LVSFN 80

Chapter 80

I forced an elegant smile, trying to hide the fact that I was nervous.

If only I could guess what he was curious about, I could prepare an answer in advance.

But there wasn’t a single hint in Jerelak’s dry gaze.

Maybe it was because of the gentle music flowing behind us.

Or perhaps because his expression was simply too impassive.

Time seemed to crawl when—

Jerelak’s beautiful lips slowly parted.

“Why did you get engaged to me?”

…What kind of absurd question was that?

I had sworn to keep a calm face no matter what question came my way, but at the very first one, my composure shattered completely.

“……”

I knew the conversation had taken an unexpected turn, but that didn’t stop me from feeling somewhat offended.

Still, how could I get angry in front of that face—the one that looked genuinely curious, as if he truly knew nothing?

I had already decided not to talk about the circumstances I was trapped in. All I could do was remain faithful to the present.

An honest, simple answer would be best.

“Because I like you, Your Grace.”

I thought it was a straightforward and neat response, but Jerelak seemed rather surprised.

He turned his head slightly, almost flustered, and picked up his fork.

What’s this?

The tips of his ears had gone faintly red, which—if I was being honest—looked quite cute.

I fought hard to keep my lips from twitching into a grin and instead followed his lead, stabbing my fork into the salad.

So, even a straightforward man gets shy when his emotions are shaken.

“As I said at the bookstore, I don’t quite remember why I decided to be with you.”

Jerelak murmured in a low voice, not looking at me.

“It feels like I’ve forgotten something very important.”

Yes. I don’t know why, but it’s true—your life and circumstances suddenly changed.

If only I could explain everything to you.

But I didn’t have the courage to tell this man before me about my doubts or emotions.

Because there was no man here who would understand everything.

Until I could get out of this situation, I had to get along with Jerelak.

I didn’t want to be seen as some lunatic.

“Your Grace, this might sound presumptuous, but…”

Instead, I chose to soothe him in my own way.

“Don’t try too hard to figure everything out. How about we just take our time getting to know each other?”

“……”

“We can eat meals like today, go on walks, watch performances together.”

“Performances?”

“Yes, like plays or operas.”

I don’t know if that memory disappeared with the rest, or if it never existed at all—but we had gone to see a performance together.

Of course, back then, I had found Jerelak so intimidating and uncomfortable that I barely even glanced at his side of the seats.

And what did we talk about then?

No, it wasn’t even really a conversation—it was more like an interview.

Jerelak asked all the questions, and I was always the one answering.

He was the one who asked if I liked plays, and what I thought about opera.

Come to think of it, I realized I knew nothing about him.

I only pretended to be a “theater fanatic,” but I had never asked what he liked.

I should’ve asked more questions and had more conversations when we were together.

It frustrated me that I had so little to say when thinking of Jerelak.

“Your Grace, do you like performances?”

I cautiously asked.

Jerelak thought for a moment before answering lightly, “Well, since nothing memorable comes to mind…”

“Sitting in an open-air square, watching the actors move about—it’s more wonderful than you’d expect.”

“Is that so?”

“I enjoy it.”

Though perhaps that was because I watched it with you.

“Plays are like miniature lives. They hold every emotion a human can experience. By observing someone else’s entire life on stage, you can reflect on your own.”

“……”

“That’s the charm, I think.”

I realized I had been lost in past memories, muttering to myself for quite some time.

Jerelak, on the other hand, didn’t seem interested in plays or operas at all.

“Anyway, that’s just how I feel.”

Feeling embarrassed, I scratched the back of my neck, when Jerelak finally spoke.

“You seem to have quite an interest in theater.”

“Then let’s go see one together sometime.”

“Very well.”

Jerelak turned his head back to face me.

The way he silently stared at my eyes made me uneasy, so I quickly spoke again.

“And what else should we do? What would you like, Your Grace?”

“Hmm. And what do you want to do?”

“Well, I—”

I stopped mid-sentence and shook my head firmly.

“No, I’d rather do what you want to do.”

“?”

“I want that. Not my wishes, but yours.”

Jerelak gave me a puzzled look.

“Why?”

“Because I’ve already talked enough. Now, I want to hear about you.”

“……”

Silence again.

I nervously poked at the greens on my plate.

And soon, frustration welled up inside me.

Honestly, this man had never learned how to hold a proper conversation.

Why did everything feel so one-sided between us?

I glanced at him—his expression practically said ‘I don’t feel like talking about myself’—and pressed on.

“Let’s take turns. Since I said we should watch a performance together, now it’s Your Grace’s turn.”

Jerelak responded in his usual detached tone.

“But what if nothing comes to mind?”

“Then what do you usually do alone? Aside from work.”

“Reading.”

“Oh, then should we read together?”

Jerelak’s lips curved into the faintest, almost invisible smile.

“I believe our tastes in books differ a little.”

Just thinking of that one book made him want to laugh, huh?

“I’ll say it again, that was a misunderstanding.”

“I hope it was.”

“It really was! You suddenly looked my way, and I panicked, so I just grabbed whatever book I could reach!”

Though I spoke earnestly, he only gave a half-hearted nod and popped a spear of asparagus into his mouth.

“You don’t believe me?”

“I do.”

“You don’t look like you do.”

“I said I do.”

“Liar.”

“Yes, a liar.”

This man…!

“Fine, believe what you want. I love those kinds of books. My house is stacked high with them.”

“If you already had mountains of them, why bother borrowing from Clem’s bookstore?”

“…Fine. You win. One to zero. You’re one, I’m zero. Happy now?”

He chuckled into his hand, then slowly shook his head while looking at me.

“To think I could forget someone as amusing as you. I truly can’t believe it.”

“It’s fine. Even if you’ve forgotten, my feelings for you haven’t changed.”

Oh no.

I blurted that out without meaning to. Was that too much?

Jerelak’s expression didn’t change, but my face burned hot, as if all the blood had rushed up to my cheeks.

Desperate to cool down, I grabbed my glass, when Jerelak spoke.

“Have I really forgotten?”

“I don’t want you to think too hard about it.”

“?”

Since I couldn’t explain it clearly, I just wanted him to feel at ease.

“What matters is now. And the future.”

“……”

“Those are the only two things we can change.”

Of course, I was saying that to myself as well.

The past was beyond my reach.

It was far more productive to focus on what could be changed and shaped.

Jerelak’s expression softened, compared to the beginning.

I felt relieved—until he gave me a strange look.

“But why don’t you feel the least bit upset?”

“Sorry?”

“You say you like me, yet you’re fine with me questioning our engagement?”

Normally, that would be devastating—something to cry and wail about.

But since I knew our issue came from external causes, not him, I naturally didn’t feel hurt.

“…As I said earlier, I’m fine. My feelings haven’t changed.”

I hadn’t meant the words to move him, yet—

Jerelak’s gaze looked oddly unsteady.

“S-so please don’t feel too guilty, or think it’s strange. I really am fine.”

“…Alright. From now on, we’ll learn together.”

The intensity of his gaze made me whip my head away.

If I kept meeting those eyes, I would forget we were sitting at a dining table, in the middle of a meal.

Then Jerelak set down his fork and said:

“Just now, I thought of something I want to do with you.”