Chapter : 19
Why’s this crazy bastard laughing? Hessen was horrified at the sight, cursing inwardly as he lifted a pitcher of water.
“Ah, sure. He’s acting like a person who lost his memories.”
He answered casually, but the moment he said it, it felt like something was amiss. Owen wasn’t the kind of man who’d talk nonsense. There must be more to it than that.
Placing the pitcher back down after pouring some water for himself into a glass, Hessen soon turned to face Owen.
“What is it?”
“Hm.”
“Hey you, no I mean, Brother. Tell me the truth. What’s going on? That guy’s suddenly acting weird.”
“How strange was he acting?”
“Don’t change the subject!”
Owen kept pretending not to know, and Hessen’s temper quickly flared. He gulped down the water in his glass and then asked with a rather threatening tone.
“Tell me. What’s going on.”
“Who knows…”
Not having smoked through half his cigarette, Owen extinguished it on the ashtray and rose from the sofa he had been lounging on.
Hessen was speechless. Owen was really leaving without answering properly here.
That bastard. He would surely kneel down one day.
Whenever Owen acted in this way, Hessen became so terribly irritated. Being ignored like this was always the worst.
As he couldn’t hold back his anger, he summoned his elemental spirit. But just as usual, there was nothing he could do.
Hessen clenched his hands into fists as he felt his spirit, Terra, hovering around him.
Owen looked back at his younger brother, smiling softly at the appearance of the chick-like yellow Terra.
That smile seemed to say that he truly did not consider the one in front of him to be of any threat at all.
“When will your spirit grow? Even a newborn baby must be bigger than that.”
“Shut your trap.”
Owen’s eyes curved into crescent moons as he looked at Hessen, who was clenching and unclenching his fists. Owen had a smile on his face as he approached the door, raising one hand to wave behind him.
Hessen felt so frustrated that his stomach felt all twisted up seeing Owen’s relaxed retreating figure.
“You know, Hessen,” Owen said as he opened the door.
He looked back at Hessen for a moment, just before he left the drawing room.
“No matter what it is that I do, it is all for Everett.”
Then, the door closed behind him.
Left alone in the drawing room, Hessen let his spirit loose and turned everything upside down.
It was a mess in this room after his outburst. Now, as he stood staring at the door, Hessen muttered in a ferocious tone.
“F*cking a*shole. I don’t know what the hell you’ve been up to… But do you think I won’t be able to find out?”
* * *
Two days later, Theodore came to see me.
I had only stayed in my room for the past couple days and rested, so there was no chance for me to go out and cross paths with him.
In the meantime, I’d been trying to get him out of my thoughts. It was tranquil for a moment, but now that I was facing him again, I was back to being uncomfortable.
He truly seemed to have lost his memories about me. When would they return? It was all too uncomfortable to think of him as if he’s a different person.
Even if he’d try to treat me kindly now… Once his memories return, wouldn’t everything go back to the way they were later?
I do not wish to experience any warmth from him. If I have a taste of something like that in vain, it would only throw me into misery when I lose it later on.
So, please.
Take notice of this and stay away from me.
“……”
As I bit the inside of my cheek and avoided eye contact, he seemed to sigh softly.
He’d been trying to have a normal conversation with him so far, but I was unwilling to share such an amicable exchange with him.
Theodore soon seemed to get a little tired after I’d just been giving him succinct answers or just pretended not to know what he was talking about.
That’s better. I’m sure you’re sick and tired of this. So, just give up now…
But I don’t think it’s going the way I want it to. Seemingly without any deterrence, Theodore spoke once more.
“Why were you wearing a maid’s uniform that day?”
I suppose he was talking about the time I fainted when we met Hessen. There were many valid reasons I could use to justify why I was wearing a maid’s uniform back then.
So, I replied in a calm manner.
“I only wanted to walk around, but clothes made from good fabric would only make me stand out.”
“…I received a report from the eyewitness accounts of the villagers. They said that Young Lord Everett had dragged away a maid of the Valentino Castle to the outer walls.”
Ah, seriously… I overlooked the fact that the villagers might have reported the incident.
And if they said something about my fake identity…
“The villagers also said that the maid’s name is Leah, who works at the Valentino Castle and often comes down to the village to share food and other daily necessities…”
“……”
“…And that’s alright, too. So, with all due respect, please be honest. All this time… have you been helping the people of this domain secretly while pretending to be a maid?”
I gripped my knees with both hands and bit my lower lip hard.
I never wanted this to be brought to light, or to boast that I’d been doing such deeds. It would only sound hypocritical if ever Theodore would catch me in the act, which he did anyway. But…
“……”
This Theodore was different.
The problem here was that he’s become so gentle because he had lost his memories of me.
How would he react if I admitted to it and said, ‘Yes, I’ve been helping the villagers.’ Would he be moved and think that I did a good job?
No, truthfully, I don’t think he’d be moved at all. Possibly… Well, I don’t know how he would have reacted before he lost his memories.
Nor do I want to ever see it.
This man had forgotten that he hated everything about me. He’s not himself.
I reached for the cup in front of me, taking a sip of the lukewarm tea. This was exactly the temperature of tea that I liked, but— No. I don’t even know what I want anymore.
I just felt so battered and exhausted.
“It’s just a hobby of mine.”
“……A hobby?”
“Sometimes when I’m bored, I go down to the village and give them some things they might need. That’s all.”
I didn’t want something like a grand fanfare around the duchess doing good deeds secretly. If Theodore Valentino were to compliment me here with kind words, it would just feel terrible.
I don’t want his approval. I don’t need it anymore.
“…First of all, I understand.”
“……”
I continued sipping tea to soothe the turmoil I felt inside me. Theodore opened and closed his lips as if there was something more that he wanted to say, but in the end, he didn’t put them into words.
After a brief moment of silence, he brought up a different topic.
“…I have something else I’d like to ask.”
“Yes, please go ahead.”
In fact, I wanted him to just leave, but I instead nodded calmly. There’s still some patience left in me.
“It’s just…”
Theodore paused for a moment and took a pill bottle out of his coat pocket, and I immediately recognized it.
So, the time has come.
I knew that Theodore took the bottle because Charlotte told me.
“I took these to a pharmacist and had them checked. He said these are sleeping pills.”
“……”
“But I also heard that it’s made from highly toxic herbs, so it would be bad for your health if taken regularly every day.”
This time, I averted my gaze once again. That carefully searching look in his eyes was uncomfortable.
Hadn’t he heard anything from Missus Seymour or from any of his vassals? The circumstances of our marriage and how our relationship has been since then…
He should have heard everything by now.
“Have you really… been taking these pills every day? Every single day?”
Though it was faint, there was a slight tremor in his voice as he asked. This uncharacteristic demeanor dumbfounded me. He was the kind of person who wouldn’t even be interested in whatever kind of medicine I took…
This felt too strange.
What he’s saying now… It sounded like a mix between genuine interest and concern.
At one point of my life, I would have wanted to receive this kind of attention from him, to try and talk to him—to see that he’d take action for my sake.
But he had never listened to any of my words.
Here and now, I finally received a fraction of his interest and concern, but it did not make me happy at all.
If I was still the same person as before, I would have been elated.
I would have started to hope again.
The person who I was before… she seemed to have already withered and died. It’s said that there were some species of plants in the world that bloomed only once in a lifetime, then would soon wither and die after that. Perhaps, I was like that as well.
“Because I can’t sleep.”
“……”
“That’s why I keep drinking it, that medicine.”
“…Every day, these pills.”
“Yes, every day. Without skipping even one day.”
I had nothing to hide.
I nodded calmly, and Theodore just looked back at me blankly.
The grip he had on the pill bottle seemed to be getting more and more tense, and I suddenly felt the energy of an elemental spirit permeating the air.
“……?”
I widened my eyes slightly as I looked at him. I didn’t know he’d awaken his spirit all of a sudden.
Theodore’s expression hardened at once, and his hand was then engulfed in a blue flame. I flinched in surprise.
After a short while, there was nothing left in his hand.
That blue flame burned the bottle and the medicine inside all at once.
“……”
As he raised his head to look at me, Theodore sighed. All I could do was look at him in shock. …He looked angry. What’s the point of him being angry? I blinked in a daze because I couldn’t understand.
“This medicine that I burned just now. Don’t drink it ever again.”
“…I took two pills last night, too.”
“You’re taking two pills at a time?”
“I started getting resistant to its effects and it just wasn’t working well once a day, so I increased the dosage.”
As if he was utterly amazed, Theodore burst out laughing. Then, he sprang up from his seat. While he approached the bedside table, he asked.
“Where is it, in the bottom drawer of this table?”
“What are you going to do.”
“Burn it all up.”
He opened the drawer without my permission and took the bottles out. Every bottle he touched went in flames.
In a suppressed tone, he spoke once more.
“If there’s anything left, take them all out. I’ll burn them all.”
“……”
Nervous now, I replied.
“No. That’s all.”
“Are you certain? You’re not lying, are you?”
“…Why on earth are you being like this?”
I rose from my seat and approached the wardrobe, only staring at him. My patience seemed to be running out now.
Theodore met my gaze directly and strode this way.
“Why am I being like this? Do you really not know that you need to ask like this?”
“It’s just a sleeping pill.”
“It’s poison! Drinking it over a long period of time will eat away at your lifespan!”
“That’s one of its benefits, yes.”
“…What?”
Theodore became still in front of me.
His eyes seemed to burn with those blue flames.
Facing him, I answered calmly.
“There are some people in this world who would like to sleep forever, you see.”
