ILTDAMH | CHAPTER 40

Chapter 40

Why are you here?

Mercian felt utterly stunned, her mind reeling with disbelief.

“So… you’re saying that the only people who didn’t know about your faked death were that reckless mutt—no, the former Crown Prince—and me?”

“No, most of the household staff didn’t know either,” Ruan replied calmly.

“Most? Then I, too, am among that ‘most’ in Ruan’s eyes,” she said, bitterness creeping into her voice.

“Not exactly, my lady. What I mean is… it was incredibly difficult to keep the secret. I considered telling you the truth countless times, but the matter was far too serious—failure was not an option. I truly am sorry, my lady.”

Right. 

To him, I was nothing more than a six-month time-bound wife. 

Maybe there’s no reason for me to be angry.

After all, our contract was over, and my husband was supposed to be dead.

Merician felt tears welling up, threatening to spill, but she clenched them back and spoke evenly to Ruan.

“I see. So that’s what happened. I didn’t fully understand before, but now… I can see why you’re considered a hero of the empire. You even faked your death to serve the empire… That’s truly admirable, Ruan.”

Ruan couldn’t tell whether Mercian’s words were praise or reproach.

“My lady… I know you must be angry, but I hope you understand the circumstances were unavoidable.”

Understand?

Mercian’s blood boiled at Ruan’s calm explanation, her gaze narrowing.

Do you even realize what it felt like to see you vomiting blood and collapsing?

Do you know the state of mind I was in when I left the ducal household?

Do you know how hard I tried for months to forget you, believing you were truly gone?

And now you come back and calmly tell me it was all for the empire and I should just understand?

Her anger surged at the casual, almost indifferent way Ruan spoke.

“Ruan… I understand your explanation for why you’re alive.”

Oblivious to the storm brewing in her, Ruan smiled gently.

“My lady, now that you know why I’m standing here, shall we return home?”

Home?

At those words, Mercian felt tears threatening to break free. 

After Ruan’s death, she had fled the ducal household, unable to bear living there without him. 

Even after regaining some composure, she constantly thought of the household—the kindness of Edward, Clea, Charles, and the other staff, even Olivia. 

She had missed them all terribly, yet thinking of Ruan made returning impossible.

And now, after five months, he appears as if nothing had happened… and speaks of going home together.

“Go back home…?”

Do I look that easy to manipulate?

“My lady.”

Ruan stepped closer to Mercian, who stood frozen with an unreadable expression. 

She instinctively took a step back. 

Then, the little dog named Ruan, who had been cradled in her arms, leapt out and, as if to protect her, lunged at Ruan again, barking ferociously.

“Ru… Ruan.”

“Yes, my lady. I’m right here.”

“No—not you! Ruan, the dog!”

The moment Mercian’s cold command left her lips, the little dog charged at Ruan with unrelenting ferocity.

Woof! Woof! Woof!

Amid the furious barking, Ruan was effectively driven out of Merician’s house.

“My lady, please, just hear me out for a moment! I—I’ve explained everything…”

Bang!

The door swung open, and Mercian stepped outside.

“My lady.”

“I’m sorry, but my husband died five months ago. So even if you’re alive, our contract ended back then. Surely I made the terms clear: when the contract ended, I would leave the ducal household. Congratulations on surviving, but our connection ended long ago—do not come here again.”

Mercian’s voice was steady, cold, and deliberate as she delivered each word, her expression unwavering, before she turned and slammed the door shut.

Bang!

***

“Duke…”

Cassel, who had been waiting quietly outside, approached gently, while Ruan stood there, dumbfounded.

“I’ve explained everything to her… so why won’t she accept me?” Ruan murmured in disbelief.

“You didn’t exactly tell her the story properly, did you?” Cassel asked.

“Of course I told her everything as it happened. Last time I had to deceive her, but now I didn’t want to hide anything. I told her the truth—every single detail.”

Of course. Completely hopeless.

You mean he actually told her everything exactly as it happened? 

Cassel shook his head at Ruan’s stunned expression.

At the very least, he should have emphasized that he had no choice, shed tears, begged for forgiveness… anything. 

But no—he told the whole truth, plain and simple. 

Clearly, reconciliation between the duke and Mercian was going to be next to impossible.

Cassel sighed deeply.

“Isn’t that obvious? If you had explained everything honestly, do you really think she would have gone, ‘Oh, you weren’t dead after all? What a joyous miracle! Ruan, I’ve missed you so much!’ and thrown herself into your arms?”

“…Uh. She didn’t?”

Ha. 

He’s not just lacking in sense—he’s massively lacking.

“Duke, you should count yourself lucky she didn’t strike you just now. Honestly, if it were me… well, you’d be missing a leg. Or something like that.”

“And that damned dog bit me, yet she didn’t even flinch—she just threw me out of the house.”

“First, let’s return to the ducal household. Go back… wait, where are you going now?”

Even before Cassel could finish speaking, Ruan was already stepping out of the carriage.

“Do you know why I bought all the houses around here? Just wait and see—I’ll make sure to earn your forgiveness and bring you back to the ducal household,” he called after her.

***

Sigh. What on earth is happening?

After chasing Ruan out of the house, Mercian slumped into a chair at the table, utterly drained.

Was that man really alive?

Who comes back from the dead? And apparently, for some reason, he nearly killed the former crown prince, so rumor has it he’ll never be a proper man again.

Come back from the dead?

Did the lady steal his fortune, thinking he was dead? 

They even published her portrait in the newspapers and promised a huge reward just for telling where she was.

So the man Zelda mentioned last time—the one who supposedly came back from the dead—was Ruan?

Mercian sat frozen for a moment before suddenly springing to her feet.

The more she thought about it, the angrier she became.

So when that man was coughing up blood and collapsing, I couldn’t eat properly, I took care of him… and all that time, I was writing a story for his little show all by myself.

And he wasn’t even dead! 

I cried, I fainted, acting exactly like some foolish heroine…

Mercian went to the kitchen and gulped down water after water.

How could he deceive me so flawlessly?

She recalled Ruan’s words about having no choice but to keep his secret, and anger surged again.

How did he think I felt, watching him cough up blood right in front of me?

How did he think I felt when I placed him in that coffin?

How could he ignore how much it broke my heart, how much pain I endured believing he was dead?

Damn him. 

I never want to see him again.

Our connection is over anyway. 

He’s dead in my mind. 

I’ll live my life, forgetting him.

Back then, I might have wavered—but not now.

The shop is somewhat stable, the people here are kind, and Zelda has become like family.

Living as Rosaline has been pleasant, even joyful.

Mercian felt a fleeting happiness that Ruan was alive—but she no longer wished to maintain any ties with him.

She steadied her wavering heart, quickly finished preparing, and stepped outside.

But contrary to her expectation that he might be waiting, the yard was empty.

Gone, huh?

Mercian felt a strange emptiness despite the relief that Ruan wasn’t there.

Yes. 

He and I must now live our own lives.

Taking a deep breath, she hurried to her shop.

Yet, despite her resolve, Mercian made mistakes all morning. 

Zelda, concerned, asked gently:

“Rosaline, are you alright?”

Mercian gave a weak smile.

“Yes, Zelda. I’m fine. I think I might be coming down with a cold.”

“Oh, you should go rest for a bit.”

“I’m sorry.”

Mercian felt guilty speaking to Zelda, who had stayed behind to help with the shop.

“No, it’s fine. You already prepared sandwiches, so I’ll just sell these and head in.”

“Alright, I’ll take care of it then.”

Mercian, feeling too exhausted to run the shop herself, entrusted it to Zelda.

“Good. Take care of yourself. And Rosaline, be careful too—just in case.”

“Huh?”

“Elder said some strangers have been wandering around the village lately. Better to be cautious.”

Hearing that, Mercian couldn’t help but think of Ruan, a faint, awkward smile tugging at her lips.

“Ah… thank you for worrying. I’ll see you tomorrow then.”

“No, tomorrow’s the weekend, so rest. I have business in the capital anyway, so just relax until Monday.”

“Alright, I’ll head in then.”

Returning home, Mercian sat on her bed, lost in thought.

So it wasn’t poisoning—it was a curse.

Ha… After nearly five months as husband and wife, I realize I still know almost nothing about Ruan.

Anyway, now that the curse has been lifted, he won’t die again.

If the curse is gone, he could just marry a noblewoman fitting his station and live comfortably.

So why did he come to find me?

His health looks much better than when he stayed with me. 

Then why is his expression so harsh?

Could it be that he still can’t sleep?

What on earth am I thinking?

Why do I keep dwelling on someone I no longer have any business thinking about?

Mercian sprang up from the bed, opened every window in the house, and began cleaning.

After a long while, tears suddenly spilled over.

I thought I had finally forgotten him. 

Why does he have to appear before me now?

If only I had continued believing he was dead, life at the ducal household would have remained such a good memory…

At first, seeing him alive shocked me so much. 

Truly, the reality that he was alive filled me with relief and gratitude.

But then he said he had faked his death, and the realization that he had deceived me ignited my anger.

And now… he looks healthy, yet that sharp, prickly expression of his keeps gnawing at me.

No, why am I even worrying about him?

Whether he sleeps or not… what business is it of mine?

I was sick for a month, believing he was dead—why did I hurt, why did I cry, why did I put myself through all that suffering?

For a man who was perfectly alive all along.

He went searching for me, yet he never bothered to contact me to let me know he was alive…

Ah, maybe it was because he didn’t know where I was?

Does that matter now? 

What truly matters is that he deceived me from the start.

Mercian sat there, stunned, torn between anger at Ruan and worry for his condition.