Chapter 78
The voice sounded as if it had barely managed to escape her throat. Between the words were faint sobs.
âI-I was so scared. I thought if I said something, then I⌠I might end up like you, like sister⌠They kept saying things to me too, and I was so afraid of thatâŚ.â
The stammered words were thoughts Nia had never once spoken aloud before.
âBut when you left, sob, when you left⌠They kept coming at me, they kept coming at me and it was so hard, so⌠Iâm sorryâŚ.â
The rambling confession ended with something Alessia had never once heard in all her life in Engelrosâa word of apology.
Alessia felt a rush of cold air blow straight through her heart, as though reminding her how large the hole inside had grown over the years. The icy wind that whistled through that gap told her just how wide it had become. It was an emptiness she hadnât felt for a long timeânot since leaving Engelros for Ferdinand.
She hadnât wanted to hear these words in this way. Not from the one person who had shared the same plight as her.
Nia hadnât noticed her absence out of loneliness or longing. He realized it only because, with his shield gone, the blades turned fully on him.
If she hadnât left for Ferdinand, these words would never have left his lips. Not while she bore everything alone as his shield.
âYou must have⌠had such a hard time too⌠Iâm sorry I ignored that. It was my faultâŚâ
And yet, at the same time, there was no one else who could have come to this realization but Nia Engelros. He was the younger brother who, like her, had been born under the same parents for the same purpose, and had been tormented for the same reasons.
The strength drained from her hand, which had been gripping the doorknob as if she might break it. Slowly, Alessia turned. The sight of him sitting on the floor, curled up and crying, was bitterly familiar.
If only he would cry aloud like before. Instead, the way he hiccupped and tried to choke back his sobs struck her like a dagger to the eyes.
Crying out loud means you still believe someone will hear and comfort you. But when you cry and cry and no comfort ever comes, eventually you learn to swallow those cries down.
Nia Engelros had learned that tooâthat no matter how hard you cry, it only makes your throat sore, and no one cares.
âIâm sorry, Iâm sorryâŚâ
Alessia stood before her little brother, who kept repeating the same words. He hadnât yet noticed the shadow falling over him, his head still hanging low.
âItâs notâŚâ
The words stuck in her throat, and she had to force her lips to part. It was so hard to say that she had to pause, take a breath, and start again.
âItâs not your fault.â
Nia Engelrosâno, the young Alessia Engelrosâlifted his tear-reddened eyes to look at her.
âIt wasnât because you did anything wrong.â
And that made it easier for Alessia to go on.
Young Alessia Engelros had never been at fault. She had simply been born. She simply lacked the power to fight back. She simply had no one by her side.
The same was true for Nia Engelros. Barely ten years old now, it must have been overwhelming for him to be among Pascalâs pack. Ideals were distant, reality was close, and fear was even closer.
Even if the boy had joined in tormenting her, what power did he have to change anything? He had only nodded along because he feared that the hatred aimed at his sister might turn on him.
And yet, Nia felt guilty. Even though those who had truly tormented her would still think they had done nothing wrong.
âAlessiaâŚâ
âAlessia!â
The tear-streaked face overlapped with the image of the little boy who once cried for his sister long ago.
At last, Alessia Engelros reached out her handâto the younger brother who had once given her the tiniest reason to live, her only hope.
âM-My name is Nia Engelros.â
Nia bowed properly before Leonidas, greeting him with formal courtesy. His posture was stiff, awkward even, but compared to the arrogance of yesterday, it was a world of difference.
âIâm sorry for yesterday! I behaved terribly!â
As if that wasnât enough, he quickly added another sentence and then glanced sideways at Alessia for reassurance.
Leonidas looked at him and smiled silently. It seemed amusing to him that the boyâs attitude had changed so completely in just one day.
âThe little groom seems to have lost his spark.â
âIâm sorryâŚâ
Nia didnât react to the teasing. He just kept glancing around nervously. Alessia gave a small nod to her little brother, who was gazing up at her with desperate eyes.
Immediately brightening, Nia bowed once more to Leonidas before leaving the room.
âSeems the young ladyâs brother listens to her better than someone else I know.â
âI wish to apologize once again, Lord Leonidas. As his sister, I take full responsibility for his behavior. But he has reflected deeply, so I humbly ask for your forgiveness just this once.â
As soon as the door closed, Alessia lowered her gaze and spoke with formal sincerity.
From the beginning, Nia had never been a cruel child. He had simply grown up in Engelros, where it didnât pay to appear weak. He copied his cousins, who wielded power, and came to believe that their harsh words and acts were the way to appear strong even outside his home.
âLooks to me like you didnât know the full story either. Itâs nothing to fret over. Kids are like thatâthey grow up before you know it.â
As someone with much younger siblings of her own, Leonidas seemed quick to understand.
Alessia bowed deeply in gratitude. Nia had certainly behaved rudely, and Leonidas could have easily used that as a pretext to hold Alessia or even Engelros accountable. If that had happened, things would have turned very difficult for both her and Nia.
But Leonidas had shown no such intent. Instead, despite being insulted by a mere child, he had chosen mercy. Alessia suddenly felt envious that Ferdinand had such a man at its head.
âThese things pass. Best to cherish them while you can. Someday, you wonât be able to see them even if you want to.â
His murmured words sounded as if they were meant for himself. Perhaps Leonidas was thinking of Kaon.
His gaze lingered for a moment on the door where Nia had vanished, then shifted to Alessia. A faint smile touched his lips.
âSeems youâve had a change of heart. Am I right?â
ââŚYes.â
Alessia nodded. She still didnât know if Nia could stay in Ferdinand. She had already warned him not to expect it. She only intended to bring it up for the boyâs sakeâso that when he had to return to Engelros, he wouldnât do so without hope.
It wasnât some grand resolve. She just didnât want Nia Engelros to live the same life she had, with no one reaching out a helping hand.
If she were honest, this was for herself too. A feeble attempt to ease the knot of pain that still lingered inside her.
âIt wouldnât hurt to have a mage around. I donât know if itâll make a big difference, though.â
Nia was a light-element mage who knew basic healing magic. He wasnât some prodigyâhe couldnât instantly close woundsâbut he could ease pain and speed recovery somewhat.
For Ferdinand, constantly troubled by monsters, that wasnât useless. But Nia was too young to join monster-hunting patrols, and his mana was so limited that he couldnât treat many people. There was a real chance he would end up a burden.
Her mind was made up, but it wasnât easy to bring this up immediately after asking forgiveness. As she hesitated, Leonidas spoke first.
âMages prize research and personal achievement above all else, donât they?â
âYes. Most mages do.â
There were always exceptions, of course, but that was generally true. Some cared most about money, but even that was usually just a means to gain more power.
âThen Nia Engelros shall remain here in Ferdinand for that very reason. If Engelros demands his return, we canât prevent itâbut if no one even knew the boy had come this far, I doubt they will.â
Alessiaâs eyes widened at the unexpected words. Leonidas was saying aloud the very thing she had hoped to ask for.
She still had an unfulfilled wish she could have used to bargain with him, but she hadnât even considered itâshe didnât want to trouble Leonidas that way.
Yet here he was, having already foreseen the next move and taken it, neatly erasing a debt without even touching the matter of her wish.
ââŚNia is still young and not very skilled as a mage. But if you allow him to stay, I will do my utmost to ensure he becomes a help to Ferdinand.â
That was a debt she could bear. Alessia bowed her head and added cautiously. She didnât want anyone expecting too much of Nia and then being disappointedâthat would only burden the boy.
âIâd appreciate that. This may sound strange, but I trust you more than I trust your house.â
Leonidas said this with a quiet smile.
The steady, earnest gaze in his brown eyes was that of an adult. Even Richard, far older than Leonidas, didnât have eyes like that.
How many trials had Leonidas endured to become so unshakable at just five years older than her?
âYour brother must be waiting for you anxiously.â
ââŚThank you.â
Will I be like that in five years?
Alessia hoped with all her heart that she would.
