Chapter 40
Toward the Future Cecil Desired
My official duties had started to settle into a routine, but that didn’t mean I had much free time.
The moments I could speak with Lacey were either during breakfast before heading to my work, during tea breaks when I snuck away from my duties, or at dinner.
Breakfast was always rushed before my work began, and I often returned late for dinner, so tea time was usually the only chance to spend a calm moment together.
During tea one day, Lacey gave me a coat she had knitted for me. It was pale blue with a light purple snow pattern woven in. The repeated motif pattern was called “motif knitting.”
I tried it on and felt the weight of the yarn, heavy in my hands, yet incredibly warm.
“Lacey, this is so warm. I’ll wear it every day to work this winter.”
“I’m glad you like it,” she said.
“By the way, how are the stuffed animals and dolls selling?” I asked, shifting the conversation to the Diane Viscount household.
Lacey smiled as she replied:
“They seem to be selling very well. It’s fashionable among noble children to have dolls and stuffed animals from the Diane Viscount household. Even adult men and women are exchanging dolls and stuffed animals that match their partner’s eye color or hair color as gifts.”
I had already heard reports about that.
Perhaps it was time to consider elevating the Diane Viscount family to a higher rank.
They had contributed to the social advancement of women in this country, and Lacey’s counsel to me had also allowed official duties to be delegated to ministers and bureaucrats, which lessened concerns over the emperor’s unilateral power.
“That’s excellent. I hear the Diane Viscount family has also recovered from financial hardship. And I’d like to consult with you, Lacey.”
“Yes, what is it?”
Seeing my serious expression, Lacey set down her cup and straightened her posture to listen attentively.
“I am thinking of elevating the Diane Viscount family to the rank of Count.”
“Elevate them!?” Lacey’s eyes widened in surprise, and I felt the need to explain carefully.
Their long years of service were finally bearing fruit, and I had to make sure Lacey understood.
“The Diane Viscount family has made significant contributions to the social advancement of women in this country. That’s not all. Several generations ago, during a previous emperor’s reign, the Diane Viscount family, who had been merchants, sacrificed their personal wealth to save the country when it was on the brink of collapse. No matter how much they were persuaded, they refused any noble title, and only accepted the viscount rank reluctantly. But I’ve heard that ideally, they would have been granted a countship.”
“I see…” Lacey murmured.
“Elevating the Diane Viscount family to Count is also significant for you marrying me, Lacey. A Count’s daughter is likely to be seen as more suitable as an Empress than a Viscount’s daughter.”
Upon hearing my words, Lacey seemed to think more of her family than herself.
“What if my parents oppose it?”
“I don’t think they will. For your sake, as well.”
It was well known that Lacey was an essential person in this country. It was also known that I had chosen her as my only prospective bride.
Previously, when lightly dressed young women entered my room, I had been overwhelmed and incapacitated, and I myself didn’t think I would ever desire a woman.
Yet with Lacey, I wanted to touch her, and she became the person I cared for most.
Her special place in my life was understood by my mother, the Empress Dowager, my uncle, the Chancellor, and my close aides Julius, Cyril, and Theo.
I would marry no one but Lacey.
To support this, the Diane Viscount family had to be elevated to Count.
If they remained Viscounts, they could be influenced or exploited by Dukes or Marquises. I wished I could grant an even higher rank, but at least they should become Counts.
“By elevating the Diane Viscount family to Counts, we can also silence those who would oppose women’s social advancement. The Diane Viscount family must accept this.”
Above all, by officially recognizing the Diane Viscount family’s achievements, we can quiet those who resist women’s progress, and make it clear domestically that the Emperor supports women’s social participation. Once the Emperor acknowledges the Diane family, others will follow suit.
This was essential to fulfilling Cecil’s dream.
“I will write to my parents,” Lacey said.
“I will also write to the Diane Viscount family as Emperor. Ideally, I’d like to elevate them to Counts at the New Year’s party.”
With Lacey’s agreement to write to her parents, I too resolved to write to the Diane family.
“Cecil would be pleased, I think.”
“Do you really think so, Lacey?”
“Cecil could never become independent from her parents and never realized her dream of becoming a seamstress. If women in this country now have a chance to work and step toward independence, I think she would be delighted. In the future, women should have access to not only sewing but a variety of occupations.”
“And you’ll help come up with ideas for that, Lacey?”
“If you’ll have me.”
It seemed I was not the only one who wished to fulfill Cecil’s dream.
Lacey also felt that women gaining social advancement in this country was part of creating the world Cecil had envisioned. Perhaps this truly was the future Cecil desired.
I could not show this future to Cecil, which was painful and sorrowful, but Lacey stood beside me. While it might not feel like atonement for Cecil, seeing Lacey—who carries Cecil’s memories—take joy in the realization of Cecil’s dream offered me some consolation.
“I want to ensure that no girl has to give up her dreams like Cecil did. If women in this country advance socially, it will flourish even further. Independent women will support this nation.”
“That may indeed be the future Cecil hoped for,” Lacey said.
“Do you think you understand Cecil’s feelings?”
“I’m not sure. In dreams, I am Cecil, but when awake, I am Lacey. So I cannot fully grasp her feelings. But I feel I can understand the goals she pursued.”
Lacey was not Cecil.
Yet she claimed she could sense what Cecil aimed for.
Together with Lacey, creating the world Cecil envisioned might be the atonement I could offer.
That night, alone in my room, I held the clothes Cecil had made for me.
The bloodstains had darkened to brown, and the clothes had grown too small for me. Still, I had traced the faded blue vine pattern countless times with my fingers.
Until I was seven, I could not let go of them. Even if I could no longer wear them, I carried the clothes in a bag my mother prepared.
But as I realized that Cecil had died because of me, I felt I could not even touch the clothes, so I had kept them in a locked chest.
As I traced the embroidery, memories of Cecil flooded back, and my eyes grew hot.
Holding back tears, I asked the Cecil in my memory:
“Would you be pleased with women advancing socially?”
I heard Lacey’s voice:
—Cecil would be pleased, I think.
Lacey carries Cecil’s memories but insists she herself is not Cecil. I believe their souls are linked, yet Lacey accepts the dream as just a dream.
Still, she began speaking of Cecil, conveying Cecil’s feelings.
“Am I atoning to Cecil?”
No matter what I did, Cecil would never return. Yet I wanted to create the future she wished for. That was all I could do.
“Cecil… I wish I could see you just once more.”
I whispered with a sigh, and a single tear fell.
With Lacey beside me, I could place Cecil in the past, but my love for her remained, and I could not forget that she died protecting me.
Could I ever be forgiven?
I still did not know the answer.
