BOAD 10

10. Love Me Just One More Time
“…Lloyd?”

I couldn’t believe it.

Slowly, he pulled back the hood of his robe, revealing none other than Lloyd Alois.

Seeing him, I suddenly remembered one thing I had completely forgotten.

9 PM, the stable, wasn’t it?

I had firmly decided to forget about the note after reading it.

That’s why I was able to casually take a walk with Leofric.

If nothing serious had happened, that walk would have continued until now.

But I had run away from him.

Completely forgetting about the note, I was instead worrying about my rocky relationship with Leofric and what the future held.

I was also sure it wouldn’t be a problem even if I didn’t show up at the meeting place.

Because dwelling on the past was not something Lloyd Alois would do.

In my previous life, he didn’t even show up at my wedding.

Moreover, after a honeymoon of less than a week, he came to me acting as if nothing had changed at all.

So it was all the more wrong for Lloyd Alois to be standing in front of me now.

When I silently stared at him, he awkwardly smiled and brushed back his messy hair a few times.

“I waited for you at the stable, but since you didn’t come…”

Lloyd approached me slowly.

Not with his usual casual attitude, but with such carefulness it was palpable even in the dark.

If I told him to stop coming any closer, I was sure he would really stop.

I quietly kept my mouth shut and just watched him as he drew near.

“Sorry, Mel. I thought you’d be tired, so I tried to come earlier, but I took a bit of a detour along a less crowded road.”

“A detour?”

“Yeah. Sorry. Are you tired? Was the carriage ride okay today?”

You get restless if you ride carriages for too long.

He quietly added with a smile.

His light words carried a warm concern that made me pause for a moment.

Anyone would feel stuffy after a long carriage ride.

But most nobles pretend to be fine after long journeys—not only for themselves but also assuming those riding with them are fine.

Lloyd in my previous life was exactly that kind of person.

No matter how long I rode in the carriage or how pale I looked…

He simply didn’t care much.

There were always people around him who endured discomfort for his sake, and I was just one of those countless people.

He never once asked me if I was really okay, even as empty words.

But after living one whole lifetime, now he asked me if I was okay.

Ha. What a ridiculous thing.

Neither he nor Leofric had ever truly cared for me in the previous life.

Leofric, well, I had ignored him too, so I had no right to complain.

But Lloyd always gave me the attention he wanted to give, not what I wanted.

He enjoyed watching me stomp my feet in frustration over its lack.

He was selfish until the day I died—and now, after literally dying and waking up, what was the reason for this?

Why did things that never happened before keep happening?

“If not today, I don’t think I could catch up with you… maybe I pushed it too far.”

Sorry, I didn’t think that far.

He said with an apologetic look as he examined my face.

“I wanted to tell you something. I thought you’d be late when you got back, so I wanted to say it before you arrived…”

It didn’t suit him.

Really, it didn’t suit him.

“But I was thinking only about myself again.”

Seeing him lower his gaze apologetically was the first thought that crossed my mind.

Lloyd wasn’t someone who kept negative feelings for this long.

The only negative feelings he truly held were jealousy and inferiority toward Leofric.

Regret or guilt? They were things I would have to look hard for.

So seeing him repeatedly apologize like this made me unable to bear it.

More than why he had come here, I was just curious about what business he had brought.

I sighed and spoke.

“What is it that’s so urgent? Even bribing the prince’s knight?”

“I didn’t bribe him. Sir Deorn is not someone who can be bribed.”

“Then…”

“I just knew his weakness, so I had no choice but to help him.”

He said gently, trying to soothe me.

“That doesn’t mean I did well. Sorry for making you doubt the people around you.”

Ha ha, Lloyd’s awkward smile and his constant apologies felt strange.

So unfamiliar and awkward that I finally looked away.

“If you have something to say, say it quickly. If you stay longer, His Highness might come looking for you.”

“Yeah, I don’t want that either.”

He answered lightly and reached out his hand to me.

His usual casual touch was familiar yet felt strange.

Because he suddenly withdrew his hand before grabbing me.

“…Sorry. I told myself not to do this, but it’s harder than I thought.”

“What do you want to say?”

Isn’t this person Lloyd Alois?

Just like Leofric Reinhardt, who keeps making me anxious but isn’t really Leofric.

And Lloyd Alois, who always demanded everything and made me uneasy, isn’t really Lloyd either.

I had resolved to change everything.

But the people who acted like they had changed before I did kept bothering me.

It annoyed and disgusted me, and I became more anxious.

Finally, I spoke in an irritable tone, stepping away from Lloyd.

“If you have something to say, say it and go.”

“…Alright. I will.”

Lloyd hung his head, looking completely defeated.

After making me wait a little more, he raised his head and slowly began speaking again.

“I know I made you suffer a lot.”

His tone was heavy.

Like he was confessing a sin to me.

“You must have been tired and hurt a lot. You were always so generous with me, and I was excessively arrogant.”

His voice was solemn, trying hard to sound calm.

Lloyd continued with eyes cast downward.

“And stupidly, I only realized it now.”

“…”

“When you said you didn’t want this marriage, I should have said this then, but if you still have any intention to forgive me…”

He bit his lips.

Meeting my eyes straight for the first time, he smiled the smile he always made when asking me for something.

His nervous posture was almost laughable.

Even though I had already decided not to be pulled around by him anymore.

“…Give me one more chance, Mel.”

I tried hard not to listen to his words.

“I’ll be better than I’ve ever been. I’ll do whatever you want.”

“…”

“I’ll try not to hurt you again. So, Mel…”

Love me just one more time.

His solemn expression collapsed instantly.

His strained voice trembled with earnestness.

He was begging me for a chance.

Was it because he thought I had turned away from him as soon as we married?

Or was it simply because with me married to Leofric, he thought the help I could give him would disappear?

But hearing those words, a decision formed inside me.

“I’m already married.”

“I know, Mel. I’m not asking you to do it right now…”

“And we’ve already received the marriage certificate.”

“…”

Why did that feel so thrilling?

And why did it sting so much?

I stepped back from Lloyd and said our marriage was official.

Leofric had held me, and by being held by him, our marriage was complete.

Of course, it wasn’t true—but I smiled seeing Lloyd stiffen like a statue.

Though he asked for a chance, he was not the kind of person with enough generosity to hold a woman already claimed by another.

If it was a relationship born out of necessity, sure, but if there was no reason or meaning…

“It doesn’t matter.”

As I thought about turning away, I heard an unbelievable sentence.

“It doesn’t matter, Amelia. As long as you still want me, it doesn’t matter.”

“…What did you just say?”

“I’m asking the Amelia Vermerian who’s always been by my side for a chance. So what matters is your heart. Not your body.”

“…I’m no longer a Vermerian.”

“Does that mean you won’t forgive me?”

Lloyd lowered his eyebrows in a way that made him look pitiful.

His trembling voice ended with a deep sorrow.

I felt anger rising inside me.

Always, always like this.

He always weakened my heart and got what he wanted.

Without thinking I would stand strong against his weakened self.

No matter how worn down my heart was.

“Why should I have to forgive you?”

I was angry at the truth.

That I always had to be manipulated and helplessly pulled around just because he wanted it.

That he always got what he wanted, and I always got hurt watching him.

“If you wanted forgiveness, you should’ve grabbed me sooner. Before I got married, when I asked you to propose to me.”

“Amelia, that’s…”

“I’m the Crown Princess now. I have nothing more to give you or want to give you.”

“…”

“We should only meet in official capacities, and if you really were sorry, you wouldn’t have come here. You should have acted like you didn’t know me.”

Didn’t you know coming here would make things difficult for me?

I hoped my sharp words would hurt him as much as he hurt me.

So that he wouldn’t know the future I briefly dreamed of was not for Leofric, but for me.

I hoped he would regret coming, overwhelmed by the pain.

Then I could turn my back again for perfect revenge.

And Lloyd, the Lloyd I knew, the one I had already suffered through in my previous life…

He would have naturally gotten angry and left.

“…Sorry, Mel. I messed up again.”

Not crying with a pained face like this and apologizing.