[CHAPTER 112]
Harvich looked at the woman shedding tears in heavy drops.
The happy moments they had shared plunged straight to the ground in an instant.
It could not be dismissed as something a sick person would normally say, because Harvich was not unfamiliar with this land.
It was all the more shocking because the words had come from Lincia’s mouth.
Why was it that this was a place Harvich was bound to, yet not so for Lincia?
Because she could turn her back on him and leave at any time?
Why did his father’s last words, which had helped him in no way at all, come to mind now?
Harvich dragged a hand down his face.
How could he change Lincia’s heart?
No, to be honest, he had no idea.
Harvich himself could not like this land, could not bring himself to love it, so there was no way he could speak to Lincia of its virtues.
“Hhk… c-cold.”
At the woman’s faint, trembling voice, Harvich turned his head.
He worked tirelessly to lower her temperature with a cold, damp cloth.
With his other hand, he gently wiped the woman’s cheek, wet with tears and sweat.
Her body temperature, which had originally felt lukewarm at best, was now burning hot.
Seeing her curl up and resist his touch, Harvich felt utterly at a loss.
Had he not known from the beginning that Lincia and the North were incompatible?
He had brought a woman who smiled brightly under the sunlight into a place where even warm light barely reached, and left her there.
Yet, clinging to the memory that Lincia had once loved him, he could not let go of the woman who told him to end it.
If she said she hated him, he could at least try to change himself to suit her tastes somehow.
But what could he do if she hated the cold of this land?
Ah.
He had to let her go.
He really had to let her go.
Harvich stared at the cloth that had already dried up and could no longer serve its purpose.
I made you like this.
It was a realization that came far too late.
* * *
Lincia, feeling a throbbing headache, looked at Harvich.
“How is your condition?”
It was only when the sun was high overhead that her fever finally subsided.
Harvich, his concern obvious, looked as though he had not slept properly after tending to her all night.
His bloodshot eyes and the fatigue on his face made that clear enough.
“…I feel a bit better now, thank you.”
“I see.”
“That’s a relief.”
Lincia sat on the bed and stared blankly at the sea again.
So blankly that she did not even notice Harvich leaving his seat.
“Lincia.”
Harvich returned carrying a chair.
He placed a lounge chair where the sea was clearly visible and gestured for her to sit.
With a blanket over her knees and a teacup held in both hands, Lincia gazed out at the sea beyond the wide window.
The man asked,
“Will you leave?”
Lincia’s heart, which had been enjoying a rare moment of calm, dropped heavily.
Even without an object stated, it was clear he was asking whether she would leave the Grand Duchy, or leave him.
Why.
Because she had been sick last night?
That alone was hardly enough reason to let her go, when she had not been well for quite some time now.
Since giving birth, there had never been a time when her body was truly in good condition, only differences in severity.
“……”
Lincia lifted her head and looked at Harvich.
The man stared out at the sea with a face whose thoughts were impossible to read.
At the subtle expression on Harvich’s face, Lincia felt wronged.
If he was going to give up this easily, he should have let her go back when she first spoke of parting.
When had he clung to her with a face full of lingering attachment, shaking her resolve, only to do this now?
As she inwardly blamed his sudden change in attitude, she also felt disgusted with herself for growing angry when he was finally willing to let her go after she had asked for it.
Was it defiance out of spite?
Or was it because she had nowhere else to return to?
Even if she went south, it would be much the same there anyway…
Lincia’s thoughts were cut short by the man’s sunken voice.
“I was being selfish.”
Harvich’s gaze turned toward Lincia.
“What do you mean by that?”
The red eyes that met hers overflowed with emotion.
They wavered as though he might burst into tears at any moment, and without realizing it, Lincia held her breath.
Harvich slowly reached out and gently brushed her cheek.
“It was selfish of me to ask you, who no longer love me, to endure the cold of the North.”
The words “you who no longer love me” settled heavily on Lincia’s heart.
“Why would you think that?”
“You said you hated cold places.”
When had she?
Lincia parted her lips slightly.
“The cold of the North is something I cannot do anything about…”
“Did I really say that?”
Seeing Lincia’s genuine confusion, Harvich clenched his fist, then loosened it.
There was a saying in the North that the unconscious held one’s most desperate wishes.
Harvich truly wanted to deny it if he could, but Lincia had indeed come to hate this land.
So much so that she would say, without realizing it, that she was sick of it.
“Yes.”
Harvich barely managed to part his lips, which would not easily open.
The words did not come out properly.
He could have pretended not to know, brushed it off as a slip of the tongue.
But Harvich knew now.
That his love had ruined her.
And instinctively, he felt it too.
That when this conversation ended, their relationship would end as well.
“Returning to the Empire may not be a bad idea.”
“The Emperor of the Empire…”
He wanted to speak while restraining his emotions as much as possible, but something hot kept surging up inside him.
“He seemed sincere in his concern for you.”
Lincia did not answer.
Harvich gently released the wrist he had been holding.
Her body was far thinner than he remembered, and he bit down on the soft flesh inside his cheek.
“You mean that sincerely, don’t you?”
No.
Even if it was a choice that would hurt you, I wanted you to stay by my side.
If I could take my words back, I wanted to swallow every one of them, even if it meant being pathetic.
But Harvich knew.
That Lincia could never be happy by his side.
“Lincia, I want you to be happy.”
Harvich lowered his gaze after looking into her violet eyes.
“But if I stay by your side, I don’t think you’ll ever be happy.”
The remnants of emotions he could not hide gathered together and spilled out.
Only belatedly did he realize that by trying to grasp what he could not hold, he had destroyed the one he loved.
“We were that kind of relationship from the start.”
“……”
“From the moment I was Durand and you were Cassius.”
“That’s the kind of relationship we were.”
Harvich bit down hard on his lips.
“If you’re going to send me to the South, then let’s divorce.”
It was said as though it had always been decided.
“…Yes.”
Harvich calmly received the sentence of their relationship’s end.
Lincia turned her head away.
Just the loss of her gaze felt as though Lincia herself had already left him.
“What about the child?”
“You raise him.”
“He was Lucas Cassius from the beginning anyway.”
At the way Lincia drew such a clear line, it felt as though his lungs were being crushed.
If it hurt this much already, could he endure it once they truly became strangers?
“If you ever want to see the child, you may come at any time.”
“That won’t happen.”
“……”
“It would only cause confusion.”
“You said it yourself.”
“Children’s memories fade easily, so it’s better for everyone if you’re just someone who never existed.”
He was the one who had pushed Lincia’s back first.
So why did it feel as though he alone had fallen off the cliff?
Harvich could not understand it.
