02 — Close Friends
I can’t quite remember when this feeling first began.
Somewhere along the way, while I was watching my beloved younger sister, a different emotion quietly took root inside me.
What people would call a “first love.”
When I looked at Aika, I felt happy. I wanted to be with her. She was precious to me. I loved her.
My first love… was my younger sister, Aika.
Back then, even though we had a bunk bed, the two of us always slept in the same bed. Our parents never said anything about it. Summers were a little too warm, but in winter, sharing warmth felt natural—better, even.
I didn’t notice it at first. That strange new feeling. I thought maybe something was wrong with me.
It must have been before we moved… so I was probably in the upper grades of elementary school. It was winter. We slipped under the covers together, laughing softly about how cold it was.
At first, we just talked like always. Then school came up, and Aika’s voice gradually dimmed as she recalled something from gym class.
“Um… everyone keeps saying it. That my chest is too small.”
It was about breast size.
Ours weren’t particularly large. Not small either—just… average. And we were still growing anyway, so it didn’t seem like something to worry about.
But Aika’s friends apparently already wore proper bras, not sports ones like hers, and it bothered her.
“Hm… I heard the boys in class saying something,” I said casually. “That if you touch them, they grow bigger. But apparently, you can’t do it yourself. Want me to try it for you, Mana?”
Aika blinked, her face turning bright red.
Then, after a moment… she nodded slightly.
At that time, I remember my heart beating strangely fast. Part mischief… and part of me vaguely understood that this was something meant for people who liked each other—couples.
I touched her gently.
Through her pajamas, I placed my hand softly over her.
I could feel her entire body stiffen.
After hesitating, I pressed down a little harder.
Aika let out a small cry, tears gathering in her eyes.
“Ah—s-sorry! Did it hurt?”
She nodded quickly, and I apologized over and over. This time, I touched her more carefully, like handling something fragile.
“Does it… still hurt?”
“No… I’m okay,” she whispered.
She relaxed a little.
But I didn’t know what I was doing anymore. When I tried to be gentle again, Aika let out a small breath.
“What is it?” I asked.
“It’s… ticklish… A-Ai-chan, stop…?”
I remembered something the boys in class had joked about.
That for adult women, being touched there felt good.
Was that what Aika was feeling too?
“Hey, Ai-chan… maybe we should stop? Mom and Dad will get mad if they see us.”
“What are you saying?” I replied. “This is for you, Mana.”
And I ignored her hesitation.
I remember my heart pounding harder than before.
I wondered—if I kissed her now, what would she say?
Would she reject me? Would it hurt?
Before I fully realized it…
I had already kissed her.
Our lips touched, and it felt like time stopped.
“A-Ai-chan?!”
“If you make noise, Mom will come,” I whispered.
And I kissed her again.
That was the beginning… and the end of something at the same time.
“I’m done, Ai-chan.”
“Ah… yeah.”
Aika came back after her shower, wearing loungewear, her hair still damp. She gently dried it with a towel and told me I should shower too.
“I’m fine,” I said.
“Why? You were sweating too, weren’t you?”
“I want to talk about something more important, Mana.”
I took her hand and looked into her eyes.
She smiled faintly, a little troubled.
“…About university?” she guessed.
“Sorry,” she said. “Even if it’s you, I can’t change my mind. I want to try this.”
“Then I’ll apply too,” I said immediately. “That’s fine, right?”
“But Ai-chan… it’s an art university.”
“So what? I can draw. And art school isn’t only about painting, right? I saw the brochure—you can study ceramics, design… there are lots of fields. There must be something I can do. We’re not that far apart in grades, so I can get in too. Next year, let’s walk the campus of Seiga Art University together.”
I smiled brightly.
But Aika didn’t nod.
She went quiet instead… unusually serious.
“…Ai-chan,” she said softly. “We’ve always been together since we were little.”
“…Yeah,” I answered. “Even before we were born, probably.”
“I really like being with you,” she said.
“Then—”
“But… I think we might need to start going our separate ways.”
The words hit me like a shock.
I couldn’t speak.
Separate ways? Us?
“W-why?” I finally managed.
“It’s not that I want to leave you,” she said quietly. “It’s just… after university, we’ll go out into the world. We’ll meet people, fall in love, maybe get married… and then we won’t be together like this anymore. Even if we meet, it won’t be the same.”
“I know that!” I snapped. “But why rush it?!”
We argued.
And then—
I grabbed her shoulders.
“Who told you that?” I demanded.
“No one,” she said. “It’s just what I think.”
“So what—you want to leave me right now?! I won’t allow it!”
I slammed the brochure onto the floor.
A dull sound. Too soft. Too meaningless.
“I don’t mean that!” she said quickly. “It’s just… you’re reacting like this just because of university separation. If we don’t get used to it now, it’ll be worse later…”
Her voice wavered.
And mine broke.
Because I knew she was right.
I had no intention of letting her go.
That’s why I had even offered to write picture books together with her dream of becoming an illustrator. So we could stay together even after entering society.
They say first love never works out.
For me, it was already impossible—my twin sister, the same gender.
But I didn’t care.
I would make this love succeed in my own way.
“We’ll make picture books together after graduation,” I said. “So there’s no need to worry. No need to prepare for separation.”
“But… I want to try entering art school,” she insisted.
“Then I’ll go too.”
“That’s not something you can just—”
“I can. I’ll make it happen.”
I stepped closer.
Closer.
Until I could touch her cheek.
I leaned in.
And—
“I won’t forgive you…!”
Her first real refusal.
A full rejection.
From that day onward, everything began to break.
What had once been “affection” between us—something childish, something we called “closeness”—had slowly escalated over time.
Kisses that started as games became deeper.
Things we didn’t understand at first became familiar.
And she had never truly resisted.
Until now.
I pushed her down without thinking.
“Ai-chan…?!”
“I won’t let you leave me,” I whispered. “We’re twins. We’re one. We have to stay together.”
Her tears spilled.
“Don’t look at me like that…” she pleaded.
But I couldn’t stop.
I kissed her again.
And again.
After everything, I lay beside her, exhausted, brushing her hair gently.
“I love you,” I whispered. “So don’t say things like that again. If you didn’t say things like leaving me, I wouldn’t have to do things like this…”
She nodded weakly.
When I touched her cheek, she instinctively bit my finger lightly.
“Are you… teasing me?” I asked softly.
And we kissed again.
Deeply.
“Mana! Let’s eat lunch together!”
“Yeah.”
My friend—Aizawa Mami—ran up to me as the lunch bell rang. She was small, energetic, and somehow we had been in the same class since middle school. We naturally became close.
We sat in the courtyard and opened our lunchboxes.
“It doesn’t look like you’re doing well,” she said, peering into my face. “Did your sister say no?”
“She… disagreed,” I replied. “But she said she’d apply too, so it’s fine.”
“…Huh?” Mami frowned.
“That’s not fine at all,” she muttered.
She clearly didn’t approve of Aika. She never really had.
“She’s not your parent,” Mami said. “She’s not paying your tuition. She’s just your sister. Isn’t it strange for her to control you like that?”
“That’s…”
“And it’s an art university, right? Unless you’re talented like her… are you really okay?”
“I… I’ll figure it out,” I said quietly. “Ai-chan said she would too…”
Mami sighed.
“It still doesn’t make sense.”
We ate in silence after that.
Then—
“Aika!”
She came running toward me across the courtyard.
“Mana! I talked to my teacher. They said I can definitely apply too! The chances of failure are low! We can stay together next year!”
She smiled brightly.
But I couldn’t return it.
Because I felt it again.
That same distance.
That same fracture forming between us.
“…I’m going now,” she said quickly. “Sorry!”
And she left.
Mami sighed again.
“Your sister’s… kind of intense.”
“Yeah…” I murmured.
“Or maybe just… wrong.”
I didn’t answer.
Instead, I looked down at my wrist.
There was no mark anymore.
But I could still feel it.
Her grip.
Firm. Desperate.
Like she didn’t want to let me go.
I stared at her back as she walked away.
And quietly whispered—
“…Is it wrong?”
