FLF 04

04 — Feelings (Side: Aika)

I couldn’t hide my shock at how things had turned out.

I tried to stay calm—tried to respond like I always did—but even I could hear it.

My voice was trembling, just a little.

Ever since that day, Aika had been keeping her distance.

We used to sleep together every night. That was just how it was. But suddenly, she said we should sleep separately.

I tried to stop her the usual way—pushing a little too hard, acting selfish like I always did.

But Aika’s reaction that time… wasn’t the same.

It felt fragile. Painful.

So I let go.

We still talked, but something had clearly formed between us—a wall I couldn’t see before.

Maybe… going with her all the way to university had been too much.

No. It definitely was too much.

But I had never once imagined being apart from Aika. Even half a day felt unbearable.

We’re twins. Even if we go to the same school, the same year, it’s rare for family or relatives to end up in the same class. Classes are decided by lottery, or so they say—but there are probably considerations behind it.

Someone like me… if Aika had been in my class, I would’ve never made any other friends. We’ve been together since childhood. It’s only natural we’d form our own little world.

Maybe that’s why they separate us.

Even so, we’re still in the same building. If I go after school, she’s there. If I visit her during breaks, she talks with me.

I’ve gotten used to it now—but I can’t forget how much I hated that girl, Aizawa Mami.

Every break, she would take Aika away from me. She wouldn’t let me see her.

I tried everything to separate them, but it was already too late. In the end, I had no choice but to accept their friendship.

And Aizawa Mami… she must have noticed something. One day she even came straight to me and said, “You’re abnormal, you know?”

After that, I forced myself not to go see Aika during breaks as much.

The “like” Aizawa Mami felt for Aika and the “love” I felt for her… they weren’t the same thing.

She was LIKE.

I was LOVE.

When I reminded myself of that difference, I could stay calm.

And once I stopped showing displeasure, Aika slowly started talking about her conversations with Mami.

If Aika smiles… then I don’t need to be jealous of her friendships.

As long as she comes back into my arms like this.

But lately… there’s that girl Aika keeps talking about—Orihara.

I have a bad feeling about her.

The way she looks at Aika. The expression she has when she talks to her.

It’s all too familiar.

It looks just like me.

She’s definitely in love with Aika.

Before I knew it, I found myself watching Emi Orihara more closely.

But I don’t actually know what she’s thinking. Maybe I’m wrong.

And Aika herself only sees her as a friend—so there’s nothing I can do.

That’s what I told myself.

And while I was holding back my jealousy… Aika said something that irritated me.

So I acted a little cold toward her.

I didn’t expect what came next.

It felt like my mind was going to explode.

Aika chased after me… and said she liked me.

She cried, begging me not to leave her alone.

Was that “like” meant as LOVE?

Because if it’s just LIKE in a situation like this… I wouldn’t know what to do.

So I asked her—carefully, so she would understand.

“…Do you want to sleep together tonight?”

Aika went silent for a moment, like she was trying to understand the meaning behind my words.

And then—

I felt her nod, just slightly, through my back.

Without thinking, we took each other’s hands.

And started walking.

The warmth between our fingers was enough to calm my heart.

When we got home and stepped into my room, Aika suddenly left without even meeting my eyes.

I hesitated whether to follow her.

But I still didn’t fully understand what was going on.

I usually act calm, but sometimes confusion hits me—and when it does, I lose control of myself completely.

Today, though… that didn’t happen.

There was only uncertainty.

Later, Mother called us for dinner.

When I went downstairs, Aika was already sitting in her usual seat beside mine.

I sat down without a word.

Our favorite dishes were laid out on the table.

I smiled at her—but she looked away.

That irritated me.

While she reached for the sauce, I quickly stole a piece of chicken cutlet from her plate.

I ate it without saying anything and drank my miso soup.

My parents stared in surprise. I didn’t care.

Aika tilted her head, still unaware, and poured sauce over her food.

“Mana. It’s good,” she said.

“…Yeah.”

Her flat reply made something inside me ache.

What…?

Was everything from earlier just… gone?

The way she had clung to me—was that nothing now?

Something about her felt completely wrong.

After bath time, once we finished preparing for tomorrow, I glanced at Aika.

She kept opening and closing her textbook, looking restless.

“Done preparing?” I asked.

“Ah… n-not yet,” she replied quickly.

“…I see.”

She was clearly lying.

I turned my back to her.

“I’m going to sleep first.”

“Eh…!? Y-yeah…”

Her voice was tense.

But earlier, she said we would sleep together.

Annoyed, I ignored her, turned off the lights—

And the moment she turned around in surprise, I slipped my arms around her from behind.

“Eh—A, Aiki-chan…”

“Hey. Why are you acting like that? It makes me really sad.”

“I, I…”

“You regret what you said earlier? And think if I fall asleep first, it’ll be fine?”

“N-no, that’s not it!”

“Then why won’t you look at me? Why are you pulling out your textbooks like that? You’ve been acting strange the whole time.”

Aika squeezed her eyes shut, like she might cry.

But I wouldn’t forgive her.

Because she was the one at fault.

“…Mana?”

She didn’t answer.

My frustration snapped.

I kissed her.

Hard.

Hungrily.

Forcing her lips open, stealing her breath, letting mine pour into her.

She didn’t resist.

So what was this supposed to mean?

My hand slipped under her clothes, touching soft skin directly.

“—!”

Her body jerked at the cold touch.

She tried to pull away, to speak—but I stopped her every time.

Her breath broke into small, helpless sounds.

For nearly ten minutes, neither of us could breathe properly until I finally let her go.

A thin thread of saliva still connected our lips.

Aika collapsed slightly, dazed.

“I… don’t hate it…”

Her voice trembled.

“I’m glad I said I like you… I don’t regret it. I just… I’m embarrassed. I don’t know how I’m supposed to act. Before, you were always the one being forceful… but this time is different. It feels like… it’s supposed to be mutual, right? So I…”

Her words came out in broken fragments, eyes avoiding mine.

So cute.

Like a child who had done something wrong.

Well… maybe what we were doing was something wrong.

“Then, Mana…”

I called her name softly.

“Was what you said… the same kind of ‘like’ as mine? Or am I misunderstanding? Tell me… or I’ll get anxious.”

My own voice surprised me.

It sounded fragile.

Almost desperate.

“…Ah, um… I…”

She was definitely feeling the same.