MT 21

Chapter 21

The black water had no bottom. In the wavering vision, light gradually faded away.

His breath caught in his throat. Deep in his lungs, where breath had escaped, an unbearable moisture filled the void. Kian was driven to a distant terror, feeling as if his breath would stop at any moment.

Even if he tried to cry for help, it was useless since no voice would come out. Even as he flailed his arms and kicked his legs, there was nothing to grab onto, let alone reach.

A sense of helplessness overwhelmed him. Watching the rising bubbles, he could only sink deeper and deeper, powerless. Kian was being consumed by darkness of unfathomable depth.

When the pain crossed its threshold, an unreal sense of peace arrived.

So this is how I die. At the moment he finally sensed the end, an unintelligible song melted into his ears.

An angel’s voice.

Or perhaps a devil’s whisper?

Whatever the judgment might be for his worthless life, he didn’t particularly want to know. Whichever it was, what he wanted wouldn’t change.

If only they would let him disappear without a trace. As he made that pathetic promise to offer even his soul in return, light suddenly burst into his vision.

A life that was never permitted from the start wasn’t easily permitted death either.

* * *

The sky after the rain was refreshing. Only the waves, grown taller now, continued their advance and retreat, undulating.

His head felt hazy. Waking up slightly later than usual, Kian immediately leaned against the single sofa next to the balcony.

Usually, the day after a nightmare was chaos. That’s why he wouldn’t let anyone serve tea, instead calling Matilda to quietly take care of things.

But strangely enough.

The room was spotlessly clean. As if nothing had happened.

Has Matilda already been here? No, that had never happened before. She was always careful about examining her master’s private matters.

In other words, she never acted without being called. Besides, since Kian locked his door before sleeping, it was physically impossible for Matilda to have sneaked in.

Then, knock knock. Despite no answer, someone carefully entered the room.

Vivianne. It was her.

“…Good morning.”

She greeted him hesitantly, somehow unable to meet his eyes. Kian carefully took in her approaching figure.

Though not extravagant, wearing the indoor dress certainly changed her bearing. Just as Matilda had said, she looked like a well-bred young lady.

“……”

Meanwhile, Vivianne was watching his reaction.

Yesterday at dawn, after she sang to him and some time passed, Kian’s condition calmed down.

As the rain subsided, his fever dropped, and after confirming that Kian was breathing evenly, she too could finally catch her breath.

And only then did she notice the chaos in the room. Now that she knew, she couldn’t just ignore it.

The fact that Kian had locked the door, his agitated response when she said she would call someone – it all bothered her.

If someone were to see this, his mood would plummet again.

Most worrying was the thought of him waking up to see his ruined room and remembering last night’s events. When that thought occurred to her, she couldn’t just stand by.

Vivianne cleared away the broken vase pieces and roses without leaving a trace, and left the room around dawn.

And she felt relieved to see him awake at his usual time.

She deliberately set up the tea set as if nothing had happened and placed the newspaper. Usually, when he opened the newspaper, she would start pouring tea with a gentle trickling sound.

That’s how she had learned and always done it, but instead of reaching for the newspaper, Kian suddenly grabbed her right wrist.

…What’s this?

Her heart sank.

“How did you get hurt this time?”

Having discovered the cut on her fingertip, Kian immediately began questioning her.

What should she answer?

Last night, Kian clearly wasn’t in his right mind. Did he not remember her coming here? Or was he questioning her while knowing? Her mind went blank, and she couldn’t speak.

“Well, I suppose the reason doesn’t matter.”

“…Pardon?”

“I assigned two people to look after you, but neither did their job properly. I should question them instead.”

He must mean Matilda and Theodore. The blame had fallen where she never imagined.

She never thought he would make such an issue over just a cut finger. Vivianne, flustered, rushed to defend them.

“Ah, no. They’re not at fault. It’s all my fault.”

“Why is it your fault?”

“They thought I was sleeping. It’s entirely my responsibility and has nothing to do with them.”

“You got hurt alone at night? How?”

His face was expressionless. That felt more chilling than if he had been angry.

When Vivianne couldn’t respond, Kian gestured toward the side table.

“There was a vase here with lots of roses in it. The breaking sound was probably that vase. And coincidentally, you cut your hand.”

“……”

“Do I need to say more?”

Since he already knew everything, denying it would be foolish.

She had no choice but to confess.

“…I came here at night.”

Vivianne squeezed her eyes shut and lowered her head.

“I heard something breaking and was worried. I thought you might feel bad seeing the broken pieces in the morning, so I cleaned up on my own. I wasn’t trying to hide it deliberately. I’m sorry.”

She just wanted to help because she was worried about him. Had it been presumptuous meddling? She had hoped he wouldn’t get hurt, and wished he wouldn’t be wounded.

But considering how Kian wanted to keep his vulnerabilities hidden, it might have been unwelcome kindness.

She knew that. And yet.

She questioned herself.

If she could go back to last night, could she have ignored that pain?

Just because it was something he didn’t want to show?

Even if it was for Kian’s sake?

She wasn’t sure.

Her heart felt heavy, thinking that what she’d meant as consideration might have scratched at his wounds again.

“Even after taking off your maid’s clothes, you’re still doing a maid’s work.”

He finally released her wrist. Her pale hand fell limply.

“Don’t serve tea anymore. You’re not a maid now.”

“Then why did you keep me that day? You still haven’t… told me the reason.”

It was a somewhat impulsive question.

But it was also her honest feeling.

Without any explanation, Kian had dressed her in pretty clothes, given her a nice room, and assigned his trusted people to her. Yet he would get angry like this and speak rudely.

Too cold to suggest affection.

Yet too kind to suggest hatred.

Too dependent on his moods to be a noble lady, yet told it wasn’t her place when she tried to serve.

It was confusing to receive both kindness and rudeness without understanding why.

Some days she felt hopeful from Kian’s kindness, other days her mood would plummet when she felt disliked.

Yes. He had said he had something to tell her.

Because he needed her and wanted her.

She wanted to hear now what she hadn’t heard that day because she’d fallen asleep.

“I’ve been treating you too well, and it seems you don’t understand your situation.”

“…Pardon?”

“Shall I show you? What kind of existence you are in this house?”

Without waiting for an answer, Kian stood up and strode away. Then came the small tinkling sound from the bell pull.

Usually when he did that, a maid would enter. So he must want to call a maid.

What was he planning to do? Before she could guess his intentions, there was a knock at the door.

In an instant, Kian came close and pulled her waist from behind with one arm. Vivianne’s body followed into his embrace like a rag doll.

With the sensation of her back loosening, Vivianne’s face turned deathly pale.

“Come in.”

He released her as he permitted the maid’s entry. Vivianne stepped away from his embrace, not understanding what was happening.

“You called, Master.”

The maid who entered bowed her head promptly at her master’s command. Though her pose was respectful, one could sense her effort not to steal glances.

Knowing what those glances meant, her face burned red. She wanted to leave this room as quickly as possible.

“Ah, Vivi. Wait.”

Just as she was about to rush out, she was caught in Kian’s embrace again.

He casually pulled Vivianne like a doll and retied the back laces of her indoor dress that he had loosened.

For a man to help dress a woman – unless completely mad, it was something a noble man would never do.

“Draw a bath.”

He casually instructed the maid. When the maid didn’t respond, he asked again, somewhat irritably.

“Did you not hear me?”

“…Ah, yes. I’ll prepare it right away.”

Was she flustered? The maid’s voice trembled.

Her legs felt weak enough to collapse. Perhaps noticing this, instead of releasing Vivianne, he held her more firmly.

“Shall we bathe together?”