Luckily, his circle of fair-weather friends reached him in time and dragged him out for drinks. They were the kind of drinking companions who came and went—bonds shallow, fleeting. When they were drunk, they clung to each other, laughing, crying, losing themselves in the chaos. Sometimes he couldn’t even tell who was who, only vaguely calling out, “this guy,” “that guy.”
But tonight was different.
When Shen Wang arrived, the place was filled with familiar faces—old regulars. Especially Viki, who spotted him the moment he walked in and immediately threw her arms around him, kissing his cheek hard.
“If you stayed away any longer, I swear I was going to die of boredom,” she said.
Shen Wang took off his coat and tossed it onto the sofa. Once everyone had gathered, the room erupted into a frenzy—lights flashing in dizzying neon colors, bodies swaying in rhythm. They were all beautiful, all young, all at their peak.
And yet, for the first time, he felt afraid of it.
Ji Xiao’s departure was like a passing wind—no trace left behind. No one asked how the funeral had gone, how it had felt, or why Ji Xiao had chosen to take his own life. It didn’t fit his image of the world at all, and yet no one questioned it. Life simply went on—if anything, more intensely than before. As if they were trying harder to drown something out.
Shen Wang hated that kind of forced calm, that hollow performance of normalcy.
And yet, more than anyone, he wanted to sink into the noise. He didn’t want to think about Ji Xiao at all—not even a little.
Viki leaned in again. “Just back from New York—did you meet any handsome guys?”
Shen Wang lit a cigarette and said deliberately, “I thought you’d ask me about Ji Xiao.”
Viki froze for a moment. “It’s all in the past. No point talking about it. The dead don’t come back—we’re the ones who have to keep living properly.”
“I thought you were pretty close to him. After all, I met him through you.”
“We only drank together a few times. Why do you keep bringing him up? It’s bad luck.”
Shen Wang held the cigarette between his lips, almost smiling—but the smile never fully formed.
Bad luck?
Ji Xiao had killed himself. What was there to be “unlucky” about?
But he didn’t say it out loud.
Instead, he slurred slightly, “Who organized tonight?”
“I was going to introduce you to someone,” Viki said coolly. “Didn’t expect you to walk in acting so unfriendly.”
Shen Wang quickly raised both hands in mock surrender. “My fault, my fault. I’m just not in a good mood—said the wrong things. Don’t take it personally. Drinks are on me tonight, as an apology.”
Viki still looked unimpressed.
Shen Wang moved closer, slipping an arm around her in an affectionate gesture, coaxing her with a few soft words before she finally softened a little.
Just as she seemed ready to bring up the “introduction” again, he cut in immediately.
“Let’s not set me up. I’m not looking to date right now.”
Viki glanced at him. “Who said anything about dating?”
“Then what?”
“Casual. He’s just in his early twenties, not looking to settle down either.”
Shen Wang shook his head. “Forget it. Older guys can’t beat younger ones anyway. No need for me to torture myself.”
Viki wiggled her brows at him, teasing. “So your taste has changed? Into mature older men now?”
Shen Wang gave a helpless smile. “No.”
“I’m just not interested.”
And then, unbidden, he thought of Gu Zhong—that indifferent expression, as if Shen Wang’s words weighed nothing at all. Like cotton drifting in the wind.
But that wasn’t Gu Zhong’s fault.
After a few rounds of drinks, Viki leaned against him again. “Really not interested? That guy is actually pretty good-looking. Half foreign, just a bit temperamental—childish, that’s all.”
Shen Wang waved her off. “No, really. I’m good.”
Viki studied him for a long moment. Then she smiled, certain of her conclusion.
“You haven’t gotten over Gu Zhong, have you?”
Shen Wang froze.
He said nothing.
“I know you love him,” Viki continued softly, “and I know you feel guilty. But you don’t actually want to live like you did a year ago, do you? No matter whose fault it was—you should let it go. Even if it was a huge mistake, you still need to forgive yourself.”
“I haven’t been unable to let him go,” Shen Wang said with a light laugh. “You’re all overestimating how deep I am. I’ve moved on ages ago. I just don’t feel like dating—it’s too much trouble.”
“Really?”
“Really. Absolutely,” he said, almost playfully. “You have to cater to the other person’s possessiveness, restrict yourself all over again. What’s the point? Too exhausting.”
Viki didn’t look convinced. She studied his eyes for a long time and sighed.
“You can fool anyone, Shen Wang. Just not me. I’ve known you for almost ten years.”
She patted his shoulder lightly. “If you still love him… I might have some good news. Want to hear it?”
“Go ahead.”
“His older brother’s health has taken a turn. Might not have much time left. The Huangtu Group is in chaos right now. Guess who they’ll call back to clean things up?”
Shen Wang paused. “His brother is that young…”
“Life doesn’t care about age,” Viki said calmly, lighting another cigarette. “Back then, the old man already disliked Gu Zhong’s mother. Now he still wants Gu Zhong to come back and inherit everything. But Gu Zhong… he’s not exactly obedient. Everyone knows he’s never gotten along with that old man.”
“If he refuses to come back, things are going to get interesting. His uncle’s already starting to buy up shares from minority stakeholders.”
Shen Wang rubbed the seam of his trousers. “He’ll come back,” he said quietly.
“He’s softer than anyone else.”
He couldn’t bear to watch his grandfather fall like that. He became even more defiant when facing strong opposition—but when confronted with something fragile, he would yield. That was why, back then, he always revealed his own helplessness in front of him, always seeking sympathy.
Thinking back now, he really had been utterly despicable.
Six years ago, he met Gu Zhong at a swimsuit party.
He had just walked up to the poolside, cigarette in hand, when Gu Zhong suddenly rose from the water—startling him. Water cascaded down his face and jaw in thick streams. His gaze was sharp, his body dangerously compelling. A textbook ABC type.
Almost everyone there—especially the gay men—held their breath.
Shen Wang did too.
He squinted through the smoke, watching him with a lazy smile.
But Gu Zhong’s expression was indifferent. He gave a cold laugh and walked away with long strides to grab a beer.
Shen Wang openly studied him without restraint—the sculpted abs, the V-line, the powerful legs beneath the swim trunks.
He tilted his head toward Viki. “Who is that?”
“The Huangtu young master. Grew up in the States, just back for the summer,” Viki teased. “Handsome, right? Built like that… thinking of making a move?”
Shen Wang exhaled a ring of smoke. “Let’s see.”
But the young master clearly didn’t like him.
When Shen Wang offered him a drink, Gu Zhong glanced at him coolly and didn’t take it.
When he offered a cigarette, he simply waved it away with detached refusal.
And Shen Wang—strangely enough—felt a small sting of disappointment.
