MWAWM 04

Chapter 04

Those Bastards Who Deserve to Die  You Must Overcome Your Trauma

“It’s been a while.”

The psychiatrist greeted me with a bright smile.

It was a sort of routine she followed when welcoming a patient.

“Maru, how have you been lately?”

“Same as always. I work, come home, exercise, read, and go to sleep.”

“Has something good happened? You look better.”

“Do I?”

“It’s been four months since I last saw you. You look much more vibrant than you did then.”

“You told me that it wasn’t good to let the past negatively affect the future. I’ve been trying.”

Was it because I had beaten those bastards last night and released some of the resentment that had been building up inside me?

The truth was, I did feel a little better.

“There’s another reason I came back.”

“What is it?”

“I told you about the violence I suffered at the orphanage and at school, didn’t I?”

“You said you had forgotten about it. Of course, those experiences led you to pursue a career as a professional soldier and cut yourself off from other people. Your tendency to escape human relationships, the difficult process of finally opening your heart to someone, and the despair you felt when your fellow soldier betrayed you—all of that began there.”

The psychiatrist was the only person who genuinely felt my pain and empathized with me.

That was why I had told her everything.

“A few days ago, I had a dream. The violence I suffered during my school days played out exactly as it had back then.”

“You told me you had forgotten all about it while you were in the military. Was there something that triggered these memories?”

I told her about the rental deposit fraud that had driven my younger brother from the orphanage to suicide, as well as the possible connection between the incident and the older boy from the orphanage who had bullied me.

The psychiatrist nodded and spoke.

“Do you still remember the names and faces of the people who tormented you?”

“I can never forget them. They don’t even give a damn about someone like me, yet ever since that dream, I can’t stop thinking about them.”

“There’s something called the law of the total amount of suffering. Things may still be difficult for you, but even suffering has its limits. If you endure enough of it, eventually it will come to an end.”

“There’s something hot still burning inside my chest. I feel like it’s going to consume me.”

The psychiatrist took my hand and spoke gently.

“They’ll all go to hell. I’m sure of it.”

“My desire for revenge keeps getting stronger. I’m so confused.”

“You mustn’t do that. Revenge may give you temporary satisfaction, but in the end, it will completely destroy your life.”

“What if I’m willing to accept that?”

“What?”

The psychiatrist was taken aback.

I had always been passive and followed her advice, so this kind of defiance was enough to shock her.

She quickly regained her composure and spoke softly.

“Maru, this is the time of your life when you’re full of youth. It’s a dazzling, beautiful period, and your very existence is a treasure. You’ll realize later how precious it was and how much you wasted if you simply let it pass you by. I’m speaking from experience.”

I listened to her without saying a word.

“The poison that accumulates in your heart can harm others, but you’re the one who will be in the greatest danger from it.”

“To varying degrees, everyone goes through life with one or two locks on their heart. You may never completely overcome the memories of being bullied in the past. But if you keep releasing that negative energy, eventually, one day, those locks will open…”

“Revenge has a negative impact on your life and gets in the way of happiness and healing. When your revenge is over, what will you have left? Will you feel relieved? Knowing your character, Maru, I’m certain you’ll be tormented by guilt.”

“The greatest revenge is to live a happier life than the people who hurt you. Use that energy for something else and pursue your dreams. I want you to become a better person.”

Of course, no psychiatrist would encourage a patient to seek revenge.

Yeongsu’s death, Gong Pil-hyo’s appearance, and the crimes committed by the local thugs.

I didn’t know whether these things had unlocked something inside me or whether I had changed because of the mask.

One thing was certain: my anger was growing stronger by the day.

“Maru, have you ever thought about finding your family? They might be able to give you strength.”

“I like things the way they are now. I don’t want anyone else entering my territory.”

“Having a girlfriend could help, too. Love is an incredibly important emotion. Sometimes, it can change the course of a person’s life and help someone rebuild a heart that has been shattered…”

The psychiatrist told me all sorts of things in an attempt to suppress my desire for revenge.

She was a genuinely good person.

Unfortunately, her words went in one ear and out the other.

“Maru, did something good happen?”

“Pardon?”

The boss met me in the apartment parking lot and stared at me with wide eyes.

“You seem to have a brighter energy about you.”

“You have to try to live with positive thoughts.”

“That’s the right attitude. Don’t spend all your time working. Go out and have some fun on your days off, too.”

“Yes.”

“Did your hospital appointment go well?”

“Yes.”

My coworker, Song Suk-ja, approached me.

“Uncle, you really do look better. This is the first time I’ve seen you with such a bright expression since we started working together.”

“Yes.”

“I’m glad you’re good at your job, Uncle, but your expression was always so gloomy that I used to worry about you.”

“Yes.”

I didn’t understand why the boss and Song Suk-ja were saying these things.

I felt like I was the same as always.

Song Suk-ja checked the cleaning supplies in the cart and asked,

“How much money would you have to make to live in a place like this in Gangnam?”

“This place is worth more than six billion won.”

“Wow! Then today’s job should pay pretty well.”

“Actually, it’s even more demanding. Still, if we can secure clients like this, we won’t have to worry about going hungry.”

“That’s true.”

We divided up the cleaning cart, vacuum cleaner, steam cleaner, floor polisher, and other equipment before getting into the elevator.

Song Suk-ja ran her finger along the wall and said,

“There isn’t even a speck of dust in this elevator. When will I ever get to live in a place like this?”

“Didn’t you say you won the housing lottery?”

“That’s why I’m working even harder.”

“The way of the world is that hard times pass and easier days eventually come.”

“I really hope that’s true.”

I simply listened to the two of them talk.

The atmosphere seemed welcoming enough that I could join in the conversation today, but I still wasn’t used to it.

We got off on the twenty-fourth floor.

The boss pressed the doorbell at the entrance on the right.

“We’re here for the cleaning.”

The door opened, revealing a young woman.

She looked to be in her late twenties and was decked out in luxury brands from head to toe.

She’s doing pretty well for herself.

I carried the vacuum cleaner inside.

The woman spoke to the boss in an extremely curt tone.

“How long will it take?”

“About six hours.”

“Make sure you clean everything properly. Otherwise, don’t expect to get paid!”

“Please don’t worry. We’ll take full responsibility for the job.”

As always, the boss bowed and scraped.

Making a living was no easy task.

“Suk-ja, you take the bathrooms. Maru, start with the beds.”

“Yes.”

“Understood.”

There were four bedrooms.

I went into the master bedroom first.

I moved the blankets and pillows off the bed to one side and removed the mattress cover.

Then I sprinkled baking soda evenly over the mattress and gathered the chairs together.

Seeing yellowish stains scattered here and there, I got the impression that she didn’t take proper care of her home.

Just then, I heard the woman shouting angrily from the living room.

“Look at this! There’s dirt coming off your socks! Don’t you cover them with plastic or something?”

Before starting a job, we put fresh covers over our socks.

Until now, we’d never had a customer complain about it, but this woman was exceptionally fussy.

“I’m sorry. I’ll get the protective covers.”

The boss brought over the shoe covers, and we put them over our socks.

They made working uncomfortable.

I used the vacuum cleaner to reach into the gaps in the chairs and suck out the dust.

Then I used cotton swabs and a microfiber brush to wipe away the dust that remained.

After vacuuming the area again, I sprayed a special cleaning solution onto the stained spots and scrubbed them.

The stains came off.

It felt good to see dirty places become clean.

It was almost as if my own tainted memories were being erased along with them.

“Hey, you!”

Before I knew it, the young woman had come over to me.

“What did you just spray?”

“It’s an eco-friendly cleaning solution that’s harmless to the human body.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes. It’s made in Germany.”

After inspecting the label on the bottle, she spoke curtly.

“Clean everything properly. Otherwise, I’m not paying you!”

“Understood.”

She kept threatening us with money.

If we didn’t do the job properly, she wouldn’t pay us.

I could understand that much.

In a capitalist society, labor was a commodity, and its price was determined by its value.

However, judging by this woman’s attitude, she seemed determined to find fault with us no matter what.

That meant I had to work even more meticulously.

After vacuuming up the baking soda, I performed a high-temperature sanitizing wash and finished with the steam cleaner.

Then I heard another shrill voice from the living room.

“There’s dust on the window! Can’t you see it? Do you even have eyes?”

The boss must have been cleaning the windows.

He was so skilled at it that people practically called him a master.

What had gone wrong?

I went out into the living room.

The boss bowed his head apologetically.

“I’ll do it again.”

I walked over and inspected the window.

Where was the dust she was talking about?

No matter how hard I looked, I couldn’t see any.

The boss gestured for me to stay back.

I went into another bedroom.

“Hey, you!”

Just hearing her voice irritated me.

The young woman had come over to me again.

“Yes?”

“This coffee stain won’t come out. Try cleaning it.”

She held out a white shirt.

“You can remove it using vinegar, detergent, and sodium percarbonate. You just need to put it in warm water and…”

“If I had time to do that myself, why would I hire a cleaning company? So you’re refusing to do it?”

Why was she yelling at me and speaking informally as though she had the right to treat me like that?

The boss had said he wanted to secure this apartment as a regular client.

I held back.

“Understood. I’ll take care of it.”

“You should do things when you’re asked nicely. Why do you have to make me raise my voice?”

“What?”

The words escaped me before I could stop myself. I was dumbfounded.

“If you’ve taken our money, you should do your damn job! Is washing one shirt really that difficult?”

Looking at her, I was reminded of Oh Jeong-suk.

That bitch had burned a Big Dipper of cigarette marks into my left thigh.

She had been just as vicious.

I occasionally encountered nasty, demanding customers, but this was the first time I’d met someone who was so unreasonable that she did nothing but scream abuse.

“I’m sorry. I’ll do it right away.”

“People who were never properly educated are impossible to talk to. That’s why you’re stuck doing this kind of work!”

My fists trembled.

I took pride in my profession and respected the colleagues I worked alongside.

This kind of work?

The rage surged to the top of my head. I wanted to slap her across the face right then and there.

Startled by the woman’s thunderous tirade, the boss hurried over and bowed repeatedly.

“Ma’am, we’re sorry. We’ll finish it as quickly as possible.”

“I told you, didn’t I? If you do a good job, I’ll recommend you to people I know! So do it properly.”

“Yes. Thank you.”

After the woman left, the boss spoke in a low voice.

“She might be sensitive because something unpleasant happened to her. We have to try to understand. Making a living off someone else’s money isn’t easy.”

The boss’s patience was extraordinary.

It was precisely because he behaved this way that he never ran out of work.

I decided to clean faster so we could finish and get out of there as soon as possible.

“Uncle, could you come to the bathroom? I can’t reach that high.”

“Coming.”

I headed toward the bathroom, then stopped short when I saw a photograph hanging on the wall.

It showed the woman who owned the house standing beside a man at what appeared to be a beach overseas.

It was definitely Jeong Jung-seong.

The son of the chairman of Sanseong High School—and the leader of the group of bastards who had tormented me.

My fingertips began to tremble.

My trauma was coming back.

I have to overcome it.