Chapter 41
Kalios nodded calmly.
“Of course. I led the situation so it would be this way.”
“I thought so.”
Not long after discussing marriage with him, Kabala suddenly changed my fiancé.
“But…”
I hesitated, wondering whether I should say it or not.
How honest can I be with him? How much can I trust him?
I recalled the vow I made holding my dagger.
“Kal, now the only ones I trust are you and me. I won’t trust anyone else. I won’t live foolishly again.”
I had suffered a bitter betrayal after trusting Andrea and Kabala.
Until my dying moment, the only one who never betrayed me was Kal.
How long ago did I make that vow? Why do I want to trust someone else again?
The anxiety lurking inside me mocked me.
Even those I knew all my life deceived and betrayed me. I haven’t even known this man for long. Just because he treated me kindly for a few days, am I planning to repeat the same foolish mistake?
I clenched my fist.
I must not trust anyone. I don’t want to go through the same pain again.
Through my past life, I realized my ability to distinguish trustworthy people from untrustworthy ones was extremely poor.
If you can’t see, the safest thing is to stay curled up inside the room.
In the same way, trusting no one but Kal feels like the best way to protect myself.
It’s extreme, but it’s certain.
The pain of being murdered by those I trusted most still keeps me awake at night, trembling with fear.
Now, I only desperately want to avoid pain.
Then why do I suddenly remember what Lassa told me at that moment?
“You must trust yourself.”
Right now, trusting myself feels like the hardest thing.
My heart says I should trust Kalios, share my secrets with him, and receive some support and help.
But my experience sends a strong signal that this is too dangerous.
Does trusting me mean trusting my experience? Or trusting my heart?
“Don’t hesitate to do what you believe is right.”
Lassa’s resolute eyes overlapped with Kalios’s gaze looking at me.
His warm eyes, gentle manner, and friendly teasing caused no discomfort at all.
It was completely different from when Andrea or Kabala had been kind to me.
When I was with Kalios, I found myself saying thank you.
But with Andrea, I habitually apologized for my mistakes.
“Can’t you do something simple like this yourself? Ugh, just don’t do anything. Staying still is helping. I’ll take care of it.”
“I’m sorry, brother… I’m pathetic.”
I was helpless in front of Andrea, and I resented myself for it.
But since being with Kalios, I kept bravely trying something new.
He encouraged me not to give up on strange meals eaten with bare hands and helped me lie comfortably in unfamiliar, uncomfortable beds.
I did not give up halfway on the journey to Ronheim thanks to Kalios.
His kind explanations made me feel curiosity rather than fear toward new things, and his careful attention to my condition allowed me to arrive here without exhausting myself.
Yes, this is definitely different.
I want to open my heart to Kalios not simply because he looks similar to Kal.
I reached that conclusion.
After hesitating a lot, I finally spoke.
“Do you know that the empress does not trust me?”
“I suspected that. I guessed the reason you wanted to leave the palace was because of her.”
“If that’s so, do you also know that I have to pretend to cooperate with Kabala for the time being?”
I wasn’t sure if he would believe me when I said I had no intention of cooperating but had to pretend.
I still don’t know how Kabala will pressure me or respond to my betrayal.
But I am certain she didn’t send me to Ronheim without any countermeasures.
She won’t be satisfied just by ordering the maids to pressure me. If I don’t obey, she must have set up some method to forcibly control me.
Until I detect and remove whatever trap she laid, I’ll have to pretend to cooperate with her.
I wasn’t sure if Kalios would understand this or think I was lying to play the double agent.
I pondered how to explain it to gain his trust.
I busily thought of ways to make him understand how much I hate Kabala and Andrea without telling him about the death in my past life.
But unexpectedly, Kalios did not ask me “Why?”
“Are the maids watching you?”
“You believe me…”
“Who else would I believe if not my wife?”
Then he smiled.
I was speechless.
All my complicated worries about how to make him believe me suddenly became meaningless.
He believed me because I was his wife.
In my past life, during about ten years of marriage, Marquis Pelsus never once trusted me.
Not only did he not trust me, but he treated me like a crazy woman, dismissing everything I said as nonsense.
He never calmly listened, and even hearing my voice annoyed him.
But Kalios listened to everything I said.
Even though I did not present any clear evidence to make him trust me.
I felt like crying, so I shifted my gaze from him to the fire burning in the hearth.
“What if I’m deceiving you…?”
“Someone trying to deceive you wouldn’t say that.”
He laughed softly.
“Besides, Chloe’s expression looked uneasy when dealing with the maids.”
When did he even notice my expression?
Kalios looked at my face.
“Are you crying?”
“My eyes hurt from staring at the fire too long.”
I shook my head and wiped tears from the corners of my eyes.
I smiled faintly to show I was okay, took a deep breath, and continued.
“My maids aren’t watching me; they’re watching you, Kalios. The empress trusts nothing about me. She thinks I’m foolish.”
I looked up at Kalios.
“They are searching Ronheim for any excuse to expel you. Be careful.”
But instead of looking serious, he looked amused.
“Don’t worry. I know better than anyone what she wants. Until she gets it, she won’t be able to do anything to me. She has no intention of giving it up easily.”
I knew Kabala and Andrea wanted Kalios dead.
Andrea had wanted to kill Kalios for some time.
But Kalios spoke as if what they wanted was not his life, but something else.
Is it my misunderstanding? Or is he mistaken?
Anyway, he seemed to be sufficiently wary of Kabala, so I thought there was no need to be more cautious.
I hugged my knees and whispered softly.
“Thank you for trusting me.”
Maybe he didn’t hear me; there was no response.
It didn’t matter if he didn’t hear. I just wanted to voice what was in my heart.
After a long silence, he murmured softly as I had.
“I’m sorry for letting my knights suspect you.”
I kept my face in my knees and looked up at him with my eyes.
“It’s natural for the Ronheim people to dislike me.”
“If they knew you wanted to leave the Idelian royal family on your own, they wouldn’t. I should apologize for not explaining that to my subordinates.”
“Why don’t you tell them?”
I couldn’t help asking because his eyes looked sad talking about his subordinates.
“That’s because I still lack the ability as a leader to oversee everything.”
His words were vague.
I didn’t press further.
“Kalios must have his own reasons too.”
Just as I couldn’t tell him everything about my regression, he couldn’t fully open up to me.
That’s separate from trust.
I probably won’t be able to tell anyone what I went through in my past life.
It’s too painful and shameful a past to talk about, and I want to erase it from memory.
My pride doesn’t allow it.
Because I have secrets I want to hide, I understood he might have some too.
“Everyone has things they cannot tell others.”
I looked him in the eyes.
I wanted to tell him it’s okay.
Just like Lamia comforted me and whispered when I had a panic attack.
I felt immense relief then, as if enchanted.
I wanted to convey that feeling to Kalios.
But I lacked confidence.
Can I comfort this person like Lamia comforted me?
I doubted whether someone like me could give such great consolation to anyone.
I couldn’t bring myself to speak; I just looked at Kalios hoping my feelings would reach him.
Somehow, he also looked at me for a long time.
The sound of burning wood warmly filled the silence between us.
