Chapter 154
You Said You Loved Me
Crunch.
It sounded as if someone were grinding their teeth.
Amira looked like she had countless things to say. Betrayal, contempt, and resentment were all written plainly on her face—but the moment Karsian’s name was mentioned, she could no longer openly vent her emotions.
“…I apologize.”
After glaring at Seth for a long time, Amira finally forced the words out. Even so, her eyes were still filled with hostility toward Eleanor.
Eleanor hadn’t expected a sincere apology in the first place. Letting out a cold scoff, she gestured toward the door.
“That’s enough. You may leave, Amira.”
There was nothing to gain by staying any longer. Amira had no intention of apologizing properly, and Seth looked like he wouldn’t stop pressing her until she bowed deeply and begged for forgiveness.
Sure enough, the moment Eleanor gave permission, Amira turned on her heel and stormed out with rough footsteps. Seth scowled sharply, clearly dissatisfied with letting such a rude head maid leave without proper consequences.
Bang.
As soon as the door closed, Seth spoke again.
“Why do you listen to words like that in silence?”
Though it hadn’t happened to him, his voice was thick with anger. Eleanor, on the other hand, felt only tired.
“She was clearly looking down on you. A servant who is supposed to serve you! Why do you quietly let such rudeness slide?”
When Eleanor hesitated, Seth’s voice rose further.
He was no longer just frustrated—he was angry.
Being too kind was a disease. No, this wasn’t kindness at all—it was lifelessness.
Any living person should have been furious in that situation. They should have gotten angry. Yet Eleanor stood there like a beautiful doll, accepting everything as if it were unavoidable fate.
That unsettled and irritated Seth beyond measure.
“I don’t want to make things bigger than they need to be. If it reaches Karsian’s ears, things will only get complicated…”
“You should make things bigger from the start. Have you forgotten who this room was originally meant for?”
As Seth poured out words more passionately than ever before, Hilda and Ernst exchanged uneasy glances. His tone sounded rude enough to scold him—but everything he said was clearly out of concern for Eleanor, making it awkward to intervene.
“If you’ve forgotten, then remember now. You are the person His Grace loves more than anyone. The fact that you’re staying in the Grand Duchess’s chambers already explains your position. If anyone dares to disgrace you, they should be forced to their knees immediately, punished appropriately, and thrown out of this palace. Do you understand?”
Eleanor was just as startled by Seth’s sudden change.
Just yesterday, he had clearly looked at her with displeasure—so why was he suddenly saying things like this?
Whatever had come over him, she felt she needed to calm him down.
“…Thank you for saying that, Sir Seth. I haven’t forgotten what kind of room this is. And I know how deeply Karsian cares for me—enough that I’m grateful.”
“Then why—!”
“But at the same time, I also know that this place is far more than I deserve.”
Eleanor cut him off sharply. Seth flinched as he looked at her now-cold expression.
“Sir, I know my place. Just because I stay in this room doesn’t mean I can become the Grand Duchess. That’s why I don’t escalate things. I have no intention of wanting more than being a mistress, and someday, I will leave this place. I can’t tolerate temporary discomfort at the cost of tarnishing Karsian’s name.”
“Leave…?”
Seth stammered, disbelief clear on his face—as if he’d assumed she would stay here forever.
Was that why she’d been wary of me all this time?
Eleanor guessed as much and continued.
“If a woman more suitable for this position appears, I’ll naturally vacate it. I have no intention of clinging to this place under the title of mistress. I’ll leave Royster quietly without causing any scandal, so there’s no need for you to worry—”
She thought that explaining things clearly would ease Seth’s concerns. Now that he knew she had no ulterior motives, he would surely feel relieved.
“Right now.”
But instead, her words shook a completely different person.
Even Eleanor hadn’t imagined that Karsian—who was supposed to return in the evening—would appear at this exact moment without warning.
“What exactly are you saying?”
A silent shockwave spread through the room.
At the sound of his low voice, goosebumps rose across everyone’s skin, their faces going pale.
Seeing Seth, Ernst, and Hilda all frozen in shock, Eleanor slowly turned around.
Swallowing dryly, she looked toward—
Karsian.
He stood there holding a bouquet of flowers that was clearly handmade—perhaps meant as a surprise—his expression one of deep hurt, as though betrayed by the person he loved most.
“Why are you my mistress?”
“Karsian.”
“Why are you saying you’ll leave Royster?”
The bouquet—lush yet awkwardly arranged—crumpled harshly in his grip.
It seemed he had only just arrived; he clearly hadn’t heard anything about Amira. But what he had heard was far more devastating.
Facing him as he looked ready to explode, Eleanor parted her lips to speak—only to notice that the door behind him was wide open. Palace maids were pretending not to listen while clearly straining their ears.
“Hilda, could you step outside for a moment?”
“Yes, my lady.”
If this conversation continued, rumors would spread around Karsian. Eleanor quickly signaled Hilda, who understood immediately and hurried out with the two knights.
Thud.
The heavy wooden door closed tightly, sealing the room. Hilda would keep people away outside—there was no longer any need to worry about being overheard.
Yet even this action seemed to displease him.
Karsian let out a low, humorless laugh.
“…You’ve always been like this. Even when holding my hand. Even when lying together and talking about the day. Even when you were in my arms, whispering love—you were always preparing to leave. Always ready to disappear from my life.”
He swallowed the emotions clogging his throat and continued.
“You said you loved me. So why—”
“……”
“Why are you always trying to leave me?”
His face was fierce, yet unbearably sorrowful.
Looking into eyes that seemed on the verge of tears, Eleanor bit her lip tightly.
She knew this topic couldn’t be avoided forever. She had long understood that one day, they would have to talk about this.
But she had wanted to delay it as much as possible.
It wasn’t a hopeful conversation—and she wanted, at least for a while longer, to forget the painful reality and simply love him.
But now, there was no escape.
Resigned, Eleanor stepped toward him.
After only a few steps, dizziness washed over her again, but she pretended otherwise and gently wrapped her hands around the one clutching the bouquet.
“Karsian.”
Though he felt betrayed, he still couldn’t bring himself to reject her touch.
Even now, he desperately wanted to be close to her.
“My love for you aside, a future where we stay together cannot exist.”
Her words, however, were cold.
“You know this. Here, I’m nothing more than a foreigner without proper status. Even being your mistress is more than I deserve. That’s reality.”
She smiled bitterly.
Reality was cruel.
She had struggled so hard to cast aside the title of Astria’s duke’s daughter—only to lose the chance to be with the person she loved because of it.
It had been her own choice. Her own decision.
She couldn’t blame anyone else.
“I love you, and I’m happy just being by your side like this… but Karsian, I don’t have the strength to stay and watch you marry another woman and build a family. That’s why I plan to leave.”
“Why would I ever marry another woman?”
The hand that had been gently stroking her clenched violently.
The bouquet—once bright with wildflowers—lost all life under the pressure and fell crushed to the floor.
“As long as you love me, and I love you—Eleanor, you will become my wife. The lawful Grand Duchess of Royster.”
He declared each word as if biting them out.
“Karsian…”
Eleanor called his name again, her voice heavy with sorrow.
She was grateful he said that—but it was far too unrealistic.
At best, she was now a commoner.
A Grand Duchess born from a commoner? That was absurd.
For nobles, marriage was business.
A once-in-a-lifetime transaction of the highest stakes.
Like all business, the goal was profit—marrying someone beneficial to the family.
Love was usually shared not with a spouse, but with a mistress.
If that was true for nobles in general, how much more so for a Grand Duke?
No matter how capable Karsian was as a ruler, marriage wasn’t something he could decide on his own.
The nobles would never approve a marriage that brought no benefit and only scandal.
Nor would commoners welcome it—especially given her origins in Juvenile.
And Emperor William IV would never allow it.
Eleanor let out a hollow laugh, picturing the so-called just emperor who was always quick to protect his own interests.
Seeing her reaction, Karsian spoke coldly.
“…You don’t trust me.”
“That’s not it…”
Eleanor trailed off.
It wasn’t that she didn’t trust him—she believed he simply didn’t understand reality yet.
As if reading her thoughts, Karsian spoke quietly.
“Then shall I make it reality for you?”
“…What?”
“If I do that—will you stay by my side for the rest of your life?”
Without ever thinking of leaving.
His voice, low and rough, trembled with restrained intensity.
