Chapter 25
Hesitating for a moment, she opened the door and stepped into the room. He was sitting in a chair. The stack of documents on the table suggested that Jordan had sent work along with him. She feared he would notice how her voice trembled. She forced logic to the front of her mind. Getting emotional would help nothing. Her head started to throb as memories of the past surfaced. Isilia steadied her breath.
“When I told you I wanted a divorce, I thought you would agree.”
“…What did you just say? I don’t understand why you’re suddenly bringing this up.”
The way he addressed her had changed. That small detail made Isilia blink. Louiyan felt unfamiliar. No—this was how he truly was. The man who once smiled at Marillian no longer existed. Don’t panic.
“I know what I’m doing is discourteous. But… I don’t want to be hurt anymore.”
“I don’t understand what you’re talking about.”
“Our public reputation—yours and mine—is already ruined. I’m fine with that. You’re not someone who cares about such things anyway. So I think it’s fine. But… I don’t want to pretend nothing happened. For you and me—no, for myself—let’s get a divorce.”
When she got close enough, those eyes—silver-tinged, captivating—looked straight at her. Her heart fluttered painfully under their gaze. Even if Marillian left the mansion and it returned to just the two of them, they could never go back to how things were. Right or wrong didn’t matter anymore—the one thing she couldn’t promise was that she would be happy with him.
“…And the children? Johan and El. Do you think they’ll accept it? That’s too cruel.”
“The children…”
She thought it was the best decision—for both her and him. But the children… could she really say this was the best for them? In the end, she would be hurting them just to heal her own heart.
“Until the children grow up, I can go back and forth between the Agnes estate and here. Or, if El wants, she can live here with Johan… and visit me at Agnes.”
So they could come see her. Her voice grew smaller the more she spoke, until it could barely be heard. Heat flushed her face at how selfish she sounded. Louiyan let out a sigh.
“No matter what you choose, someone gets hurt.”
She lifted her head and looked at him. A crack appeared in his once expressionless face. Seeing him slightly frown, Isilia steadied her breath again. Neither of them said what they were thinking—that the children were the ones who didn’t deserve this. They didn’t have the right to voice it. But she couldn’t back down. She changed the subject.
“To rise to the top of society, I put on a mask. I don’t want to argue about that now. But if my change back then hurt you—”
“……”
“—I judged you, assumed things, felt relieved just seeing you, and only now I realized…”
Apologies couldn’t fix this. Not for her and Louiyan. Words came out fragmented, disjointed.
“I’m not asking for forgiveness.”
Too much time had passed. He couldn’t forgive her. Emotions left to rot don’t dissolve easily. And she couldn’t forgive him either. Not since the day he brought Marillian before her. The wound he left would never be removed. She clasped her trembling hand with the other, hiding it from his view.
“Louiyan.”
“I…”
Her foolish heart pounded wildly, overjoyed just because he was in front of her. That only made things more confusing. Her wounded heart raged, while her heart still rejoiced just seeing him. She didn’t know if anything she said made sense anymore.
“I loved you. I used to. Even when I pushed you away again and again, you clung to me. It annoyed me.”
“……”
“They say fighting breeds affection. His Highness once mocked me about it. And… he was right. At some point, I found myself looking at you. You were irritating. Annoying. …And endearing.”
He was smiling. He looked at her with a faint smile—no longer a guess, no longer uncertain. He *had* opened his heart to her once. She couldn’t breathe. Her face burned, her mouth parted in shock. Louiyan continued.
“When the girl who chased after me suddenly changed her attitude… I found it laughable that I was hurt by it. But after meeting Marillian… I was fine. I thought I was fine because the pain had numbed.”
“……”
“You wouldn’t understand. I don’t understand myself, either.”
He was also lost, unable to organize his thoughts. With the way his sentences cut off, she couldn’t grasp what he was trying to say.
“I—”
“…You what?”
He fell silent at her prompting. Then he raised a hand to his face, covering it. With a sigh, his hand dropped. His exposed face was exhausted. He muttered:
“…It was pathetic.”
“……”
“In a situation that spiraled too quickly, even with my mind a mess—that much I understood.”
He had nothing more to say. His pale blue eyes trembled. Isilia remembered what Marillian had once told her:
*He doesn’t realize when he hurts someone.*
He stops. He avoids. Or he faces it. Louiyan let out a laugh—dry, joyless. Which path would he choose to show her now? He was impossible to understand. She opened her mouth.
“Louiyan.”
Her voice shook. Her chest ached.
“I love you.”
The laughter stopped. His eyes froze, fixed on her. And yet, he no longer frowned. …Insanity didn’t belong solely to Marillian. She and Louiyan were just as broken. Of the three, she was the worst. He didn’t look at her with displeasure anymore. That alone made her chest tremble.
She was hopeless. No physician in the palace could cure this. She closed her eyes, memorizing the echo of the words she had spoken. She would not say them again for a long time—maybe ever. Everything was chaos, but there was one thing she was sure of.
They needed rest. Time. Space.
She opened her eyes and smiled faintly at him.
“I don’t know what you’re trying to say. And I know my sudden confession must confuse you, too. So let’s put this aside. We’re both too overwhelmed to speak properly. Take some time. Sort out your thoughts. And when you know what you really feel… then say it. The ones who will be hurt the most aren’t you or me. It’s the children. So for them—think carefully. Not like this.”
“……”
“If you had told me you were hurting back then… things might’ve been different. But then I wondered—when you hid your expression, if I had asked why…”
“……”
“Would things have changed? Would we have avoided this?”
In the end, it was both their fault.
She swallowed. Her mind spun from everything she had spilled out. His pale blue eyes were still fixed on her. Everything felt confusing, dizzying, nauseating. She didn’t want to be swept away by this storm.
“Louiyan, let’s divorce.”
We won’t submit the papers yet. Let’s live separately, take time, sort out our thoughts. And then, we can decide whether to truly part or not. The documents can wait.
“……”
Louiyan nodded.
**Chapter 5. The Beginning of Romance.**
“Look here.”
The Crown Prince spoke brusquely, pointing line by line at the documents. Louiyan looked at him. All he had to do was sign, so Louiyan couldn’t understand why he’d been summoned. …At first, anyway.
He turned his head toward the person sitting next to the Crown Prince—only golden curls were visible.
“Impressive. Not a single mistake. That’s rare.”
“Too perfect,” Jordan muttered under his breath.
There was nothing wrong with the documents. Louiyan knew that. So why call him? The reason was obvious now—the Crown Prince had a different purpose. At first, Louiyan wondered if he’d made a mistake somewhere.
But he had not.
And he finally understood the Crown Prince’s intent after being summoned repeatedly.
