<Chapter 9>
The savory smell of food woke Sua early in the morning.
Feeling strangely lighter than she had in days, she tilted her head in confusion. There was no reason for such a smell to be coming from their home. It was only supposed to be Woojin and her.
Had the housekeeper she had given time off already come back to work?
Her stomach growled.
Come to think of it, she hadn’t eaten a proper meal while she had been sick.
The smell of food awakened a hunger she had forgotten about.
She also needed to eat properly if she was going to take her medicine.
Sua quietly opened the bedroom door and stepped outside.
As expected, she could hear someone moving around in the kitchen.
“Why are you already up—”
Sua stopped short, startled.
The person standing in front of the stove preparing something was not the housekeeper.
To describe him precisely, he was a man taller than the housekeeper, with considerably broader shoulders.
Sua desperately hoped he hadn’t heard her greeting.
“The kitchen is a common area, so I suppose it’s all right for me to use it, right?”
Unfortunately, Woojin turned around and spoke to her.
Sua gave him an awkward smile.
“Of course. Make yourself comfortable.”
Embarrassed by how hoarse and cracked her voice sounded, Sua turned around, intending to return to the bedroom.
“I made way too much porridge.”
Then she heard a surprisingly loud complaint, apparently spoken to himself.
“I can’t exactly throw this away.”
Her stomach growled again, as though it had been waiting for the opportunity.
Sua clutched her stomach, only to meet Woojin’s dark eyes.
“Would you like to have some?”
There was nothing but innocent sincerity in his eyes, as though he had absolutely no ulterior motive.
And yet, there was hardly a single aspect of this unnatural situation in which he wasn’t somehow involved.
“Is that what you’re having for breakfast today?”
“I like porridge. I eat it fairly often.”
“……”
“What? Is liking porridge another line I’ve crossed? Or is accidentally making enough for two people another offense?”
His sharp response reminded her of their tense conversation the previous day.
Come to think of it, Sua and Woojin had been rather awkward with each other since yesterday.
“No.”
After a moment, Sua answered quietly.
“I was going to say that if you’re willing to share, I’d be grateful.”
She decided not to point out the obvious.
She had already been firm enough with him yesterday. Besides, when she thought about it, she owed him enough that she could never thank him too many times.
“I was hungry.”
Sua pulled out a chair at the dining table and sat down.
Woojin, who had been standing there watching her, quietly ladled the finished porridge into a bowl, making it easier for her to eat.
A short while later, the two of them sat facing each other across the wide dining table.
Sua still hadn’t grown accustomed to this new routine of living with Woojin.
Before Hajin died, she had never once imagined that she would someday be sitting down to a meal alone with his younger brother like this.
“I’ll enjoy the meal.”
Before an awkward silence could settle over them, Sua hurriedly picked up her spoon.
“……Huh?”
Her eyes widened in surprise.
“It’s good.”
Why is this so good?
She had thought all she needed was something to satisfy her hunger, but the porridge he had made was surprisingly delicious.
His cooking skills were good enough that she could have believed it had come from a restaurant specializing in porridge.
It was unexpected.
Woojin had spent his entire life eating food prepared by other people, and he was more familiar with foreign cultures than Korean ones. Yet somehow, he knew how to make such excellent porridge.
“It’s really good.”
Sua kept bringing spoonful after spoonful to her mouth.
It was hard to believe that this was the same woman who had been sick enough to go to the emergency room the night before.
“Slow down. Unless you want to end up in the emergency room with indigestion this time.”
Woojin slid a glass of water toward her.
His eyes remained fixed on her.
For someone who supposedly liked porridge enough to make it himself, he hadn’t eaten a single bite.
Only after she had eaten more than half her bowl did Sua finally notice his persistent attention and cleared her throat.
“……Why are you looking at me like that?”
“Because you’re eating well. Unlike yourself.”
“I normally eat a lot.”
“Liar. You can barely manage one meal a day.”
Sua tilted her head, feeling a strange sense of dissonance.
“That’s why I’m sick. Because my body can’t keep up……”
“How did you know?”
For some reason, Woojin’s upper body, which had been leaning slightly toward her, suddenly stiffened before he straightened.
“That I only eat one meal a day.”
The brother-in-law who spoke as though he knew her eating habits intimately was certainly suspicious, considering all he had ever done was briefly cross paths with her at family gatherings.
Why did he know so much about her?
Woojin hesitated for a moment.
Only after a brief pause did he speak again.
“My brother mentioned it once.”
“I didn’t realize you and Hajin were close enough to talk about me.”
It made sense that she would be surprised.
Hajin had disliked Woojin so much that even hearing his name was enough to make him frown.
Perhaps there had been some minimal affection for his younger brother buried somewhere inside him, but one thing was certain: Hajin and Woojin had never been close enough to casually discuss his wife.
“He didn’t tell me. I overheard him talking to Mother.”
Woojin added the explanation immediately afterward.
“Ah……”
It wasn’t exactly reassuring that Hajin had discussed such a thing with his mother-in-law, but knowing that there had actually been someone who had heard him say it left Sua with little choice but to nod.
She still didn’t have enough energy to seriously suspect that the man sitting in front of her might somehow be Hajin.
“I didn’t know. I didn’t know Hajin worried about me.”
Sua gave a small laugh and lowered her gaze.
“He never seemed willing to let me get close to him. But after living together for a year, you’d think we’d at least grow attached.”
These were words she couldn’t say to Hajin, so she tried saying them to Woojin instead.
“I don’t know how to put it. It’s almost as if he deliberately erased me. I’m standing right here, alive and well, but being treated like I don’t exist…… It was lonely.”
She wondered what kind of expression Woojin was making as he listened, but she didn’t look up to check.
“Even though we got married without love……”
“Then why didn’t you divorce my brother?”
Woojin’s dry voice interrupted her.
“If it was that painful, you could have asked for a divorce first. Our parents had already gotten everything they could out of the marriage between the two of you anyway.”
It was a sharp question that struck directly at the heart of the matter.
Sua was momentarily at a loss for words.
Come to think of it, despite feeling so lonely, she had never seriously considered divorcing him.
If Hajin had asked for a divorce first, she would have gladly agreed at any time.
But she had never once thought of being the one to ask first.
“I suppose you’re right.”
Only after a long silence did Sua answer in a trembling voice.
“Maybe because, in the end, I owed him a debt of gratitude, and I didn’t want to be the one to stab him in the back first.”
No.
There had definitely been something more than that.
Something murky and undefined.
Some inexplicable reason that had made it impossible for her to leave him.
But it was the only excuse she could come up with.
“Maybe I was putting off saying something difficult and leaving it for him to say instead.”
Their eyes met belatedly.
A sharp jolt ran through her body, like an electric current.
The man staring intently at her—
He wasn’t Woojin.
No matter how many times she denied it, he looked like Hajin again.
Sua was confused by her own mind.
Why does my brother-in-law keep looking like my dead husband?
Could it be that the lingering feelings I still have are making me project Hajin onto Woojin?
Am I deceiving myself just so I can keep living without losing my sanity?
“I’ve eaten enough.”
Afraid of how pathetic she might look if she stayed any longer, Sua hurriedly put down her spoon and sprang to her feet.
“Maybe it’s because I’m still sick. I keep saying things I normally wouldn’t.”
If she wanted to look at the situation rationally, getting her body healthy again had to come first.
She needed to accept Hajin’s death with a clear mind and acknowledge Woojin’s existence for what it was.
“Thank you for listening to my nonsense.”
She hurried out of the dining room as though she were running away.
Then Woojin spoke in his usual calm voice.
“People……”
Sua stopped for a moment but didn’t turn around.
“Sometimes, you have to live your life saying a little nonsense, too.”
It sounded as though he were trying to bluntly comfort her while she blamed herself.
Could that really be true?
If I had sometimes said meaningless things to Hajin, too, would our today have been different?
Would I have fewer regrets?
It was a day when she desperately wanted to go back, even though she knew she couldn’t.
To before you died.
The following day, Woojin was sitting on the living-room sofa, drinking coffee.
Sua had just stepped out of the bedroom and was about to awkwardly greet him when the doorbell rang.
She absentmindedly checked the person on the other side through the intercom.
The moment she saw the familiar face, the color drained from her face.
She turned toward Woojin, and he immediately understood what was happening and sprang to his feet as well.
“Mom’s here, Sua.”
Sua silently mouthed the words toward Woojin.
“She hasn’t been able to reach you properly, and she’s been so worried.”
Hide. Quickly!
