TIRS 86

CHAPTER 86…………………………….

 Confession.

Originally, it wasn’t supposed to be this way.

Whether that woman lived or died as a sacrifice for the player’s awakening—

It had nothing to do with me.

So I shouldn’t have cared.

Even if she kept lingering in my mind, distracting me.

But in the end, I interfered.

I forced that pitiful guy to log out and made Ruivel the player.

At first, I thought it was just a passing whim, a momentary curiosity.

A brief but intense interest, sparked when I saw her handling my half a heart.

But the interest that I thought would fade quickly never waned with time.

Seeing her made me happy.

I wanted to keep looking into those amber eyes that widened like a frightened rabbit whenever they met mine.

I wanted to keep watching those lips that, like a wary cat raising its fur, still always spoke her mind to the very end.

Maybe that was why.

Even knowing that revealing myself as a bug would injure me fatally, I still chose to save her.

“Why should we kill the Light Dragon?”

Thud—!

The moment I heard her question, my heart sank strangely.

It was the first time anyone had ever questioned it.

Everyone else simply accepted it as natural—that I had to die.

Even Helheim himself.

It had been so long that I could no longer recall the very first moment, but hadn’t even I once longed for death?

Ruivel Azester was a truly peculiar woman.

“No… was she really the first?”

As he recalled her, Helheim found himself smiling unconsciously, but then froze, blinking in confusion.

It felt oddly familiar—like he’d once heard those very words, from someone dear.

But he quickly chuckled and shook his head.

Nonsense.

“Someone dear”?

For someone who had longed only for eternal rest, such feelings shouldn’t even exist.

Those foolish emotions—things only humans could harbor—there was no way they could remain in him…

So Helheim ignored both the sinking feeling in his chest at Ruivel’s question and the inexplicable nostalgia that came with it.

After that, slowly, without realizing it, he began to sink into her.

At some point, his gaze was always fixed on Ruivel.

When he saw her smile while talking with others, a smile would linger at his own lips.

When he saw her being dismissed by others, that violent temper of his, long absent in her presence, would rise again.

When he saw her escorted home by another man, he felt a childish, petty jealousy he couldn’t comprehend.

And when she was in danger beyond his reach…

It was unbearable. Truly unbearable.

Ruivel Azester was the master of the prophecy—the one destined to cut out the Light Dragon’s heart, to end his breath.

Of course it was natural to be angry if something happened to her, since it would disrupt his goal.

But why did her being in danger feel this utterly dreadful, this despairing?

He, who had endured the agony of death repeated hundreds of times with only annoyance—why did even a hint of danger to her feel so unbearable?

Perhaps Helheim should have realized it then.

That the fierce curiosity he felt when they first met, the sinking sensation at her words, the way he could no longer look away from her—

All of it had been love.

Helheim realized it a little too late.

“I… I think I might like Her Highness.”

Until he met her, he had always awaited eternal rest.

But now, he found himself wanting to know her more, and for the first time, longing not for death—but for life.

“What a foolish, extravagant thought.”

He forced a laugh, denying his feelings.

In the mists of the forest, fragments of long-forgotten memories returned.

He remembered how the fire called love had consumed the one who bore that sorrowful name.

He remembered how powerless he had been, standing before the death of someone he failed to protect.

“I… I don’t deserve this.”

He knew.

He was not worthy of loving or being loved.

And above all, Ruivel was the master of the prophecy, the [Player] defined by the system itself.

Even if he had been the one to make her a player, even if he had been forced to save her—

The path before her led only to killing the Light Dragon Helheim.

Or, like the players before her, failing to kill him and vanishing instead…

“That—I won’t allow.”

Helheim felt his fists clench tight.

Better to give her his heart than let her disappear.

Once was enough—losing someone forever because he couldn’t protect them.

So feelings like wanting her, or longing to be with her—had to be cut away, ignored.

For her sake, not his.

Throb—

Strange.

Why does it hurt this much?

Why does ignoring his feelings for her, for her sake, hurt so unbearably, like thorns piercing the half-heart he had left?

And when he found her lying deathly still on the bed—

Those thorns tore into him.

Even knowing she was alive, he was seized by the dread that she might vanish from his side at any moment.

Ironically, it was only then that he could no longer suppress the desire he’d once discarded.

Ruivel.

I will never stand by and watch.

Not you leaving me, nor me leaving you.

I think I really do… like you.

So very much.

Greedy thoughts kept arising.

It felt as though she couldn’t awaken because he had ignored his own heart.

So he decided.

When she awoke, he would bare everything to her.

But—

…

“You’re not him, are you?”

Before he could confess, Ruivel discovered he wasn’t human.

“Where’s the real Anselot Luenhart?”

Those amber eyes he had always thought beautiful now shone with sharp certainty.

Helheim realized he could hide nothing anymore.

She had discovered his secret, and his resolve to confess his feelings collapsed into emptiness.

How clever she was—to piece everything together from just a few hints.

Was she disappointed?

Surely she was.

The thought crushed him more painfully than anything else.

“Who… are you?”

Her faintly trembling voice made Helheim bite into his cheek until it bled.

The bitter taste filled his mouth.

“…You ask who I am?”

The words that slipped out were chillingly cold.

A defense mechanism, to deny the reality unraveling before him.

“Who do you think I am?”

Yet even against that icy voice, Ruivel stood tall, her gaze unshaken, fixed on him.

That unwavering look nearly made him lose himself, but he held on.

“I thought you were like me. Once a human, but turned into a bug for defying the system.”

“…”

“But no. You’re something else, borrowing the name of Anselot Luenhart. You’re not… human, are you?”

Hearing her edge closer to the truth, Helheim’s throat quivered.

“Her Highness is right. I am not human.”

As he admitted it, his lips twisted into a crooked smile.

“So… do you regret it? Kissing me?”

It was a petty, crooked remark, typical of the corrupted man he was.

He would be pained if she said she regretted it, yet he rushed to speak before she could say it herself.

Like some sulky teenager.

Her brow twitched in irritation, and then—

“That’s not the point!”

Her voice rang out sharply.

Helheim flinched, stepping back instinctively.

But Ruivel seized his collar immediately, giving him no room to retreat.

“Why do you keep hiding things from me? How long am I supposed to not know you?”

“W-wait, Your Highness, I—”

“I want to know more about you.”

Her words cut through his excuses. Her voice was steady, but carried an unhidden tremor.

Helheim’s eyes shook violently.

“Ruivel… wants to know more about me…?”

Her words mirrored the very thoughts that had consumed him these past days.

“Don’t you? Isn’t it strange, for someone like me?”

“I…”

He tried to answer, but the words caught in his throat.

Seeing him falter, Ruivel began to loosen her grip on his collar—

But at that moment, he seized her hand tighter.

As if he couldn’t let her slip away.

As if he couldn’t endure even a moment of distance from her.

So firm, so desperate.

“I’m curious about you too, Ruivel.”

At last, the words lodged in his throat spilled out.

Her eyes widened slightly.

“I want to know you. Maybe even more than you think—I can’t stop thinking about you.”

Helheim suddenly pulled her into his arms, whispering at her ear:

“For so long, my only goal in life was to shatter the Light Dragon’s heart… but now, for the first time, I have another wish.”

A new wish, born for the first time.

To live. To live with Ruivel.

That small seed of desire had taken deep root, driving him forward.

“Ruivel.”

His lips brushed past her ear, landing at the corner of her mouth.

“I like you.”

A plain, unadorned confession.

“Even if you’re disappointed in me, even if you regret kissing me.”

“…”

“I still like you.”

With warm breath, he poured out his heart.

“I think I love you.”

“…”

Ruivel only stared at him in silence, her eyes soon contorting as if she might cry.

“Why… why only now…?”

“I love you, Lulu.”

At that deep confession, Ruivel buried her face into his chest.

Helheim gently lifted her face, slowly leaning in.

And with love overflowing, he kissed her lips—baring his heart completely.