CPSG 07

Chapter 7

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(Becoming One)

“Why do you want to draw nudes?”
Emi asked Manami once again.

“It doesn’t have to be nude specifically… I just want to draw beautiful things. And beautiful hearts too. You could also say unadorned hearts!”

“So that’s why it’s nude, huh. Well, sure, if we’re talking about ‘unadorned,’ nakedness fits. But beautiful people look even more beautiful when they’re wearing clothes, you know!”

Emi still didn’t really understand what Manami meant.

“That’s true enough… but when I’m drawing someone, their image and their heart sort of come into me. Maybe you could call it emotional immersion. It feels like, as I’m drawing, I create another version of that person inside me—like I’m letting them live inside my body…”

“A sense of unity between the picture and your body. Like the unity between music and the performer, right?”

“Yes, yes, exactly! With music, it’s not just about the notes themselves. Sound itself is kind of naked, I think. That’s why you can feel the heart of the sound so honestly, and it enters right into you. With drawing, too—if the subject isn’t naked, maybe it can’t get inside me. The clothes get in the way, especially when it comes to seeing their heart…”

“Isn’t that just something you’re telling yourself? Ami-chan’s always inside my heart, you know.”

“It’s a bit different. I didn’t notice until I started drawing Rei, but it feels much closer than I ever expected—like I’ve become Rei. Using that earlier analogy, it’s like the difference between listening to a song you love and actually performing it yourself.”

“In that case, maybe I should try drawing Ami-chan nude sometime. Seeing Ami-chan naked makes me want to draw you!”

“Of course, go right ahead! We can take turns modeling for each other.”

“Yeah… but you actually have a pretty solid reason behind all this.”

“I wish I could draw just with ideas, but the human body is harder than you think. I can manage flowers and fruit pretty well, but human faces are mysterious. I look carefully and draw exactly what I see, but it still doesn’t look like them. Maybe it’s because a face doesn’t really have a fixed shape. It’s a strange thing—there and not there at the same time. Lately my sketches are finally starting to come together. But now I have to give that strange object an expression, or it ends up looking like a mannequin or a doll. That’s another struggle entirely. One line, one shadow, and the whole feeling changes completely!”

Manami spoke while recalling all the difficulties she’d had.

“In that case, can’t they just stay clothed?”
Emi feigned anger, wondering if she’d been stripped for no reason.

“If it were just a simple portrait, that’d be enough. But when I try to see someone as a whole person, clothes start to feel like a lie…”

“You mean clothes hide the body?”

“Not exactly hiding… more like the person themselves is affected by the clothes.”

“Ah, the ‘uniform effect,’ huh. I get that.”

“Right? That’s why, when people are naked, their honest hearts show more naturally in their bodies and faces.”

As if reminding herself, Manami kept painting while she spoke.

Emi, impressed, started looking forward to seeing the finished picture.

“But that’s not all. I also just think women’s bodies are beautiful. And the body, like the face, is hard to capture. In fact, because the body has shallower ‘expressions’ than the face, trying to express feelings through it might be a hundred times harder…”

“But Ami-chan, you want to paint each person’s unadorned individuality—the naked heart.”

“Yeah… I just hope I can actually do it. I’m still not skilled enough!”

“How many people have you drawn?”

“Just Rei-chan and my sister so far!”

“Oh wow—only two?”

“Well, nobody else will take their clothes off for me!”

“So that’s why I got chosen as the victim.”

“An honor, isn’t it?”

Manami looked satisfied to have a new model.

“I feel like I’m being used as an experiment…”

“Don’t worry. I’ve only ever drawn Rei as a model, but I’ve done about a hundred drawings of her. So I’ve got some skill at least!”

“Rei-chan’s had it rough too.”

“So have I. When Rei poses for me, I pose for her in return.”

“Then this is exactly the same situation!”

“That’s right—but lately Rei’s gotten tired of drawing, so now she’s basically just my exclusive model…”

“In that case, you don’t need me, do you?”

“Well, this spring break she started refusing…”

“Aha—you tried to force her, didn’t you!”

“Hehe, not exactly. But Rei’s become more self-conscious lately. Her chest has gotten a lot bigger too—guess she’s growing up.”

“Of course. It’d be strange not to feel embarrassed!”

“I’m totally fine with it though…”

“That’s because you’re still a kid, Ami-chan!”

“Am I?”

And even after that, the two of them kept talking without end.