Chapter 4
The thought struck her with overwhelming force.
That can’t be it.
But then…
Why had he healed her?
So she could escape?
They had crossed swords only once.
Would he really open an escape route for someone like her after a single battle?
Impossible.
No matter how influential he was—even if he was one of the Empire’s few grand dukes—he could never betray the Empire like that.
Yet the question refused to leave her mind.
Why did he heal me?
Why?
Why?
Unless…
Could he have some twisted perversion? Heal me first, violate me, then kill me?
The thought was horrifying.
She would rather bite off her own tongue and die right here.
Perdia sorted through the countless thoughts racing through her head.
Eventually, she reached a conclusion.
She gave a firm nod.
Watching her carefully, Ereb smiled faintly.
Perdia answered without hesitation.
“Kill me.”
“Kill you?”
“Yes. Kill me. I won’t resist. It’s better to die by your hand than be impaled, skinned alive, and burned at the stake. I won’t fight back. Just kill me.”
That was her conclusion.
Even if she escaped, leaving the Empire was practically impossible.
Even if she somehow made it back to her homeland…
Her kingdom no longer existed.
She would spend the rest of her life as a wanted criminal.
And the man standing before her…
She had experienced his strength firsthand.
Even with her body fully restored, she couldn’t escape his sight.
It was far better to die here than be captured while fleeing and end up impaled.
Perdia stood, then slowly knelt before him.
Ereb watched her impassively, one eyebrow rising.
“Do you regret not taking my head back then?”
“Or are you pitying me?”
“Well, it doesn’t matter.”
“Kill me.”
“I’ll stay still.”
“It’s better to die by your hand than end up on a stake.”
Kill me.
She quietly closed her eyes.
Ereb stared at her silent figure for a long moment before letting out a small laugh and nodding.
“Why aren’t you struggling to live?”
“…What?”
“I’m asking about your rightful claim to your own life.”
“So why are you choosing death?”
Perdia looked up.
Ereb quietly met her eyes before gently biting his lower lip.
“I already told you.”
“I wanted to hear your opinion.”
“And your answer to ‘Do you want to die?’ is simply ‘Please kill me’?”
“…That’s…”
“Do you really have no will to live?”
“Not even the desire to deceive me and escape this situation?”
“What exactly are you trying to say?”
She glared at him sharply.
“I’m already as good as dead.”
“I have no allies in this Empire.”
“I’m sincerely grateful that you healed me.”
“I never imagined I’d be able to walk on my own legs again.”
“But what changes because of that?”
Her deeply furrowed brow revealed all her anguish.
“If I tell you I want to live, what changes?”
“I’m a criminal here.”
“An outsider.”
“I’m not some petty thief who stole a loaf of bread meant for customers.”
“If I walked through the streets with a sign bearing my name around my neck…”
“They’d all throw stones at me.”
“No.”
“They’d throw everything they could find.”
“To them…”
“I’m the criminal who stole their brothers.”
“Their families.”
“Their friends.”
“Their lovers.”
“I’m a monster.”
“So what changes if I tell you I want to live?”
“Nothing.”
She lowered her head.
The brief hope she had experienced was enough.
If nothing else…
She was satisfied that she might at least receive an ordinary death.
“So kill me.”
“I won’t argue anymore.”
“Thank you for healing me.”
“But once I’m taken back, they’ll cut my tendons again and execute me on a stake.”
“So kill me.”
“With the same Desire that defeated me that day.”
“…”
Despite her resolute voice, Ereb gave no response.
He simply looked down at her.
Perdia closed her eyes and waited for whatever he intended to do.
Her heart pounded so violently it made her stomach churn.
If she had known a prankish whim would lead to such a disastrous end…
She would have gone back in time and screamed at herself to stop.
You idiot.
Didn’t you realize you’d end up dying like this?
No.
She hadn’t.
She had never imagined she wasn’t the protagonist of this novel.
Wearing a bitter smile of self-mockery, she waited for him to move.
At last—
His firmly planted feet shifted.
Shrring.
The sound of a sword sliding free from its scabbard echoed through the room.
The familiar, icy sensation of steel touched her neck.
She swallowed hard.
His voice drifted down from above.
“Any last words?”
“I told you before.”
“I don’t have any.”
“No keepsakes.”
“Just kill me.”
“I’ll allow you a final statement.”
“I don’t have one.”
“Just kill me.”
“Cut off my head.”
“Pierce my heart.”
“Just kill me.”
Because any death by your hand…
Would be kinder than everything else waiting for me.
At her final whisper, Ereb nodded.
The blade resting against her neck withdrew.
She heard the rustle of his clothes.
He had probably raised his sword high above his head—
As though it could pierce the ceiling and split the heavens themselves.
She already knew she was destined to die.
She knew this death was merciful compared to every punishment awaiting her.
Even so…
She was afraid.
She had always believed death walked beside her.
But that wasn’t true.
Only other people’s deaths…
In the end…
One’s own death always came at another’s hand.
Perdia quietly waited for hers.
How much time passed?
Five minutes?
Ten?
An hour?
Or had it only been a few seconds—
So brief that even her kneeling legs hadn’t begun to ache?
Confused, Perdia slowly raised her head.
Instead of a descending blade—
She found herself staring into Ereb’s black eyes.
Her mouth fell open.
His hand reached toward her face.
His thumb gently brushed beneath her eye.
Only then did she realize the dampness there.
“…Why are you crying?”
“…What?”
Even though she now knew she had been crying all along, she instinctively questioned him out of embarrassment.
She bit her lip and looked at him blankly.
“You told me to kill you.”
“You said dying by my hand was better than dying cruelly.”
“Wasn’t that the conclusion you came to?”
“That was…”
“You wanted my sword to take your head.”
“…Yes.”
“I did.”
“Then why are you crying?”
“I…”
Do I… not want to die?
Perdia lowered her gaze.
Do I want to die?
Or not?
She didn’t know.
Conflicting emotions churned violently inside her.
“I want to hear your own answer.”
“I want to give you a choice.”
Was it just her imagination…
Or did his voice sound unbelievably gentle?
“Tell me…”
“What do you truly want?”
What I truly want…?
She looked up again.
Why was this man looking at her with such kindness?
Why was he gently wiping away the tears running down her cheeks?
Why was he giving her a choice?
Why had he healed her?
“…I want to live.”
“I don’t want to die.”
“Who actually wants to die?”
“I don’t want to die meaninglessly in a foreign land.”
“My homeland doesn’t exist anywhere in this world anymore…”
“But…”
“I still don’t want to die like this.”
“I want to live.”
As if giving voice to the feelings buried deep inside her heart—
Her trembling confession was accompanied by fresh tears rolling down her cheeks.
Why was she crying?
Because she was miserable?
Because she was grieving?
“Fedi.”
His gentle voice called her nickname.
She looked up once more.
His large hands carefully wiped away the tears from both of her eyes before softly stroking her hair.
Such warm…
Such gentle hands.
Perdia slowly parted her lips.
Ereb smiled.
“I’ve been waiting to hear those words.”
Her face bright red, Perdia sat awkwardly in her chair.
She couldn’t think of what to say.
Watching her eyes dart around in embarrassment, Ereb leaned back comfortably with a faint smile.
“Feeling a little better now?”
“Y-Yeah.”
Damn it.
Avoiding his gaze, Perdia forced out the reply.
Once the emotions she’d buried had burst free…
They overwhelmed everything she’d built to contain them.
She hadn’t sobbed aloud.
Yet the tears simply refused to stop.
Watching her cry without even understanding why she was crying…
Ereb quietly stood, guided her into the chair, handed her a tissue, and turned his back to her without a word.
As though he intentionally didn’t want to watch her cry.
The fact that his silent consideration only made her cry even harder…
Remained Perdia’s secret alone.
After a long while, the tears finally stopped.
When the corners of her eyes had begun to dry and she had calmed down enough to speak again…
Ereb slowly opened his mouth.
“So…”
“The answer to my question is that you don’t want to die.”
“…Why even ask?”
“You already heard everything.”
Feeling unbearably embarrassed—as though he’d seen straight into the deepest part of her heart—Perdia pouted slightly.
Ereb set down the teacup in his hand.
Watching him cautiously, she asked,
“So…”
“Hm?”
“If I say I want to live…”
“What changes?”
“A lot.”
“Your determination is the important part.”
“My determination?”
“Yeah.”
“Those eyes that looked like someone who’d already given up on life…”
“They’re gone now.”
“And for now…”
“That’s enough.”
“‘Given up on life’…”
She had never been able to see her own expression.
Still…
She could imagine it.
Sitting there absentmindedly with lifeless, dead-fish eyes.
“Anyway.”
“So now…”
“If I place my life in your hands—”
“I told you to call me Ereb.”
“…Damn it.”
Her muttered curse amused him.
Ereb grinned broadly.
She didn’t like that smile.
But he was also the only ally she had in this place.
Suppressing her irritation, she reluctantly continued.
“E-Ereb…”
“Even if I tell you I want to live…”
“My position won’t change.”
“I’ll still be executed.”
“Because I’m a criminal in the Empire.”
“Right?”
She nodded.
Watching her, Ereb crossed one long leg over the other.
Only then did she realize just how tall he really was.
“I’ll give you the conclusion first.”
“Fedi.”
“You can live.”
“…I can?”
“Really?”
“Yes.”
“Of course, killing the commander of an enemy nation’s knights would be normal during war.”
“But the war is over.”
“You’re certainly a criminal.”
“But punishing you now doesn’t actually benefit the Empire.”
“It might calm people’s anger.”
“But it won’t bring the dead back.”
“So the Empire has to make a rational decision.”
“A rational decision?”
“The Kingdom of Artia may have been weaker than the Astram Empire…”
“But it wasn’t a tiny nation.”
“We eliminated the royal family.”
“And most of the prominent nobles.”
“But after acquiring such a vast territory…”
“We still need a foundation to govern it.”
“It’s far better to embrace the people than slaughter everyone and build new cities from scratch.”
“But there would still be security issues.”
“And the risk of rebellion.”
“Exactly.”
“That’s why you’re here.”
“…Huh?”
What did he mean?
Perdia’s eyes widened.
Ereb smiled brightly.
“The Poeheim family actively participated in the war.”
“But…”
“They’re all still alive.”
“…Alive?”
“My family?”
She had assumed they were all dead.
When the kingdom fell…
She had believed the Poeheim family must have been destroyed because she had served as its Knight Commander.
But—
“How?”
“How could my family still be alive?”
She had never once imagined such a possibility.
Leaning forward so suddenly that she nearly slipped off her chair, she braced herself against the table.
Ereb calmly lifted his teacup before she could accidentally knock it over.
