EOSL CH 28

Chapter 28

His voice was low and slightly hoarse, but there was no sign that he was suppressing anger. If anything, that low tone sounded extremely calm.

And look at the way he addressed me as Lady Wildenbiston. He wasn’t forcing familiarity. He was keeping his distance, as if respecting my decision.

Then I should show courtesy as well. The proper thing to do was to give him my honest reasons. That was basic respect from the one refusing.

I took a deep breath and began.

“There are two reasons.”

“All right.”

I pulled my knees up under the blanket and wrapped my arms around them. His Majesty dragged a chair over and sat in front of me.

Just then, I heard the door close. I glanced toward it, but whoever left was already gone.

I absently stroked my knee with my fingers. It felt like his gaze lingered there for a moment. After a pause, I spoke.

“First… my position is politically easy to misunderstand.”

“Misunderstand?”

“Yes.”

Holding up one finger, I explained.

“Your Majesty, my family is the House of Wildenbiston. Everyone knows my father stood politically opposed to you. And recently, you suddenly announced that you would continue to appoint my father as Chancellor. If I accept your proposal in this situation, I’m afraid of what people will say. For twelve years, I’ve endured whispers behind my back. There were even ministers who openly mocked me, telling me to learn some sense. I don’t want to go through that again.”

I chose my words carefully.

No matter how honest this moment was supposed to be, I couldn’t bluntly say, “I don’t know what you’re planning.” He was the emperor.

The only thing I truly knew was that my father had stood against him.

If I became empress, I might spend my entire life being trampled by his faction, living cautiously and quietly. Just imagining it terrified me.

“…”

Rubellus said nothing. Instead of answering, he removed the cape draped over his shoulders and hung it on the chair.

Then, in one smooth motion, he unfastened the top button of his uniform.

It was such a natural gesture. His neck was exposed, and I could see the shirt beneath. He wasn’t even undressing, but my eyes dropped without thinking.

“…And the second?”

His voice was low.

I lifted my gaze to his face again.

He looked pained, brows drawn together as he let out a slow breath.

It was unfair, seeing that expression so close. I almost reached out to him without thinking.

But I couldn’t. I still had something important to say.

I took another breath.

“This is the most important reason.”

“Yes.”

“I’m too angry.”

“…Angry?”

“Yes. I’m angry.”

I looked straight at him.

“Your Majesty, the reason I was angry this morning was because I was certain that what you said about me being your fiancée was a joke. I thought you were making fun of me. That’s why I stormed into the palace and shouted at you. Of course, I’m still sorry for that. But…”

I pressed my lips together.

“But strangely enough, when you told me you were serious, I became even angrier. Much angrier than before.”

His face stiffened further. His violet eyes darkened. I held his gaze and continued.

“All I can think is, why now? If you were going to propose to me anyway, if you liked me enough to confess shyly like that, then couldn’t you at least have shown some kindness during those twelve years? Fine, let’s say there were circumstances for those twelve years. Then after I said I was giving up, during those three years, you could have shown me something. Twelve plus three makes fifteen years. And during all that time, you did nothing.”

“…”

“You were cold when I followed you for twelve years. And now you say you liked me and propose? If you cared that much, why didn’t you visit me even once during those three years when I was hurt and shut myself away at home?”

I took a deep breath.

“Did you think I’d accept if you comforted me like this? Do you think I’m stupid? Your Majesty, this is… this isn’t right. No, it’s worse than not right. It’s cruel. It’s the worst.”

I tried to soften my ending, but my eyes burned.

Not from sadness.

From anger.

“Honestly, my heart did race earlier. It’s still racing. I even fainted. But I don’t know whether it was from shock, from excitement, or from anger.”

I sighed deeply.

Should I say this?

Yes.

“That’s why when you say you’ve always liked me, I can’t believe it. It feels like you’re teasing me. And in that moment, whatever feelings I still had… disappeared.”

I clenched my hands tightly.

My heart was racing, but my fingers were ice cold.

“Even if I accepted this proposal, I think the marriage would be unhappy. I would constantly doubt whether you truly love me. I would keep questioning you. Because that’s who I am. If I can’t believe something, I can’t stop doubting it.”

“…”

“I can’t live the rest of my life like that. Wondering if it’s political strategy or not. Wondering if you love me or not. Wondering if I’m just a chess piece. I’m too tired for that. I’ve already lived like that for twelve years.”

As I spoke, my emotions tangled inside me.

Anger. Sadness. Shame. Anger again.

By the time I finished, I just wanted to disappear.

But I couldn’t.

So I met his eyes.

“I’m sorry, Your Majesty. I… refuse.”

His violet eyes trembled faintly. Or maybe it was just the lamp beside the bed flickering.

He said nothing.

His gaze slowly traced my face. My forehead. My brows. My eyes. My nose. My lips.

Wherever his gaze touched felt unbearably hot.

“Your Majesty?”

The moment I called him, his eyes softened.

I blinked in surprise.

I had expected anger. Or coldness. Or irritation.

But his gaze was warm.

Had I misunderstood? Or had he not heard me properly?

“Your Majesty?”

I called again.

A faint smile appeared on his lips.

I shrank back slightly.

What was that reaction?

I had just crushed his pride. I thought he would argue or explain himself.

Instead, he smiled.

“Why are you smiling?”

“Because I feel foolish.”

“…What?”

“Hearing that you don’t know whether I love you… I feel like an idiot. I understand now. I never should have hidden it.”

“…Your Majesty?”

The smile faded.

He rubbed his face roughly with one hand and then looked at me seriously.

“Aira.”

“Yes.”

I answered reluctantly. Until that moment, I had suspected something was wrong with his mind.

“Whether you remember or not, the day we first met, when you were four, I told you to become my bride.”

“…”

Why bring that up now?

And he remembered?

Why?

“When we walked out of the Great Imperial Forest holding hands, I told the forest to remember your face. You didn’t know, but the forest itself is made up of magical beasts with will. It makes those it doesn’t permit lose their way. But you were always safe there.”

My eyes widened.

He spoke casually, his hair slightly disheveled, clothes loosened. But his eyes—

Though they were still violet, they seemed almost red.

“When you were six, you kept getting lost in the palace. So I held your hand and walked you through it, teaching you the layout. I didn’t know it well myself at first. So for two years, I walked the palace every day, learning every shortcut. I wanted to look like someone who knew everything in front of you.”

Could I be more shocked than this?

My heart felt like it dropped.

Each word struck my ears clearly.

“When you were thirteen, I carved deeper over the graffiti you scratched behind that big pine tree in your forest hideout. I liked that carving. But when I saw it again recently, it had faded. I should have carved it deeper.”

How did he know about that?

I covered my mouth.

“I still have the hat you made for me when you were fourteen. I didn’t wear it because I couldn’t stand others seeing something precious to me. But when I saw your face that day, I regretted it. I had indigestion all night.”

“…Your Majesty.”

“When you were sixteen, you threw a pie at the Horton heir and were locked in the library. You cried while reading romance novels and fell asleep curled over a book. I was the one who covered you with a blanket.”

What?