Chapter 13

The air clung to my skin with heavy humidity.

Combined with the sweltering heat, it was enough to make anyone miserable.

When had the cicadas started singing?

At some point, their cries had become such a normal part of daily life that I barely noticed them anymore.

The kind of heat that made sweat pour from your body even when you were standing still announced one thing loud and clear:

Summer had arrived.

Even in my short-sleeved blouse and skirt uniform, there was no escaping it. I wiped the sweat from my brow with the back of my hand.

When the principal finally finished his endless speech, I felt it.

Summer vacation was here.

Even though I was still standing at school.

Apparently, I wasn’t the only one who felt that way. The students around me seemed restless too, unable to hide their excitement.

And just like that, my second summer vacation as a second-year high school student began.

Listening to our homeroom teacher yell at a group of boys running through the hallway, I left the classroom with Ichika.

Ichika always carried herself with a mature air, but seeing her smile so openly at the start of summer vacation made her look surprisingly childlike.

And adorable.

Things had progressed a little between her and Ichinose-kun.

After learning that the manager had only gone shopping with him to pick out a gift for a friend, Ichika had called me in tears.

Tears of relief.

I had been relieved too.

She’d only just realized she was in love. It would’ve been too cruel if she’d gotten her heart broken before she even had the chance to confess.

Since then, the four of us had gone out together more often, and when Ichika excitedly told me they’d made plans to attend the summer festival together, I’d congratulated her from the bottom of my heart.

I hoped they’d start dating.

And then get married someday.

The fact that I was thinking like somebody’s nosy aunt made me laugh a little.

Meanwhile, my own days with Toga remained unchanged.

After my fourth visit to his house, I went again the following week.

That time, we spent the day watching a movie together.

An action movie.

Apparently he’d been interested in it for a while and had rented it specifically for us to watch.

I sat there beside him, my heart pounding the entire time.

Afterward, we talked about our favorite scenes and shared our thoughts on it.

It was an incredibly happy day.

After that, we talked on the phone.

We exchanged emails.

Nothing important.

Just little things.

Like how a rainbow had appeared after the rain.

Or warnings to be careful because a typhoon was approaching.

Or how we’d finally started hearing cicadas.

The sort of conversations other people would probably consider meaningless.

But to me, they were precious.

Special.

Every exchange filled me with happiness.

There was nothing pointless about talking to Toga.

At first, I remembered almost every conversation we’d had.

Now there were so many that I couldn’t recall the details anymore.

What we’d talked about.

What we’d written.

There were simply too many memories.

And somehow, that fact itself had become precious to me.

I treasured each day as it came.

And at the center of every one of those days was Toga.

Someone I couldn’t imagine living without.

I wanted to see him.

Even though I was seeing him more often than I ever could have dreamed before, the longing never faded.

I still wanted to see him.

Always.

On our way to a famous coffee chain, Ichika suddenly spoke.

“Oh, right.”

“Hm?”

“Maeno-kun asked if you wanted to hang out sometime during summer vacation.”

“Oh…”

I scratched my cheek awkwardly.

“I feel a little bad, but…”

“Yeah. I know.”

Ichika smiled knowingly.

“You already like someone else. I told him it might be difficult.”

“Thanks.”

Maeno-kun had invited me out several times before.

And every time, I’d turned him down.

I always felt guilty afterward.

Maybe he just wanted someone to talk anime with.

Maybe he thought I was a terrible person.

But for this year…

I didn’t care.

People could think I was cold.

They could say I was difficult.

I wanted to live for Toga.

No matter what happened.

At that moment, Ichika’s phone chimed.

She quickly checked the message.

Then she looked at me with an apologetic expression.

I immediately knew who it was.

“Ichinose-kun?”

“…He asked if I wanted to go shopping with him.”

I smiled.

“Don’t worry about me. Go.”

“But—”

“Seriously. Prioritize Ichinose-kun.”

The moment I said it, Ichika pressed her palms together in front of her face.

“Sorry! Let’s hang out another time!”

“It’s fine.”

I laughed.

“Have fun on your date.”

Her face instantly turned bright red.

“It’s not a date! We’re just shopping!”

Then she spun around and ran off.

Cute.

Watching her shrinking figure disappear into the crowd, I couldn’t help laughing.

Now then.

What should I do?

I moved to the side of the busy street so I wouldn’t block anyone and put my hands on my hips.

I’d already come all the way here.

Going straight home now felt like a waste.

Since I was already near the coffee shop, maybe I’d sit down with a drink and work on my summer assignments.

With that decided, I headed toward my original destination alone.

I arrived not long after parting ways with Ichika.

The place was crowded, just as I’d expected.

Fortunately, there was space available in the seating area.

I reserved an empty table with my handkerchief and went to order a drink.

The nearby tables were occupied by students studying and office workers typing away on laptops.

After returning with my drink, I pulled out my assignments, plugged my earphones into my phone, and started working while listening to my favorite songs.

Normally, I’d procrastinate until the very end of summer vacation and end up crying over unfinished homework.

This year was different.

I wanted to be ready whenever Toga called.

And honestly, I’d rather finish early and enjoy my vacation without worrying about it.

Blocking out the world with love songs flowing through my earphones, I buried myself in my work.

I wasn’t particularly good at studying.

I constantly flipped through textbooks and searched things on my phone as I worked.

Before I knew it, hours had passed.

My drink was nearly empty.

The students beside me were packing up their notebooks and preparing to leave.

When I checked the time, it was almost six.

Guess I should head home too.

As I began gathering my things, my gaze happened to drift toward someone sitting diagonally across from me.

And froze.

Toga was there.

The person I’d been wanting to see so badly.

My hands stopped moving.

The music in my earphones disappeared.

Or maybe I was simply too shocked to hear it anymore.

Toga was working on his summer assignments too.

His mechanical pencil moved smoothly across the page without the slightest hesitation.

It was impossible not to be reminded of how smart he was.

The serious expression on his face was nothing like the delinquent everyone feared.

He looked incredibly handsome.

The large, rough fingers wrapped around his pencil.

The muscles visible beneath his short sleeves.

The veins along the back of his hand.

Everything about him was dear to me.

I couldn’t look away.

Just sitting there and studying made him look impossibly cool.

My heart pounded so loudly it felt like it had stopped entirely before seeing him again.

Ah.

I wanted to take a picture.

Then enlarge it and hang it in my room.

In my previous life, I’d had posters of him.

But this was reality.

A real, living photograph.

And the actual person was right there.

I could take all the pictures I wanted—

No, I wouldn’t without permission.

And I wouldn’t decorate my room without permission either.

But I wanted to.

I wanted to look at those pictures every day and worship them.

Maybe leave offerings.

A collection of Toga’s photos…

God, I’m greedy.

He really looks amazing.

I wonder what he’s drinking.

I should ask later.

Cheers to those beautiful eyes.

Still…

Why was Toga here?

I’d run into him at karaoke before.

And now here too.

Maybe I was spending an entire lifetime’s worth of luck in this single year.

Honestly?

I didn’t care.

Something this miraculous could happen?

Really?

Just then, Toga noticed me.

The moment our eyes met, the corner of his mouth curled upward.

He spun his mechanical pencil around his fingers.

My chest tightened painfully.

Just that small gesture.

Just that.

It hurt so much I wanted to cry.

There were still plenty of students around.

Anyone could be watching.

We couldn’t openly talk.

But seeing him was enough.

That alone made me happy.

I love you.

I love you so much.

The words overflowed inside me.

So instead of speaking, I silently mouthed them.

I love you.

Toga immediately understood.

A grin spread across his face.

Then, moving only his lips, he answered.

I know.

Ah.

I love him.

I’m so happy.

No matter how many times I told him, it would never be enough.

Even if he called me annoying.

Even if he told me to stop.

I couldn’t help it.

I loved him.

A moment later, Toga rested his chin on his hand and picked up his phone.

Several seconds later, my own phone vibrated.

I hurriedly opened the email.

Finally noticed me, huh?

My face instantly heated up.

How long had he known I was there?

Had I been making a stupid face?

A weird face?

Please tell me I hadn’t.

I quickly typed back.

You should’ve messaged me sooner! Was I making an idiot face!?

I glanced over at him after sending it.

Toga looked down at the screen and smirked.

Not an idiot face. More of a dumbass face.

THAT’S THE SAME THING! AHHHHH, THAT’S SO EMBARRASSING!

Looked like your usual face to me.

…You know what? Fair enough. Maybe I always look like a dumbass.

Admitting it now?

Of course! If there were a Dumbass Face Championship, I’d take first place.

Well, the dumbass face part was a lie.

Wait, what!? It was a lie!?

That was the lie.

!? WHICH PART!? The lie was a lie!? So I did look stupid!? AHHHH, my poor maiden heart has been wounded!

Didn’t know you were a maiden.

Eh…?

First I’ve heard of it.

Ehhhhhh!?

Even though we were sitting close enough to talk normally, we continued exchanging messages.

People surrounded us.

Yet somehow it felt like there was a world that belonged only to the two of us.

Every time I sent a message, I secretly watched his reaction.

I’d always wondered what he looked like while texting me.

Whenever he read one of my messages, the corner of his lips would rise ever so slightly.

Was he enjoying our conversation?

Or was it unconscious?

If he was smiling without realizing it…

That would make me happy.

Thinking that, I hugged my phone tightly against my chest.

Time always passed too quickly when I was with Toga.

Before I knew it, it was after seven.

I’d already told my parents I might be home late because I was supposed to be hanging out with Ichika, but I couldn’t stay out forever.

And if it got too late, I’d cause trouble for Toga too.

Reluctantly, I sent him a message.

I’m heading home soon.

Truthfully, I wanted to stay.

I wanted to keep talking to him.

To spend time together without caring about the clock.

When I looked up, Toga was reading my message.

A faint frown appeared between his brows.

I found myself wishing he felt the same way I did.

Then I waited for his reply.

I’ll walk you home.

The message made me happy.

Really happy.

But…

A selfish part of me had wanted him to tell me not to leave.

Because of that foolish hope, I felt a tiny stab of disappointment.

Outside, it was dim but not completely dark.

There were still plenty of students around.

If he walked me home, someone might see us.

So I replied:

Someone might notice. I’ll be fine on my own.

After sending it, I looked over at him.

He was staring directly at me.

The same expression he always wore.

The one that looked angry because of the crease between his brows.

But I didn’t think he was angry.

Toga was kind.

He was probably just worried about letting me walk home alone.

When his next message arrived, I smiled.

Then I’ll stay on the phone with you until you get home.

He really was kind.

A little while after I left the café, my phone rang.

It was Toga.

I answered immediately.

“Are you okay?”

The moment I heard his voice, loneliness welled up inside me.

I’d been with him just moments ago.

And yet I already wanted to see him again.

My eyes stung with tears.

“I’m okay. You’re really kind, Toga-san.”

“I’m not.”

Walking home had never been this enjoyable.

Talking to him on the phone made it feel like he was right beside me.

Like we were walking home together.

I could get addicted to this.

We talked about nothing important.

Watermelon.

Shaved ice.

Summer foods.

At one point, Toga laughed and said I only ever talked about food.

Even that made me happy.

I wanted the conversation to continue forever.

Without realizing it, I slowed my pace.

Our conversation turned into a chain of summer associations.

Flowing noodles.

Playing in rivers.

Fireworks.

One topic led to another until ghost stories came up.

That one was my fault.

I loved paranormal shows.

Every summer I watched every supernatural special I could find.

I even recorded them and rewatched them multiple times.

In two days, a program called Ghost Footage: Chilling True Summer Horror Experiences was airing.

I couldn’t wait.

Of course, despite loving scary things, I was actually a coward.

I couldn’t watch them alone.

“My parents are getting home late that day, so I’ll probably watch it the next day instead,” I said.

Then Toga spoke.

“Then…”

There was a brief pause.

“Want to watch it together at my place?”

“…Eh?”

I froze.

“Um… but it’ll be late. And I’d end up causing you trouble when it’s time to go home…”

“Then stay over.”

My legs stopped moving.

“…Huh?”

Wait.

Hold on.

I think I’m going to throw up.

Did he just say that?

Does he remember I like him!?

Sometimes I seriously worry he’s forgotten.

Like right now.

What is this man saying!?

Is he sane!?

You probably invite other girls over too, don’t you!?

No, wait, Ki-kun said he’d never invited a girl over before…

Maybe he’s the one who goes to their houses?

Is that it?

Tell me that’s it!

I can’t calm down.

What am I supposed to do!?

Whenever he says things like this, after claiming he’s just using me, of course I’m going to get my hopes up!

Stay over?

Oh.

Right.

He doesn’t see me as a woman in the first place.

That’s why he can say something like this so casually.

…And somehow that hurts too.

All I could do was make incoherent noises.

Finally, after struggling to force the words out, I managed:

“…Wouldn’t I be bothering you?”

Of course I wanted to stay.

What girl wouldn’t want to spend the night at the house of the person she loved?

I wanted to stay by his side.

I wanted to fall asleep and wake up with him nearby.

But…

To Toga, I was probably like a pet.

A dog.

A cat.

Something harmless.

God.

I think tears are coming out of my nose.

“It wouldn’t be a bother. That’s why I asked.”

Piiiiiiiiii!

Really!?

Seriously!?

Wouldn’t I be in the way!?

Wouldn’t I be causing trouble!?

Are you sure!?

If this is a joke I’ll cry my eyes out, but I’ll accept it because your word is absolute!

“S-s-so… in that case… I’ll gladly accept…”

“Yeah.”

Oh no.

I’m really spending the night at Toga’s house.

No way.

I pinched my cheek.

It hurt.

Reality.

“…I already have a feeling this is going to kill me.”

“Business as usual.”

“Every time I see you, I die and come back to life.”

“What are you, a monster?”

“Please call me a phoenix!”

“Absolutely not.”

“That’s so mean…”

Even while we joked around, my mind was completely occupied by what was happening the day after tomorrow.

Because I was spending the night at Toga’s house.

Spending the night.

Let me say it again.

Spending.

The.

Night.

Just visiting his house was enough to make me nervous.

Enough to require courage.

Simply being in the same space as him made me unbelievably happy.

And now I was staying over?

This time…

I might actually die for real.

I’m coming back alive.

I made that vow with all my heart.