Chapter 30 — The Closest, Yet the Most Distant: Husband and Wife
Su Man and Xue Ning spent the entire afternoon fooling around in Qiyun Pavilion.
In the past, all of Xue Ning’s thoughts had revolved around Su Zhan.
She thought only of how to make him notice her, how to make him like her.
So every day, she busied herself in the kitchen. If she wasn’t making him snacks, she was simmering soups for him, trying to nourish his health.
Because of that, among all the sisters in the household, she had read the fewest books.
Su Qing used to sneer at her the most, always calling her an illiterate waste.
Every time she heard it, her heart ached unbearably, and she would run to Su Zhan, hoping for even the smallest comfort.
But every single time, all she received was the man’s cold, handsome face twisted with disdain.
“Maybe if you read a few more books, people wouldn’t mock you.”
“If you have time to stew soup, why not spend it reading instead?”
“If you refuse to better yourself and others look down on you for it, what’s the point of coming to me? Am I supposed to study on your behalf?”
His voice had always been icy, devoid of even the slightest trace of comfort, as though not reading books was some unforgivable crime.
Later, Su Zhan had even sent Mo Bai to Qiyun Pavilion with an entire chest of books—classics, histories, philosophical texts. The sort of things men liked to read.
But she had only been a sheltered young girl, raised deep within the inner chambers without any proper teacher. No matter how hard she tried, she simply couldn’t immerse herself in them.
When she wanted to start with storybooks and popular novels instead, Su Zhan merely frowned and mocked her again.
Only after she was exiled to the old estate in Yongzhou did she finally have endless idle hours to herself—and, unexpectedly, time to read.
She began reading Mang.
Only then did she truly understand the line:
“When a man falls in love, he may still free himself.
But when a woman falls in love, there is no escape.”
And only then did she understand another saying:
“Nothing shines brighter than the sun and moon;
nothing is closer—or more distant—than husband and wife.”
So after being reborn, she no longer poured her energy into kitchens or men.
Lately, she had spent far more time reading. Whenever she finished her embroidery work, she would pick up The Chronicles of Great Yong’s Mountains and Rivers.
Su Man glanced at it twice. “What’s so interesting about that thing? It’s practically stolen your soul away.”
A smile curved Xue Ning’s lips. “It’s a record of Great Yong’s landscapes. It describes all sorts of scenery beyond the passes—mountains, rivers, famous places from across the realm. It even talks about Yueyang Tower.”
Su Man pouted. “So what? It’s not like we’ll ever get to see any of it. Once we’re married, we’ll spend our whole lives trapped in the inner courtyard, serving husbands and raising children.”
The smile in Xue Ning’s eyes dimmed slightly.
“That may be true, but…”
But in this life, she still wanted to travel. To see the world with her own eyes.
In her previous life, the first half of her years had been trapped inside Su Zhan’s Mingyue Pavilion. The second half had been spent imprisoned in that shabby little courtyard of the Yongzhou estate.
Her whole life had withered away there—dry, joyless, unbearably dull.
Su Man leaned against her shoulder and read along for a few pages before growing sleepy and languid.
After their afternoon nap, Su Man insisted on dragging Xue Ning to Qiushui Garden for dinner.
Privately, Xue Ning sent Baochan to the front gate to inquire about Su Zhan’s whereabouts. Only after learning that he was still at the government office and hadn’t returned did she agree to go.
The food in Madam Jiang’s courtyard was the best in the entire Xuanyi Marquis Manor.
Xue Ning once believed that if you wanted a man’s heart, you first had to win his stomach.
Reality had long proven how wrong that saying was.
Madam Jiang had failed to win Marquis Su’s heart.
And Xue Ning had failed to win Su Zhan’s.
The Marquis had returned to the manor today. After paying respects at the Old Madam’s courtyard, he still ended up going to Concubine Nie’s residence.
Madam Jiang said nothing on the surface, but the hollow loneliness in her eyes could fool no one.
Back then, Xue Ning and Su Man had been too young to understand the tangled grievances and affections between adults.
But now, seeing Madam Jiang forcing a smile onto her face, Xue Ning felt nothing but sorrow and sympathy.
“Mother, I can serve myself.”
The ham-braised soup was rich and delicious beyond words.
Yet Marquis Su would not even come to taste a single sip.
Su Man happily drank a mouthful and blinked in confusion. “Huh? Doesn’t Father love this soup the most? Why didn’t he come tonight?”
Xue Ning turned her gaze slightly and saw Madam Jiang’s face pale for an instant.
After a pause, Madam Jiang replied softly, “Your father had matters to attend to and went to the Old Madam’s courtyard. He’s likely already had dinner there.”
“Oh, so that’s why. Then Father really missed out.”
Su Man remained entirely oblivious, still carefree and straightforward as ever, completely unable to notice the sadness hidden in her mother’s heart.
But Xue Ning saw every trace of helplessness in Madam Jiang’s eyes.
So even a woman like Madam Jiang—proper, dignified, the lawful wife of the household—still lived such a difficult life.
Madam Jiang gazed tenderly at her two daughters. Since her husband’s affections no longer belonged to her, she could only pour all her love into her children.
“Eat more, both of you. You’re all so thin—like little monkeys.”
Su Man puffed up her cheeks. “That’s not true! Manman’s full of strength and meat!”
Xue Ning had always been naturally slim, and she preferred light vegetarian dishes.
Seeing this, Madam Jiang placed several pieces of meat into her bowl. “Stop eating such bland things all the time. Eat more meat while you’re still growing.”
Xue Ning obediently ate everything, her eyes curving warmly. “The meat today tastes especially good. There’s a hint of perilla in it.”
Madam Jiang looked surprised she had noticed, and a smile finally appeared on her face.
“Earlier this year, I had someone grind perilla leaves into powder. In winter, when making roasted meat, I sprinkle some over it. Well? How does it taste?”
Su Man ate until she was utterly satisfied. “Delicious! So delicious! Mother’s cooking is even better than Aunt Zhou’s!”
Watching the children eat happily, Madam Jiang finally smiled with genuine contentment.
It had already been nearly two years since Marquis Su last spent the night in Madam Jiang’s chambers.
After dinner, Madam Jiang kept Xue Ning and Su Man with her for a while longer before reluctantly letting them leave.
The moment the children were gone, the enormous courtyard became desolately empty.
Qiushui Garden was the main residence of the Xuanyi Marquis Manor. Aside from Old Madam Xie’s quarters, this was the largest courtyard in the estate.
Its carved beams and lavish decorations were magnificent beyond compare.
And yet, they only magnified the loneliness of the marquis household’s rightful mistress.
Back when Marquis Su had loved her deeply, they too had once been a harmonious couple, inseparable in their affection. Otherwise, they would never have had a son and daughter together.
Unfortunately, a man’s sincerity could change in an instant.
Later, he met Concubine Nie.
Nanny Song dismissed the servants and looked sorrowfully at the woman leaning against the window.
“Madam, you should rest early.”
Wrapped in a thick cloak, Madam Jiang looked out at the snow swirling beyond the window.
“How are things over at Pear Garden?”
Nanny Song hesitated before answering quietly, “A’Shun came back with word… the Marquis and Concubine Nie have already retired for the night.”
Madam Jiang slowly closed her eyes. Her thick lashes trembled faintly.
“I see. You may leave as well, Nanny.”
Nanny Song’s chest tightened painfully, but she still forced a smile to comfort her.
“Madam, you’ve been married into this household for over twenty years now. We should learn to let things go. What man doesn’t have multiple wives and concubines? You know the Marquis’s temperament better than anyone. Even now, there’s only Concubine Nie by his side. Compared to most men, he’s already considered quite decent.”
Madam Jiang did not know how to answer.
It felt as though a giant hand had seized her heart and squeezed mercilessly.
She had married into the Xuanyi Marquis Manor over twenty years ago, becoming his wife at sixteen.
Back then, he had once held her hand and promised they would grow old together.
But in the end, all she received was a compromise.
The night Concubine Nie entered the manor, he had sat in her room discussing it with her, his gaze colder and more distant than she had ever seen before.
“I promise you this—after Nie enters the household, she will never bear children. Taking her in is only to give her shelter and a place to survive. There’s no need for you to cry and make a scene before Mother just to embarrass me.”
