CH:29
As time passed in Ferdinand, Alessia came to a new realization.
“Oh, I said no! Having my own unit is nothing but a headache. I’m not even of age yet. I’m not doing it.”
“You only bring up your age at times like this. In any case, I’ve delivered Lord Leonidas’s message. Don’t say I didn’t tell you later.”
“Joseph, seriously—who do you actually serve? Because it’s definitely not me.”
That realization was this: Kaon Ferdinand only pretends to be mature in front of her.
Once she noticed, she started seeing it all the time. And honestly, it was kind of funny.
The boy who seemed so perfect was actually immature and childish—just a kid trying desperately to impress her. It was laughably obvious.
“Miss Alessia.”
“Trying to change the subject already… Alessia.”
Kaon, who had been scowling a moment ago, quickly composed his expression the moment he spotted her. His voice dropped automatically, his posture straightened, and he suddenly transformed into the Kaon Ferdinand she knew.
“I heard you’ll be going out next week. With Kaon, no less. May I ask you a few questions?”
Alessia had already seen his whole transformation, but she pretended not to notice a thing and asked nonchalantly. Kaon visibly relaxed at her reaction.
“Of course. Joseph, we’ll finish our conversation later.”
“…Yes, sir.”
The aide cast a very unimpressed look at the young master who had become prim and proper in an instant.
And understandably so. Even Alessia, who only saw this occasionally, found it amusing—how much more must it affect the aide who saw it every day? Alessia could sympathize with him completely.
What a fool.
With that thought, Alessia couldn’t help but let out a quiet snort of laughter. Instantly, two pairs of eyes turned toward her.
“Ah…”
Alessia froze. It wasn’t intentional, so she had no idea how to react. Out of habit, she glanced between the two men, gauging their reactions—and saw the corners of Kaon’s mouth twitch upward.
“You’re the one staring at me like that. That’s why.”
“What did I do?”
“Just keep looking at me like that.”
“…What?”
Kaon patted Joseph on the shoulder a couple of times as if to encourage him, then turned to Alessia. He was still smiling.
Looking at that carefree face, as if he had no worries in the world, she thought she should be angry…
“Shall we go, Alessia?”
“…Sure.”
But strangely, she felt nothing. Not anger, not irritation. It was bizarre, but she didn’t even feel the need to examine why.
She simply wondered, Would I be able to keep smiling like this if I stayed by his side? That faint thought just brushed through her mind.
Alessia burst into her room and, almost blindly, hid in the wardrobe’s darkness.
She had just run away after encountering Kaon Ferdinand decked out in a red cape and red accessories from head to toe.
Curled up like a child in a corner of the wardrobe, Alessia hugged her knees and buried her face in them. Her whole body trembled as if she had chills.
“But you should know this going forward. I really love this color.”
His quiet but clear declaration rang in her ears like an echo, and the image of him adorned in red to prove his point danced in front of her eyes.
Alessia had realized early on that her red eyes caused discomfort among the people of Ferdinand.
There were too many instances of people hurriedly averting their gaze as if something terrible might happen just by making eye contact.
Her flamboyant mushroom-shaped hat was her solution to that problem.
It wasn’t ideal—it was far too flashy to wear in the castle, blocked her view, and often made her trip—but it was useful.
It was worth all the inconvenience. When she wore it, at least people didn’t look at her like she was frightening.
Alessia had been adjusting to life in Ferdinand much faster than expected, and she was proud of herself for it. Sometimes, she even wanted to give herself a little praise.
But the moment she saw Kaon Ferdinand standing in front of everyone, dressed so ridiculously, saying those things…
An indescribable flood of emotions overwhelmed her.
Did I look that ridiculous? Did I seem so pitiful that he felt the need to do that?
If she’d been calmer, she would have realized Kaon had done it simply because he wanted her to feel more comfortable.
But in the moment, it was unbearably humiliating and shameful. She had thought she was doing well—but clearly, she’d looked so pathetic that someone had wanted to help her out of pity.
At least here in Ferdinand, where no one knew her past, she wanted to appear strong. She didn’t want anyone’s sympathy—not even a sliver. That way, maybe she could forget how small and worthless she’d felt before.
Alessia gritted her teeth, holding back tears. Then she clenched her fists and stood up. She thought it’d be better to say something to Kaon Ferdinand.
To tell him, Thank you, but I can take care of myself—you don’t need to go that far.
To tell him, Don’t interfere. I can manage on my own.
Or maybe, Just pretend not to notice. Even if I’m struggling, just ignore me.
“Alessia, I…”
But the moment she burst through the curtain and faced Kaon Ferdinand, she realized she wouldn’t be able to say anything.
That innocent boy, with every emotion written plainly on his face, was looking at her with pure concern.
“I just wanted to explain…”
No explanation was needed. Just looking at his eyes told her everything. There was not a trace of mockery in them. Only sincerity—an honest, clear gaze that said: I just really like you. I only wanted to help.
And before she could say anything sharp, tears threatened to spill over.
She didn’t want to cry. Especially not in front of Kaon Ferdinand, someone whose life was so different from hers. She didn’t want to seem weak.
But his strong, warm arms wrapped around her. Even his hesitant, awkward hand stroking her back—something she’d never experienced—was oddly comforting.
She had no way to stop the heat welling up behind her eyes. So Alessia buried her face deeper into his chest.
At that moment, she had no choice but to admit it.
Kaon Ferdinand liked Alessia Ingelos enough not to care about looking foolish—and Alessia Ingelos… didn’t mind that. She finally accepted it.
“……”
“……”
After hugging for what felt like an eternity, the two awkwardly pulled apart. Kaon looked up at the ceiling, completely lost, while Alessia stared down at the floor, embarrassed.
And then she became even more flustered. The red cape she had leaned on was stained, the wet marks turning parts of it a dark crimson. Her eyes were swollen and sore. Anyone could tell she’d just had a good cry.
“…Thanks.”
“Ah… yeah.”
Only after speaking did she realize she had dropped her usual polite tone—but she couldn’t bring herself to care. All she wanted was to escape the situation.
She hesitated, glanced around, then turned abruptly. Her tear-soaked shame was obvious, but she didn’t want to make it any more obvious than it already was.
She didn’t feel uncomfortable around Kaon Ferdinand like before, but that didn’t mean she was completely at ease either. She liked appearing fragile, but never actually being fragile.
“Wait!”
But Kaon’s voice stopped her before she could leave. She froze in place, and he hurried to continue.
“Just… could you spare a little time—no, could you please spare some time…?”
His words came out jumbled, half polite, half casual. He seemed just as flustered as she was.
Oddly, realizing that made her feel better. Alessia chuckled softly.
I thought I was the only one who panicked.
She had no experience with this sort of thing. No one had ever comforted her before. She thought she’d made a fool of herself—but seeing Kaon like that proved she wasn’t alone.
“Why don’t you just talk casually? It’s just the two of us.”
Maybe because her heart had settled a bit, Alessia made a suggestion she normally never would’ve made. Fortunately, Kaon responded with a visibly brighter voice.
“I wanted to ask… if you could spare a little time this evening? Is that okay?”
“…Yeah.”
Alessia hesitated, then slowly nodded. Her puffy eyes were annoying, but a little cold water would help.
Besides, she wasn’t really in a position to say no to Kaon Ferdinand—especially after borrowing his chest to cry on.
“Then I’ll see you later.”
Pretending nothing had happened, Alessia turned and stepped through the curtain—then promptly collapsed to the floor.
What the hell did I just do?
Regret hit her like a wave, but even if she could go back… she wasn’t sure she’d act any differently.
And that confused her even more.
