DSFL | Chapter 23

~Chapter 23~

 Ricardo’s expression slowly turned cold. There was something chilling about it, like it could freeze you to the bone. Still, I forced a smile.

“The first step may have been a mess, but we should end things properly.”

Yes. This was the right thing to do.

So that there would be no more entanglements with Ricardo.

We never wanted this engagement in the first place.

At what should’ve been a happy engagement ceremony, one of us had been confused and the other had exploded in anger. It wasn’t a normal engagement. Even so, it had lasted quite a while.

“I told you before, didn’t I? That I’d break off the engagement like you wanted. I think now is the right time.”

“……”

“Thank you for everything.”

Ricardo’s unreadable gaze settled on my face. After a moment, a faint groan escaped his lips.

“…Are you thanking me right now?”

“Yes.”

“For what exactly?”

His voice was calm, but there was a faint sense of danger in it.

“I didn’t save you. You were swallowed up by the lake… and I didn’t even know…”

Now, despair slowly took over Ricardo’s face.

“Even so, you’re thanking me?”

I stared at him blankly and tilted my head in confusion.

“You saved Miss Idette instead.”

“…!”

“Isn’t that enough?”

Well, when I was suffering from a fever, I did resent Ricardo for that. But once I got better, I realized he wasn’t someone I should blame.

That happens. It’s natural to save the one you love first.

If both Cedric and Ricardo had fallen into the lake, I would’ve saved Cedric first too.

They say every life is equally valuable, but… that’s not the whole truth.

I drank all the cold tea. The maids had put their effort into making it, so I finished it out of respect. And now, I had no reason to stay any longer.

“Well then, take care.”

And let’s never meet again.

With a feeling of relief, I left the garden.

* * *

Only silence remained where Bianca had been.

Ricardo couldn’t take his eyes off the empty seat.

…Take care?

Wasn’t that basically a farewell?

There were so many things he wanted to say to her. Things he needed to say.

But he hadn’t said anything. All he did was get angry like a fool.

…Should he have stopped her?

But there were so many reasons not to.

This was what he had wanted from the beginning—to finally be free from that irritating woman.

And even if he did stop her… what would he say?

Something about Idette?

If not that, then what…?

Even so, Ricardo stood up.

From the clear sky, raindrops began to fall one by one.

…I didn’t save you.

I saved Idette instead.

Everyone points fingers at me, but…

I just didn’t want you to hate me.

It felt like sinking into the deep sea. I hadn’t saved you, and now I was drowning in an ocean I couldn’t escape from.

If I could go back to that moment and find you instead—

…If I had saved you, would anything have changed?

He went back to that moment in his mind, over and over again.

But when he finally came to his senses, all that remained was the thick, inescapable reality.

Ricardo’s steps grew faster.

The truth was… he already knew the answer to that question.

Bianca—if it were her, of course she would be hurt.

No, anyone would’ve been hurt by what he did.

But Ricardo had been lying to himself.

It wasn’t that he didn’t know the answer.

Maybe… he just chose to ignore it.

I had always thought Bianca would stay by my side.

I knew that was arrogant. But I had to believe it—because otherwise, there would’ve been no way for me to hold on to her.

Ricardo gasped for breath as he grabbed Bianca’s hand.

“……!”

Bianca’s eyes slowly widened.

…I didn’t want to admit this was the end.

Just like you said, I know our first meeting was a disaster.

But so what? If the first button is wrong, you just rebutton it. And if that’s too hard, then let’s just choose the moment we want as our first meeting.

Like one of those magical moments people talk about.

Let’s say we met in a rainy cabin—by the fireplace, shivering from the cold, sharing stories about each other and making unforgettable memories.

…That should be enough, right?

No—what I really want is for you not to be hurt because of me.

I want you to understand me.

I want you to wait for me, just a little longer.

It’s selfish. Shameful. I can’t be more selfish than this.

“……Ricardo.”

Even now, when everything is falling apart, you don’t get angry. You’re only gentle. And I hate that about you.

Why won’t you get angry with me?

Is it really because you’re okay?

Or is it because… I’m not even worth getting angry at?

***

I stared at him, my face frozen.

His calm eyes were clouded with emotions I couldn’t begin to understand.

I tried to pull my hand away, but Ricardo wouldn’t let go.

“Ricardo.”

I called his name again, meaning please let go.

But his hands stayed tightly wrapped around mine, pale and trembling.

Why are you still stuck on that day?

Idette should be fine by now.

“…Did something happen to Miss Idette?”

Ricardo’s lips trembled slightly.

“Then you should go to her.”

I tried again to pull my hand away, but it was no use. His grip only tightened.

The raindrops, which had begun falling one by one, were now pouring down—but Ricardo didn’t even seem to notice he was soaked.

No matter how I looked at it, I couldn’t understand why he was holding on to me.

He didn’t have the face of someone trying to blame me over Idette.

No, his expression looked more like he was about to cry—just like the last time I saw him.

…But why?

Everything had gone as planned.

Just like he wanted, we were breaking off the engagement.

We’d never have to see each other again.

So why did he look like that?

I had tried so hard to understand Ricardo.

Even when I didn’t, I told myself it was no big deal and moved on.

But the more I faced him, the more confused I became.

Will the day ever come when I can truly understand you?

…Ricardo, I honestly don’t know how to deal with you anymore.

What do you even want from me? What are you trying to do with me?

This world was made of text. We had to walk the paths written in ink.

Even if something changed because of me, the major branches of the story wouldn’t shift.

That was how it was meant to go.

You love Idette.

You hate me.

All of it—already decided.

And I had learned to accept that, to survive here.

But the Ricardo standing in front of me now…

…I couldn’t understand him just through text.

I parted my lips to speak, then lowered my eyes.

“Please spend your time on something more worthwhile than me.”

At that moment, Ricardo’s grip on my hand finally loosened.

Cedric was right. Time is limited, and once it’s gone, you can’t get it back.

For both me and Ricardo, this was just a waste of time now.

I turned my gaze toward Allen, who was anxiously holding an umbrella in the distance.

Apparently, we’d stayed longer than I thought.

Just then, Ricardo finally opened his tightly closed lips.

“…There’s nothing more worthwhile than this.”

For a moment, I thought I misheard.

Maybe it was just the sound of the rain ringing in my ears.

But when I looked into Ricardo’s eyes, I felt like I couldn’t breathe.

He looked desperate. And then he began to speak, without any order or thought.

“I don’t even know exactly why I held on to you.”

“……”

“I just… want you to understand me.”

You want me… to understand you?

Still, it was a string of words I couldn’t make sense of.

“What do you want me to understand?”

“……”

“That you didn’t save me? If not that, then what exactly are you asking me to understand?”

I clenched my fists tightly.

At least make an excuse. Then I’ll pretend to listen.

But asking me to understand, without a word of explanation?

Does that mean I’m not even worth an excuse?

A dry laugh escaped my lips.

“Ricardo, you’re selfish. Do you know that?”

“I do. But if it weren’t for that selfishness, I wouldn’t have been able to hold on to you.”

“And yet, you still can’t bring yourself to say anything. I guess your selfishness doesn’t reach that far.”

I would never be able to understand Ricardo.

“If you’re going to be selfish, then stick with it to the end. If you won’t, then how am I supposed to understand all of this?”

If you only held on to me out of guilt—then that too is utterly meaningless.

You already saved Idette. And you’ll keep saving her from now on.

Your guilt can’t change that.

A bitter smile spread across my face.