TMLOH 94

Chapter : 94

Darkness melts away.

Pession stood against a backdrop of light breaking into tiny fragments. The sight was so surreal, it felt like a dream.

“Pession…?”

Could it really be him?

I doubted whether this was another illusion appearing in a different form to consume me, but the warmth of his hand holding mine, the radiant, sun-like smile—it was all undeniably the real Pession.

“How… how did you get here?”

“I came to find you.”

“Is this a dream?”

“It’s not a dream.”

His firm hand held mine tightly.

“I got some help.”

His delicate eyelashes fluttered as he blinked. His moist, longing-filled eyes met mine.

“I missed you so much. I kept thinking about you while walking, and then I really saw you.”

Seeing Pession’s smile that seemed as dreamlike as this moment, I remembered what my dad once told me when he handed me a compass:
If you walk while thinking of someone you want to see, whatever appears, it means you’re on the right path.

“What did you do?”

“I saw you get caught up in everything, and I just couldn’t stay still…”

I didn’t even hear Pession’s mumbling explanation about how he came all this way. Immortals or whatever didn’t matter. None of it mattered.

Because Pession was right here in front of me.

“No one stopped you?”

“….”

Pession blinked rapidly, then his eyes closed slightly as he smiled. A truly radiant smile, yet…

“You didn’t tell anyone, did you?”

“….”

His smile stiffened. The way he subtly glanced at me showed he knew he had done something foolish. Smart as he is, he couldn’t not know.

“Are you going to scold me?”

I should. I should tell him never to do something so reckless again.

But his hand was so warm, his appearance so perfectly timed, that I felt like crying and just laughed instead.

“You’re so bad.”

Why do you show up at moments like this?

I had clearly resolved not to do anything.

I was exhausted and fed up with hoping, expecting, and loving someone.

I had planned to just exist as a breathing corpse, doing nothing, until it was time to die as my fate dictated.

“So yes, you’re bad.”

“A-Arelin? Why are you about to cry all of a sudden?”

“It’s all your fault.”

You keep grabbing me, shaking me.

You look at me as if you’ll do everything for me.

How could I not love you?

You throw your whole self for me.

“A-Arel. Are you… crying?!”

“I’m not crying.”

Something felt wet at the tips of my eyelashes, but I stubbornly insisted it wasn’t tears.

Pession didn’t know what to do and fidgeted around me before gently holding my hands.

“Don’t cry…”

His hands were so warm. So tender. And then the tears broke through.

“I was wrong. I’m bad. It’s all my fault, so please, don’t cry.”

I loved Pession for trying to console me every time I cried, loved him for the way he hurt so much seeing me in pain, and I felt a despair that seemed like the end of the world.

Why does it feel sad when it’s so good?

After a long moment of hesitation, Pession quietly embraced me.

“I just didn’t want to leave you alone.”

He laughed softly, saying he came every day but it failed.

“I want you to always smile.”

The pouring light.

“I want you to be happy.”

You, shining like that light.

“I want to make you happy.”

A moment that made my breath catch.

“And…”

“….”

“I want to be there beside you.”

Sharing a desire so simple it almost seems modest, Pession pulled me with that innocent, radiant smile.

“So let’s go back together.”

My Adam’s apple moved.

They say people shouldn’t rely on others for salvation, but ironically, only humans can truly save other humans.

Am I the only one who can truly save myself?

No.

No matter how much I tried to save myself, I knew it would’ve been impossible without this hand holding mine.

Humans cannot live alone.

I know that.

This may not be salvation for you, but for me, it’s nothing less than that.

“I don’t want to be alone.”

Too lonely. I hate being lonely now.

“I’ll stay with you.”

“For how long?”

“As long as you want.”

“And if it’s for life?”

“Then I’d be happy with that.”

Pession smiled, extending his hand without a hint of annoyance.

“I’d almost want to nag you about it.”

Even if it’s not a lifetime, even eternity would be fine, he said, smiling brightly.

What does a kid who hasn’t even lived ten years know?

I laughed, incredulous, and Pession laughed too, extending his hand to my nose.

“Let’s go back now.”

I stared at his hand.

I felt that if I just took that hand, I could escape all my worries and be free.

But…

“Can you wait a moment?”

“What for?”

“To say goodbye?”

Something I could only do now.

“Huh?”

Leaving Pession waiting, I turned around.

Saebom, this Saebom. A phantom, desperate to drag me deeper, summoned the darkness again before me.

To crush me.

“Here…”

Pession’s voice was filled with surprise at the instantly transformed surroundings.

I laughed, looking at his eyes sparkling under the stage lights.

“I think I can do it now.”

And I grasped my friend I could never meet again, Guarneri.

“I’m so late, aren’t I?”

Even if it’s an illusion, the violin I held felt completely natural, despite its small size and my changed hands and body.

Placing it on my shoulder and securing it with my chin was fluid, like water.

It felt like one with my body.

“It’s been a while.”

It felt like I had been waiting a long time for this moment.

My violin had been waiting a long time for my wandering self.

“What are you going to do?”

“Prove something.”

Perhaps because it was an illusion meant to break me, everything was just as it had been that day in my memory.

The air, the temperature, the people, the atmosphere.

Even the look in my mother’s eyes from afar.

“No, it’s not about proving anymore.”

I just wanted to play.

I hadn’t played since that day.

“Listen to me.”

This was only possible with Pession here.

I lifted the bow I was holding.

Zing.

The moment the bow met the strings,

A soft, sweet melody like cotton candy filled the air.

“―!”

Music so fluffy it could make anyone fall in love instantly.

Edward Elgar’s Salut d’Amour.

The sheet music my mother had played for me first, my favorite.

The only listener in this moment, Pession, watched with wide eyes, hearing my violin’s melody.

The elegant tune revived happy memories, flowing softly.

A world where only my violin and I remained. Step by step, note by note, a beautiful melody unfolded.

Even though I had played violin before, I had never felt such unity and immersion.

A performance only for me.

Ah. So this is what it feels like.

“…It’s fun.”

Music had always been a means of proof for me.

Higher achievement. Greater honor. A tool to become what my mother wanted me to be.

Goals that weren’t mine.

Achievements that weren’t mine.

A life that wasn’t mine.

My mother’s obsessive love that was never for me.

I suffocated, trying to fit into the ideal she made.

But this… this was truly my sound.

Yes.

I am alive here.

With the melody spreading softly, all my past memories melted into the darkness. Pain, sorrow, anguish, regrets, all of it.

“Huh?”

Something strange happened then.

The solid nightmare surrounding us wavered. Light seeped in through the cracked landscape.

As if it were breaking down this artificial scene.

• Saebom. Our daughter.

• You need to see your mother. Will you disappoint her? Again?

• You should listen to your mother, okay?

The nightmare mimicked my mother’s voice, as if it knew what could hurt me the most.

I could see my mother, just as I remembered her last.

“Mom.”

The one I loved so much and still love.

“You were a really bad mother.”

Where else would there be a daughter as good as me?

“But I forgive you. I love you.”

I had resented her, wished her unhappiness.

I had wanted her to lose me and regret it to her bones.

But even after all that hatred, I still loved her, hoping she wouldn’t hurt too much.

“Be happy.”

I’m fine now.

“I will be happy too.”

In the end, all that remains is countless memories of love.

A delicate, soft melody rings sweetly. The melody of love she first played for me.

Zing.

Salut d’Amour ends.