MHLM 20

Chapter : 20

There was this phrase in a book I once read – ‘People need other people, but in contrast, they cannot understand each other completely. Thus, misunderstandings tend to lead towards discord in all relationships.’

And I thought that this truly made sense. Theodore Valentino wouldn’t understand me. I don’t understand him either. We were extremely different people.

“…What you said just now.”

“……”

“The reason why you took these pills every day…”

He must be misunderstanding something here. I’ve been taking those pills really only because I couldn’t sleep.

If I couldn’t sleep well, then my migraine would get worse. It was the kind of migraine that had pain so unbearable that it felt like my head was being split into two. So, I just took the medicine to get a good night’s sleep.

I knew that this particular medicine was harmful to the body in the long run, but I just did not care.

I’d always been afraid of trying to take my own life, even though I personally thought that dying was better than living. As these sleeping pills could remedy my pain while also reducing my life expectancy, taking them regularly was hitting two birds with one stone.

Even with that in mind, it’s not like I was taking the pills every day with the solemnity of a melodramatic play where the protagonist would say, ‘I will take these pills and then die.’

All I wanted was to sleep without feeling any inconveniences, and it’s an added bonus that this life could end faster through the pills as well.

“Don’t misunderstand. I did not drink this medicine with the intention to die. It’s just that the side effects are of no consequence to me. Even if my life span becomes reduced, I don’t mind.”

“…That, just what…”

Theodore muttered back with a look of incredulity. I didn’t expect him to understand in the first place. He did not know what I had experienced throughout my life, and it was the same vice versa.

I once hoped that our lives could be interconnected at some point, but I’d long since abandoned that anticipation. I decided to no longer expect anything. That way, I wouldn’t be frustrated, I wouldn’t be hurt by anything, and I could protect myself better.

“Lily, you’re…”

Agonized over questions he couldn’t utter, Theodore’s lips opened and closed several times without saying anything. In silence, I waited for him to speak.

However, Theodore instead sighed heavily instead of saying what he wanted to say. As he looked up at me, his eyes were filled with confusion.

“…I know that I was cruel to you before I lost my memories.”

“……”

“It’s something that can’t be brushed off just like that, but… From now on, I would like to improve our relationship. I will do my best to make this happen.”

His words made me laugh.

As he heard my sudden burst of laughter, Theodore looked at me with his eyes wide open as though he was utterly surprised. I leaned back against the wardrobe and laughed long and hard.

It was so funny that I couldn’t stand it.

“…Lily.”

“Improving this…”

I shook my head and opened the wardrobe’s doors. It was obvious what would happen once he regained his memories again—he would regret it all.

You’re going to do your best?

Then I’ll do my best to avoid you at all costs until you’ve regained those memories.

“That…”

I took out a large box from the wardrobe and held it out to him. After receiving the box, Theodore stood there dazed just looking at me.

Then, he opened the box.

It contained dozens of unopened pill bottles.

“…This…”

As he stood there, bewildered, Theodore’s gaze soon changed completely.

The next moment, he set off a large blue flame and burned those numerous pill bottles at once.

After exuding the strength of his elemental spirit, he ruffled his hair roughly.

“Is there more?”

“That’s all of it. Truly.”

“……”

He buried his face into his palms for a moment. After which, he swept his hands over his face, then stared at me with a conflicted expression.

I didn’t want to make eye contact with him, so I walked away and went towards the sofa again.

I sat down and habitually took a sip of tea from the cup earlier, but the tea had gone cold already. Theodore walked back as well.

Instead of sitting in front of me as he did earlier, he was standing some ways away, just staring at me. I took a sip of the cold tea and, without looking at him, spoke.

“Duke.”

“…I would like it if you called me by my first name.”

“What do you think we should do to improve this—”

I smashed the teacup in my hand on the table.

With the loud crashing noise, the shards flew across the table. The air around us froze right then. I met Theodore’s gaze and asked.

“If it’s shattered like this, can it still be fixed?”

“……”

Theodore stared blankly at the table with a shocked expression. His gaze seemed to shift to the side, then he paused outright.

In a faint voice, he murmured.

“…Blood.”

“……?”

“You’re bleeding! What— just what the hell are you doing…!”

He crossed the distance between us in an instant, then grabbed my hand and lifted it up. I tried to pry my hand out of his grip reflexively, but he held tight.

With a sudden sense of fright, I struggled to take my hand back. But in my fierce resistance, Theodore pulled me closer and held me in his embrace, then he took a closer look at my hand.

“…The cuts on your ring and pinky finger are both deep. You should be treated immediately.”

As soon as he finished saying this, as fast as he had moved earlier, he carried me in his arms. As if in a trance, I could only look at his side profile that came close.

At the same time as my heart leapt from my chest, I immediately struggled out of his hold. But the more I tried to get myself away from him, the tighter his embrace.

“Lily, don’t move.”

“L-Let me go.”

“We should have you treated before the injury gets worse. Let’s head to the clinic.”

“I said let me go…!”

I was nearly overcome with panic. At the constant surge of repulsion rising within me, I felt like throwing up.

When I came to my senses later, the doctor was already applying medicine to my fingers, then he wrapped bandages over them after. Theodore was beside me the entire time, holding my shoulders.

As soon as the doctor finished putting on the bandages, I shoved Theodore away.

“Lily.”

He called my name as he cradled my face with both his hands on my cheeks. Then, he slowly drew me into his embrace and soothed me.

I trembled and breathed shallowly, and suddenly, I felt a prickling sensation around my eyes. When I blinked, my eyelashes became soaked. Something damp trickled down my cheeks.

…What is this. Why am I crying?

“Lily…”

Theodore expressed his sympathy as he wiped away my tears. I didn’t give up and pushed him away once more. At this time, I could barely speak two words.

“…Let go.”

“I’ll take you to your room. I can’t let you go alone like this.”

He picked me up and carried me carefully. I wondered if I should just make myself faint again. As I continued to struggle in his arms, tears continued to flow down my face.

As soon as we arrived at my room, I found Charlotte, who was very shocked as we entered the room.

While Charlotte was very nervous, Theodore lay me back down in bed, wiping away my tears with a gentle touch.

“…It’s alright now. Don’t cry.”

“……”

It was such an incredulous sight that I burst out laughing even as tears still streamed down. If this was all just a dream, then it was nothing but a nightmare.

“I’m…”

A shaky voice flowed out of my lips. As I cried and laughed, I told him.

“I’m… terrified of you… Don’t come near me.”

I could see my own distorted reflection in his blue eyes, which soon became stained with embarrassment. I reached behind him and beckoned for Charlotte.

The restless Charlotte then came forward and took my hand. She tried to gather her courage and then turned to Theodore.

“I beg you, Your Grace, please leave. I’ll take good care of the Madam, so…”

“……”

As Theodore was still in a daze, he blinked a couple of times and soon rose to his feet slowly.

On the way to the door, he kept looking back towards me. But as I was distressed just by feeling his gaze on me, I curled up under the covers right away.

* * *

“……”

It was already late the next morning when I woke up. I seemed to have fallen asleep without needing the sleeping pills last night.

No, to be more exact, it was better to say that it’s like I was driven into a state of coma from all the stress.

“Charlotte…”

Right now, Charlotte was sleeping while sitting on a chair that was by my bed, her posture awkward.

I felt so sorry for Charlotte that I hurriedly got out of the covers and sat up.

“Charlotte, wake up.”

“Uh… Huk, Madam!”

Shocked, Charlotte’s eyes widened like two giant chestnuts. She also quickly got up and asked about my condition.

“Madam, are you alright? Yesterday… You were really… You were really very hurt and scared… I was scared, too…”

Charlotte’s eyes were brimming with tears. As my senses gradually sharpened from my sleep, I felt deeply ashamed about what happened yesterday. At the same time, I felt more apologetic towards Charlotte.

With a bitter smile on my lips, I nodded and took Charlotte’s hand.

“I’m fine… I know what happened yesterday was a little surprising.”

“But how did you hurt your hand?”

“…I broke a cup.”

“What? But for the Madam to make such a mistake… You must have been feeling really tired these days.”

Charlotte made a fuss and said that it’s better for me to eat more healthily.

I went to the bathroom and took a bath, then changed into clean clothes.

As I was led by Charlotte back to the room, she spoke in a grim tone.

“Madam, you must have breakfast today. Don’t just eat a few pieces of fruit!”

“Okay…”

While she helped me into my dress, the other ladies-in-waiting seemed to have set the table. I didn’t have any appetite again today, but I forced myself to have a few spoons of consommé. Then, I picked up the fork and stirred through the salad.

Seeing this, Charlotte hesitantly spoke up.

“Um… Madam, the sleeping pills…”

“Ah…”

Charlotte knew that I couldn’t sleep without taking them.

I knew that she felt upset whenever she saw me taking the pills every night, but she didn’t say anything regardless. She knew how much I suffered from insomnia and migraines.

But yesterday, Theodore burned all the sleeping pills I had, so Charlotte seemed to be worried.

I chose my words for a moment before I spoke.

“It’s alright. Since it’s like this, I’ll stop taking them.”

“……! R-Really?”

“Yes.”

Instead of the pills, I thought it would be better to start using incense to help me sleep. It’s not as effective as the pills, but at least it wasn’t poisonous.

Still, I’m already worried about the insomnia and migraines that I’d likely be suffering from tonight…

There would be no way to get more of the pills anyway. Theodore already got rid of everything.

Come to think of it, I suddenly became curious. Had his memories still not come back today?

“…I actually didn’t want you to continue taking those pills, Madam. It’s not good for your health because it’s poisonous.”

Charlotte carefully spoke her mind. I nodded, then picked up one slice of bread.

“You’re right. That’s why starting tonight, I’ll try some incense to help me sleep.”

“Incense?”

“It’s not poisonous. It won’t affect my health.”

“I see! Then that’s a good idea, Madam!”

Charlotte grinned widely, and I could see the relief in her expression. I gave her a smile and continued eating.

I finished eating after about twenty minutes, and I decided to go to the library. So, I took off my sandals and chose another pair of shoes. But at that moment, someone knocked on the door.

Charlotte and I exchanged glances, questions rising in both our eyes. Then, Charlotte went closer to the door.

“Who is it? The Madam is in the middle of changing clothes.”

“My name is Jane Thorpe, and I am a newly hired doctor. His Grace has appointed me as the Madam’s exclusive doctor.”

“……?”

Puzzled at the person’s answer, I frowned.

My doctor?