Chapter 1
“Sigh… It’s not bad.”
At an audition venue in Seoul.
When the director frowned, the staff beside him each added their own comments.
“Your acting is good, but there are just so many talented people these days…”
“That’s right.”
“The problem is whether you fit the character…”
Their gazes pierced me at the same time.
“I may be lacking, but if you give me the chance, I’ll do my best!”
The words came out of my own mouth, but they sounded terribly out of place.
I was a grown man talking like something a new employee would say.
“There’s no one without passion these days.”
“You graduated from a local university’s acting department, and you don’t even have a proper supporting role under your belt. Honestly, at this point, it’s embarrassing to even call this a filmography.”
“And more than anything, your face…”
Again, that subject.
“That scar on your face isn’t something makeup can hide.”
I had a scar.
An ugly mark that ran clearly from my forehead, down the bridge of my nose, and all the way to my cheek.
That single scar, which I got in an accident when I was twenty-one, had completely ruined my career as an actor.
“We’ll contact you later. You can leave now.”
Another rejection?
Thud, thud.
I left the audition venue and took the subway.
Today, too, countless actors appeared in subway advertisements promoting their dramas and movies.
They and I were both actors, but we weren’t the same.
Not in the world we lived in, nor in the roles we were given.
Bzzzt—
By the time I arrived in front of my gosiwon, a text message arrived.
Thank you for participating in the audition.
Unfortunately, we won’t be able to work with you this time.
We hope to meet you in our next production.
That line about hoping to meet me again was what kept me from giving up hope.
I must have received messages like this more than ten thousand times, yet I still couldn’t become numb to them.
“What are you doing? Why aren’t you going inside?”
I raised my head at the familiar voice.
A sleeveless shirt and shorts. It was Kim Hyung, who lived in the room next to mine at the gosiwon.
“Having a drink today, too?”
Kim Hyung held up a bag containing several bottles of makgeolli.
“I’m in.”
“Being an actor was really difficult at times. I think I was able to stand here today because I kept moving forward one step at a time without stopping.”
On TV, an actor was giving his acceptance speech after winning the Best Actor Award.
A long time ago, I had once performed on a theater stage with that actor.
I had been a minor supporting actor even then, while he had been the lead.
Well, even if I were a director, I would have chosen him instead of me.
After all, acting was a profession where appearances mattered, and there was no reason to deliberately hire someone who made people uncomfortable just by looking at him.
“If only I didn’t have this scar…”
“What did you say?”
“Nothing.”
Kim Hyung, who had been watching TV, stared closely at me. He looked like he wanted to say something.
“Gijun, you’ll get to stand somewhere like that someday too, right?”
“I don’t know.”
Starting from when I accidentally stepped onto a theater stage as a middle school student, I had walked forward with nothing but acting in my sights.
A lot had changed during all those years.
No. To be precise, I had stayed the same while everything around me had changed.
“Why does our actor Yeon Gijun sound so gloomy today?”
“I’m just feeling a little depressed today.”
“…Did you get rejected from another audition because of your scar?”
Instead of answering, I took a sip of makgeolli.
Maybe it was going to rain, because my scar was strangely throbbing today.
“You can act, and you’re handsome too. What’s so important about that little scar?”
“I guess there just aren’t any roles that suit me.”
“Then try out for a gangster role.”
“I tried that too, but they wouldn’t cast me.”
I had auditioned for gangster roles more than a hundred times.
“Your voice is too gentle, so you don’t really suit this role. The scar is frightening, but your overall impression is too kind…”
Just for gangster roles, I had received more than a hundred rejection messages.
“It’s not like you got that scar from doing something bad.”
“Still, people have their preconceptions.”
I had visited several plastic surgery clinics to get rid of the scar, but they all said completely removing it was impossible.
They even told me that facial muscles were distributed along the area where the scar passed, so there was a high possibility that surgery could cause side effects that would prevent me from making facial expressions.
An actor who couldn’t make facial expressions.
It was better to just live with the scar.
“Damn. These people really don’t know talent when they see it.”
“Just pour me another drink.”
When I was a university student, drinking after finishing a play had tasted incredibly sweet.
But today, the alcohol only tasted bitter.
By the time Kim Hyung and I had finished two bottles of makgeolli and five bottles of soju, I began to hear the sound of rain outside.
“Ugh… I’ve lived for thousands of years and seen all kinds of people, but I’ve never seen someone as frustrating as you.”
“This guy’s drunk.”
Whenever Kim Hyung got drunk, he always said strange things.
He claimed he had once been a god who worked under the Jade Emperor, and that he had lived in the human world for thousands of years…
He casually spouted stories that sounded like they belonged in a web novel.
Come to think of it, he was just as immature as I was.
“Hic… If you went back to the past, would you still become an actor?”
“If you’re drunk, go inside quietly and get some sleep.”
Kim Hyung casually ignored me and took another sip of makgeolli.
“You were good at studying when you were a student. If you had gone into science or engineering with those grades, you’d probably be making a name for yourself at a major company by now.”
“What ability do I have to do something like that?”
I laughed it off, but inside, I hesitated for a moment.
If I had been an ordinary office worker instead of a poor actor…
It was something I had already thought about before Kim Hyung said it.
I had thought about it when I moved into the gosiwon because I was struggling financially.
I had thought about it on the night my father, who had lived his whole life struggling with poverty, passed away.
I had even once stood in front of a certification academy for dozens of minutes, unable to bring myself to go inside.
Wouldn’t it be better to take a different path, even now?
Was I still walking down the wrong road?
But my conclusion was always the same.
“I’ll never give up.”
Overcome with emotion, I took another sip of soju.
The gosiwon sign outside the window flickered faintly.
“Hyung, do you know why most actors keep going even though they earn less than convenience store part-timers?”
“Why?”
At that moment, I looked out the window.
An alley getting soaked beneath the streetlights.
A streak of light stretched across the rain-soaked asphalt.
It looked like a spotlight shining on a stage.
“Because when I’m acting, I feel like I’m alive. It’s like a fire suddenly burns right in the center of my chest.”
The sound of rain outside grew louder.
“That one feeling is why I’ve come this far.”
Kim Hyung stared at me for a moment before letting out a small laugh.
Then he took out a bottle of wine from somewhere and casually placed it on the table.
The word ‘TIME’ was printed upside down on the bottle’s neck.
“This is a really precious drink. I’ve spent thousands of years wondering who I should give it to. I finally found its owner today.”
“I’m a soju guy. Give that to someone else.”
“Oh, come on! An older brother is giving it to you! This is really precious stuff that just anyone can’t drink.”
Despite my protests, Kim Hyung tilted the bottle and poured the wine into a glass.
The reddish-brown liquid filled the glass, shimmering beautifully.
“Drink.”
I picked up the glass and swallowed a sip of the brilliantly colored wine.
“Ugh! How strong is this stuff? It’s way too strong.”
“That’s how it’s supposed to be.”
Maybe my body just wasn’t used to expensive alcohol.
“Hyung, I think cheap alcohol suits me bett—”
Suddenly, my vision became blurry.
It felt as if I were sinking deep underwater.
Kim Hyung was saying something, but I couldn’t properly hear him.
Instinctively, I opened my eyes wide, trying to hold on to my fading consciousness.
“Hyung…?”
His loose sleeveless outfit had changed.
He was wearing an expensive-looking suit, with his hair neatly combed back.
Even the beard that had previously grown wild on his chin was perfectly groomed.
There was an air of dignity about him.
“You’ll do well.”
At that moment, a thought suddenly crossed my mind.
What if I hadn’t had this scar?
“You only get one chance.”
What if I could have been judged only by my acting, not my scar?
“Live properly this time.”
Would I have been able to become someone who shone?
Whoosh—
The sound of rain outside struck my ears.
“Candidate number 127.”
I opened my eyes to the voice of a man.
But it wasn’t the mold-covered ceiling of my gosiwon that I saw every morning.
The first thing I saw was a mirror covering an entire wall, along with people beside me who looked to be in their early twenties.
“Huh?”
My body felt strangely light.
When I approached the large glass window in front of me, a familiar face was looking back at me through the reflection.
A straight posture and solid build.
Clear skin without a single blemish.
“My scar…”
There was no way the scar could be hidden by my parted hair, but just in case, I lifted my hair to check.
“It’s really gone.”
Was this… a dream?
Were lucid dreams really this vivid?
If it wasn’t, then none of this made sense.
I was blankly staring at my face when—
“…Are you saying I should just sit still even after my right to inheritance has been taken away? Because I’m an illegitimate child? Because I’m of lowly birth?”
Someone’s voice came from behind me.
I turned around and saw several men who looked to be around twenty years old, muttering while staring into empty space.
“…Today, I committed the vile act of killing this seagull. I’m offering it to you. Because before long, I’ll end up like this too.”
“To think I tried to persuade him with words… I really was a fool. I should have done this from the beginning.”
“There’s absolutely no reason to run to a lawyer. They’re generally strict about things like that.”
Everyone was acting while looking into mirrors.
It was a familiar sight.
An audition venue?
I let out a hollow laugh.
What kind of dream was this, where after failing an audition, I dreamed of another audition venue?
“Candidate number 127, are you there?”
At the man’s voice coming from inside the room, I looked around.
Everyone’s eyes turned toward me at the same time.
I noticed the yellow paper attached to the left side of my chest.
127.
“If candidate number 127 isn’t here, we’ll disqualify you.”
At those words, I instinctively shouted.
“Number 127 is here!”
“You have good projection. Come this way.”
The man led me somewhere.
After passing several spaces that looked like classrooms, we entered a certain room.
“This is right behind the stage, so don’t practice loudly.”
I nodded silently.
But my attention was drawn not to what the man was saying, but to the logo printed on his chest.
KAU
Korea Arts University
School of Drama, Department of Acting
The place that had produced more famous actors than any other school in Korea.
Korea Arts University’s acting department.
Then this isn’t an audition venue. Is this an entrance examination venue?
The acting department at Korea Arts University was also the school I had applied to after completing my military service.
I had failed the first round.
What a cruel dream.
I looked at the mirror in front of me.
My scar was still gone.
It was a painfully sweet dream.
The moment I had wanted most was right in front of me.
“Candidate number 127, you can go onto the stage now.”
Yes. If all of this is a dream, then let me act on a stage just once with a face without a scar.
I slowly moved forward under the man’s guidance.
I could see the stage beyond the black curtains.
“Phew.”
All of this had to be a dream.
A dream that would disappear when I opened my eyes.
And yet, it was also the dream I wanted to achieve.
That day, the curtain rose on my life once again.
