Chapter 134
I Want You
Eleanor stared at Karsian with her eyes wide open.
His expression was far too serious for it to be a joke. In fact, the way he looked at her felt almost desperate.
He seemed extremely nervous—like he was afraid she might reject him. Seeing that only made her tense up as well.
After hesitating for a long moment, Eleanor quietly asked:
“…If I say I don’t want to go, will we part ways here?”
What exactly did he mean by “come with me”?
Without knowing the full meaning behind it, she couldn’t easily answer.
It felt awkward to even mention separating when they had only recently confirmed their feelings for each other. But if the “for a while” he mentioned meant an entire season, and if that meant not seeing him for months… well, it wasn’t impossible they could grow distant. People say that when someone becomes distant physically, the heart can drift too.
Right now, their feelings were fresh and strong, but time changes everything.
Thinking that, she cautiously observed his expression.
And then she saw it.
“—Part ways?”
The face that had always been endlessly gentle toward her suddenly turned cold and harsh. Karsian looked down at her with chilling eyes.
“What are you talking about?”
His voice came out like a low growl, as if he had heard something unforgivable. The look on his face was so fierce that Eleanor swallowed hard before she even realized.
Is this how it feels to stand before a predator? She couldn’t even blink as she stared up at him.
“…Sorry, Eleanor. But that will never happen.”
Her long lashes trembled nervously, and only then did Karsian loosen the frightening tension around him.
“You can call it arrogance or an unreasonable desire, but I can’t help it.”
Eleanor had simply wanted clarity about their relationship, but he seemed to have taken her words in a completely different way.
Before she could explain, Karsian stepped closer and spoke in a low voice:
“You allowed me your heart, even if for a moment.”
His calloused fingertips brushed down her face.
His hand slowly slid across her cheek, then gently sank into her hair, making her shiver.
“…And I’ve fallen so deeply into my desire that I can’t escape. We will never part ways.”
Never… The word replayed in her mind as his face moved closer—so close their noses could almost touch.
“I told you, didn’t I? I’m never letting you go.”
Suddenly, memories of him kissing her over and over flashed across her mind. His face then had looked just as desperate as now, and the little distance between them felt unbearably tempting.
“…I didn’t mean I wanted to break up.”
“That’s good to hear.”
The heated look in his eyes wasn’t her imagination. His fingers slipped through her hair and brushed along her neck—soft, slow, tinged with desire.
“You don’t have to come with me. If you want to stay here, then I will stay here too.”
“What? What about your duties in Royster?”
“I’ll continue them. I’ll simply return here every time a subjugation mission ends. I might be gone for a few days each time, but I’ll come back as quickly as possible.”
Karsian said this as he placed a soft kiss on her hair.
It was easy to say, but impossible in practice. Just traveling from Royster to Cardiff took at least half a day—and that was only if he pushed his horse without rest.
The missions themselves would be exhausting, and yet he was willing to make this long journey repeatedly for months?
It shocked her—especially because, despite herself, she felt strangely happy about it.
“Don’t do that, Karsian. I don’t want you suffering because of me.”
Eleanor struggled to keep her lips from curling up.
Even if she felt good hearing it, she couldn’t allow him to work himself to exhaustion. He had sacrificed enough for her already.
“I don’t mind. Not seeing you is harder for me.”
“But I mind.”
Eleanor replied firmly.
Karsian’s brows faintly knit together. He thought she was pushing him away.
If only he knew what I’m thinking… How can I make sure you stay by my side forever? How can I stop you from ever thinking of leaving? I want to lock you up, tie you to me—
While running his fingers through her soft hair, Karsian thought of things he couldn’t dare say aloud.
Just then, Eleanor—clever as always—chose the perfect answer.
“I’ll go.”
She lifted her head so their faces were almost touching, then whispered with a playful smile:
“Let’s go together. To Royster.”
Instantly, the darkness on his face vanished, replaced by bright, almost glowing relief and joy.
Thoughts he could never admit disappeared from Eleanor’s mind too. It was the best decision for both of them.
“Really?”
“Yes, really. Will you make me happy?”
“Of course. Just tell me what you want. I’ll give you anything.”
Anyone listening might think he was proposing. Eleanor couldn’t help but laugh at how serious he always was.
“I don’t need anything else.”
She leaned closer, their skin brushing, their breath mixing. Her long eyelashes lowered slowly as she whispered:
“Karsian, I want you.”
She didn’t care about stunning dresses, grand mansions, or prestigious titles anymore.
Eleanor simply wanted to stay with the people she loved.
She didn’t dare hope for eternity, but she wished they could be together for as long as possible. That was enough.
“You already have me.”
“Huh!”
Suddenly, he grabbed her waist and lifted her up. Eleanor gasped, and when she opened her eyes again, she was sitting on the balcony table.
“This body…”
Karsian lowered himself, looking up at her as he kissed the back of her hand. His warm lips slowly traveled up her arm.
Then he gently pulled her closer, and her fingertips brushed something firm and solid.
“This heart… All of it belongs to you.”
Eleanor’s cheeks reddened as she focused on the warmth against her palm—it was Karsian’s chest.
His chest is bigger than mine. No—it’s definitely bigger.
Even through his shirt it felt impressive… What about underneath? The thought made her swallow.
Her eyes drifted toward his chest. His shirt buttons looked like they were doing their best to hold the fabric together. Maybe she could even see a bit of bare skin if she looked closely.
“…Do you want to see it?”
As if reading her mind, Karsian asked.
“N-No, that’s not—!”
Eleanor snapped out of her daze. Embarrassment washed over her like a wave. For once, she couldn’t even lie properly.
What if he thinks I’m a pervert?!
Her flushed face twisted with worry, but Karsian’s reaction was the complete opposite.
“I’m happy. It’s not much to look at, but if you want to see it, I’ll show you anytime.”
Not much to look at? Absolutely impossible.
But more shocking was this—could Karsian smile like that?
The expression on his face was bright, almost bashful, and oddly proud. Actually, judging by the heat in his eyes, he seemed one second away from ripping off his shirt to show her everything.
Maybe the pervert isn’t me…
Eleanor stared at him with trembling eyes.
Karsian misunderstood her look entirely and reached for his shirt.
“If you want to see right now, then—”
“No! No, don’t!”
She panicked and grabbed him. It was freezing outside—how could he even think of stripping out here? And what if someone saw?!
“Next time. Show me next time, okay?”
“…Alright. I’ll wait until next time.”
Only after she promised “next time” did he obediently stop. Eleanor let out a long sigh—relieved or disappointed, she wasn’t sure.
But it was too early to relax.
“…But I don’t want to delay kissing you any longer. Will you allow it?”
Karsian stood up and spoke in a low voice, like he was barely holding himself back.
When their bodies pressed together, Eleanor felt the hardness of his chest again and shivered.
His face was far too handsome. Those red eyes lifted slightly as he stared at her, and just that made her heart pound violently.
She had always thought she didn’t care about looks… She was wrong.
With looks like this, who wouldn’t fall?
Certain of this, she closed her eyes.
“But don’t kiss me so much that my lips swell like yesterday.”
He let out a soft laugh, a breeze brushing past her.
“I’ll try.”
And in the darkness, their lips met.
***
Karsian’s “trying” failed miserably.
Eleanor wasn’t even sure if he had tried at all.
Because they stayed on that balcony for more than an hour.
He kept her seated on the table, kissing her endlessly, sucking gently on her lips until her breathing grew shaky. Then he changed positions—sitting in a chair, pulling her onto his lap, hugging her close as he continued kissing her with deep focus.
If that had been all, she wouldn’t have minded.
But apparently he still hadn’t gotten enough. He insisted on walking her back to her room… and the moment they stepped inside, he pushed her to the wall and kissed her again—fiercely—for what felt like another eternity.
By the time she escaped his arms, her legs were weak.
So of course, the next morning, her lips were badly swollen—completely ruining her warning from the day before.
“Oh my goodness, my lady! What happened to your lips?!”
Hilda, who came to wake her, screamed in shock.
“It’s nothing.”
“Nothing?! Is this an allergic reaction? Did you eat something—oh? You skipped dinner yesterday…”
“It’s nothing.”
“It’s too swollen to be ‘nothing’! If it’s not an allergy, then what in the world—oh.”
Hilda paused, then let out a small sound of realization.
“…Come to think of it, your balcony is connected to the Grand Duke’s room, isn’t it?”
Eleanor couldn’t even make up an excuse. She just stared blankly into the distance.
Hilda didn’t question her further. But Eleanor caught the meaningful smile at the edge of her vision, which only made her more embarrassed.
She coughed awkwardly and hurried to change the subject.
“Ahem, Hilda. I have something important to tell you. Sir Ernst needs to hear it too, so could you call him?”
“Yes, of course… though…”
Hilda’s smile didn’t disappear.
“Wouldn’t it be better to wait until your lips go down a bit? I doubt you want to talk to Sir Ernst looking like this.”
And just like that, the conversation returned to her lips again.
But Hilda had a point. Eleanor sighed and agreed.
She made a firm decision:
From now on, I won’t let our kisses go on that long. Even if Karsian tempts me, I’ll push him away! Absolutely!
…A promise that wouldn’t even last a day.
