their body or mind to be left broken.
‘How…?’
How was it possible that she could be so dignified and beautiful now? How could she stand before nobles without shrinking, even ruling over them with such grace, while still being considerate of those less fortunate?
Karsian became more and more curious. She was somewhat like him but at the same time so different. He wanted to know more about her.
Since then, he couldn’t help but watch her. Without meaning to, his eyes were always drawn to her.
He began attending parties he otherwise wouldn’t have gone to, just because he heard Eleanor would be there. He’d watch her from a distance, but if their eyes ever met, he would quickly turn away, afraid that she might be uncomfortable knowing he was looking. He was afraid that it would upset her.
As time passed, he also noticed things he hadn’t before.
He realized that Eleanor’s face seemed to have lost some of its vitality, that she smiled less, and that she looked pained whenever she was near the prince.
“…You asked when I started to love you.”
Karsian spoke in a soft voice.
“From the first meeting, I was swept away by you. Looking back, I think that was love. Love comes in many forms. But at the time, I couldn’t understand what I felt for you, so I was just confused.”
He had chided himself for feeling some strange sense of kinship with her, even though she wasn’t like him. But no matter how much he scolded himself, he couldn’t stop the way his gaze naturally went to her. As someone once said, love and sneezing can’t be hidden.
“When I took my first steps into a world I didn’t know, what I encountered was you. Your existence seemed imprinted on me.”
At the same time, she had also become his goal. His goal was to survive one more day, and that goal was her.
Karsian didn’t want to be remembered as a pathetic person by her. That’s why he had started to care about his appearance, something he had once thought was all superficial. As the Duke, he carried out his duties without complaints, learned the manners of the nobility, and adhered to their etiquette, even though he didn’t care about it.
“I was happy whenever you smiled… and I often wanted to kill that prince who dared to treat you so poorly,” he said, his voice laced with frustration.
“Everyone was upset when they heard about Arlo,” Eleanor replied, referring to the prince.
“Of course, I wanted to bury those who said that too,” Karsian added.
Eleanor chuckled softly at his joke. Though, he hadn’t been joking at all.
“But one day, when you had just brought that maid into the Duke’s household, and I saw you smiling so brightly, talking to your friends about her, I felt my heart strangely racing,” Karsian continued.
“Did I talk about Nora?” Eleanor asked, surprised.
“Yes, I don’t know if you remember, but that day, Grant, the young count, had been rude to you,” Karsian explained.
“Oh! I remember,” Eleanor said, clapping her hands, laughing. However, the memory soon made her smile fade.
“That day, I… got a bit angry,” she admitted.
The incident with Count Grant was something Eleanor remembered well, and it had left quite an impression on everyone present. It was the day when Eleanor, known for her quiet and graceful demeanor, had caused quite a stir.
Eleanor recalled the conversation.
“How could you bring a maid from the slums as your close companion? Princess Astria, do you not know that at your age, you shouldn’t associate with such lowly people? Is it because you grew up in an orphanage?”
The young count had openly mocked her.
It was clear that he had provoked her first.
“And you, Grant, are mistaken. It doesn’t matter where a person comes from,” Eleanor had retorted.
“Excuse me, but Princess Astria, do you mean to deny the social hierarchy? If the Duke of Astria hears this, he will be shocked!”
“Don’t exaggerate. I’ve never denied the hierarchy. But the fact that someone, no matter their background, chooses to look down on others is what’s truly despicable,” Eleanor had replied sharply.
“Your words…,” Grant had started to protest.
“I don’t care about things like social class, but attitude is something you can choose, and you should be more responsible for it. I agree that you shouldn’t keep such people close, but please, don’t come near me again,” she had concluded.
At that time, she hadn’t thought it through, just reacting impulsively because she was happy to finally find someone she could open up to. But when Grant had attacked her, she had instinctively grabbed the nearest object and defended herself.
She had hit him in the head with a teacup.
The best defense is a quick offense. It was something she had learned during her time in the orphanage.
Fortunately, Grant hadn’t been seriously hurt, just knocked unconscious for a while.
As expected, there was chaos afterward. The Duke of Astria had been furious with her actions but, as usual, he handled the situation by manipulating public opinion.
“Grant, the young count, insulted Princess Astria’s unfortunate past, and when confronted, he tried to use violence against her. If she hadn’t defended herself, she would have been badly injured.”
Eleanor had learned how to sway public opinion from her father.
The Duke had quickly spread the narrative and, in the end, the nobles had supported Astria. Meanwhile, Grant’s family had suffered a business failure, and Grant was never seen in social circles again.
“Did Karsian attend the party that day? I don’t remember seeing you,” Eleanor asked.
“Yes, I came late when I heard you were there. When I arrived, Grant had just insulted you,” Karsian said.
So, Karsian had seen her hit Grant with the teacup.
“I feel embarrassed just thinking about it,” Eleanor said.
“Why would I be disappointed? It wasn’t what I expected,” Karsian replied, trying to suppress a smile.
“You made the right choice. I was probably the one who would have hit him first,” he admitted, his smile turning into a more serious expression.
“I realized that moment was when I truly recognized love,” Karsian confessed.
“Wait, after seeing that?” Eleanor asked, confused.
“You probably prefer strong women,” she teased, adding a playful comment, and Karsian smiled faintly.
“You wouldn’t understand, Eleanor,” he murmured softly. “You don’t know how much your words helped me that day.”
Karsian reached out slowly toward her.
“Until then, I struggled every day with things I couldn’t control, and I was ashamed of myself. No matter how much I tried, I was ridiculed for things I couldn’t change, and I thought I had to be ashamed of them.”
His hands gently overlapped with hers, and the warmth spread across her skin.
“But you helped me realize that I didn’t have to feel that way. I understood that it was like locking myself in a room full of thorns. Sometimes, knowing something can change your entire world. That was a great leap for me, a salvation.”
“Eleanor,” he whispered.
“Since then, whenever I see you, my heart races like crazy. More than anything, I just want to see you happy. I wanted to see you smile, even if it wasn’t for me, and I prayed that you would laugh more, in a safe and peaceful place.”
Eleanor, holding his hand tightly, felt her own heart race as their eyes met.
It felt like the cold atmosphere from earlier had completely vanished.
“But now I want to ask you something,” Karsian said, his tone shifting.
But the warmth didn’t last long.
The red eyes that had been so full of warmth now held a different emotion.
“Eleanor, was this really the only way to get revenge?”
Eleanor froze at the sudden change in topic.
“What?”
“Was using your body as a tool the only option? Was there no safer way? Did you really have to push yourself to the brink of death? That’s what I’m asking.”
Karsian asked directly, not giving her a chance to turn away.
Eleanor, caught off guard, struggled to find the words.
“…Yes. It was the most reliable and effective way.”
She turned her face away from him, unable to meet his gaze.
Karsian didn’t speak for a long time. The silence was heavier than before.
Unable to bear the tension, Eleanor spoke again.
“Karsian, there won’t be any more of that. The revenge is almost over, and all that’s left is the trial…”
“If your pain is necessary in the remaining process, if such a thing happens, will you make the same choice again? If it’s the most efficient, that is.”
Eleanor felt her words catch in her throat.
She knew what Karsian wanted to hear, but she couldn’t say it. That would be a lie.
She knew herself well. If another situation arose where she had to use her body as a tool, if it was the most efficient and effective way, she would do it without hesitation.
She had never seen a reason not to. Pain would heal eventually, and if it helped, it was worth it.
“…Yes. I probably would.”
“…”
“But Karsian, I’m stronger than you think. I can endure pain, and honestly, I’m used to this level of suffering. So, don’t worry about me…”
“Enough!”
Karsian stood up abruptly, interrupting her words.
It was the first time he had shouted at her. Surprised, Eleanor looked up at him, wide-eyed.
“…It’s okay. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have pushed you so much after you just woke up,” Karsian muttered, turning away from her.
He walked to the other side of the room without looking back.
“Soon, a maid will come to attend to you. I’ve arranged for someone you’re familiar with, so please rest.”
“Karsian…”
“Oh, I almost forgot to tell you something you’re probably wondering.”
He turned to look at her one last time as he reached the door.
His face, when he looked back at her, was filled with anger.
“The trial for Duke Astria will be held in four days. The emperor has set the earliest possible date.”
It seemed like something had already been arranged between her and the emperor, Karsian muttered under his breath as he left.
