Chapter : 26
Empress’s Palace.
Empress Azeni was admiring the view outside the window, as picturesque as a painting, when she turned her head.
“Has the Crown Prince gone to Halbern again today?”
“Yes, Your Majesty.”
Fingering a blue porcelain teacup adorned with delicate wave patterns, Empress Azeni sank into thought.
Whoosh—
As a strong scent of spring blossoms drifted in on the breeze, filling the room—
Azeni suddenly had a premonition.
That Crown Prince Pession would soon fall into a terrible fever.
“…Nothing must happen.”
Hopefully.
Her blue eyes, tainted with worry, stared blankly into space.
I wasn’t a loner from the start.
Even though my kind might seem obsessed with training—as if born to do nothing but practice—there were quite a few kids I almost became friends with.
“You think you’re better than everyone else!”
Though it always ended badly.
To this day, I still don’t know what I did wrong. Things just never ended well with them.
“You think I’m beneath you? That I’m a joke to you?”
“So what if you’re a genius?!”
They always called me a genius. I never understood why.
Isn’t this level of effort normal?
Isn’t this the bare minimum?
“They’re calling me a genius? Just because I worked myself into the ground, practiced like a madman, and finally got results?”
But that was just my opinion.
Apparently, others didn’t see it that way.
In the end, I was left alone.
Is that what friendship is supposed to be?
So flimsy, meaningless, laughable, and petty?
But I didn’t have time to hang out. I had to train. I didn’t have time to be part of their crowd.
I had something I had to achieve.
People would click their tongues when they saw me skip meals to focus on training.
“She’s insane. Even though she’s a genius, she still works that hard?”
“It’s not fair. If someone like her works that much, how are ordinary people like us supposed to catch up?”
They always dismissed my skills, saying they came from talent, not effort.
It was unfair. I’d honed my abilities from a young age through relentless practice.
Then again…
It was easier for them to believe I was some untouchable genius. That way, they could protect themselves from the feeling of failure.
I didn’t relate, but I could understand why they needed to blame someone like me.
Not that I wanted to be part of their world.
“It’s all so annoying.”
Eventually, I built the wall myself.
And once I did, the only people who approached me were the strange ones I really didn’t want to befriend.
“Looks like we’re on the same level, huh? Genius to genius.”
“Yeah, people like us should stick together, right?”
They strutted around like they owned the world just because they were a bit better than others.
Or…
“I heard about your mom. Isn’t she famous…?”
People who tried to use me.
The kindness of strangers felt suspicious.
Even the kindness of people I knew felt impure.
That’s the world I grew up in.
Friendship, love, trust, belief.
I’d seen too much to take those words at face value.
Maybe that’s when it started—getting used to malice over goodwill, suspecting kindness before feeling gratitude.
Eventually, I forgot what normal relationships even looked like.
It’s fine.
They’d only end up hurting me anyway. Better not to get involved.
I only needed one person.
From the very beginning, my life had revolved around just one person.
The reason I became like this.
The purpose behind how I lived…
“…Mom.”
—But in the end, didn’t even she abandon you?
A voice, one that sounded like mine, whispered.
—Who could possibly love someone like you?
—Even you don’t love yourself.
A nightmare whispering in my head.
—You’ll end up alone.
—So don’t expect anything.
I opened my eyes, as if waking from a long dream, surrounded by voices of ridicule.
“…Maybe it would’ve been better not to regain my memories.”
I looked back on my broken past. It was exhausting just to think about, let alone revisit.
I didn’t want to agree, but that voice was right.
“If everything’s just going to fall apart, it’s better not to start at all.”
That way, I could at least avoid wasting emotions.
Laugh at me all you want for being too scared to start because I’m afraid of loss.
But starting something meant having my energy and time drained.
Even without that, my life had already been a storm, weighed down and suffocating.
So.
Once again, I built my walls, kept my distance, and chose solitude inside them.
“Because it’s easier to be alone.”
“Something’s wrong.”
Lately, I’d been having a hard time because of one particular human.
“Usually they give up by now.”
Even if they’re laughing on the outside, humans instinctively know when someone is pushing them away.
It’s a basic instinct—differentiating friend from foe.
“Especially when I made it obvious.”
I was cold to him, ignored what he said, didn’t reply… and yet, the Crown Prince always treated me with the same warmth.
I even locked myself in my room, didn’t go out to greet him, completely ignored him!
And still, he came every day.
“I’m here!”
His booming voice came through the slightly open window.
“Welcome, Your Highness!”
“Hi, everyone!”
The childcare team’s voices welcomed him.
At this point, anyone would think he was the young master of Halbern.
“Where’s Arellin?”
“Miss is, as usual…”
“It’s fine! I’ll go say hi!”
“Oh, Your Highness. You’re so sweet!”
Laughter and cheerful chatter filtered through my closed door.
Since I shut myself in, the Crown Prince had joined forces with the childcare team. And he blended in alarmingly well.
How does he get close to people that fast?
There was no big incident.
No emotional turning point needed.
Pession naturally became beloved by everyone in the mansion.
“Wow…”
His social skills were astounding.
When someone as lovable as him is beside you, you realize just how unlovable you are.
That’s what it takes to be loved, huh.
If loveliness had a form, it would be him.
My isolation strategy had failed.
Click.
Hearing footsteps, I opened the door—and found the Crown Prince standing there, blank expression on his face.
“Arellin, you finally came out!”
His dazzling smile hit me like an exorcism.
Standing this close to him, I could feel how different we were.
Of course…
I could see too clearly how this would end.
“Are you finally done hiding in your room?”
Fine. I give up.
I thought if I stayed completely out of sight, he wouldn’t bother checking.
“It’s even better seeing you again after so long!”
His pure smile and unfiltered warmth were directed solely at me.
What am I supposed to do with this guy?
“Have you been eating properly? Sleeping okay? Oh, and also…”
No matter what I did or said, Pession showed no sign of backing off.
And his overwhelming attention didn’t seem like it would cool down anytime soon.
This is bad.
Really bad.
If I grow attached, I’ll be the only one who gets hurt.
If he were a jerk, or annoying, or just plain awful, it’d be easier to keep my distance.
But he was a genuinely good person.
And that was the problem.
That’s what frustrated me.
“Arellin, have you seen the sky? The weather’s amazing today!”
It made me want to let my guard down.
But not yet.
Not yet.
The wall I built around myself still stood strong.
If it were just the childcare team or Mehen, I wouldn’t have been this wary. They were my guardians.
And because they were my “guardians,” I could afford a bit of affection and dependence.
But Pession was different.
I don’t want to hurt him.
Yet the more time we spent together, the more inevitable the hurt became.
Because unlike you, I don’t know how to give my heart, or trust someone, or be together with others.
To protect myself, that’s just how I’ve become.
“Arellin? Arellin? Are you okay? You’ve been spacing out without saying a word. Are you feeling sick or something?”
Even though he was raised with warmth, even though he was probably not used to this kind of cold treatment, Pession didn’t get angry or upset. He didn’t back off, either.
“Why are you staring at me without saying anything? You’re making me shy.”
“…”
After thoroughly reviewing the situation from every angle, I came to one conclusion:
As long as this guy’s around, I’ll never know peace.
Even now, and even later—when we return to that musical group—I’ll be surrounded by people who would do anything for just one glance or word from him.
To them, I was nothing but an obstacle.
Even this isn’t working.
Passively waiting for him to get tired and walk away wouldn’t get me out of this mess.
Life, after all, had to be lived actively.
“Why? Got something to say to me?”
A slightly extreme measure was needed.
I made up my mind.
It was time to go all out.
“Hey.”
“…?!”
Starting today, I’m going informal with the Crown Prince.
