Chapter 42
We stared at each other for a long time.
My image was reflected in his golden eyes.
Surprisingly, the expression I saw in his eyes was very similar to the one I had while looking at him.
Was he seeing both himself and me at the same time, just as I was?
I had never thought of myself as beautiful when looking in the mirror.
Only my flaws stood out — my thin body, chapped lips, pale skin.
But the image reflected in Calias’ eyes was beautiful, unlike anything before.
I wasn’t wearing a fancy dress or pretty makeup, and my hair was messy, yet I looked cute and lovely.
‘It must be my imagination.’
My heart had been pounding as if it would burst for a while.
Maybe because of that, the blood circulating rapidly heated my fingertips to my toes.
My face, close to the hearth fire, felt hot.
Caught in the lengthening silence and unsure what to say, the words escaped my lips without thinking:
“It’s, it’s very hot in Lassa’s ker.”
After saying that, I was startled.
‘Is it okay to say this now? Was it rude?’
Watching Calias’ reaction, I tried to remember if I’d ever learned the proper thing to say in such a moment.
I recalled memorizing etiquette books as a child for various situations, but no matter how hard I thought, I never learned what to say at times like this.
My face felt hotter and hotter, so I tried fanning myself, but it did no good.
Calias laughed at my awkwardness.
His eyes sparkled so wonderfully that I was momentarily entranced.
“Since Lassa hasn’t come, I suppose the outing has been long.”
Now that he mentioned it, I realized I’d completely forgotten I came here to ask about Lassa.
“Shouldn’t we go look for Lassa? It’s quite late. I’m worried.”
“Let’s talk to the chief. If Lassa had planned anything, he would have told the chief in advance.”
He stood up and offered me his hand.
“We’ll have a chance to meet Lassa before departure. Shall we sleep for now?”
I took his hand and stood.
I thought my body was hot, but his hand was even hotter, the warmth penetrating through the thick Nyak leather gloves.
Calias didn’t let go even after I stood.
We walked hand in hand back to the chief’s ker.
The blizzard had calmed, and the surroundings were silent.
Calias pointed to the sky.
“Do you like stars?”
“Stars? Ah…!”
Looking up, I gasped.
Countless stars were densely embroidered across the clear night sky as if about to pour down.
“It’s amazing!”
Calias laughed out loud seeing my excitement.
I stretched my neck to take in the entire sky from end to end.
Then I lost my balance and fell.
“Ugh…!”
Crunch!
I buried myself in the thick snow.
Though startled, it didn’t hurt.
The freshly fallen snow was soft like a bed.
Despite holding my hand, Calias didn’t catch me as I fell and laughed teasingly.
“Are you alright?”
He asked even though he let me fall on purpose.
Still, I wasn’t upset with him.
It felt quite nice lying on the deep snow.
Like lying on a bed, I relaxed and looked up at the night sky.
“There are really, really so many stars. It feels like I’m covered with a star blanket.”
I murmured as if dreaming.
“Lonheim is really a wonderful place.”
Pride showed on Calias’ face as he knelt beside me.
He couldn’t hide his joy whenever I spoke well of Lonheim.
“You said you lacked qualities as a leader, but I think you are a good king.”
“…Huh?”
He looked unusually flustered.
“You love your kingdom dearly. I can feel that from you, Calias.”
“Is that so?”
“Lonheim has a good king, unlike Arental.”
I tried not to think unnecessarily about my father, enjoying this good feeling.
Calias spoke carefully.
“You said ‘king.’”
“There’s no more accurate term.”
I sat up and looked at him.
“I hope you reclaim your country. Truly.”
At that moment, I only thought about avenging myself to settle my grudge.
But now, my goal had changed slightly.
Beyond my original goal, I wanted to help him regain what he had lost through my revenge.
I wanted to see him sitting on Lonheim’s throne as a king, not as a governor.
I thought this purely for Calias’ sake, but if it happened, it would also be a very satisfying revenge on Andrea—two birds with one stone.
‘Andrea’s face would be priceless.’
Just imagining it made my heart swell.
‘Can I really do something that great?’
I worried, but seeing Calias’ face gave me courage.
‘If I’m not alone, but with him, maybe I can do it?’
I clenched my fist.
‘I’ll do my best.’
Lassa had advised me to give it my all, hadn’t he?
‘I can do it. I think I can!’
Overcome by an uncontrollable surge of emotion, I grabbed both of Calias’ hands and promised him.
“I’ll help you.”
His gaze wavered slightly.
“I’ll help you reclaim your country.”
That was both a promise and my resolve.
When we returned to the chief’s ker, everyone was still asleep.
The cold air that entered when we opened the door woke a knight sleeping near the entrance, but seeing me with Calias, he quickly fell asleep again.
The firewood in the central hearth had burned out, and the ker was pitch dark.
Not knowing where to step, I staggered, but Calias guided me.
If not for him, I would have had to sit and wait at the entrance.
Calias led me to my place, then went to whisper to the chief about Lassa.
I finally lay down but couldn’t easily fall asleep.
The long conversation with Calias and the promise I made to him floated in my mind, keeping me alert.
‘I can’t sleep.’
My heart fluttered, making it hard to stay still.
I had suffered from insomnia since regressing.
‘I don’t think I’ll sleep well tonight.’
While thinking this, Calias, having finished talking with the chief, came and lay beside me.
“Lassa said he would return after dawn. He went to a sacrificial hut that nomads use not far from here, so don’t worry.”
“I see.”
Calias seemed to quietly fall asleep afterward.
I kept moving restlessly beside him.
But just when I thought he was asleep, Calias suddenly patted my shoulder.
‘…?’
His touch was clumsy but kind.
Not only was Calias awkward, but I was also bad at receiving such affection, and my body stiffened at his touch.
All my attention focused on my shoulder, and though uncomfortable, I didn’t move.
If I shifted even slightly, I feared the patting would stop, so I remained still as if dead.
I wished this warm touch would last forever.
Listening to Calias’ steady breathing, I held my breath.
‘He seems like a good person.’
I wasn’t usually good at judging people, but I couldn’t stop thinking that.
‘I like him.’
I worried what Cal would think if he heard this.
‘He’d probably tell me to pull myself together and not trust just anyone so easily.’
Thinking of Cal’s nagging, I decided.
‘I’ll keep this a secret.’
I had never kept secrets from Cal before, but this was already my second secret since regressing—the first being that I had gone back in time.
I quietly felt Calias’ patting.
Each of his gentle gestures felt like they were filling something inside me.
That night, I thought I would never fall asleep.
But when I opened my eyes again, it was already dawn, and I was about to face an unexpected humiliation.
