IDMPYU 20

20. What I Really Want

The sky was a vivid, cloudless blue, like someone had spilled paint across it. Eyes the color of light brown, quietly gazing upward, slowly shifted downward.

Overnight, everything had turned white. The snow that had started the previous night only stopped in the morning. Clearing the snow that piled up on the stone path between the main house and the annex was Jihyun’s job.

It felt like a waste to sweep away the pristine, untouched blanket of snow, so she carefully stepped onto it. The soft crunching sound underfoot was pleasant, but the cold quickly seeped into her sneakers.

Jihyun suddenly remembered the day Seungho left. She had thought he would say something when their eyes met in that moment—but instead, he just smiled once and walked away.

‘…Why did he smile?’

Jihyun, lost in thought, shook her head. When her feet finally started going numb, she gave a short grunt of effort and began sweeping the snow with determination.

Since the start of winter break, fears about college entrance exams and anxiety about her future had become a distant memory for Jihyun.

“You’re a senior now, shouldn’t you at least attend a cram school?”

Hyunsook, who had probably heard something about the competitive exam life, suggested it several times with a concerned face. But each time, Jihyun stubbornly shook her head.

“I’m fine, Auntie. I can do well on my own.”

If Hyunsook knew how expensive those special prep lectures were, she would surely be shocked—and might even consider taking out a loan to pay for them. That’s why Jihyun never said a word.

She didn’t want to burden the aunt who had looked after her any more than she already had. Instead, she spent her time clearing ankle-deep snow and eating roasted sweet potatoes with Hyunsook.

Sometimes she dozed off while solving practice problems, but that was fine. Jihyun was content, enjoying time that was entirely her own.

She had no idea how long she had been shoveling snow…

The annex door opened, and Hyunsook appeared.

“I told you to just clear it lightly—why are you taking so long? Come inside, I made some fishcake soup.”

“Okay, I’m coming, Auntie.”

Jihyun smiled brightly, her cheeks flushed red. Hyunsook clicked her tongue as she looked her up and down. The cheap padded jacket and thin sneakers caught her eye.

“You wore something so thin and still cleaned everything so neatly?”

“I’m fine! I’m not cold at all!”

Jihyun cheerfully replied, pretending to be okay, but her feet were already frozen stiff. Hyunsook’s gaze deepened.

“Don’t try to act tough. Come inside before you catch a cold. It’s your loss if you get sick.”

“Okay.”

As Jihyun stepped toward the door, her nose tingled unexpectedly. A warm feeling spread in her chest at Hyunsook’s concerned words. Special lectures and college didn’t matter. She was just happy with the peace surrounding her.

The modern villa had been scientifically designed to showcase the beauty of Switzerland, and its best feature was the wide panoramic windows.

In the living room, with huge windows offering views of the blue lake and snowy mountains, Seungho and his companions spent most of their time. They were usually busy skiing or preparing for evening parties.

Seungho was no different. After arriving at the villa, he immersed himself in skiing.

Moving until he broke a sweat in the snow made him feel refreshed. He occasionally joined parties at Minwoo’s request.

But the amusement didn’t last long. He quickly lost interest. What changed things was a gift he received. A girl who had liked Seungho for a while shyly approached him and handed him a present.

“Um… I heard you liked butterflies…”

Inside a custom-made glass sphere was a beautifully displayed Morpho butterfly, wings spread wide.

Normally, he wouldn’t have even glanced at it, but for some reason, this gift genuinely pleased him. He often carried it in his hand and stared at it for long stretches.

The crisp winter sunlight streamed in through the glass windows, warming the house. As usual, the others had gone out skiing, but Seungho stayed behind.

Sitting in front of the crackling fireplace, his gaze wasn’t on the majestic mountain or the lake—it was on the glass sphere in his hand.

Whenever he saw the familiar Morpho butterfly, he thought of the mansion. Of all the butterflies preserved and displayed, the Morpho was the largest and most beautiful, placed in the center.

And in every memory of that mansion, there was Jihyun. Her pale-colored eyes, so unlike the room’s owner, always stopped to gaze at the Morpho butterfly whenever she passed by.

She would stare at it, eyes sparkling, full of wonder—as if the butterfly might take off and fly at any moment…

Seungho’s gaze on the glass sphere deepened.

“Brrr! It’s freezing!”

Minwoo, who had returned to the villa after forgetting his gloves, spotted Seungho sitting by the fireplace.

Lately, Minwoo found Seungho—whom he’d known since childhood—a little unfamiliar. Seungho used to really enjoy skiing, but this time, he didn’t seem very interested. Minwoo had thought it was just jet lag, but the feeling didn’t go away after several days.

“Do you like the gift that much?”

About to head out again, Minwoo changed his mind and plopped down next to Seungho.

“Not sure…”

It was a lukewarm response, despite how often he looked at the thing.

“Thanks to you, all the girls are in a frenzy.”

Minwoo smirked as he warmed his feet by the fire.

“I should’ve caught you a butterfly myself a long time ago.”

Apparently, the girl who gave the gift had returned to her group squealing with joy. Others were either envious or jealous of the glass sphere that never left Seungho’s hands.

The one who reacted most intensely was Bora. She claimed it wasn’t too late and insisted she’d give him the most beautiful butterfly—though the place she searched was a jewelry store…

Thinking of that made Minwoo laugh. Girls chasing after Shin Seungho, offering butterflies and jewels like tributes—it was ridiculous.

“You’re like some kind of princess now.”

“Shut up.”

“Come on, come out with me. The others will be glad.”

Seungho closed his eyes, clearly uninterested in further persuasion.

“No.”

“Well, if you say so, I guess I’ll go. See ya.”

“…”

Once again, Seungho was alone. Slowly opening his eyes, he stood and approached the window.

The towering snow-covered mountains filled his view. When he first arrived, it had felt strange to see a landscape that wasn’t the mansion’s garden.

Unfamiliar. That those light-colored eyes that always stared at butterflies weren’t here—it unsettled him.

“I really hate you.”

The final words they exchanged resurfaced in his mind, and his gaze grew cold. He remembered Jihyun’s face when she demanded why he tormented her.

No—more accurately, he had never forgotten.

He hated Jihyun.

He couldn’t stand how she clenched her lips and endured everything silently beside him; how her long lashes trembled; how her empty eyes seemed to say he meant nothing.

Whatever patience he had left disappeared when he saw her with Kim Hajun. The Jihyun who stood still like a preserved butterfly in front of Seungho became someone else around Hajun.

The wounded face, the angry eyes—he couldn’t bear it. They showed exactly how differently she saw Hajun compared to him.

After staring outside for a while, Seungho held the glass sphere up to the sunlight.

The Morpho butterfly’s signature blue wings shimmered beautifully in the light. But his gaze was dry as he looked at the motionless insect.

“This isn’t as fun as it used to be.”

Without hesitation, he let the glass sphere drop to the floor.

At last, Seungho realized what he truly wanted.

A preserved butterfly could no longer bring him joy.

He wanted a living butterfly. One with wings wide open, flying toward him, finding peace only within him.