Chapter 10
Seriously. This is ridiculous.
Did everyone in this neighborhood have eyes just for decoration?
And what was all this nonsense about her being his daughter?
It had been ages since he’d had his reproductive ducts cauterized and severed because he’d been told that simply tying them off carried a high risk of reversal.
Cassian poured another mouthful of alcohol down his throat.
He’d been with dozens of women over the years, but he’d never made a single mistake.
‘Even a bastard like me wouldn’t abandon my own child.’
The little squirt seemed to have taken a liking to the chocolate cookie she was crunching on, judging by the way the corners of her mouth curved into a delighted smile.
The tiny white teeth revealed by her grin were baby teeth, looking far too small and delicate.
‘That brat’s father must be a complete idiot, too.’
He didn’t even know his own child was staying in someone else’s house.
Or perhaps the bastard was such worthless, irredeemable trash that the child’s mother had decided to abandon her at a rundown place like his.
Anyway, this is such a pain.
He’d never imagined taking care of a child would be this exhausting.
He’d just keep her until tonight and take her to the orphanage as soon as the sun rose tomorrow.
“You seem to like the fries. Here, have some more.”
Cassian dipped one of the fries he’d ordered as a snack into a generous amount of sauce and held it right in front of the little girl’s mouth.
Nom!
Like a baby bird waiting to be fed, the child eagerly accepted whatever he offered.
“(It’s yummy!)”
Her short little legs swung back and forth in midair.
Good grief. She must really like it.
Without even realizing what he was doing, Cassian placed another fry into her mouth.
Then he suddenly became aware of his actions and flinched in alarm.
‘W-what the hell?! It’s definitely not because she’s too cute!’
Admittedly, her face looked a little adorable when she giggled happily and declared the food delicious.
But she wasn’t actually cute.
Absolutely not.
French fries were greasy, and if she got oil all around her mouth while eating, he’d have to clean it up afterward.
He was merely helping her eat to save himself the trouble.
That was all.
Well, perhaps he was also displaying his extraordinary conscience, exceptional moral standards, and naturally compassionate personality by generously extending a little kindness.
Nothing more than that.
I’ll feed her like this just this once. Next time, she can eat by herself.
No, wait. There won’t be a next time. I’m supposed to kick her out.
Kick her out…
Actually, wouldn’t it be faster if I just ran away myself?
After entertaining such ridiculous thoughts, Cassian suddenly felt completely exhausted and let out a deep sigh.
“Hey, owner. Look after this kid for a few days, will you? You’ve already got a bunch of children at home, so taking care of one more shouldn’t be that difficult. I’ll pay you generously.”
“How do I know you won’t hand me a few measly coins and disappear for good? I don’t trust you.”
“Oh, for fuck’s sake. Didn’t you see me working last time?”
“Pfft! You call shaking down assassins for money a job?”
At the tavern owner’s blatant mockery, Cassian shot him a glare before burying his nose in his glass.
Meanwhile, the little squirt beside him kept chattering away.
“(Mister, you know what? I’ll praise you every single day! So please let me live with you for just a few years. That orphanage looked really scary and hard to live in.)”
Good grief.
Look at this newly hatched chick chirping away just because she’s learned a few words.
Life was bitter.
Alcohol was sweet.
And his mind was an absolute mess.
Wishing that today would finally be the day he met an early death, Cassian shouted,
“Another drink!”
This was the most serious situation I’d faced since suddenly landing in front of the mister’s house.
‘W-what should I do?’
I’d successfully made it home while dangling from the back of the drunken mister.
But this was a problem I couldn’t solve by myself.
Teacher Marianne and Uncle Michael weren’t here.
That meant there was nobody to fight the monster under the bed for me if it appeared.
And what that meant was…
‘I-I’m scared to sleep alone.’
It was embarrassing to admit, but I still couldn’t fall asleep unless someone was beside me, gently patting me.
At Sunshine Orphanage, Teacher Anne-Marie would always pat me before bedtime, or I’d sleep snuggled up close to my friends.
Even having Tosuni, my stuffed bunny, to cuddle would have been nice.
But there was nothing like that here.
As I sat alone on the sofa, not knowing what to do, a brilliant idea suddenly popped into my head.
‘That’s it!’
I could gently pat the sleepy, drunken mister until he fell asleep, and then quietly fall asleep beside him!
That way, I wouldn’t have to sleep alone, and the mister would have someone to pat him to sleep.
‘It’s the perfect plan!’
I immediately jumped off the sofa and dashed toward the mister’s bedroom.
Pitter-patter-patter!
The mister was lying diagonally across the bed, snoring loudly.
“Khrrrr… Khrrrr…”
Every time he breathed out, the smell of alcohol was so awful that I had to cover my nose.
“(Mister, I’ll pat you to sleep!)”
I climbed onto the bed.
His shirt had ridden up, leaving his stomach completely exposed.
So I began gently patting his belly.
Pat! Pat!
If he slept with his tummy exposed like that, he’d wake up with a stomachache tomorrow and wouldn’t be able to eat anything.
“(Ta-daaa! Get healthy, abracadabra!)”
After casting my own special healing spell on him, I took the blanket I’d been using during my stay here and covered his stomach.
Then I wriggled my way under the comforter beside him.
Sunshine Orphanage had always been warm.
But nights in the Empire were cold, and if you didn’t dress warmly, you’d end up shivering.
“Sleep, sleep, my little baby.”
I curled up into a ball, wrapped my arms around myself, and gently patted my own body.
I even sang the lullaby Mommy used to sing to me.
‘I miss Mommy…’
I tried to remember Mommy’s scent, which I’d already forgotten so much of.
Then I thought about Teacher Anne-Marie, who used to smile at me just like Mommy.
I remembered Uncle Michael, too.
And the candies Uncle Michael always gave me.
But I still couldn’t fall asleep.
So I rolled over toward the sleeping mister and tightly held his hand.
‘It’s okay. Mister is really good at running, so if the monster under the bed appears, he’ll carry me on his back and run away.’
“Khrrrr… Khrrrr…”
Listening to the mister’s steady breathing, my eyelids slowly began to droop.
Oh, right!
I almost forgot something important.
“(Good night, Mister!)”
A good child always remembered to say good night properly.
It was nice being beside the mister.
Now I didn’t have to worry about the monster under the bed.
Whenever Cassian fell asleep without the help of alcohol, the same dream inevitably returned.
A dream in which that woman appeared.
“Cassian. Please die for me.”
It was an old story.
An utterly ordinary story woven from happiness and tragedy, sorrow and despair.
The moment the gleaming sword pierced his heart, he remembered flushed cheeks and a tiny hand.
‘Iris.’
Yes. For you, I’d gladly die whenever you asked.
Hundreds of times.
Thousands of times.
Even though it was only a dream, the pain was excruciating.
But because he already knew how that day ended, he understood that this wasn’t true suffering.
The real despair came afterward.
After he’d spilled so much blood.
After the magic had failed.
There was the woman, devastated by despair.
And there was him, standing there in stunned disbelief.
And then, the one who could never return…
“Ah.”
His consciousness was abruptly dragged to the surface.
‘Was that a dream?’
Cassian stared blankly at the little squirt through his half-awake eyes.
The shape of her closed eyes resembled Iris’s.
So did her thick eyelashes and neatly shaped eyebrows.
Even her fair skin and the soft, rhythmic sound of her breathing.
Overwhelmed by anguish, he closed his eyes, struggling to breathe.
Iris was dead.
‘Iris is dead.’
She had died and been buried in the ground long ago.
He knew that perfectly well.
He had accepted it.
Therefore, this wasn’t because he wanted to deny reality.
It was simply that the little squirt happened to bear an extraordinary resemblance to Iris.
Whenever he looked at her, a strange ache spread through his chest.
His heart, which had once been torn apart and bled uncontrollably, had been completely healed long ago.
Yet it felt as though that same heart had been pierced all over again.
‘Damn it.’
Cassian abruptly tried to get out of bed, desperate to escape from the little squirt.
Or rather, he intended to.
But there was one reason he couldn’t stand up.
“Ah.”
A tiny, chestnut-sized hand was wrapped around his finger.
Cassian stared at that hand in a daze.
Did people know just how strong a newborn baby’s grip could be?
Driven by the instinct to cling to their mothers, newborns could grasp with a surprising tenacity that startled even adults.
But the little squirt in front of him wasn’t a newborn.
She was a toddler who could speak and walk, a tiny human who had more or less begun to take shape.
She was deeply asleep.
There was hardly any strength in the hand holding his finger.
Even if she’d been gripping him tightly, he could have freed himself with the slightest twist.
For a war hero who had cut down countless monsters, something so insignificant couldn’t possibly be difficult.
And yet…
Cassian couldn’t bring himself to remove her hand.
Because it was too small.
Because her fair skin looked so soft.
Because he was afraid it might tear if he used even a little force.
Because the mere existence of such a tiny, fragile creature filled him with an inexplicable sense of awe.
And because…
She resembled Iris.
“Urgh!”
At that moment, nausea surged through Cassian, and he hurriedly covered his mouth.
That deep, overwhelming love that had once lodged itself in the very depths of his heart.
That aching tenderness that had made him want to give her everything in the world.
Even after Iris died, those feelings had remained deeply embedded within him.
And now, because of those feelings, he couldn’t find the courage to turn away from a child’s touch.
‘Iris is dead.’
‘She’s dead, damn it!’
So don’t get attached to this child.
Smack! Smack!
He slapped himself hard across the cheeks.
This child could never replace Iris.
Nor should she ever be allowed to.
While Cassian trembled alone, struggling against the turmoil inside him—
“Yaaawn!”
The little squirt opened her eyes.
Boing!
The moment she recognized him, she quickly sat upright.
Her round eyes rolled around for a moment.
Then she gave him the pure, innocent smile of a child who had grown up surrounded by love.
“(Hehe.)”
For an instant, Iris’s face overlapped with the little girl’s.
Iris.
The woman he had loved more than anyone else in the world.
And the daughter who had looked exactly like him…
Their one and only daughter.
At that moment, Cassian could no longer endure it.
He bolted toward the bathroom and vomited everything in his stomach.
