HIGOS CH 03

To think that after dying, she would open her eyes only to find that the worst day of her life had already passed.

She could at least have been sent back to the night before, before anything had happened.

If that had been the case, Cassia would have gladly sent him away with a smile when he tried to abandon his wife on their very first night together, claiming that his body was not responding.

Being the subject of gossip among the castle servants as the bride who could not even properly spend her first night with her husband would have been no problem for the Cassia of now.

By the time she died, everyone in the territory already knew that the relationship between the two of them was distant.

Damn you, God.

The lips of the dignified noblewoman twisted viciously.

Cassia, who had been forced to become strong because she had practically managed the territory on her own, had lost all of the gentle and graceful personality she had possessed as a young lady.

Of course, she had never shown that side of herself in front of others.

But whenever she encountered a situation so infuriating that she could hardly stand it, she would secretly mutter curses under her breath to calm herself down.

“Let’s think.”

Cassia looked around her small and rather plain bedroom, which was completely different from the magnificent room she had possessed in her family home.

Of course, this did not mean that Greze Castle itself was particularly shabby.

Compared with Ruberno Castle, it was simply lacking.

Even within the castle, Baroness Cassia’s bedroom was one of the largest and most luxurious rooms.

Cassia got out of bed and walked over to the dressing table.

She stared quietly at her reflection in the mirror.

Her flowing silver hair, which suited her pale skin perfectly, fell softly around her waist.

Her blue eyes, staring back at her from the mirror, were like precious sapphires, impossible not to notice.

Despite her astonishing beauty, Cassia felt nothing.

Her appearance had only been something she was pleased with when she was a young lady.

After coming to Greze Territory, she had come to regard her beauty almost as a curse.

Wasn’t it because of her famous beauty, which had spread all the way to the capital, that she had become the sacrifice offered by the Emperor to glorify his precious hero?

Anyway, the only thing Cassia could think as she looked at her remarkably beautiful reflection was that she had definitely returned to the winter when she was seventeen.

Her healthy, youthful figure, her innocent face, and, most importantly, her long hair falling all the way down her back were undeniable proof.

Before she died, Cassia had worn her hair short.

Considering that most ordinary noblewomen preferred long hair adorned with elaborate accessories, her hairstyle had been quite unconventional.

If she explained in detail why she had cut her hair, she would probably cry again.

It had happened one month before she was diagnosed with her terminal illness.

Greze Territory had suffered the worst famine in its history.

The people of Greze, whose livelihoods depended primarily on agriculture, could do nothing but shed tears during what should have been harvest season.

Cassia had worked tirelessly for the people.

She had begged her husband, with whom she normally exchanged hardly a word, to lower their taxes, and had managed to obtain his permission.

She had even secretly adjusted the castle’s budget for the following year and personally sent aid to several families in the territory.

At that time, women had resorted to something known as selling their hair simply to put food on the table.

The neighboring territory of Viscount Biche had been making enormous profits from the wig industry.

The business had become so successful that it would not have been an exaggeration to say that two-thirds of the ladies in the capital were wearing wigs made in Biche.

The territory of Biche had obtained a patent and monopolized the wig industry.

With the wig business flourishing, Biche Territory wanted to take advantage of the opportunity and invested heavily in purchasing human hair.

The rarer and better the hair’s color and quality, the higher its price.

For the women of Greze, who could barely afford to feed themselves, let alone worry about a harvest, cutting their hair and selling it to neighboring Biche Territory was only natural.

At the time, there were countless short-haired women throughout Greze.

Naturally, those women were ashamed of their short hair.

Short hair had become a symbol of poverty.

Heartbroken by this, their baroness, Cassia, decided to cut her own hair in order to give the people at least a little comfort.

The sight of their baroness constantly inspecting the territory with the same short hairstyle as them turned Cassia into an idol and a source of pride among the people.

Cassia had been especially proud of her unusual silver hair.

The only reason she had been willing to cut it was because she pitied the people she loved.

She was completely different from Jester, the lord of the territory, who had no intention of taking proper measures despite the worst famine in history and could not even spare a thought for the suffering of his people.

There was a reason the people of Greze called Cassia, rather than Jester, Lord.

It really was like that back then.

Cassia stroked her luxurious silver hair and let out a deep sigh.

Cutting her hair was far from the only sacrifice she had made while ruling Greze Territory as its lady.

Of course, she had done those things for the people, but most of them were not things she could do with joy from the bottom of her heart.

Even cutting off the hair she cherished had been one of them.

And now it would happen all over again.

Greze Territory would suffer a famine.

The poor women would cut their hair.

And Cassia would cut hers as well to comfort them.

Depressing.

So depressing.

Cassia repeatedly sighed as she imagined her gloomy life repeating itself.

Then suddenly, her eyes widened.

Wait.

I’m going to die ten years from now anyway. Am I really supposed to go through all that hardship again? Why should I?

Can’t I just do what I want, have what I want, and eat whatever I want?

If she had not known the future, things would have been different.

But she already knew that she would die at the age of twenty-seven.

If God had truly sent her back merely to torment her, He would surely have erased all her memories of hardship and made her live the exact same life again.

But she remembered everything about her miserable previous life.

The fact that God turned back time while leaving all my memories intact must mean that I’m not supposed to live the same way again!

Cassia finally understood God’s deeper intention and clapped her hands.

The thoughts she had entertained just before dying floated through her mind.

She had regretted never living for herself.

She had wondered whether she might have been happier if she had been a little selfish and a little worse of a person.

God had surely turned back time so that she could live exactly as she wished.

Then that’s what I’ll do!

Cassia was secretly excited.

The word rebellion had never existed in her previous life.

So the unfamiliar thrill that seized her now, as she decided to become a little wicked, was strangely exhilarating.

She would become a wicked noblewoman.

She would indulge in a little luxury.

She would put off all the duties expected of the lady of the castle.

And what else?

Cassia racked her brain and soon realized there were not actually that many wicked things she could do.

Should she go to her husband and throw a tantrum or curse at him?

No.

She had not had enough time to accumulate negative feelings toward him yet, so from Jester’s perspective, it would simply be absurd.

She would put that on hold.

Just as Cassia realized that all her thoughts had been confined to being a baroness within this territory, her expression suddenly brightened.

“Wait. Why do I have to keep living with that man?”

She asked the seventeen-year-old Cassia reflected in the mirror.

The Cassia in the mirror shook her head.

The corners of her lips slowly curled upward.

The expression on her face clearly showed anticipation.

Let’s get divorced.

Let’s get divorced.

Although their marriage had been forced by the Emperor’s command—or rather, something that had barely been a command—the Emperor had never forced them to remain married forever.

If two people lived together and discovered they were incompatible, they could separate.

Besides, Cassia had hated Jester terribly, and Jester himself had never seemed particularly interested in Cassia.

Perhaps getting a divorce would not be that difficult.

Come to think of it, that man who had never shown any interest in me while I was alive suddenly started acting concerned when I was dying.

Maybe he was only worried that people would criticize him if he sent me off without showing even a little concern.

Cassia had not even told him about her terminal diagnosis because she believed he would not care whether she lived or died.

Yet on the day she died, Jester had somehow learned about it and come to stay by his wife’s side, wearing a rather devastated expression.

His performance of sorrow had been surprisingly convincing.

He had even nodded and promised to grant every final request she made.

Perhaps he had simply agreed because none of those requests would matter once she was dead.

As for whether he had granted her final request—to stamp the divorce papers—Cassia could not know.

She had closed her eyes before she could find out.

But if I know my husband, he probably would have nodded without giving it much thought!

Throughout their marriage, Jester had neglected Cassia.

It was not necessarily because he disliked her.

It seemed more like he simply felt nothing toward her.

To Jester, Cassia had been nothing more than someone who would look after the castle while he was away, someone with whom he could fulfill his duty to produce an heir, and his wife on paper.

Nothing more.

Nothing less.

He had never become arrogant because Cassia came from a powerful family, nor had he tried to take advantage of her family connections.

Jester was simply a man who knew nothing but war and money.

Whether the woman beside him was a commoner or a noblewoman, young or old, beautiful or unattractive—it probably made no difference to him.

In a word, Baron Jester Greze was a man whose emotions and thoughts were completely dried up.

I’ll ask him for a divorce!

Cassia decided that she should at least bring it up first.

There was no need to worry too much about how Jester would react.

In this second life she had been given, she had decided to act boldly.

If he agrees to the divorce without much trouble, I’ll return to Ruberno, spend my days playing and eating whatever I want, and enjoy my youth to the fullest…

As Cassia wondered how she could spend the newly granted ten years in the happiest way possible, the smile disappeared from her face in an instant.

Certain faces had suddenly come to mind.

Rael. Lucy.

Oh my goodness.

How could I have forgotten about the children?

The children had been especially attached to their mother, Cassia.

Considering that their father, Jester, had never properly acted like a father, perhaps it was only natural.

He was hardly ever present at the castle, and even when the children happened to see him, he treated them coldly and without affection.

In any case, the children, who had never received enough love from their father, had become deeply attached to their mother.

Even when Cassia hired nannies for them, they would quickly become upset and refuse to adjust.

As a result, Cassia had been forced to personally take responsibility for raising them as well.

It could not be said that the children had not contributed to making Cassia’s previous life more exhausting.

But that was all right.

Unlike Jester and a few other wretched people, her children were truly precious.

No matter what they did, she knew she would always love them.

Cassia cherished her son and daughter, whom she had carried and given birth to, with all her heart.

But… what happens if I get divorced?

All the strength seemed to drain from her body.

If Cassia divorced Jester, then naturally, Rael and Lucy would never be born.

And that was something she hated even more than having to repeat those ten difficult years all over again.

I have to make sure my son and daughter are born into this world somehow.

They did not even exist yet.

But how could she allow them to never be born when she possessed such vivid memories of them?

They were children who would originally have been born normally and gone on to live their own lives.

She could not deprive them of existence simply because she did not want to suffer through another ten years.

Then, if I want to meet Rael and Lucy…

Cassia was left completely bewildered.

Even if she worked hard on her own, it would be meaningless if she wanted to bring the children into the world.