#133. Could I Be That Turning Point?
I was truly troubled.
Everything I had told His Majesty was nothing but the truth.
Even considering the weariness of his later years, and even considering my own plans, any advancement in my relationship with His Majesty would only spell trouble.
But still, my heart had never changed. No matter how many reprimanding letters I received while locked away at home, all because of just a single word from him.
Even when I sometimes muttered that such affection was better not received at all—my feelings hadn’t changed then, so why would they now, in this life?
Was it because I had given him not only my heart, but also my loyalty, that I always became weak before him…?
It was something I could not know. Something I did not need to know, either.
So, I just had to endure for one more week.
Once I returned to my kingdom and set my plans in motion, His Majesty would surely, just as in my previous life, withdraw his feelings.
There could be romance between the hostage from the Kingdom of Lamore and the Empire’s Archduke, but between the victorious general of the continent’s second empire and the crown prince of the first empire, not even friendship could remain.
His Majesty had always been rational and discerning. Just as he had never sent me a marriage proposal when I already had a spouse, once he realized the true scope of my ambition, he would put an end to things.
And then I would no longer be shaken.
Because whenever he stirred me, I could do nothing but be swayed—I desperately wished only for that much.
I stayed in the Empire for exactly ten days. The time it took to prepare the documents I would no longer need once I returned to my kingdom.
During that time, I met with those with whom I had built friendships in the Empire.
Pania, Lady Melek, those who had graduated from the Academy and returned to the capital, those still remaining in the Empire, the envoys of peace who, unlike me, would spend their lives there.
Most of them, I would likely never see again. Of those I might continue ties with, only a handful at best.
So, I made those ten days into a period of farewells in my own way.
I did my utmost so that when they thought back on me later, they might remember me fondly.
And after those ten days, on the day of my departure for the kingdom, it was not His Majesty who came to see me off.
“Haha, what a surprised face. Am I right?”
It was Liana who came to meet me. I quickly bent at the waist in a polite bow.
“To receive such a distinguished lady’s send-off is the greatest of honors.”
“You get awfully formal when you’re flustered.”
Still on horseback, she gestured for me to mount as well.
The horse she was riding was Bucephalus, the one I had once gifted her.
She must have cared for it well, for not only she but the horse too showed no signs of age.
I had never intended to ride quietly in a carriage, so I mounted the horse I had prepared in advance.
Together, we rode a little ahead of the procession.
“I’ll escort you only as far as the imperial city gates.”
After declaring as much, Liana spoke again.
“I thought you wouldn’t want a send-off from Berken or Melchi, and I couldn’t very well ask Her Majesty the Dowager Empress to do it—so I came.”
So it was obvious, then, not only that I was uncomfortable with His Majesty, but that it showed.
If it had simply been a matter of unfamiliarity, there would have been no reason for the Emperor himself to come see me off.
That meant Liana must have, consciously or unconsciously, suspected there was some hidden tie between His Majesty and me.
Indeed, she was an excellent warrior. Not only individually capable, but also skilled in command and strategy.
I assessed her wholly with the eyes of an enemy—and reached a conclusion.
If war were ever to break out between the Empire of Retaille and the Kingdom of Lamore, I would not be able to defeat this woman. That was my conclusion.
This was neither self-deprecation nor undue idolization. I judged it with utmost objectivity.
In tactics alone, I clearly surpassed her. Not because she lacked in strategy, but because my experience and talent were overwhelmingly greater.
But Liana possessed extraordinary gifts. She alone could easily hold her own against a battalion.
Such a presence elevates the entire army’s morale. And nothing shifts the tide of war so easily as morale.
Even setting aside the disparity in military power between Empire and Kingdom, Liana’s talent could not be ignored. She was the kind of figure who would inspire certainty of victory in the Empire’s soldiers, and despair of defeat in their enemies.
So, indeed, it was best to avoid war with the Empire. I pictured the map of the continent in my mind and made my calculations.
There was no need to extend the border anyway. Using the Larkhe Mountains as the dividing line—the northern end of the continent belonging to the Empire, the southern to us—was the cleanest arrangement.
“…I must have caused unnecessary trouble for someone so distinguished.”
To a person like her, too much falsehood would only backfire. So I resolved to conceal only the reason for my discomfort, while keeping our conversation going.
“Are you sorry, then?”
Her tone carried no reproach as she asked. I did not answer. I could not read her intent.
Fortunately, she did not press me.
“Then, could you give Melchi another chance?”
I consciously slowed my breathing. Slowly in, slowly out. Shallow breaths, often. Do not breathe too deeply.
“Ah, don’t be nervous. I’m not interested in why you two fought.”
Liana raised a hand in a calming gesture.
“I know it might be presumptuous to interfere when I know nothing at all—”
Could a hostage dare call the Empress presumptuous?
Once again, I felt how consistently she treated me as royalty.
Even more consideration than the Archduke’s playmate, my official role, or even a semi-royal would ever receive.
She still treated me as His Majesty’s intended fiancée—someone about to become royalty.
For that, I decided to be grateful. Thanks to that, at least, I could face Liana now, rather than His Majesty or Her Highness.
“Still, Blanche, I thought I sensed a trace of attachment in how you treated Melchi. A possibility for reconciliation, perhaps.”
She exhaled a faint sigh, so light it was drowned entirely by the sound of hooves.
“But if it’s an issue that’s lasted five years, mere lingering feelings won’t be enough to mend it. So I wondered… could I be the one to give you that turning point?”
The city gates came into view. Could I leave without answering? Or would I have to lie?
Even if I did have the will to reconcile, in half a year…
No, in a month at most, His Majesty would let go of me first. But I could hardly say such a thing aloud. I wrestled with what little diplomacy I could manage.
“If today’s send-off isn’t enough, I could give you something else instead.”
Just beyond the guards’ hearing, Liana concluded her words. That gave me a convenient excuse.
I deliberately turned my eyes toward the soldiers, as though reluctant to speak too freely in others’ presence.
As though the truth was that I was still too conflicted to give a clear answer.
Before the formally saluting guards, I halted my horse and offered words of thanks.
“Once again, thank you for the escort. On my way back to the Academy, I’ll be sure to stop in the capital again. His Majesty said he would miss me, after all.”
An emotional truth: he probably would miss me. A man I would never wish to make an enemy.
Yet logically, an ally he could never be. So before such a person, I lied smoothly without a second thought.
“Very well. I’ll be sure to hide Berken away when that time comes.”
Between her instincts and my years of experience, my experience won.
Liana seemed to believe my words. And without leaving a shadow of doubt, I departed the Empire.
What awaited me now was the ruin of all the relationships I had built so far.
Would the new bonds I built upon that ash heap be more joyous than the friendships I had formed in the Empire?
After a brief consideration, I concluded they would not.
But even if they brought me neither joy nor happiness, there were things I had to do.
For there are those who, though their whole lives are filled with suffering and burdens, have learned no way to live but this.
In the end, I must be the sort who can’t even breathe unless it is like this—hopeless and irredeemable.
That day was originally meant to be the day of Princess Blanche’s return.
But just before the evening banquet, a letter arrived, stating that there had been an issue with the carriage and her return would be delayed by a day.
The royal family, who had prepared a banquet for the occasion, were greatly displeased—but with Princess Blanche herself absent, there was no one to reproach. So the banquet proceeded as planned.
Ordinarily, attendants would have served at the banquet, but the King dismissed them.
What conversation was exchanged behind those tightly closed doors, what events took place—none outside could know.
