Chapter 21: The Sound of a Beating Heart
2022.01.11
Maybe the saying “a thief thinks everyone else is a thief” is true. After I helped Ascan escape, I deliberately didn’t call him, worrying that Orland or Zen might find it suspicious. I knew it was a needless worry, but I still wanted to avoid drawing unnecessary attention. Once I sent back Varnen and Matella, who had arrived unexpectedly, it was already time for dinner.
“Father said he would let last night slide… so I can finally relax a little, right?”
Orland wasn’t someone to go back on his word. His principle was that trust is the most important thing in people. Since Ascan couldn’t join me earlier, I thought we could at least have dinner together and continue our conversation from last night. As usual, I prepared two portions of food in my room and called Ascan. Having dined together countless times, anyone—Jerin or others—would have thought it was just another ordinary day.
Knock, knock. Soon, I heard Ascan’s low voice from outside the door.
“It’s me.”
“Come in.”
With my permission, Ascan entered the room. His expression was as usual—calm and composed—with neat clothing and restrained movements, but something was different. Dark circles under his eyes suggested he hadn’t slept well last night.
“Did last night keep him awake?”
I thought simply and gestured for him to sit. Once Ascan sat across from me, we quietly began our meal. He was naturally taciturn, and I wasn’t one to chatter without reason, so the silence was comfortable. The only sounds were the occasional clinking of cutlery.
When we finished most of our food and only dessert remained, I quietly spoke to Jerin, who was assisting with the meal.
“Step outside for a moment.”
“Yes, milady.”
Without needing further explanation, Jerin left, leaving only Ascan and me. If there was one advantage to being a villainess, it was this: people rarely questioned my words and listened attentively.
Alone with him, I let out everything I had been curious about in one go.
“Nothing unusual happened today, right? No one came by, no one was watching you… And the jewels I gave you last night—did you hide them well? We need to be careful, just in case someone misunderstands.”
Ascan seemed slightly surprised by my sudden change in tone, but he nodded and replied evenly.
“Yes, nothing unusual occurred.”
“That’s a relief. We handled the danger well, so don’t worry. I spoke with Father about last night, and he agreed to let it slide.”
“Milady…”
Ascan hesitated for a moment, as if carefully choosing his words, then continued.
“Are you truly alright? The person we encountered last night was exceptionally skilled, and Lord Father might have noticed something unusual.”
“I’m fine. I don’t know what Father thinks in his heart, but it’s all settled.”
Ascan’s golden eyes, deep and intense, studied me silently. Strangely, there was an emotion there I hadn’t seen before. Did he have more to say? I couldn’t read his mind, so I set the thought aside and stood, ready to say what I had wanted to say when meeting him. After realizing that Ascan wanted to leave Brellof Manor, I had been planning carefully.
Flipping open the map I had hidden in my pocket, I laid it on the table so Ascan could see it. With most of the food cleared away, there was plenty of space. I walked over and stood beside his chair so we could view the map from the same angle—it made explaining easier.
“Have you decided where to go?”
“…”
Ascan didn’t answer. I ignored it and pointed to what I thought was the safest region.
“How about here?”
It was the farthest place from the Calua Empire. Even within the Arwen Empire, it was on the edge, bordering another country, so it seemed safe.
“I checked—it’s in the south, so the climate is warm and it’s good for living. It’s far from the capital, rural, but the people are honest and kind…”
“Milady.”
Ascan’s voice, low and somber, interrupted me. Curious, I looked at him.
“Why?”
“It’s… too close.”
Huh? Only then did I realize that my finger on the map was almost touching the chair he was sitting in. But this closeness was normal—like a tutor guiding a student. There was no actual contact, so why was it an issue? Regardless, if Ascan was uncomfortable, I understood. I straightened up.
“Oh, sorry.”
“…It’s fine.”
I noticed that Ascan’s ear had turned red. Was he in pain? His unusual behavior made me worry.
“Are you alright? Are you hurt anywhere?”
I couldn’t help worrying—he had been hurt by Leiana not long ago and fainted. I also knew from reading the novel what kind of nightmares he suffered nightly. Perhaps the dark circles under his eyes were from that. Though he claimed to be strong, he was still a boy, barely an adult, and such trials were difficult for him.
“Do you… have a fever again?”
Instinctively, I reached toward his forehead. But Ascan caught my hand in an instant. He frowned slightly, though his eyes were unusually red.
“Do you do this to anyone else?”
His voice was slightly angry and tense. I tilted my head, confused.
“To anyone else? I don’t check others’ temperatures. Why would I?”
“Because it’s you, that’s why.”
At my words, his golden eyes flickered. He twisted his eyes, suppressing something. What kind of reaction was that? The strange thing was, I was the one stunned.
“Do you dislike me checking your temperature? No, more than that…”
I had so much to say, but his hand felt unbearably hot, like touching embers.
“Your hand is too hot.”
He immediately let go, but the heat lingered.
“Well, even without checking, I can tell you have a fever.”
“I don’t have a fever.”
“Then?”
“My mind is… complicated.”
Complicated mind, hot hand? I had no idea what he meant. Ascan looked away, trying to hide his reddened eyes, then suddenly stood. I was startled at how much taller he seemed. Had he always been this tall?
“I’ll keep an eye on the area you suggested. Dinner’s done, so may I leave?”
“Y-yeah.”
I had more plans regarding Ascan’s escape, but he seemed eager to avoid lingering, so I let him go. I watched him leave quickly and hid the map on the table. He couldn’t know what our discussion had been, and I didn’t want any evidence to raise suspicion. I slipped it back into my pocket just before he opened the door.
Jerin, waiting outside, seemed to notice me hiding something, though she didn’t know it was the map. She hurried to me.
“Milady, what happened?”
“Nothing, why?”
“Ascan’s face was so red! I’ve never seen him like that.”
“Really?”
I glanced toward the direction Ascan had left, then at Jerin, who was looking at me suspiciously.
“What’s with that look?”
“Oh, nothing, milady.”
She awkwardly tried to clear the table. I realized she must have suspected something because of how I hid the map.
“No, I didn’t do anything to Ascan.”
“Y-yeah… right.”
Even her embarrassed laughter made it clear she suspected me. I explained quickly.
“I really didn’t do anything!”
I had only been trying to help Ascan escape. In fact, he had initiated the physical contact when he grabbed my hand.
“Yes, I understand.”
Jerin smiled awkwardly, avoiding me. I wanted to shout that she knew nothing.
Bang! Ascan returned to his room. He slammed the door harder than usual, but I barely noticed. Since leaving Tanasia’s room, I couldn’t think of anything.
“How can she approach me so casually?”
From so close, Tanasia’s calm voice explained everything. I could barely hear her words, distracted by her presence—the scent, the touch of her long hair brushing his shoulder, the worry in her eyes, the tiny hand in mine.
“…Was there always no distance between us?”
She had broken through the barriers he had put up so effortlessly. The truth was, I hadn’t really hidden the jewels. I had examined them throughout the night to make sure they were safe. How could I let him go so casually, knowing his status and the secrets I held about his body?
—I don’t need Noxia’s powers anymore. Noxia is Noxia, I’m me. I don’t need to worry about that, so you shouldn’t either. Were you still thinking about it?
Ascan couldn’t understand, but it was undeniably true. Tanasia had even helped him escape safely. He had never experienced such kindness and didn’t know how to react.
“Why didn’t I realize before?”
After fleeing the lab last night, he had no nightmares. Instead, he dreamed of Tanasia, smiling brightly. Her gentle voice calling him, endlessly laughing—it was unbearably beautiful.
“How could I not know until now?”
Her flawless forehead, piercing blue eyes, straight nose, red lips—nothing about her was unappealing. She seemed born to captivate him.
“She’s annoyingly beautiful.”
He had finally realized just how much her beauty distracted him. Stunned, he buried his face in his pillow. Even unseen, her presence consumed his mind.
Thump, thump, thump. The sound had been echoing in his ears for a while.
“What is that noise… it’s too loud…”
Ascan covered his ears and sank deeper into the bed. But the sound only became clearer. Only then did he realize—it was the sound of his own heartbeat.
