Chapter 10 — Nightmare
She knew better than anyone that Madam Jiang had spent her entire life looking out for her.
A marriage without a mother’s blessing could never be a good one.
In this life, she would choose a match that satisfied both herself and Madam Jiang.
After sitting with Madam Jiang for a while longer, Xue Ning began to feel drained. She took her leave and prepared to return to Qiyun Pavilion.
But the moment she lifted the curtain, she walked straight into a broad, solid chest.
She winced and covered her brow before looking up.
Su Zhan stood outside the doorway in a dark cloak, though no one knew how long he had been there.
Xue Ning instantly tensed. She instinctively stepped back, only to catch her heel on the threshold. Her body tilted unsteadily—
And Su Zhan reached out, catching her by the waist.
“How are you this careless?”
The familiar warmth of him hit her all at once, crashing over her like a tidal wave from her previous life.
A mist instantly clouded her eyes.
Her whole body stiffened. Flustered, she hurriedly pushed herself out of his arms and retreated three steps away before awkwardly lowering herself into a bow.
“When did you come back, Brother?”
Su Zhan’s brows drew together almost imperceptibly.
He had arrived some time ago.
He had heard the words “sibling affection,” and after that, he never entered the room.
Later, he heard his mother mention arranging marriage prospects for her and Aman.
He wanted to know her answer, so he returned to the doorway.
What he had not expected to hear was—
“Whoever Mother tells me to marry, I’ll marry.”
No wonder she had dared make such a request in front of Grandmother. She had already planned her retreat long ago.
The Xue family had all died on the battlefield. The only relatives she had left were an uncle and cousin stationed far away at the border.
In the end, her marriage would still be decided by his mother.
And when the time came, if she cried and insisted on marrying him, would Mother really refuse to help her?
Thinking of this, Su Zhan rubbed his brow helplessly.
He had always treated Xue Ning as a younger sister. There had never been any feelings between a man and a woman.
The girl was still too young. She simply hadn’t grown up yet.
Once she was older and had met enough outstanding men in the world, she would naturally stop fixating on him.
“I’ve been back for a while.”
“Then…”
Xue Ning was actually terrified that he had overheard everything she said.
But after thinking about it carefully, she realized—
He probably didn’t care at all.
“Then A’Ning will return to her room and rest first. Brother, please excuse me.”
Seeing the watery sheen spreading through the little girl’s eyes, Su Zhan felt a faint softness stir in his chest.
He didn’t know what had gotten into her these past two days. Every time she saw him, she looked like she wanted to flee from him, yet also seemed on the verge of tears.
Pitiful and timid, just like when she had first arrived at the marquis estate.
Even someone as cold-hearted as him could not remain entirely unmoved.
He lifted a hand and gently ruffled the top of her hair.
“It’s cold out. You only just fell into the water yesterday. You should be resting indoors today instead of rushing around so recklessly.”
His movements were gentle. His gaze was warm.
Yet Xue Ning’s entire body still tightened.
Her scalp prickled numbly.
She stood frozen in place for a long moment without reacting.
Su Zhan curved his lips slightly and pinched her soft cheek.
“Go get some rest.”
Xue Ning nodded frantically before turning and nearly fleeing outside.
Watching the girl’s panicked retreating figure, Su Zhan found himself oddly amused. In a noticeably better mood, he stepped into Madam Jiang’s room.
…
Back at Qiyun Pavilion, Xue Ning pressed a hand to her chest.
She could still smell the faint scent of agarwood lingering on him.
A dull ache spread through her heart.
It took her a long while to calm herself before annoyance finally crept in.
She had already tried so hard to stay away from him, so why did they keep crossing paths again and again?
He probably still looked down on her from the bottom of his heart.
Thought she was shameless. Cheap. Pathetically eager to please him like a stray dog.
Baochan helped remove her fox-fur cloak and grinned teasingly.
“Still savoring it, Miss?”
Xue Ning still felt chilled to the bone, her head buzzing painfully.
She sat beside the brazier, wanting to warm herself a little.
But the moment she moved closer, all she could think of was the fire at the old Yongzhou residence.
It hurt too much.
When the flames swallowed her whole, she hadn’t even been able to struggle.
Nothing in the world was more terrifying than that.
Her limbs felt weak. She unconsciously backed away several steps before blankly asking,
“Savoring what?”
Baochan giggled.
“The heir’s little gestures just now, of course.”
Xue Ning pressed her lips together and rubbed at her face, which alternated between burning hot and freezing cold.
“I wasn’t…”
Baochan laughed knowingly.
“This servant can tell. The heir definitely has feelings for you. He just doesn’t realize it yet.”
Xue Ning’s gaze grew distant.
In her previous life, she would have believed those words immediately.
But the despair she felt before dying still lingered in her heart even now.
The fire.
Those hundreds of letters.
Thinking of them left only bleakness behind.
“You’re mistaken,” she said softly. “He doesn’t like me. He never will.”
“Miss, don’t say that—”
Xue Ning cut her off.
“Baochan, my head hurts. I’m going to sleep.”
“Miss, aren’t you eating dinner?”
“I’m not hungry.”
Xue Ning removed her outer robe and lay down on the canopy bed.
Baochan hugged the damp fox-fur cloak stained with melted snow and glanced worriedly toward the bed curtains.
Her young mistress looked breathtaking beneath the brocade quilt—delicate features, tiny face, beautiful as a painting of a court lady.
Only her cheeks were flushed red, and heat seemed to rise faintly from her forehead.
Baochan reached out to touch her head.
As expected—
She was burning with fever again.
Because of her awkward status in the marquis estate, Xue Ning had never once taken the initiative to call for a physician whenever she fell ill.
Every time, it had been Madam Jiang who stepped in for her.
Minor illnesses could be endured.
But Xue Ning had always been frail. After falling into the water yesterday, if this fever continued, it might truly damage her mind.
Baochan was completely panicked.
She hurriedly hung the fox-fur cloak onto the rosewood rack before rushing out of Qiyun Pavilion toward Madam Jiang’s Qiushui Courtyard.
…
Xue Ning slept deeply, as though her entire body had sunk underwater.
One moment she was freezing to death.
The next, she burned unbearably hot.
Her whole body ached.
Half-conscious, she felt as though she had fallen into another dream.
The scenes in the dream twisted strangely together.
One moment, it was her wedding hall with Su Zhan.
The next, it became Madam Jiang’s mourning hall.
She knelt alone before the spirit tablets in coarse mourning clothes, and then she heard Su Zhan’s cold, merciless voice—
“Jinx.”
The moment her eyes blinked, tears streamed down uncontrollably.
She wanted to explain herself.
But when she looked up, she saw Xie Ningtang standing beside him in bright red wedding robes.
Su Zhan stood there like snow atop a heavenly mountain—cold, stern, untouchably noble.
Yet when he looked at Xie Ningtang, his eyes overflowed with tenderness and indulgence.
Smiling sweetly, Xie Ningtang called her “Sister” and asked whether she would allow her to enter the household as Su Zhan’s concubine.
Of course Xue Ning refused.
She gritted her teeth and rejected her outright.
The next instant, blood bloomed across Xie Ningtang’s pale skirts.
“My child… Brother Heir… my child is gone…”
She collapsed weakly into Su Zhan’s arms, tears clinging to her lashes, her face ghostly pale.
Xue Ning suddenly realized what was happening.
Panicked, she hurriedly explained,
“I didn’t—I didn’t push Xie Ningtang!”
But the man holding Xie Ningtang never listened.
Fury exploded across Su Zhan’s face. He kicked Xue Ning to the ground before lifting Xie Ningtang into his arms.
He looked down at her from above, his face cold as frost, the chill in his sharp features enough to make one’s scalp go numb.
“I saw you push her with my own eyes.”
“You think I could have seen wrong?”
“Xue Ning. Get out.”
