#100. Because We Agreed Not to Do What You Dislike
“Still, it’s something I’ve never tried before.”
His Majesty’s voice sounded almost gentle.
“At the very least, shouldn’t I try?”
Try? …Ah, we were talking about being together.
“What difference does it make?”
We’re not mere commoners. A Grand Duke and Grand Duchess—future Emperor and Empress—how is that truly different from a ruler and his vassal?
Can love change such a relationship? No. If anything, love could only warp it further.
I still believe that love is unnecessary in marriage. No—more than that, I think it’s better if love isn’t there at all.
If His Majesty desires this marriage because of affection, then I can’t help but feel even more opposed to it.
“Is it not enough that I believe it’s different?”
That was the problem—it wasn’t as though I could say no.
All my resolutions crumbled before him like sand before the tide.
Nothing else had ever broken my resolve. If only His Majesty forced me to kneel with a stone on my back, I could endure that.
Lowering my gaze, I saw my hand resting on the table. Beside it, not quite touching, lay His Majesty’s hand—so close, yet carefully distant.
This… is unfair.
Does he know exactly what weakens me most? That whenever he needs something, whenever he wants something, he shows me this vulnerable side of himself?
“I won’t ask you to give me an answer right now.”
His clenched fist loosened, fingers stretching out. Even so, our skin didn’t meet. Yet they were close enough that I could feel his presence.
“You can refuse. If you still feel nothing, then tell me no. You know I would never do something you say you dislike.”
There must be something hidden behind those words. But my weary mind couldn’t catch it. I couldn’t read the unspoken layer of politics that once came to me as easily as breathing.
So I took the words at face value.
“Just give me a chance to court you.”
To let him try something he had never done before.
“If courting and favor are no different?”
I spoke slowly, deliberately.
“If marriage vows and oaths of loyalty are no different?”
“Then…”
He let out a soundless sigh. There was no noise, but the shift in air made it felt.
“Then that will be the moment I must admit that our paths were never meant to be.”
I must admit—those words carried a uniquely desolate ring.
“And if it comes to that, then I’ll give your country back to you.”
The conversation had taken a turn I hadn’t anticipated at all.
I involuntarily raised my head. His Majesty’s face was calm, almost serene.
Perhaps drawn in by that expression, the words that left my lips sounded lighter than I expected.
“……A land I don’t even remember?”
“I wouldn’t give it to you so that you could long for it.”
He smiled faintly, withdrawing the hand he had rested near mine. Oddly enough, I felt a pang of regret at its absence.
“You’ve always needed something like that, haven’t you? Your own space, your own power, something that belongs only to you.”
His words hit home. My fingers twitched. I should have kept them folded neatly on my lap. He wouldn’t have failed to notice such a reaction.
“Why do you look like I’ve uncovered some secret? Everyone already knows. Do you think I haven’t seen the countless petitions accusing you of treasonous ambition? Did you really think you were hiding it?”
Thankfully, he let the matter drop without pressing further.
“That’s not it… It’s just, no one’s ever pointed it out directly to my face before.”
Perhaps because I’d been abandoned by my family, I had always craved something that was wholly mine—something that couldn’t be taken from me, something that couldn’t abandon me first. Power that would let me endure even if everyone else cast me aside.
Even entering the Academy was, in a way, part of that effort. Scholars were relatively free from political entanglements.
Back when I didn’t know the Grand Duke was His Majesty, I had sought connections that would remain useful even if the royal family discarded me later. At that time, the best choice was the scholars.
…Looking back, I really had been transparent. It’s almost strange His Majesty hadn’t discovered my true identity for ten years.
Quietly, I drew my hand back to my lap and forced composure into my voice.
“In any case, the Kingdom of Lamore is unnecessary. I don’t want something that large.”
It was fortunate to hear of this in advance. If I’d been suddenly gifted a kingdom without warning, it would have been overwhelming.
Having once rebuilt my house only to hand it back to my kin, I had no desire for a throne that demanded legitimacy.
Of course, His Majesty wasn’t one to yield easily. I would need a convincing excuse. But I couldn’t bring up legitimacy—that was too sensitive, considering His Majesty himself had faced such disputes early in his reign. I’d need another reason.
Maybe I could just say I had no memory of it, so it didn’t appeal to me?
But he wouldn’t believe that.
“Very well, then.”
His clean declaration cut through my hurried thoughts.
I barely managed to keep my widening eyes in check. Though, surely, my pupils betrayed me.
“Are you serious?”
He smiled lightly. If not for the traces of tears still on his cheek, his face might have seemed as fresh as spring.
“You said you dislike excessive favor. So I’ve decided not to give it.”
Ah, that’s right. We had spoken of that.
But I had begged him for decades to stop showering me with overwhelming favor.
Could it really change with just one sentence? Surely there would be missteps. Surely some period of adjustment was inevitable.
The thought that there wouldn’t be any—that unsettled me.
I parted my lips hesitantly, then spoke with difficulty.
“…Let’s set it at my graduation from the Academy.”
“A deadline?”
“Yes.”
He offered a compromise. If I truly couldn’t accept it, then I could simply refuse.
All he asked was the chance to try. And he promised never to do what I disliked.
Unlike his usual political maneuvering, he seemed entirely serious about this bargain.
Then I, too, must be serious. Even if, in the end, it collapsed.
I doubted my feelings would change. At best, I might endure, but that didn’t mean my thoughts would shift.
So a deadline was necessary. I drew the line.
“If, by the time I graduate, my mind hasn’t changed, then please accept my decision.”
He paused, as if calculating the time, then nodded.
“Five years, then. Not a bad length.”
Wiping away the last traces of tears from his cheek, he shifted the tone of his voice.
“Now then, about the reason I came here.”
“If it concerns Lady Heormitch, I’ve already handled it. You need not trouble yourself, Your Majesty.”
It was something that had been on my mind since I first saw him here. I answered quickly, and he burst out laughing.
“Ah, it’s been a long time since I heard that phrase.”
“I hardly ever used it to begin with.”
May you rest with your pillow high, and concern yourself with nothing.
That was the line I used at the end of every report from the battlefield.
There were endless problems that could arise at war—formidable enemies, foul weather, unfavorable winds. Those were expected.
But then there were the real troubles—unruly subordinates, broken supply lines, soldiers who never trained enough, or political enemies back in the capital whispering that it was time to crush me while I was away.
When such burdens piled up, I ended my reports with that sentence.
That whatever trials I faced, I would handle them. That His Majesty should at least sleep in peace.
Compared to that sincere wish, my use of the phrase now was self-serving. I just wanted to keep this matter from escalating.
“I actually came ready to expel those three from the Academy and exile them from society entirely.”
My head spun. I rushed to respond.
“For a single slap? That’s far too harsh a punishment.”
But now… if I dissuaded him, he wouldn’t do it.
“Harsh measures are what make people cautious.”
As casually as if speaking of the weather, he wiped my cheek with the same handkerchief he had used on himself.
Ah. So I had tear stains too.
“But I won’t do what you dislike.”
His eyes curved as he smiled, lips tugging upward. It was a pleasing sight. I watered the fragile sprout of trust that had just begun to grow.
When his hand withdrew, I bowed my head.
“Your Majesty’s grace is as boundless as the sea—I am unworthy.”
“…But please, speak as you did before. It feels more like you’re letting me court you.”
If that’s what he wanted, so be it. It was easier anyway, since I had to maintain Blanche’s manner of speaking in public. Best not to mix them.
“Yes, I will.”
I tried my best to lift the corners of my lips. But whether my smile was as natural as His Majesty’s—I couldn’t tell.
