~Chapter 49~
Why did the carriage have to shake so much? Now it was moving smoothly!
As soon as we got into the room, Baldwin showered me with kisses, and it was hard to keep my head straight.
‘I—I have to wash!’
I barely managed to say that out loud, panting for breath. But Baldwin pushed ahead, not planning to let me go at all. I was the only one who felt sticky and uncomfortable after a day full of work.
‘Baldwin! I have to wash!’
In the end, I was dragged into the bathroom. I never thought something like that could happen in a steamy, cold bathroom.
“Whew.”
I let out a tired sigh.
I finally fell asleep around 1 a.m. as if I’d passed out. Baldwin really did have amazing stamina.
Now, it was morning, and I was finishing up work and heading home in the carriage. Every time I sat here, memories from last night popped up like little bubbles.
“What am I thinking, Anais…”
I sighed and leaned my head against the wall. The ride was smooth, unlike yesterday.
If it had been late at night, and most of the servants weren’t asleep, people might have seen my embarrassing state as I barely got out of the carriage last night.
“I’m crazy, really.”
I bumped my head lightly against the wall.
Baldwin had a way of making me lose my mind. He made me do things I’d never normally do.
Sitting in the carriage brought all the memories from last night flooding back.
‘No, really, we can’t. We must be almost there, Baldwin. We have to get off.’
I remembered rubbing my lips against Baldwin’s cheek, begging him. That was something I’d never normally do either.
But Baldwin hadn’t listened to my pleas.
He just kept going, messing up my dress and doing secret things without hesitation.
His hands were so bold.
I remembered exactly how he kissed me and touched me.
“Please, stop thinking about it, seriously.”
I felt like I would go crazy. The windows were fogged up with heat, and I could still see the blurred lights in my mind.
I remembered how I’d held my breath, scared someone outside might see us whenever the carriage shook.
‘Someone—someone’s walking by!’
I had grabbed Baldwin’s cheek, desperately trying to stop him. He looked at me with narrow, wet, purple eyes.
‘The carriage has the Constantine crest… If people see, they’ll think something strange.’
His long, golden eyelashes cast dark shadows. He looked dreamy, especially when he grabbed my waist. In the dark, he couldn’t read my lips at all.
I blinked and looked out the window on purpose, trying to think of something else, but I just kept remembering last night.
Baldwin was like a thief.
He wanted to steal not just last night, but even this very moment. He wanted to take all my time.
I sighed and closed my eyes.
What was he thinking right now? He was probably just calmly doing his work.
It felt a bit unfair.
* * *
Clunk.
The carriage shook. We were heading to Orion, a city on the outskirts of the capital.
Constantine had brought jobs and factories to Orion, which used to survive on salt fields.
There was a shipyard there.
The plans were finished, so we were going to check it. There was no train, so it was an 8-hour round trip by carriage.
Clunk.
The rough road shook the carriage, and the discomfort reminded him of last night.
Baldwin narrowed his eyes.
It was this same carriage.
Anais had been sitting across from him, looking tired but happy.
He’d felt a bit grumpy seeing her so cheerful.
He’d been waiting for her, only thinking of her, but she probably hadn’t even been thinking of him. She loved her work so much.
Clunk.
Baldwin smiled a little.
He remembered Anais losing her balance and falling between his knees, her face turning red with embarrassment.
He was the one who had corrupted Anais, who hesitated like a scared deer. He remembered her pleading voice, full of tears.
‘Stop. Let’s get off the carriage. Okay? Let’s go home. If someone notices… The coachman, the coachman…’
Calming her down and getting what he wanted felt so sweet.
Of course, Anais’s skin was just as sweet.
Baldwin let out a lazy sigh. It felt like all of Anais clung to his senses.
When the carriage was moving, he didn’t want it to stop. When they were in the bathroom, he didn’t want the water to get cold.
He wanted his time with Anais never to end.
But Anais had tired out and fallen asleep first.
“Anna.”
He whispered the name into Anais’s ear as she slept.
His quiet voice melted away into the sound of the bumpy carriage. Baldwin sighed softly.
“…Anna.”
He mumbled her name again.
Maybe, deep down, he hoped that one day Anais could hear his voice.
He kind of liked how his broken voice sounded.
He froze when he realized what he was thinking.
Was he actually hoping to let Anais hear his voice?
‘That’s crazy.’
Baldwin gave a bitter laugh. He had promised himself. After being betrayed by his parents, relatives, and friends, he’d decided never to speak again.
He pretended not to hear.
That way, at least, he wouldn’t have to see people’s disgusting lies.
He didn’t want to be fooled anymore.
The defense he’d built as a child was still a strong wall.
He had no intention of tearing it down—at least, not by himself.
But just a few days in front of Anais, and that wall had fallen. He wanted to show himself.
Baldwin bit his lip.
But what if he got betrayed again?
‘Do I trust Anais?’
He asked himself. Anais had always been honest, easy to trust. There was probably no one more straightforward than her.
‘Do you believe Anais will never betray you?’
He asked again. His heart was beating fast.
“I believe.”
He answered so easily, it surprised even him.
Baldwin was more sensitive and sharp than anyone.
The betrayals in childhood were painful scars, and his disability had pushed him deeper into his own fortress.
But with Anais…
“I believe,”
Baldwin said again, sighing and running a hand through his hair.
Even he couldn’t believe his answer.
He covered his face with his hand.
The child Baldwin, hidden deep in his heart, raised his head. He was the little boy who couldn’t go into his parents’ bedroom and just stood outside, crying silently.
The boy shouted sharply:
‘Don’t trust anyone! What if you get hurt? I don’t want to be hurt anymore!’
Baldwin gave a bitter smile.
He was cowardly and afraid. Why was it so hard to just say a word?
Baldwin touched his wedding ring. He had chosen it with Anais, and they exchanged it after their vows.
‘Pledge to be together as husband and wife, based on trust and faith.’
They had spoken as one voice before the priest, but Baldwin was still hiding something from Anais.
The boy inside whispered:
‘What if Anais leaves you? What if she hates your lie and calls you a fraud?’
The deep-rooted mistrust would not let him go.
Baldwin smiled bitterly.
He was glad Anais didn’t know about this side of him.
It was the most pathetic he’d ever been.
He leaned back in the carriage that still carried Anais’s scent. His wild feelings finally settled.
There was no need to worry.
He could take more time.
Anais would always be by his side.
Baldwin let out a heavy sigh. His closed lips did not open again.
