IMBFHEF 05

5

Rain was still falling outside.

After grabbing my umbrella and texting Mom, I hurried toward the place Touga had told me to come to.

It was an apartment building near a station a little ways from school.

The excitement made nausea rise in my throat, but I didn’t have the luxury of worrying about that right now.

I was about to go to Touga’s home.

His house had never once appeared in the game.

The game had mentioned that he lived alone in an apartment away from his parents, which meant there was a very high chance that this apartment building—the one he’d specifically told me to come to—was where Touga actually lived.

The moment I reached the entrance, I saw him already waiting there.

Dressed in a black tracksuit, hands in his pockets.

The instant I spotted him, my feet stopped moving.

Because think about it.

Sure, we’d talked a lot on the phone lately. But actually seeing Touga in person had been forever ago. Even at school earlier today, I’d only managed to steal quick glances at him.

But now he was right in front of me.

Properly.

And suddenly, terrifyingly, I became aware of something.

If I went into Touga’s apartment… that meant we’d be alone together.

When we’d gone to family restaurants or pancake cafés before, there were always people around us. We’d been in public spaces, so I’d somehow managed to survive with only moderate emotional damage.

But this was different.

This was Touga’s room.

Just the two of us.

The realization hit me so hard my body locked up completely.

I couldn’t move.

Nope. Impossible. My legs were done for.

Should I just turn around and go home?

No, wait, that would be unbelievably rude after making Touga wait for me.

But my legs still wouldn’t move.

Touga noticed me frozen in place. He slipped his phone into his pocket and walked over.

“What’re you doing standing there?”

His tone sounded exasperated.

But I couldn’t answer.

He was beautiful.

I know, okay? I already knew Touga was beautiful. But after not seeing him for so long, it felt like he’d somehow become even more beautiful.

What happened?

Why are you this beautiful?

Did you start some kind of skincare routine? Your skin looks ridiculously good. Are you secretly producing female hormones or something?

Wait.

Hold on.

Touga is looking at me.

I’m reflected in his eyes.

Sure, someone would probably say, You’ve met him before, so why are you acting like this now? But after enough time apart, my heart resets itself back to factory settings.

Right now, I was facing Touga with the emotional stability of a first-time encounter.

Do you understand what kind of situation that is?

My heart could stop at any second.

It physically hurt.

At this point, I honestly didn’t think I would ever get used to him.

After staring at me for several silent seconds, Touga sighed, grabbed my arm, and dragged me inside the apartment building.

The building had eight floors, and Touga’s apartment was on the top floor.

I have no memory of the elevator ride.

The shock was too great. My brain apparently deleted the footage entirely.

Even for me, losing my memory from sheer emotional overload was a first.

That should tell you how badly I was panicking.

Touga dragged me down the hallway and stopped in front of a door.

Then he shoved me inside.

…Yes.

I had entered sacred ground.

Touga lived here.

That fact alone made this place feel worthy of becoming a world heritage site.

I was so overwhelmed I nearly dropped into a full prostration right there in the entryway without even taking my shoes off.

Breathing felt disrespectful.

Simply existing in this space felt disrespectful.

That’s how overwhelming your favorite person’s room is.

This wasn’t some “pilgrimage to a real-life anime location.”

No.

This was the holy land itself.

I was in it.

Understand?

“Hurry up and come in.”

“…I’m not worthy to go any farther.”

“I see.”

Touga had apparently grown fairly accustomed to my nonsense by now.

Without hesitation, he slipped my shoes off for me, grabbed my arm while I was still practically worshipping the floor, and dragged me farther inside.

Wait.

My favorite person just took my shoes off for me.

This space is dangerous.

My ability to think rationally has completely shut down.

Then again, the moment Touga appears in front of me, rational thought dies instantly anyway.

That much is normal.

He finally dumped me into the living room.

The room was simple and clean, almost like a model apartment. Not many belongings. Everything coordinated in black.

Still sprawled on the floor, I watched Touga walk past me and sit on the sofa in front of the TV.

He picked up the remote and turned the television on.

“How long are you planning to stay like that?”

At his words, I finally sat up and folded myself neatly into seiza on the floor.

Then I lowered my gaze and stared intensely at Touga’s feet.

What are you doing, me!?

Touga is right there!

Weren’t you supposed to spend every possible second looking at him!?

Don’t waste this chance!

LOOK AT HIM!

I tried desperately to hype myself up internally, but no. Impossible.

Do you have any idea how long it’s been since I’ve seen the real Touga in person?

At this point it practically feels like our first meeting.

Nice to meet you.

Look at Touga’s face?

Haha.

My heart would stop.

Honestly, if I got hiccups right now, I’m pretty sure one look at his face would cure them instantly through cardiac arrest.

Trying to erase my own presence as much as possible, I shrank into myself on the floor.

Touga spoke again.

“What do you wanna do for food? Order something? Or hit the convenience store?”

“I-I’m fine with either…”

“What do you wanna eat?”

“Whatever Touga-san wants is fine.”

I’d brought my wallet. I hadn’t checked how much money I had, but I was pretty sure I had enough.

After thinking for a moment, Touga muttered, “Convenience store’s fine,” and grabbed his wallet.

I nodded furiously.

If this were the heroine, she’d probably say something like, ‘You can’t eat unhealthy convenience store food! I’ll cook for you!’

But I had no such courage.

Sure, I could cook decently thanks to memories from my previous life, but nowhere near well enough to feed Touga.

“…Too much trouble. You stay here.”

With that, he left alone for the convenience store.

The front door closed behind him.

And after being alone in his apartment for several minutes, I finally felt some of the tension leave my body.

I slowly looked around the room again.

Everything was black.

Minimalistic.

And somehow every inch of it felt unmistakably Touga.

I nearly died.

The room even smelled like him.

This is impossible.

Emotionally impossible.

My vocabulary is evaporating.

The comedians yelling on the TV made the place feel oddly normal, and honestly, that grounded me.

Thank you, random TV comedians.

Your existence truly helps people.

Touga lives here…

This isn’t fake, right?

This is real.

Even the floor I’m sitting on is a floor Touga walks across every day.

Oh god.

What do I do?

I want to become the air in this room.

Dust would also be acceptable.

I want to quietly witness Touga’s private life from the shadows.

Thinking that way made me realize something.

TVs are amazing.

Because they get to watch Touga’s everyday life and be watched by him in return.

What is that unfair privilege!?

I’m jealous of the television.

Actually, I’m jealous of everything in this room.

I wanted to see the other rooms too, but obviously that would be crossing a line.

Barely suppressing my feral curiosity, I sat there quietly taking deep breaths.

I want to can this air and display it in my room.

Like those souvenir cans of “air from Hawaii” or “air from Mt. Fuji.”

Then my room would contain air from Touga’s room.

Do you understand how insane that is?

Touga could monetize oxygen itself.

He’s incredible.

At this point, he deserves designation as a national treasure.

And wait—

Everything in this room is stuff Touga actually uses, right?

That means these are basically official Touga merchandise.

I’d buy it all.

The clothes. The sofa. The curtains.

All premium merch.

I want every Touga fan in the world to know what brands he buys and what kind of things he uses.

I want us to discuss it passionately.

Wait.

Touga’s apartment has a kitchen?

And a bathroom?

He’s human.

He’s actually human.

I mean obviously he is, but seeing proof of his everyday life makes it hit differently.

“My favorite person was confirmed to be a functioning human being.”

I could publish a book with that title.

While desperately trying to memorize every detail of the room, the front door suddenly opened.

I startled so hard I practically levitated several centimeters off the floor.

Footsteps approached.

Then the living room door opened.

Standing there, naturally, was Touga himself.

“O-O-O-Okayakaerinasai—welcome back!”

“…Yeah.”

The moment I saw him again, all the tension came rushing back.

I pressed a hand against my violently pounding heart and somehow managed to force out words.

Talking over the phone is easy.

But face-to-face is completely different.

He’s right there.

Close enough to touch.

I’m genuinely worried his eyes are going to rot from looking at me.

Touga walked over and placed a bottle of water on the table near me.

Water.

No matter how many times I looked at it, it remained unmistakably water.

I stared back and forth between the bottle and Touga.

Then he smirked.

“More than three meals a day…”

“…You love water.”

I automatically finished the phrase.

Which meant—

Congratulations!

The meal my favorite person bought me was water!

I mean… yeah.

I had said that before.

And wait, he remembered?

No, actually, I really wish he’d forgotten that.

Though… water from your favorite person is still premium-grade nourishment.

Even if it contains zero calories.

Sniffling internally, I reached for the bottle—

Only for Touga to pull it away from me.

WHY!?

MY FOOD!!

WHY WOULD YOU TAKE AWAY MY PRECIOUS HYDRATION!?

I looked up at him in despair.

Touga had a hand over his mouth, shoulders shaking with laughter.

Wait.

What is this handsome creature?

If I get to see expressions like that, he can do anything he wants.

Water?

No no, that’s totally fine.

I don’t even need food anymore.

Your smile sustains me.

“I’m kidding.”

Still laughing, he replaced the water with convenience store pasta, sandwiches, and rice balls.

EH!?

A joke!?

Touga made a joke!?

No way.

That’s adorable.

That level of cuteness should be illegal.

The phrase “I’m kidding” replayed in my brain over a million times instantly.

Touga joking around was rarer than a super ultra rare gacha pull.

No—beyond ultra rare.

The kind where the card glows gold, rainbow effects explode across the screen, flowers bloom dramatically, and after every possible animation plays, then the character finally appears.

And somehow I pulled it for free.

That’s how this felt.

“Touga-san is too cute. Living hurts…”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

Still practically worshipping him from afar, I looked down at the food on the table.

At first I wondered if some of it was Touga’s too.

But no.

He’d bought separate food for himself.

Which meant everything on the table was mine.

There was no way I could finish all this.

I’d probably take leftovers home.

“Thank you for buying all this. How much was it, Touga-san?”

Keeping my movements as small as possible, I grabbed my bag, pulled out my wallet, and asked.

“Don’t worry about it.”

“…Huh?”

What did he mean, don’t worry about it?

In context, there was only one possible interpretation.

He meant he didn’t want my money.

“No! I’ll pay! Please let me pay!”

“I said you don’t have to.”

“But—”

“You’re persistent.”

The second he said that, I shut my mouth.

Oh no.

My favorite person just bought me food.

I’ve spent money on my favorite person before, obviously.

But I’ve never once experienced being told I didn’t have to pay him back.

I wanted to pay.

The fact that I couldn’t made me feel horribly guilty.

Did he think I was broke?

I mean… okay, I’m not exactly wealthy, but I can at least afford convenience store food!

Being told I didn’t need to pay made me weirdly emotional.

Was it really okay not to pay him back?

I cautiously glanced up at Touga.

And immediately made eye contact.

Ah.

Too handsome.

I panicked and looked away—

Then suddenly something touched my head.

No.

Before I even had time to wonder what it was, I already knew.

It was Touga’s hand.

My brain blue-screened instantly.

Forgive the outdated internet slang, but there truly was no better way to express my mental state right now.

An unvoiced scream.

Blood rushing straight to my face.

I covered my burning cheeks with both hands.

“…Think of it as thanks for the phone calls.”

“You don’t have to thank me… I like talking to you on the phone…”

“You always wake up just to answer when I call.”

“That’s because… Touga-san matters more than sleep…”

I somehow forced myself to speak in a normal volume.

If I relaxed for even a second, I was pretty sure I’d start screaming and running laps around the room.

I was trying so hard to regulate my breathing that I probably sounded like a suspicious person having a breakdown, but Touga handled it with his usual impressive ability to ignore weirdness.

“I feel like I’m bothering you. So let me at least treat you to food.”

“…O-Okay. Thank you… I love you.”

Crap.

The truth slipped out at the end.

Still, considering the circumstances, I thought I handled that remarkably well.

Honestly, the fact that I stopped at I love you was a miracle.

If I were a more aggressive type of girl, I might’ve tackled him right there.

Please refrain from doing things that make me love you even more.

Do you have any idea how deeply I adore you?

This is soul-engraving-level affection.

Stuff like this is dangerous for my lifespan.

Touga laughed quietly under his breath, removed his hand from my head, and went back to eating on the sofa.

After waiting until my heartbeat settled slightly, I carefully unwrapped a rice ball as quietly as possible.

“…Thanks for the meal.”

My voice was barely louder than a mosquito buzzing.

I wasn’t even hungry anymore.

The situation itself had obliterated my appetite.

But Touga had bought this rice ball for me.

So I ate every bite carefully, savoring it.

I’ve eaten convenience store rice balls more times than I can count across both my previous life and this one.

But this was the first time one had ever tasted this good.

This is happiness.

After finishing, I pressed my hands together in gratitude.

Then Touga spoke again.

“Doesn’t sitting seiza on the floor hurt?”

“If I said it didn’t, I’d be lying.”

“…Then sit here.”

He pointed at the empty spot beside him on the sofa.

Are you insane?

“I’m not ready to die yet!”

“You’re not gonna die.”

“Touga-san, I don’t think you fully understand how much I like you. Listen carefully. If I sit next to you, I will absolutely die from nerves, excitement, and happiness. My heart will stop.”

“I see.”

“I’m glad you understand… wait, why are you standing up? Huh? W-Wait, why are you getting closer?”

Just when I thought he’d accepted my explanation, Touga stood from the sofa.

Before I could process it, he crouched down in front of me so our faces were level.

Of course I couldn’t look him in the eye.

I frantically looked away, completely unable to understand what was happening.

Do you understand this situation!?

My favorite person is RIGHT NEXT TO ME.

This is terrifying.

“I wanted to see if your heart would actually stop.”

Then Touga slid his arms around me and lifted me up.

“GYAAAAAAAHHHHH!?”

That scream was not my fault.

Absolutely not.

Sorry, neighbors.

But listen—

HIS ARMS.

HIS ACTUAL ARMS.

AROUND MY BODY.

His hand was at my waist.

His face was way too close.

And he was smiling.

Nope.

I can’t narrate this anymore.

If I think too hard, my brain is going to short-circuit.

Is this a dream?

Did my delusions finally become reality!?

And on top of that—

Because he lifted me, I instinctively grabbed onto his arm.

He definitely thinks I’m heavy.

I know I’m heavy!

I’m not built like the heroine!

But he lifted me effortlessly anyway.

Isn’t that insanely masculine!?

How many times am I supposed to fall for him!?

How many near-death experiences must I survive!?

My hands were shaking so badly it was unreal.

If I held a cup of water right now, every drop would spill.

And honestly, I was on the verge of tears too.

When it comes to Touga, my tear ducts are as fragile as tofu.

Of course I’d cry if he did something like this.

The distance to the sofa wasn’t far at all.

Realistically, he only carried me for a few seconds.

But to me, it felt long enough to see my entire life flash before my eyes.

Touga set me down on the sofa, laughing openly now.

He’s laughing…

I mean, I’m happy he’s laughing, but I nearly died.

Really.

Things like this are catastrophic for my heart.

That shaved at least ten years off my lifespan.

If you’re going to do something like that, please issue a formal warning at least a month in advance so I can mentally prepare myself.

“See? You didn’t die.”

Curled up on the sofa with my face hidden, too weak to even sit properly anymore, I croaked:

“I feel like I’m dying…”

That only made him laugh harder.

Excuse me, where exactly is the funny part here?

Please explain your sense of humor to me.

“You’re so cruel… someone’s dying over here…”

“Your reactions are hilarious.”

Hilarious?

What does this man think my feelings are?

After something like that, all I can do is sit here trembling like pudding on a plate.

No, wait.

That’s rude to pudding.

Pudding brings joy to people.

“Ugh… I think I’m gonna throw up…”

“If you puke, do it in the bathroom.”

“So cold… a person’s suffering over here…”

“You want me to rub your back?”

“…Actually that might make me seriously throw up, so I’m okay.”

The nausea was real enough that I stayed collapsed there for a while.

Eventually I heard Touga lose interest and start fiddling with his phone beside me.

Between the sounds of his mobile game and the variety show on TV, the room somehow settled into a calm atmosphere.

After my nausea eased a little, I cautiously tried to climb off the sofa—

“Oy.”

The low warning in his voice froze me instantly.

Apparently I was not allowed to leave the sofa.

So I remained there, staring at the television.

Honestly, lying around so casually in my favorite person’s house felt horribly disrespectful.

But I genuinely lacked the strength to sit up.

Little by little, though, I started getting used to being here.

At some point I glanced at the clock.

8:30 PM.

Way more time had passed than I realized.

I immediately shot upright and climbed off the sofa, kneeling properly on the floor again.

“Touga-san, I should head home soon. Thank you so much for today.”

Touga finally looked up from his phone.

“You’re leaving?”

“Yes. Sorry for staying so long.”

After bowing repeatedly, I grabbed my bag.

Touga stood first and headed for the entryway ahead of me.

Wait.

He’s walking me to the door!?

He’s so nice.

Seriously, how is someone this kind considered scary by everyone?

…Well, okay, probably because he’s a delinquent who gets into fights.

If you didn’t know him personally, he definitely would seem intimidating.

Not wanting to keep him waiting, I hurried after him and quickly slipped my shoes on.

“Thank you for having me.”

Just as I bowed deeply and reached for the door—

A hand appeared from behind me and opened it first.

WHAT!?

Did I suddenly grow a third arm!?

No, obviously not.

Kind-hearted Touga had opened it for me.

What is this unfair level of gentlemanliness?

And now I feel guilty for making him do something as simple as opening a door.

I passed through the doorway he’d opened while bowing repeatedly like a broken toy.

Then I turned around to say one last:

“Thank you for toda—”

And froze.

Because directly in front of me was a black wall.

No.

Not a wall.

I knew exactly what it was.

Which only made it more confusing.

“Hurry up and move.”

“Y-Yes! Right away!”

I jumped aside at record speed.

Touga stepped out into the hallway and shut the door behind him.

The lock clicked.

Now it was just the two of us standing in the hallway.

My brain filled entirely with question marks.

“Uh… Touga-san? Are you going somewhere?”

Why was he outside?

Was he heading to the convenience store again?

Did he have plans?

If so, I felt even worse for overstaying.

If he’d told me, I would’ve left immediately…

Walking ahead of me, Touga answered casually.

“I’m walking you home.”

“…Huh?”

Maybe I misheard him.

Because I was pretty sure he’d just said he was walking me home.

Tilting my head in confusion, I followed him to the elevator.

Then—

Flick.

He flicked my forehead.

It hurt.

One of those deceptively painful forehead flicks I hadn’t experienced in years.

Clutching my forehead, I stared at him in complete shock.

Why a forehead flick!?

And why is something so childish weirdly adorable!?

It hurts so much though.

Seriously.

My forehead was throbbing.

While I stood there writhing in pain, Touga sighed.

“Think about the time. Even someone like you is still a girl.”

“…Pweh. So nice.”

The compliment slipped out automatically.

Touga immediately flicked my forehead again.

It hurt even more.

We rode the elevator together again—extremely nerve-racking, by the way, and Touga smelled really good—and once we stepped outside, I realized something horrifying.

My umbrella.

I’d left it upstairs.

The rain had stopped, but still…

What do I do?

Asking him to throw it away would just inconvenience him…

“Touga-san, I forgot my umbrella. Can I go back for it?”

Seriously, what is wrong with me?

Why didn’t I notice before leaving?

Idiot.

I forget things all the time, but this was definitely not something I should’ve forgotten.

What am I, a chicken who forgets everything after three steps?

Touga glanced back toward the apartment building.

“Get it next time you come over.”

…Wait.

Next time?

There’s a next time!?

I stopped dead.

You mean I’m allowed back into that sacred realm!?

“…Ah… ah… eh…?”

Usually my thoughts spill out effortlessly.

So why, at moments like this, does my mouth completely malfunction?

What kind of response is ah… eh…?

Am I some soot sprite from a Ghibli movie!?

After several deep breaths, I finally managed:

“I-I can come over again!?”

“You’re not coming anymore?”

“I thought this was a one-time thing… Wait, seriously?”

“Yeah. Phone calls are fine, but watching your reactions in person is more entertaining.”

I don’t care what the reason is.

The fact that I could visit Touga’s apartment again made me unbelievably happy.

Next time, I’ll observe the room even more carefully.

I’ll savor the atmosphere properly.

“…Next time I’ll try harder to endure it… no, actually that’s impossible. I’ll probably react exactly the same way again, so I’ll do my best to at least keep entertaining you.”

“That’s fine too, but next time try making eye contact.”

“Nghaaa… that one’s a little… maybe by the third visit after the next one…”

“So after coming over three more times, you’ll look me in the eye?”

“…I lied. Three times won’t be enough.”

“You’re lying to me?”

“W-Would I ever! I could never lie to you, Touga-san…”

“Right.”

“R-Right!”

Amazing.

This man keeps coming at me relentlessly.

And every second shaves more points off my mental stability.

Does he actually remember that I’m in love with him?

Because if our genders were reversed, he’d already be sleeping beside me in bed by now.

Please be careful.

Still…

We were talking so much.

Right beside each other.

Usually it was only over the phone, so hearing his real voice this close felt unbelievably fresh.

I love it.

His voice is incredible.

A voice blessed by the gods themselves.

Seriously, he is exactly my type.

And the more he talks, the more I fall for him.

That arrogant streak of his is so good too.

Everyone look.

Look at how cool my favorite person is.

It feels wasteful to keep him all to myself.

Before I realized it, we’d already arrived near my house.

I’d only just started getting used to talking beside him like this…

Being with Touga overloaded my heart and left me in constant emotional chaos, but now that we were actually about to part ways—

I didn’t want him to leave.

No, honestly, I always want to stay by his side.

Saying goodbye hurts.

I know we promised another meeting, but I still don’t know when I’ll see him again.

I don’t wanna go home yet…

I want to stay with him longer…

But I swallowed those feelings down.

That was my selfish desire.

It had nothing to do with Touga.

“Thank you for walking me home. Really… even though there wasn’t any reason to… you went through all this trouble because of me…”

“I had fun, so don’t worry about it.”

“Touga-san is seriously too kind… there’s nothing but lovable things about you… I can survive for months just off today’s memories…”

“You exaggerate every little thing.”

“I do not! Listen carefully! Every memory I make with you is a precious treasure to me! No matter how painful life gets, I can keep living just by remembering—”

“Yeah, yeah. I get it.”

“…You’re getting used to the things I say now.”

“I’ve heard it nonstop over the phone.”

“…Wait. Does telling you how much I like you all the time actually make my feelings harder to convey?”

“No. Trust me, they come across loud and clear.”

“Thank goodness!”

Still, we couldn’t keep talking outside forever.

Touga still had to go home.

I’d already taken so much of his time.

“Well then, I should head inside now. Sorry for keeping you so long. Thank you again. Please be careful on your way home.”

“Yeah. I’ll call you again.”

“I’ll be waiting. …Goodnight.”

“…Night.”

I gave him a small wave, turned around, and hurried into the house.

My heart still hurt from pounding so hard.

But somehow, even that pain felt comforting.

Because it was proof that just moments ago, I’d been together with Touga.

That night, I couldn’t fall asleep for a very long time.