IDURHF 12

Chapter  12

12. Inexplicable Palpitations

The tea was truly delicious. The madeleines and florentines, the light sandwiches and quiche—everything was exquisite.
I felt like praising myself for having the boldness to still appreciate good flavors no matter the circumstances.

The Empress Dowager’s tea party was still in progress.

“I hear the engagement ceremony will be held in just a month’s time. Isn’t that a little too hasty?”
“It usually takes nearly a year of preparation between engagement and marriage for the imperial family. But I wish to marry Lacey as soon as possible. Even waiting this long feels too slow.”

In Emperor Alexanteri’s constructed narrative, he was so devoted to me that he wanted to wed me immediately. If that was his setting, then perhaps I too should play along.

“I’ll try to finish my outfit for the engagement ceremony as quickly as possible. The jacket will be done in a few days, so it’s really just my dress that remains.”
“So Lady Lacey is making the garments herself? How delightful. What kind of design are you envisioning? Will you use a long veil, or a short one?”

The Empress Dowager seemed interested in the attire, so I leaned forward eagerly.

“I was thinking of a design with the front a little shorter, and the back long enough to trail along the floor. The veil will be short, and I intend to embroider it myself.”
“My, what a lovely design! You truly are skilled with needlework, Lady Lacey. Could you not make something for me as well?”
“I wonder if I could make something worthy of Your Majesty’s use…”
“The Emperor treasures the blue vine-patterned handkerchief you made him. I hear it’s a charm for warding off misfortune. Are there other patterns with such meaning?”
“Mother, Lacey’s work is either for herself or for me alone.”
“How many times have I told you, Emperor, that jealous men are disliked?”

Ah—at that moment, I felt the air around the Empress Dowager shift.
She fixed Emperor Alexanteri with a sharp glare, and though he looked ready to argue further, he relented.

“Patterns for love fulfilled or for the safety of one’s dear ones have always been popular. If it pleases Your Majesty, I could embroider a design to pray for the late Emperor’s soul.”
“Oh, Lady Lacey, how kind-hearted you are. I still have a few rings and ornaments the late Emperor gave me. Could you embroider such a design on a small pouch to hold them?”
“Yes, gladly.”

I’d heard that Emperor Alexanteri’s father had passed when he was still a child. The Empress Dowager’s eyes glistened with tears, no doubt remembering her late husband.

“After I bore His Majesty, I was unable to have more children. People urged him to take a concubine, and I myself pressed him to do so, but he steadfastly refused. He loved only me, faithfully, until the end. Even now, I love him still. The current Emperor resembles him—just as faithful, don’t you think, Lady Lacey?”

The Empress Dowager’s eyes shimmered with nostalgia. I glanced at Emperor Alexanteri.
Perhaps he too had once loved someone deeply, someone he never wed, and that was why he had long refused to marry.
By taking me as a consort—or even a secondary wife—he could free himself from the pressure to remarry.
If only I could bear him a child, I thought. But surely, in his mind, ours was to be a “white marriage”—a union without intimacy.

While I was feeling guilty about deceiving the Empress Dowager, Emperor Alexanteri spoke.

“We should be going, Mother. That’s enough for today.”
“Why don’t you return alone, Emperor? I would like to speak with Lady Lacey a little longer.”
“That won’t do. Lacey, let’s go.”

He pulled me to my feet from the gazebo’s chair.

“Thank you very much for today.”
“It was such a pleasure. Let us have tea together again.”
“Lacey is busy. Please, Mother, don’t trouble her.”
“I wasn’t speaking to you, Emperor.”
“Mother!”

Though twenty-eight, Emperor Alexanteri was still treated like a child by his mother—the Empress Dowager.
Far from unpleasant, the gathering had actually left me pleased, having even received a personal commission from her. With a spring in my step, I let the Emperor escort me back to the imperial palace.

At the entrance, he released my hand.

“Much as I hate to leave, I still have duties to finish.”
“Good luck with your work, Your Majesty.”
“When I return, will you greet me again with ‘welcome home’?”
“Yes, of course.”

He had lost his father young, studied hard to become Emperor, and ascended the throne at the same age I was now—just eighteen.
He must have been lonely all along.
Even simple words like “take care” and “welcome back” seemed to move him deeply.

I watched him depart briskly.

After changing clothes, I spent the time before dinner sewing.
I had to finish the Emperor’s jacket quickly. Swiftly, but carefully.

Using the sewing machine instead of hand-sewing, I had once tangled the threads often, but after practice, I had grown much more efficient. The jacket itself would not take long.
The real work lay in the embroidery.

The blue vine motif was traditionally for protecting children, but ensuring Emperor Alexanteri’s safety was vital for the whole nation. I stitched each thread with great care.
The slightly purplish-blue thread matched the accent color of the jacket and shimmered beautifully with its fine luster.
Lost in the rhythm of each careful stitch, time slipped away unnoticed.

After dining alone, I returned to my room to continue.
I was so absorbed that I didn’t realize how late it had gotten until a maid spoke.

“His Majesty has returned.”
“I’ll be right there.”

The advantage of hand-sewing is that you can stop at any time. With a machine, you must finish to the end of a seam before removing the fabric.
I pulled the needle from the thread, set it in the pincushion, laid aside the jacket, and hurried toward the entrance. Inside the palace I wore slightly heeled shoes, but I wasn’t used to them yet. I nearly stumbled—

But the Emperor caught me.

A faint trace of cologne, strong arms, a broad chest. Looking up close into his impossibly handsome face—

“We…welcome back, Your Majesty.”
“Lacey, you didn’t twist your ankle, did you? Are you alright?”
“I’m fine. It’s just that I’m not used to these new shoes yet.”
“They’re lovely—shoes that make your feet look all the more beautiful.”
“Thank you.”

Gently pressing against his chest to step back, I realized my heart was pounding.
It was the first time I’d ever been held so close to him.

“Lacey, I’m home.”

He smiled, taking my hand.

“The jacket is finished—only the embroidery remains.”
“I can’t wait to see how it looks. Tomorrow, the materials for your engagement gown will arrive. Look forward to it.”
“Yes!”

The strange palpitations had already faded, replaced by excitement at the arrival of my gown’s materials.
At that moment, I had no idea that engagement ceremonies were never held for mere consorts or concubines.