Chapter 30
30. The Cecil Within Me
It took nearly three full days to return from the border village to the Imperial Palace in the capital.
Rocked by the carriage and later traveling by train, His Majesty Aleksanteri and I made our way back to the imperial city.
Once we returned to the palace, we sat together and quietly looked through the things we had brought back — the wooden blocks Cecil had bought, the stuffed animals and clothing she had made.
Cecil’s embroidery looked just like mine. Now I fully understood why His Majesty had mistaken the handkerchiefs I embroidered and sold in the capital for Cecil’s work at first sight.
The stuffed animals she made, too, looked so very much like the ones I used to make.
“She was this small… No wonder Cecil never took me seriously when I told her I wanted to marry her.”
His Majesty murmured as he gazed at the tiny clothes that had once fit him when he was six. I couldn’t help but laugh.
“And to think that little Garne could grow up to become His Majesty Aleksanteri — it’s hard to believe. Now you see why I never realized you were the same person?”
“When you say it like that, you’re right. I suppose Cecil never imagined that little me would grow into this, either.”
“I think Cecil would have been happy to see how much you’ve grown, though.”
“Do you think so? Would she have been happy?”
“I’m sure she would. To know that the adorable little Garne grew up strong and healthy — she’d be very pleased.”
That was my own impression, but since I carried Cecil’s memories within me, I could also feel that she would have thought the same.
“Do you think she’d find me less cute now?”
“I can’t make any promises about that.”
“So, Cecil liked the cute me best after all… Why did I have to grow so much?”
“Your Majesty, do you still love Cecil? Would you still want to marry her if you could?”
When I asked that suddenly, His Majesty’s expression turned serious. He ran his fingers gently along the blue vine embroidery Cecil had sewn.
“If Cecil were still alive, I probably would have proposed to her. But I know that she’s gone. I’ve come to terms with those feelings — the one I love now is only you, Lacy.”
Hearing His Majesty say that he loved me and not the Cecil I once was, I couldn’t help but embrace him. He wrapped his arms around my back and held me close.
“Um… please bend down a little.”
“Lacy?”
“May I… kiss you first, this time?”
His Majesty had kissed me before, but I had never been the one to initiate it.
At the academy, we were properly taught in sex education that both kissing and physical intimacy should always be mutual and consensual.
His Majesty had sought my consent before our first kiss, and I wanted to do the same before I kissed him.
“It would be my honor, Lacy.”
He leaned down, and I rose onto my toes to press a soft kiss to his lips.
It was just a light touch, but my cheeks burned as though aflame, and my heart thudded wildly.
When he held me again, I closed my eyes and breathed in the deep scent of his cologne, hearing the quickened beat of his heart matching my own.
“I love you, Your Majesty Aleksanteri.”
“And I love you, Lacy.”
As Cecil, I had loved Garne like a younger brother.
But as Lacy, reborn anew, I met Aleksanteri again — and came to truly love him.
His Majesty understood me — my love of sewing, embroidery, and knitting, my fondness for tending the garden — all the little things I couldn’t give up.
When I rambled on excitedly about the things I loved, he never interrupted or mocked me. He simply listened, smiling softly.
He was always calm, gentle, and accepting — a light so dazzling that, at first, I’d been too awed to even look at him directly.
But now, though I still found him breathtakingly beautiful, I could meet his eyes without fear.
When he finally released me, His Majesty picked up the old wooden blocks Garne had once played with. The simple blocks — squares and triangles sanded smooth — looked tiny in his large palm.
“When we have children, shall we let them play with these blocks?”
“But those were made from scrap wood — they’re the cheapest kind!”
“To me, they’re priceless. A precious gift from Cecil. I’d like our children to use them someday.”
“If that’s Your Majesty’s wish, then of course.”
It was expected of me to bear children, yet the thought of pregnancy and childbirth still felt distant.
Even so, I knew that if His Majesty and I were to have a child together, I would be overjoyed.
Would that child one day play with the same blocks Cecil had bought for little Garne?
And when that day came, how would I — and the Cecil within me — feel?
I didn’t know yet.
Back at the palace, I resumed my empress training, while His Majesty returned to his mountain of administrative duties after his brief rest.
Spring was drawing near — and with it, His Majesty’s twenty-ninth birthday.
As one of the imperial fiancées, I would naturally have to attend the celebration.
Once that was over, my training as a bride would enter its final stage.
By summer, I would marry His Majesty Aleksanteri.
Only about half a year remained until our wedding.
There were still so many things I had to learn.
At the moment, Lady Laval was teaching me how to choose dresses and shoes.
Since becoming a candidate for empress, I had never chosen them by myself.
When I lived with the Count of Dianne — back when our family held only a viscount’s title — I owned just one dress, one I had sewn myself.
I had almost never attended social gatherings, so I had no idea how to select a proper gown.
“Lady Lacy, I recommend that your attire complement His Majesty’s. Confirm what he plans to wear and choose accordingly.”
“Do you mean matching colors and accessories?”
“Yes. Not necessarily the exact same color, but one that harmonizes well. As for accessories — His Majesty is quite fond of the lapel pin you made him, so coordinating with that would be perfect.”
“And what about shoes?”
“Adjust the heel height depending on the occasion. The highest heels for major ceremonies like the wedding, medium heels for banquets or evening parties, and lower heels for tea gatherings.”
So: match His Majesty’s attire.
Adjust shoe height for the occasion.
I repeated Lady Laval’s advice silently to myself.
“For His Majesty’s birthday celebration, the two of you are to have matching formalwear made. However, if Lady Lacy wishes to craft it herself, His Majesty has instructed that we honor your wish.”
“I may make it myself?”
“It would make a wonderful birthday gift for His Majesty.”
His Majesty truly did understand me — perhaps better than anyone else.
I already had his measurements, so creating the garments would not be difficult.
“Then please, allow me to make them.”
“Very well. I’ll inform His Majesty of your decision.”
Lady Laval smiled, and I immediately began sketching ideas for the designs.
There were still two months left until His Majesty’s birthday — plenty of time to sew something perfect.
