Chapter 26
The Reason I Stopped Dreaming of Cecil
Three days after Cecilia was born was Lord Alec’s birthday celebration, but I couldn’t attend. Since it was immediately after childbirth, Lord Alec had told me to rest.
I was able to get out of bed, so during the day I spent time in the nursery with Cecilia, and at night I would hand her over to Sylia and sleep.
I had wanted to spend the nights with Cecilia as well, but because I couldn’t sleep deeply, Lord Alec instructed that Sylia take care of her at night.
It was still difficult to fully care for her on my own, but with the help of Sylia and the maids, I gradually managed to look after Cecilia.
The first time Cecilia had a large bowel movement that ran all the way down her back, I was at a loss, unsure of what to do. Sylia quickly washed her and helped her change.
“So sometimes it leaks from the diaper, huh?”
“Since she’s a girl, it’s okay, but with boys, they sometimes pee the moment you open the diaper.”
“Really!?”
I thought that next time, I would want a boy, so I needed to prepare myself.
When I could nurse, I fed Cecilia breast milk, but when Sylia was taking care of her, she drank milk from a bottle. Cecilia drank it without fussing, which reassured me, though it also made me feel a little lonely. I wanted her to feel that I was special as her mother.
After the birthday celebration, Lord Alec’s work began to settle down a bit. He read picture books to Cecilia and comforted her when she cried. It was clear that he truly adored her.
Cecilia was calm when in his arms, and when he read her books, she happily waved her hands and legs.
“Cecilia really seems to like those two picture books,”
“She remembers hearing them when she was in my womb,”
Lord Alec repeatedly read the two books full of onomatopoeia that Cecilia quietly listened to, never seeming to tire of them.
Since Cecilia was born, I had experienced a big change. I had stopped dreaming of Cecil.
I didn’t know if I was Cecil’s reincarnation, but I had memories in my dreams of Cecil’s sixteen years. Those memories now felt like they were gradually fading.
By giving birth to Cecilia, perhaps I had completely parted ways with Cecil.
I no longer saw Garnet-kun in my dreams, but Lord Alec was by my side. He was always thoughtful, kind, and honest—the perfect husband.
I reported to Lord Alec that I had stopped dreaming of Cecil.
“Since giving birth to Cecilia, I no longer dream of Cecil.”
“Do you remember Cecil?”
“Yes, but in the dreams I used to feel as if I were Cecil. That feeling is gone, and now it feels more like I know her as an acquaintance.”
When I spoke honestly, Lord Alec listened calmly.
“Perhaps Cecil is satisfied.”
“Satisfied?”
“The society she wanted to live in has come about. This country has changed, and Garnet-kun now has children. Maybe that’s what Cecil wanted.”
Perhaps Cecil’s lingering feelings had been causing me to dream of her. Lord Alec seemed to sense it in that way.
“Lord Alec, perhaps Cecil watched over our happiness?”
“I hope so.”
“Will Cecil, who is inside me, disappear completely?”
Since childhood, I had dreamed of Cecil’s memories, so she had felt like a part of me. The thought of her disappearing felt lonely.
“It was because of Cecil’s memories that I was able to meet you,” Lord Alec said.
“I think this is how it should have been,” he added.
“Lord Alec?”
“Cecil connected me with Lacey. Through embroidery, she tied our fates together like threads. Without her, I would never have loved anyone in my life and would have been as if dead while alive.”
Since Cecil died protecting Garnet-kun, Lord Alec had lived without tasting food, without crying, and without trusting anyone. That was not what Cecil would have wanted.
If Cecil’s soul remained in this world, she surely wished for Garnet-kun’s happiness.
It made sense that she also brought Lord Alec and me together, wishing for Garnet-kun’s joy.
“Perhaps Cecil departed satisfied and ascended to heaven.”
“Or maybe her soul merged with Lacey’s.”
If I were Cecil’s reincarnation, that would mean my soul was originally Cecil’s. Lacey Dian’s personality had overwritten it, but the original memories of Cecil remained.
If that soul’s purpose was to ensure Garnet-kun’s happiness, and seeing Lord Alec happy confirmed that, perhaps Cecil and I have now fused.
Thinking this way made me feel at peace.
“Even if I now feel of Cecil as a distant acquaintance, the embroidery patterns and techniques she left remain within me.”
“Yes, Lacey. I want you to keep doing embroidery.”
“When Cecilia grows a little older, let’s visit the village where Cecil lived. We can show Cecilia to her parents and pay our respects at her grave.”
“I was thinking the same. By then, the factory in that village will likely be running smoothly. We can inspect that as well.”
Cecil had dreamed of a society where women could live independently. That vision was slowly coming true.
I might no longer dream of Cecil, but she had left behind so much, and I wanted to cherish it.
Spring passed into summer, and nearly a year had passed since my marriage.
I was sewing baby dresses for Cecilia, Lord Alec’s outfit, and my own dress.
Sewing while watching Cecilia in the nursery required careful attention, but once I got used to it, I could quickly attend to her whenever interrupted. Cecilia was the most important thing to me, and I wanted to prioritize her—it was the right feeling.
The clothes I was making were for attending Sophia’s wedding.
I had wanted to make her dress as well, but Lord Alec told me not to overexert myself, so I sent only the design to Sophia. She would have the dress made by a tailor and wear a flower crown produced in the factory in the village where Cecil once lived.
“Lord Alec, it’s finished. Please try it on.”
When I handed him the freshly made jacket as he returned home, he gave a wry smile.
“Welcome back, Lacey.”
“Oh! Welcome home, Lord Alec. I’m sorry, I was so happy it was finished that I forgot to greet you properly.”
“I like that about you,” he said.
“I love you too, Lord Alec,” I replied.
He embraced me, and my cheeks flushed. His kiss landed on my cheek, and I closed my eyes.
In the crib, Cecilia slept in a newborn outfit embroidered with blue vine patterns.
