Chapter 12

A few days had passed since my encounter with Kii-kun. My period was over, I was feeling better again, and now I was dying from exams.

That sentence might sound strange, but it wasn’t wrong.

I was dying.

The demon feared by students everywhere—the one that appeared several times a year to plunge countless lives into despair—had come for me too.

Around the classroom, everyone looked dead inside.

Well, of course they did. We’d just finished our exams.

I was slumped face-down on my desk, just as lifeless as everyone else. Come to think of it, I’d seen this exact scene recently.

Formulas and English vocabulary spun endlessly through my head.

Please stop…

The exams are over.

I can forget all that now…

Right?

Since I usually survived by cramming the night before, my grades tended to hover somewhere between average and slightly below average. But there was one major drawback: the moment exams ended, everything I’d memorized disappeared from my brain.

Which meant surprise quizzes were always disasters.

Convincing myself I probably hadn’t failed anything, and receiving some much-needed encouragement from Ichika, I headed toward the shoe lockers with her.

The exams were finally over.

All that remained was waiting for summer vacation.

Just two more weeks.

I spent every day looking forward to it, wondering what I’d do.

Because I’d regained memories of my previous life, this would technically be my second second-year summer vacation.

The first time around, I’d worked part-time, hung out with friends, gone to KimiHaru events…

I remembered it being pretty fun.

But this time was different.

This summer, Toga existed.

Toga was here.

The Toga I had missed by the narrowest of margins back then was here.

There were summer vacation events in the game, of course, but outside of those, maybe I’d get chances to see him too.

Since the day I’d met Kii-kun, Toga and I had mostly communicated through messages because of exams.

There was a very simple reason for that.

If I talked to Toga on the phone, I’d be too distracted by his voice to study.

And if I met him in person, I’d spend the entire time staring at him instead of opening a textbook.

So now that exams were over, I could finally see him again.

My mood was soaring.

Not that I’d actually tell him I wanted to see him.

But lately he’d been kind.

He talked to me.

He paid attention to me.

Maybe he’d spend time with me during summer vacation too.

…Sorry.

I got carried away.

I want to see Toga.

Honestly, I want to see him every day.

I want to know everything about his daily life.

What time does he wake up?

What position does he sleep in?

What kind of pillow does he use?

Is he a shower person or a bath person?

What does he look like after a bath—

…Wait.

No.

That’s dangerous.

If I saw something like that, I genuinely wouldn’t know what I’d do.

Toga pushing back wet black hair…

Water droplets clinging to his skin…

A towel wrapped around his waist…

Toga shirtless…

N-No, it’s not like I’ve imagined any of that!

How indecent…

It’s not like I’ve ever wanted to see that skin in person.

Or spend hours worshipping him and thanking the universe for his existence.

Definitely not.

…

Ugh.

The destructive power of Post-Bath Toga is unreal.

At that level, if he were featured in a magazine’s “Fresh Out of the Bath” special, every copy in the country would sell out instantly.

Even a bath became another tool for increasing Toga’s attractiveness.

Well…

Baths were already kind of sexy.

But Toga could probably make anything sexy.

Watching him pick up a bottle of shampoo would probably feel seductive somehow.

After all, he was a man beloved by the gods of sex appeal.

I love him.

Ah…

I want to be the towel around Toga’s waist.

Sorry.

I got carried away again.

While I was busy thinking ridiculous thoughts, voices suddenly drifted from the third-year hallway.

A woman’s voice.

And a man’s.

The male voice was one I knew well.

As I passed by, I discreetly glanced over.

There stood a familiar figure arguing with a woman.

The woman was a flashy upperclassman with long blonde hair and heavy makeup.

And the person she was angrily confronting was Toga.

Toga wasn’t even trying to hide his irritation. He glared at her openly.

“I’m telling you, I seriously didn’t do anything!”

“You’re annoying. I said they’re not here.”

“Hah? You think I wouldn’t notice? If anything, I’m the reason I noticed.”

“Keep talking nonsense and I won’t go easy on you just because you’re a woman.”

“For the last time! I’m not talking to you because I want to fight! God, you’re so stubborn!”

I had absolutely no idea what they were talking about.

Honestly, I was too distracted by her gyaru-style speech patterns to follow the conversation.

The only thing I understood was that they were arguing about something.

I glanced at Ichika.

She was also watching the third-year hallway from the corner of her eye.

If anyone knew what was going on, it would be her.

After we changed our shoes and left the building, I asked about the woman.

“Oh, that’s Endo-senpai. She’s a famous gyaru among the third-years.”

“Endo-senpai?”

The name meant nothing to me.

“Yeah. Her older brother used to lead a notorious biker gang around here. She’s scary enough that even delinquents wouldn’t dare go against her.”

“…I see.”

As expected of Ichika.

She was basically a walking Wikipedia.

What could someone like that possibly have been discussing with Toga?

Then a memory surfaced.

‘If I slept with another woman, would you still have nothing to say?’

Toga’s words echoed in my mind.

Ah.

So that’s it.

She was probably one of the women he’d been involved with before.

The thought settled naturally in my chest, and I stopped thinking about it.

Who Toga had been with.

What relationships he’d had.

None of that was my business.

I had no right to agonize over it.

And besides—

I was the one who had said I wouldn’t complain if he slept with someone else.

So I wouldn’t think about it.

I wouldn’t.

“That woman has all kinds of scary rumors around her. Stay away from her, okay?”

“It’s not like I’d ever have a reason to interact with her!”

That’s what I said.

But deep down, I was terrified.

If she ever saw me with Toga…

Would I end up getting jumped by a group of delinquents like in a manga?

Ugh.

That’s terrifying.

I absolutely have to make sure nobody finds out.

Afterward, Ichika and I headed to the same fast-food restaurant we’d visited before.

Apparently she had something she wanted to talk about.

The expression she’d worn when asking me earlier had looked genuinely troubled.

Once we sat down, she took a sip of her drink and stayed silent for a while before speaking.

“It’s about Ichinose…”

The moment his name left her mouth, I thought:

I knew it.

I hadn’t said anything, but I’d suspected this was about him.

“You know… lately he’s been getting along really well with the soccer team’s manager. I thought I didn’t care. But the other day I saw them shopping together.”

She lowered her eyes.

“And… seeing that made me feel awful.”

I met her gaze and nodded.

“Maybe it’s because there was never another girl around before. I’d never seen Ichinose walking with a girl. I thought I wouldn’t care even if he did.”

Her fingers tightened around her cup.

“But when I actually saw it… it bothered me.”

She pressed a hand against her chest.

As though refusing to acknowledge the emotion inside herself.

As though it physically hurt.

“Why?”

I thought she already knew.

She just wanted someone else to say it aloud.

Her eyes shimmered as she looked at me.

Asking for help.

And I knew that feeling very well.

If she wanted to hear the answer from me, then I’d give it to her.

“That’s jealousy, isn’t it?”

Ichika lowered her gaze.

A sad smile touched her lips.

“…Yeah.”

The words barely escaped above a whisper.

Ichika had always insisted she wasn’t interested in Ichinose.

But maybe they had simply been too close.

They’d been childhood friends for so long that she’d never noticed her feelings.

Somewhere deep down, she’d assumed he’d always be there.

She always claimed she preferred older men.

But had she ever realized that every guy she’d liked somehow resembled Ichinose?

Without realizing it, she’d always been drawn toward people like him.

“I never even thought about him that way.”

“…Maybe you finally noticed feelings that had been there all along.”

“Why him, though?”

“It’s not a matter of why. The person you fell for just happened to be Ichinose.”

“Yeah…”

She laughed weakly.

“But isn’t it way too late now?”

“They aren’t dating, right?”

“…Probably not. I haven’t heard anything.”

“Then maybe it’s not too late.”

“But I don’t think Ichinose sees me that way at all.”

“…I don’t think that’s true.”

Her eyes immediately lifted.

“Really?”

Her voice sounded unusually fragile.

I nodded.

Maybe I shouldn’t have said it.

Maybe giving her hope would only hurt her later.

But from where I stood, Ichinose seemed very aware of her.

And more than anything—

Seeing Ichika so vulnerable made me want to support her.

Even if only a little.

“Ichika, you’ve always been on my side.”

I smiled.

“So I’ll be on yours too.”

Her eyes widened.

“If something happens, I’ll help however I can. If you ever need someone to listen, I’ll always be here.”

I took a breath.

“And let’s do our best so you and Ichinose can be together someday.”

I smiled again.

“Because I want you to be happy.”

Ichika bit her lip.

A long silence followed.

Then she whispered:

“Thank you.”

Her voice trembled.

I’d met Ichika during our first year of middle school.

A friend introduced us.

At first we hardly talked.

But little by little we discovered how similar we were.

Our personalities.

Our way of thinking.

The things we found funny.

How comfortable we felt around each other.

The friendship had grown naturally.

I’d known Ichinose longer than she’d known me.

But in the time we’d spent together, I’d seen countless sides of Ichika.

She called me her best friend.

And I would proudly call her mine too.

That’s why, from the bottom of my heart, I wanted her to find happiness.

“…I want you to be happy too, you know.”

“Don’t worry!”

I grinned.

“I’m living the happiest days of my life right now.”

For some reason, Ichika looked like she wanted to say something.

But before she could, I quickly changed the subject.

Saturday arrived—the first weekend after exams ended.

And somehow, I found myself at Toga’s apartment.

Sitting at the edge of the sofa, I watched his profile as he stared at the television beside me.

And quietly savored my happiness.

Even though this was already my fourth visit, I still wasn’t used to it.

Walking toward his apartment always made my heart race.

When I arrived, I’d stop outside the building and think:

Toga is here.

Then my legs would refuse to move.

My finger trembled every time I pressed the button for the eighth floor.

Standing outside his door, I’d write the character for person in my palm and swallow it over and over like a nervous superstition.

I’d take countless deep breaths.

Then came the worst part—

Waiting after pressing the intercom.

The moment I heard the lock click open, my heart would leap into my throat.

And when Toga opened the door…

It beat so hard it almost hurt.

I’ve seen him countless times.

Yet every time he enters my field of vision, I fall in love all over again.

Every meeting revives those feelings with impossible freshness.

Again and again.

I fall for Toga.

Sometimes I still can’t believe he’s really here.

That he’s standing in front of me.

I’m so happy it feels like a dream that never ends.

But Toga is real.

Alive.

Existing right here.

And every day I discover parts of him I never could have imagined from behind a screen.

I want to know everything about him.

I love every little thing.

Even the wrinkles in his clothes feel precious.

I love the way his hair moves when he shifts.

The casual movements of his fingers.

Everything.

He’s not a game character.

Not two-dimensional.

Every time I see him, I’m reminded that he’s real.

That he lives in the same reality I do.

In this world, there’s no screen separating us.

If I reach out, I can touch him.

And yet…

I don’t want to touch him too much.

Part of me thinks it would be a waste.

Part of me worries I’d interrupt whatever he’s doing.

Or distract him.

Or annoy him.

Thinking back, I really had been strange during my period.

I’d messaged him first.

I’d even asked him to hold me.

I could feel myself becoming greedier.

And that frightened me.

I don’t want to interfere with the life Toga is living.

I want to become air.

Something that watches over him from afar.

I don’t want to get in his way.

But I do want to be useful to him.

The fact that he relied on me at all made me happy.

Just knowing that someone as insignificant as me could help someone as important as Toga gave meaning to my existence.

For Toga’s sake…

I could probably give up my life without hesitation.

If Toga kept living, that alone would make me happy.

Sometimes I wonder why I regained memories of my previous life.

But that question never lasts long.

I don’t know the answer.

And maybe I never will.

What I do know is this:

My love for Toga is real.

These feelings belong to me.

They’re my own will.

If I had never remembered my previous life, I never would have known a love this overwhelming.

And now that I do—

If someone asked whether that made me happy or unhappy…

I’d answer immediately.

Happy.

Of course I’m happy.

My previous life was me.

This life is me too.

Isn’t it wonderful?

To love the same person with all your heart across two different lives?

Back then he existed in two dimensions.

Now he exists in three.

We live in the same world.

Honestly, that happiness might exceed even the joy of being born.

I’m happy.

I truly love this world where Toga exists.

I love Toga.

I’m grateful simply to be alive.

My feelings haven’t changed since the day we met on that rooftop.

They never will.

Suddenly, Toga looked over.

Our eyes met.

“What?”

A grin tugged at his lips.

The fact that his eyes could see me.

That he recognized my existence.

Made the entire world seem radiant.

“Toga-san is just so handsome that I got distracted.”

I answered honestly.

He laughed.

“Is that so?”

Then he looked back at the television.

Did he realize how much emotion was hidden inside those words?

No.

Of course not.

And expecting him to was selfish.

The closer I got to him, the harder it became to control my feelings.

I didn’t want to become selfish.

I didn’t want to become a burden.

And yet my feelings only continued to grow.

Sometimes I hated myself for it.

“…What’s wrong? Thinking about something?”

Apparently I’d been frowning.

Panicking, I blurted out the first thing that came to mind.

“Summer vacation is coming up! I was wondering what to do!”

“Summer vacation, huh…”

Toga rested his chin on his hand.

Thinking.

Dear god.

He’s gorgeous.

I nearly burst into tears.

That simple pose looked like something from a painting.

How could such a tiny gesture feel so beautiful?

Well.

Because it was Toga.

Obviously.

His sex appeal wasn’t slowing down.

It was accelerating.

A man with the beauty of a masterpiece and enough allure to make breathing difficult.

And the craziest part?

He was real.

Actually alive.

The kind of man who could stand inside a museum exhibit and nobody would question it.

Ignoring the fact that I was on the verge of tears, Toga spoke again.

“…Anywhere you want to go?”

I froze.

Anywhere I wanted to go?

Wait.

Was he asking me out?

I was already perfectly happy staying at his apartment.

Honestly, I’d assumed going outside would just increase the chances of people seeing us together.

And now he was asking where I wanted to go?

The truth was, any place became the best place as long as Toga was there.

Even a garbage dump.

Even beside a manure pit.

…Okay, maybe not those places.

I would never make Toga go there.

But still.

As long as he was with me.

“…Anywhere is fine, as long as you’re there.”

After much consideration, that was the answer I settled on.

“Then that’s no different from usual.”

A faint smile crossed his face.

My heart nearly exploded.

No different from usual.

Like being beside him was already normal.

How could he casually say things like that?

Did he have any idea what those words did to me?

His smile was adorable.

Handsome and cute at the same time.

An unfair combination.

I stood no chance.

God.

I love him.

That’s all there was to it.

Every breath seemed to form the same word.

I love him.

“Then… is there somewhere you want to go, Toga-san?”

“Not really.”

“In that case, being with you is enough for me—”

“You do realize I’m asking where you want to go, right?”

His voice dropped slightly.

Pretending to be annoyed.

I answered on reflex.

“The beach!”

And immediately regretted it.

The beach was literally where one of the game’s events took place.

But before I could correct myself, Toga nodded.

“The beach, huh.”

Then he asked:

“What else?”

The conversation continued, light and easy, but eventually I found myself thinking of something else.

Something I’d wanted to ask.

Something only this summer could give me.

My heart pounded.

Could I really say it?

Would it be okay?

If possible…

Then what I wanted was—

“…Rather than going somewhere…”

I swallowed.

“I’d like to spend your birthday with you.”

The moment the words left my mouth, regret hit me.

How selfish.

How presumptuous.

Toga’s birthday was August 3rd.

I’d known it from my previous life.

But I’d also asked him directly once, so it wouldn’t seem suspicious.

In the game, Hanamiya simply gave him a birthday present.

That was the entire event.

Simple.

Ordinary.

But if that happened in the morning…

Maybe…

Just maybe…

I could spend the afternoon with him too.

I couldn’t bring myself to look up.

No response came.

The silence stretched.

I must have made things awkward.

Panicking, I hurriedly spoke.

“If that’s not okay, then really, it’s fine! I’m sorry for asking something so selfish—”

“No.”

The word interrupted me.

No?

What did that mean?

Terrified, I slowly looked up.

Toga was smiling.

The same as always.

And then he said:

“If that’s what you want, then that’s fine.”

For a moment, it felt as though flowers burst into bloom inside my chest.

I could spend Toga’s birthday with him.

Do you know how happy that made me?

I would get to celebrate my favorite person’s birthday.

Not through a screen.

Not from afar.

In person.

In my previous life, I’d lined up cakes, merchandise, and gifts in front of the game to celebrate him.

And I’d been happy with that.

But now—

I could celebrate his real birthday.

I could thank him for being born.

I could tell him how grateful I was that he existed.

“Thank you.”

The words came out through tears.

I couldn’t stop crying.

Thinking about my previous life only made it worse.

“Why are you crying?”

Toga sounded amused.

“Because… I get to celebrate your birthday…”

“I see.”

Then he reached out and gently patted my head.

And somehow, that only made me want to cry more.