HIGOS CH 05

[It’s just that I didn’t know I would dislike it before doing it. I only came to dislike it afterward.]

[I only came to dislike it afterward.]

[I hate it after doing it.]

[I hate it.]

“My lord?”

“Ah.”

Jester finally came to his senses when Cassia’s voice, lingering around his ears like an echo, brought him out of his daze.

“Anyway, you did give me permission, right? If the butler comes to me again, I’ll tell him that he needs to put in a little more effort.”

“…Do as you wish.”

Afraid that his shocked expression might have been noticed, Jester hurriedly pretended to examine the documents. Without even realizing that he was scribbling strange letters instead of signing his name on the soft parchment, he simply pretended to be busy.

Cassia was secretly relieved that the negotiation had ended much more easily than expected, so she quickly stood up. She had ten years ahead of her. Even if she spent those years doing nothing but playing and enjoying herself, every minute and second was precious. There was no way she wanted to spend even a little more time with Jester, whom she didn’t even want to look at.

“I’ll be going now.”

“All right.”

With light, fluttering steps, Cassia left Jester’s study.

[I only came to dislike it afterward.]

Gulp.

Jester swallowed dryly as Cassia’s calm expression appeared vividly in his mind.

I really liked it, though.

“What?!”

Unbelievably, instead of his signature, he had written a completely useless sentence on an important document.

I really liked it, though.

“Damn it.”

Jester’s face turned bright red. Scribble, scribble, scribble. His pen moved roughly back and forth over the embarrassing words he had written on the document. The page became so smeared with ink that it eventually tore with a loud rip.

Cassia Luverno.

Anyone from the Empire probably knew who she was. Not only was she the eldest daughter of Count Luverno, a fabulously wealthy man, but the main reason for her fame was her extraordinary beauty, said to resemble an angel descending to earth. She had caused a stir wherever she went, so there was no way Jester could have been unaware of her.

But that was all.

He had merely thought, So someone can really become this famous just because of her looks.

Jester had always been too busy trying to make a living to have any interest in women, so Cassia had never particularly caught his attention. The fact that she was a woman from a completely different world from his own—someone he would probably never even see face-to-face in his entire life—also played a part in his lack of interest.

So imagine how shocked he had been when he learned that she was going to become his wife.

Once the news spread, he was sure that every unmarried man in the Empire would envy him.

Yet Jester himself felt deeply troubled.

It was obvious that this marriage had happened only because he had been forced to comply with the Emperor’s unreasonable demand. How could he possibly feel at ease about it?

If he put himself in her position, it was enough to make anyone go mad.

A woman who deserved to marry a wealthy and powerful nobleman of distinguished lineage had instead been forced to spend the rest of her life in the countryside as the wife of an insignificant man who had spent his entire life as a common mercenary and had only been lucky enough to receive a minor noble title.

Strictly speaking, none of it was Jester’s fault, but he was filled with guilt.

After seeing the portrait of Cassia that had been sent to him beforehand, he felt even worse.

Did a woman who looked like that really exist?

And if she did, what must she have been thinking about being forcibly married off to some insignificant minor nobleman she had never even seen?

When Jester saw Cassia step down from the carriage with a nervous expression, he couldn’t bring himself to raise his head.

Her beauty was even greater than what the portrait had managed to capture, and her expensive clothes looked completely out of place in the countryside. It made him feel ashamed—the cramped estate that smelled faintly of cow manure, which she must have seen on her way here, as well as himself, who might have received a noble title but was still essentially a commoner on the inside.

He almost wished she would have behaved badly.

Instead, Cassia’s personality was just as beautiful as her face, which only made Jester feel even more guilty.

[I’m still young, so there are many things I don’t know, and I have many shortcomings, but I’ll do my best.]

[I sincerely hope that this estate, which the lord and I will cultivate together, will prosper even more.]

[Th-This is embarrassing…]

[If you leave like this on our first night… everyone will think I’m terribly foolish. I know you don’t like me, but…]

Butler Paul had practically forced the hesitant Jester into the bride’s room.

For Jester, who had never even held a woman’s hand in his twenty-four years of life, spending the night alone with his beautiful wife had been an ordeal.

Although they were legally husband and wife and had become equals in status, Cassia still seemed like someone far more precious and important than him.

He felt too guilty to even touch her or speak to her.

When he finally decided that this was wrong and tried to leave, Cassia shyly blushed and stopped him.

Jester had never particularly remembered feeling attracted to a woman, but at that moment, it was as if his mind had stopped working properly.

Well, she’s my wife, and she wants this too.

That was how he rationalized it before embracing his young wife.

Even so, he had tried to maintain some sense of propriety.

He had exercised almost superhuman restraint to keep himself from touching his wife more than necessary. He simply couldn’t bring himself to allow his hands to linger against her pristine, delicate form.

Thus, their physical contact on their first night together had gone no further than what was necessary.

I tried my best not to touch her… but did she still dislike it?

Jester began to writhe under the guilt of having dared to embrace his innocent, pure wife. His hands tightened in his hair.

The fact that he had been the only one who enjoyed the experience also contributed to his overwhelming guilt.

He had tried his best not to touch Cassia because he was afraid she would dislike it, but if she disliked even that, there was nothing Jester could do.

Had she disliked the intimacy itself?

No. She had said that wasn’t the case.

She had said she only came to dislike it afterward.

Remembering the contemptuous look Cassia had given him that morning made his heart feel even heavier.

Her attitude had changed completely between yesterday and today. It had to be because she had been dissatisfied with what had happened between them.

As Jester recalled himself from the previous night, he suddenly realized something.

Clearly, the problem was that he had been the only one who enjoyed himself.

His first experience had been overwhelming and astonishing. It had felt as though sparks were flying inside his head. The part of his body he had assumed he could control, simply because it was a part of himself, had seemed to act completely on its own, leaving him unable to think clearly.

He had become so overwhelmed that he hadn’t even been able to think about whether Cassia disliked what was happening.

Looking back on it now, he couldn’t imagine a worse situation.

“Damn it.”

What was one supposed to do in a situation like this?

Should he go to Cassia and apologize?

Jester agonized over it.

Knock, knock.

“My lord, it’s Paul. I have something to discuss with you.”

At that moment, a voice came from outside, sounding almost like salvation.

“Come in.”

With Jester’s permission, Butler Paul entered wearing his neat attire and gave a small bow.

He was forty years old this year, but because he took meticulous care of himself, he looked five or six years younger than his actual age.

This capable butler, who had originally served in the Imperial Palace, was another person the Emperor had personally sent to Jester.

When Jester had received a noble title for the first time in his life and suddenly been given an estate to govern, he had been completely at a loss. Paul had taken charge of the castle and the estate’s internal affairs in his place, becoming the most trusted servant Jester had.

“What is it?”

“I came because I have something to discuss regarding the mistress. Since the mistress became the lady of the Greze estate yesterday, it is only proper that I begin handing over the domestic affairs I have been managing to her.

“I’ll take my time and carefully guide her through everything so that she doesn’t feel overwhelmed. However, the estate inspection needs to be arranged as soon as possible, so I came to ask about your schedule. All the people of the estate are curious about the mistress.”

Paul smiled warmly as he spoke.

Judging by his expression, he seemed to be extremely pleased with the castle’s new lady.

Of course, who wouldn’t have been captivated by Cassia when she arrived at Greze Castle yesterday and greeted everyone for the first time?

She had been so kind and beautiful that even Paul had nearly strained his eyes trying to sneak glances at her.

Yet Cassia had returned today with a tremendous grievance.

And every reason for her grievance was Jester himself.

He had to understand her.

“No. For the time being, just continue handling the household affairs yourself. My wife is still young, and this place is completely different from Luverno. She’ll need plenty of time to adjust.”

As he remembered Cassia coming to him herself and firmly declaring that she absolutely did not want to work, Paul’s eyes widened.

“…Why are you looking at me like that?”

“I-I apologize. I was just a little surprised. This is the first time I’ve ever heard you speak this much, my lord…”

“…”

“And you seem to be saying all this because you care greatly about the mistress. It’s surprising… I’m glad you have such a wonderful lady now.”

Paul nodded with a deeply moved expression.

Jester felt embarrassed.

He knew perfectly well that he was seriously quiet by nature. That was simply how he had always been.

He rarely even said things that were absolutely necessary, let alone offering his servants sentimental encouragement such as thanking them for their hard work or telling them to do their best.

He sometimes wished he could praise Paul, who was always unbelievably busy as his chief butler, with at least a few words.

But even imagining himself saying something like that made him cringe.

“Anyway, do that.”

“Yes, my lord. Then please discuss it with the mistress and let me know at your convenience. By the way, when are you planning to inspect the estate?”

“Ah. I’ll decide that and let you know as well.”

Jester had absolutely no intention of bothering Cassia with one task after another after she had personally come to him, glared at him, and firmly declared that she didn’t want to work.

He would simply say this for now and deal with the matter later.

Jester made the decision without giving it much thought.

“Yes, my lord. I’ll keep that in mind.”

Paul bowed once more, looking extremely pleased, and turned to leave.

Then Jester stopped him.

“Paul.”

“Yes, my lord?”

Paul immediately answered.

“Are you busy?”

Paul looked surprised.

Jester seemed to have something to say.

It had already been more than two years since Paul had come to the Greze estate at the Emperor’s command to serve the young lord. Yet because of Jester’s quiet personality, the two had never once had a long personal conversation.

Paul felt somewhat nervous, but at the same time, he was curious.

“No, I’m not busy. Is there something you need?”

“Well… there’s something I’m curious about.”

“What is it?”

Paul stepped closer to Jester’s desk as he asked.

Then he was startled.

His master was wearing an expression Paul had never seen in two years.

His face was actually turning red, and he seemed hesitant to speak.

“It’s…”

“Please feel free to tell me, my lord.”

Paul urged him on.

“It’s, it’s, it’s…”

He was even stammering?

Paul became nervous as well. Wetting his lips, he urged Jester to continue.

“Please, just tell me comfortably, my lord.”

Paul tried to reassure him gently, but Jester continued hesitating for quite some time.

Eventually, when Paul thought to himself that he was going to lose his breath waiting, Jester finally managed to get one sentence out.

“You said you were married before, didn’t you?”

“Yes. I was married when I was living in the capital. My wife passed away two years before I came here. She had always been in poor health, even when she was young.”

“I see. I’m sorry.”

“It was a long time ago, so I’m all right now. But was that what you wanted to ask about?”

“No, that’s not it…”

At this rate, Paul really was going to lose his breath.

He swallowed dryly and stared at Jester’s anguished face.

Perhaps he had finally decided to close his eyes and simply say it, because Jester suddenly slammed his hand down on the desk and shouted,

“Teach me about marital relations!”

Paul’s mouth slowly fell open.

“…Pardon?”