Chapter 17 — Waiting for Him
Su Zhan froze for a moment before looking at Xue Ning again. “What she said… was it true?”
Xue Ning let out a self-mocking laugh, a sharp ache twisting through her chest.
She had warned herself countless times not to show weakness in front of him ever again.
Yet hearing those words now still made her eyes sting.
So he truly remembered nothing.
Last year, she had still begged him to accompany her to Zhen Guo Temple.
But in only a year, he had forgotten it all.
Then again… she was never the person he cared about. Why would he remember anything about her?
Suppressing the bitterness surging in her heart, she lifted her gaze and looked straight into those dark, unfathomable eyes. Then she smiled softly.
“Brother… would you like to go inside and pay respects to my parents?”
Su Zhan frowned slightly and glanced toward the inner hall.
He stepped inside with long strides. Sure enough, before the memorial tablets of the Northern Suppression General and his wife were freshly arranged flowers and fruit offerings.
Only then did he remember.
Every year around this time, Xue Ning visited Mingri Pavilion far more often than usual.
Ever since childhood, she had disliked going out. She was timid by nature, yet the memorial tablets of General Xue and his wife were kept at Zhen Guo Temple.
She had always needed him to accompany her here.
But this time, Xue Ning hadn’t told him.
Nor had she clung to him, asking him to come with her.
The little tail that used to follow behind him everywhere had not entered with him now.
An inexplicable irritation rose in his chest. Pressing his lips together, he instructed Mo Bai to bring incense candles before solemnly bowing three times before the memorial tablets.
When he stepped back out of the inner hall, however, Xue Ning and Baochan were nowhere to be seen.
“Where did they go?” His expression darkened immediately.
Mo Bai answered, “Miss Xue said she was going to rest in the meditation quarters for a while.”
Xue Ning’s distance stirred an unfamiliar restlessness in Su Zhan’s heart.
Still, he knew he had wronged her this time. It was only natural for the girl to be upset.
“Keep an eye on her,” he said quietly.
“Yes, Young Master.”
…
Xue Ning felt cold all over.
Snow had settled into her hair, and when the wind blew, her head ached faintly from the chill.
Baochan carefully brushed the snowflakes from her hair with a handkerchief while muttering indignantly, “The heir really went too far. He always blames Miss without even asking questions first. Since when have you ever lied? Those things clearly were—”
“That’s enough, Baochan.”
Xue Ning’s eyes were still red, though no tears fell.
She had thought she would feel heartbroken. Miserable.
But strangely, she did not.
What remained now was only disappointment toward Su Zhan.
Baochan’s small face flushed red with anger. “This servant just can’t stand how the heir treats Miss.”
Xue Ning smiled faintly.
“No matter what, Madam Jiang has already treated us very well. We’re still living under someone else’s roof. Sometimes it’s better not to speak at all. And if we must speak… then a harmless lie is still better than the truth.”
Baochan looked at her mistress and sighed softly.
The heir never stopped to think about why her young miss was so sensible. Why she lied so often.
People only became overly understanding after enduring too many grievances.
And the lies were simply because she never wanted to trouble Madam Jiang or him.
Her young miss had always treated others kindly. She had already tried her hardest to accommodate everyone in the marquis household.
Xue Ning smiled and gently pinched Baochan’s aggrieved little cheek before standing from the prayer cushion. She called over Nanny Hao, who had been waiting nearby the whole time.
Nanny Hao was an old servant from the Xuanyi Marquis Manor. Ever since Xue Ning entered the household, she had remained by her side.
Xue Ning instructed her to take some money and ask a young monk to prepare three meditation rooms.
One for herself and Baochan.
One for the coachman and the two guards.
And one more separately.
Nanny Hao smilingly acknowledged the order before swaying away.
Xue Ning stared at her retreating figure for a long while before finally withdrawing her gaze.
“Miss, what are you looking at?”
“Nothing.” Xue Ning lowered her eyes. “Baochan, tonight… do exactly as I told you.”
“Yes, Miss.”
Once the rooms had been arranged, Xue Ning stayed inside to rest. Afraid of running into Su Zhan again within the temple grounds, she did not step outside once.
Only after sunset, when the snow had finally stopped and Master Miaolin’s scripture lecture had ended, did she bring Baochan back to the side hall where her parents’ memorial tablets were enshrined.
In her previous life, a great fire had broken out at Zhen Guo Temple.
At the time, she had been far away at the Tokyo Marquis Manor and only heard that an overturned eternal lamp had caused it.
Now, she dared not be careless.
Tonight, she intended to stay awake and guard the inner hall herself.
…
The sky had already darkened.
The Dharma assembly had lasted a long time.
Su Zhan and Xu Shengnian stepped out of the Mahavira Hall together.
By now, most of the noble guests had already left.
Some families planned to stay overnight in the meditation quarters before returning. Others intended to travel back to the capital immediately.
Xu Shengnian had ridden over in the Su family carriage, so he now turned to ask Su Zhan’s plans.
Earlier that day, Su Zhan had wronged Xue Ning.
Even now, those reddened almond-shaped eyes she’d lifted toward him before leaving still lingered vividly in his mind.
The little girl was only fifteen or sixteen, after all, and had never traveled far alone before.
The fact that she had dared come by herself this time to honor her parents already meant she was learning to stand on her own.
Those tear-reddened eyes, stubborn despite their hurt, had unsettled him strangely.
An orphan living under another family’s roof in the Xuanyi Marquis Manor…
He knew better than anyone how cautiously she had lived all these years, as though walking on thin ice.
Still, he had always believed both he and his mother treated her generously. He thought it was simply her habit to overthink things.
Most likely, she was still somewhere in the temple waiting for him to coax her.
For once, he found himself softening toward the girl.
“You can take my carriage back first, Brother Xu.”
Xu Shengnian paused. “You’re staying behind?”
Su Zhan nodded. “I’m picking someone up.”
Xu Shengnian immediately understood he meant Xue Ning. Smiling knowingly, he tactfully took his leave.
Standing beneath the temple eaves with his sleeves gathered neatly, Su Zhan asked, “Where is she?”
Mo Bai cautiously glanced at his master’s expression. “Miss Xue is still in front of General Xue’s memorial tablets.”
Su Zhan said nothing.
He only assumed Xue Ning was still sulking at him.
With a quiet sigh, he headed toward the side hall at the back mountain.
Although the snow had stopped, the mountain air remained bitterly cold.
He stood at the entrance of the hall and looked inside.
Xue Ning was kneeling before her parents’ memorial tablets.
Her slender back looked stubborn, lonely, and distant all at once, wrapped in a kind of cold isolation that made her seem impossible to approach.
Still, even though she had been angry today, she had obediently stayed behind to wait for him.
The thought eased his mood slightly.
He walked inside.
The hall was crowded with countless memorial tablets.
Some belonged to wandering souls with no family left behind. Others were travelers who had died far from home.
The Xue couple were different from them all.
Back then, they had died on the battlefield. Their bodies had been seized by the enemy army, leaving not even bones behind.
Their memorial tablets were enshrined here, and many commoners still came to pay their respects.
Su Zhan stopped behind Xue Ning, deliberately keeping a proper distance between them.
“It’s getting late. We should return to the manor.”
At the sound of the man’s familiar deep voice, Xue Ning turned around in surprise.
Meeting Su Zhan’s calm, cool eyes, her body unconsciously tensed.
“Brother… why are you still here?”
Su Zhan frowned slightly.
Wasn’t she waiting for him?
Xue Ning remembered how Madam Jiang was always reminding Su Zhan to treat her better.
After all, no matter what, he was still her nominal elder brother.
The only reason he wanted to bring her home now was probably so he could give Madam Jiang an explanation.
