TYBMB 23

Chapter 23: Stirred
January 23, 2024

Hernant did not withdraw the hand he extended toward me. He waited calmly, like a gentleman inviting a lady he fancies to dance.

Before I took his hand, I asked him,

“If I refuse…?”

“Then I’ll be very angry. I might do something bad.”

“You’re threatening to do something bad just because I won’t dance with you? Is that a threat?”

“Of course, it’s a threat. So, what do you think? You have no choice but to dance with me, right?”

The shamelessness of openly admitting it was a threat.

I let out a deep sigh and finally took his hand.

“…Just one dance. As practice.”

Upon hearing my reply, Hernant signaled the violinist standing in the corner.

The violinist had come with Hernant—he had likely brought him from the start, intending to dance with me all along.

At this point, I truly had no excuse left not to dance, so I lightly stepped into the rhythm.

As I began to move, Hernant looked slightly surprised and spoke up.

“You said you didn’t even know the basics, but you’re doing well.”

“I’ve watched other ladies dance at events.”

“You’ve never had formal lessons and only watched, yet you’re this good? Impressive. Another week… no, just three more days of practice, and you’ll dance better than most.”

Thanks to training as a knight from a young age, I was far more agile than most noble ladies.

So, perhaps it was only natural that I’d pick up dancing quickly.

Hernant, holding my waist as we danced, nodded as if to say he’d expected as much.

“At this level, you won’t embarrass yourself at all. In fact, people will be surprised by your skill.”

“I’m glad to hear that… but I still don’t like it. I don’t want to draw attention. More than that, I feel guilty toward the person I promised to be my partner before agreeing with Your Majesty…”

“You’re still going on about that? That prior engagement—wasn’t it with Karl? He doesn’t suit you at all. As a knight, it’s awkward for him to be your solo partner. Unless—”

He trailed off and suddenly lowered his voice to whisper in my ear.

“Are you just using him as an excuse because you don’t want to be with me?”

“…”

I couldn’t answer for a moment.

Because it was true.

Hernant, sharp as always, had already figured out I was using Karl’s name to avoid being his partner.

When I said nothing, he gave a dry laugh as if confirming his suspicion.

“I don’t know how far I need to go to win back your favor. I thought I’d done enough.”

“You don’t have to do anything.”

“…”

“Some things can’t be undone, no matter how hard you try.”

It wasn’t a lie meant to provoke him.

I truly didn’t care if he made no effort to mend our relationship.

In fact, I wished he would stop altogether.

Once something is broken, you can’t just glue it back together and expect it to be like it was before.

Pointless efforts would only waste emotions for both of us.

“…”

At my cold reply, Hernant pressed his lips shut for a while.

We continued our quiet dance without any further words.

He didn’t speak again until the song was almost over.

“At least tell me why. Did you hear some ridiculous rumor about me?”

“I haven’t heard anything like that.”

“Then why the sudden change in attitude? Just say it.”

I wanted to tell him everything, but I couldn’t reveal the truth about returning in time.

So, I hesitated, thinking of how I might explain.

After a long silence, I finally confessed something else.

“You probably already know… but I once had feelings for you.”

“…”

“I loved you, even knowing it was one-sided. I believed that at the very least, you cherished me a little. And maybe… someday I might have a chance.”

Hearing my sudden confession, Hernant flinched.

He may have known about my feelings, but this was the first time I’d said it out loud.

He seemed surprised but quickly regained composure.

“I really do care about you, Yulia. I mean it.”

“You care about me?”

Hernant didn’t even blink as he lied.

It was impressive in a way, and I asked another question.

“Then… would you cry for me?”

“What?”

“If I drank poison and died, would you cry beside me?”

I already knew the answer.

But I still waited for him to respond.

Would he speak the truth? Or lie to win me over?

Curious to know which it would be, I waited patiently.

Unfortunately, he chose to lie.

“…Of course. If you died, I’d be truly devastated. I’d cry more than anyone else ever could.”

“…”

“So don’t even talk about dying.”

When he said he’d “cry more than anyone else,” I nearly burst out laughing.

How could he lie so boldly, without even changing his expression?

I still vividly remembered the smile he wore as I lay dying. And yet, he could say this to my face.

Suppressing the tangled emotions rising inside me, I called out to him.

“Your Majesty… no, Hernant.”

I had called him “Your Majesty” my whole life, but now I didn’t want to.

As his name passed through my lips, surprise flashed across his face.

His hand, still resting on my waist, trembled.

I leaned in closer to him, exhaled a shaky breath, and whispered in his ear.

“If I die, you won’t cry.”

“…”

“I’m sure of it. And that… is why I’m avoiding you.”

After saying that, I pulled away from him.

In response, Hernant tightened his grip on my waist, pulling me back toward him.

Our bodies almost met again—but just then, thankfully, the music ended.

Even as the song ended, he held me tightly, only letting go when Johannes began approaching.

“…Let’s finish this conversation at the event.”

With those parting words, Hernant turned and walked away.

He quickly distanced himself from me and Johannes, while I sighed watching his retreating figure.

“To continue at the event,” he had said…

I thought ending things would be as simple as letting go, but I had a bad feeling our connection would drag on longer than I’d hoped.

On the way back to the Imperial Palace.

In the carriage, Hernant bit down hard on his lower lip.

The conversation he’d had with Yulia kept muddling his thoughts.

Earlier, while dancing with Hernant, Yulia had said:

You won’t cry for me if I die. That’s why I’m avoiding you.

Her face had been so serious that Hernant could tell it wasn’t a joke.

But—

“…Nonsense.”

Hernant dismissed her words as nonsense.

How could she say with certainty whether he would cry or not after she died?

She hadn’t even died yet.

So he didn’t believe her.

There had to be another reason Yulia was avoiding him.

There were plenty of factors around her that could have swayed her heart.

Was it Martin’s doing? Or had she discovered the secret plan he was quietly preparing?

As he speculated, Hernant bit his nail.

If Martin had lured her away, that would be a relief.

But if she had found out about the secret plan…

Then their relationship truly couldn’t be repaired.

Because what he was planning was that dangerous.

No one could be allowed to find out.

I’ll assume Martin got to her first, he thought, finally lowering his hand from his mouth.

It left a bitter taste, but he didn’t care.

He would simply take her back.

Yulia was still useful.

And not just because she was a knight.

Her slim, firm waist he had held during the dance.

Her cool scent that tickled his nose with every movement…

Though the dance had been brief, every part of her had etched itself into his mind.

For the first time in his life, Yulia’s curves, her scent, her skin had stirred something in him.

He had never felt this way before—even when she wore her knight’s uniform.

He had felt desire for the first time.

“…”

Clenching his eyes shut as he recalled Yulia’s image, Hernant suddenly balled his fist.

With that same hand that once held her—

He resolved to seize Yulia once more.